Senior partner retirement dinner - would you go?

[Flyfish1]

So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would you attend?

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Nope.

 

[CDRE]

Nope. Attending might necessitate talking to him.

 

[Flyfish1]

I agree - thanks for the input.

 

[MichaelB]

If I had friendships with other employees or people in attendance I would consider going. To see them, and also to not put them on the spot if anyone questioned why I didn’t attend.

If not, I would still consider going. It’s not close and both DW and I wouldn’t get much out of it, but hey, we’re retired and have the time. But I’d leave early and look for something in that area to do with DW.

 

[Sunset]

No.

I wouldn't want to see him, based on OP's description and DW would be unhappy.

 

[COcheesehead]

I would go. It shows you are taking the high road.

 

[Al18]

I would not go, but send him a $50-$100 gift.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

I would go. It shows you are taking the high road.

Where is that high road taking him?
I could see your point if OP was going to continue some type of business relationship but OP stated that he was relieved to be done with him.

 

[COcheesehead]

Where is that high road taking him?
I could see your point if OP was going to continue some type of business relationship but OP stated that he was relieved to be done with him.

You never know where doing the right thing leads.
He was invited for a reason.
I never dismiss someone who reaches out to me.

 

[Jerry1]

As mentioned, I'd go because I'd probably get to see some people that I would enjoy catching up with. If the partner is as described, the minute after you shake his hand and congratulate him on his retirement, he will be looking for the next person to congratulate him. I remember most of our senior staff being like that. Always had their head on a swivel looking for someone that in their mind "matters" and off they were. Point is, your time with the partner will be short even if not sweet. Then enjoy the company of other people that you knew from work.

As for the trip and stay at a hotel, get a nice room and enjoy the trip with your spouse. Maybe there's something you can do local to extend the trip a couple days and enjoy yourselves.

 

[MarieIG]

Under the circumstances noted by @Flyfish1 - no I would not.

 

[Route246]

You never know where doing the right thing leads.
He was invited for a reason.
I never dismiss someone who reaches out to me.

Where is that high road taking him?
I could see your point if OP was going to continue some type of business relationship but OP stated that he was relieved to be done with him.

I would go. It shows you are taking the high road.

Personally, I would absolutely go. The fact that you mention he was very good at running the business and his greed was unbounded is something that is most often vital and necessary to maintain a growing, successful business. Business is business. I assume those characteristics compliment your aptitude and skills nicely.

That said, I have had many former colleagues I would never purely socialize with, ( really don't care for them personally and really don't care if I never see them again but I maintain professional, respectful relationships with them). I believe every show of respect and decency, especially when adverse conditions exist may pay back at some later date. For me, my word is my bond, my reputation and personal brand is more important to me than all of the money in the world. I've taken a lot of short term hits for this but I do have a reputation for being a stand-up guy, even for those who didn't like me or considered me an a-hole. They still respect my professional reputation.

You are asking here for opinions so this is my opinion. The fact you asked publicly I'm making some assumptions that you care about this, albeit it is creating a socially stressful condition. I'm basically just repeating the sentiment of COcheesehead.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

Wait, isn't that the week that you were going to Portugal?

 

[Act2]

I would just ask myself: do I want to go? And that would be the answer for me.

 

[Midpack]

Like others have said, you go to these events to connect with all the other people you would like to see again. It’s myopic short sighted to decide based on the senior partner alone. If there’s no one at all you want to see again, only then would I decline the invite. You don’t work there anymore, so you choose who you spend time with…

That’s how I justify going to many weddings. It’s to see other friends and family I want to stay connected to, not necessarily the wedding party.

 

[Koolau]

I might go to see the other people - if they held any importance to me. Otherwise, no. What's the downside of not going - if any?

 

[COcheesehead]

What's the downside of not going - if any?

Maybe you’ll understand my response, maybe you won’t, but the downside of not going is that is likely what everyone would expect.
Take the high road.

 

[Koolau]

Maybe you’ll understand my response, maybe you won’t, but the downside of not going is that is likely what everyone would expect.
Take the high road.

I can see that - especially if the "relationship" between the principals is well known. Still, the actual downside of "taking the low road" should be explored.

Heh, heh, we will all be dead in the end, so what is the downside? (Rhetorical question - I think we covered the high road).

Thanks for your measured opinion on this subject. I would consider that were I in OP's shoes. Aloha

 

[Dtail]

Tough call with arguments on both sides as expressed above. I would lean towards no, but could be convinced otherwise.

 

[Just_Steve]

I would go only because I enjoy a good retirement party even if I didn't like the retiree, but I would go stag, why put the wife through it. My wife was not too fond of my coworkers for the most part.

 

[target2019]

How will this help my retirement?

A 4-hour drive is not for me.

The past is complete.

 

[COcheesehead]

When I read threads like this, I keep in mind that many on here self identify as introverts. So the whole social thing doesn’t appeal to a lot of folks on this forum.

 

[Lewis Clark]

Like others have said, you go to these events to connect with all the other people you would like to see again. It’s myopic short sighted to decide based on the senior partner alone. If there’s no one at all you want to see again, only then would I decline the invite. You don’t work there anymore, so you choose who you spend time with…

This. + 1

 

[Koolau]

When I read threads like this, I keep in mind that many on here self identify as introverts. So the whole social thing doesn’t appeal to a lot of folks on this forum.

Yeah, my MB "I" rating was off the scale.