Senior partner retirement dinner - would you go?

Have you thought about how many others might have accepted this invitation as an opportunity to see you?

Do you think there might be people, including your old partner, that will be sincerely disappointed not to get what might be their chance to see you and your lovely wife?

Do you think that there are things that you could do make to it a special overnight (or longer) trip for the two of you to enjoy?

Your old partner seems to do things on a grand scale, do you think you might just go and enjoy yourselves?

Personally. I would go, based on what you have said. My focus would be on everyone there, as a chance to visit and connect with people that I have history with. Be careful, you might have fun. On the other hand, if you don't go, you will never know.
 
rdy2go said:
I would not go and would not think much of it. The invitation was most likely sent as a formality, not as a sincere desire to see you again. I would merely send an RSVP politely declining and forget about it. DO something that makes you happy on that day and enjoy yourself knowing that you are enjoying life and don't need to endure the problems of employment you once did. You have moved on with life and so have they. I wouldn't feel guilty in the least. And don't bother with the bourbon, he probably wouldn't care for the brand you might send since he is so special.
Click to expand...
I largely agree except for the bourbon. It's a nice gesture, and lets face, Blanton's is a decent bottle.
 
livingalmostlarge said:
You don't miss anyone else in the practice? No nurses/assistant/front desk/billing. Sometimes the reason you stayed is because the rest of the crowd was fun and cool. Just saying whether a medical office or any office not everyone is simpatico. but sometimes it's nice to catch up with those you did find joy with.
Click to expand...
Nope huge turnover - my favorite Nurses and front desk people are all gone - even new office manager.
 
I believe that many people spend most of a lifetime doing certain things, in certain ways, or behaving based on what they believe others will think of them.

Maybe you should simply do what you want to do vs being concerned about what others may think of you.

Stay home and wash your hair!
 
A local businessman hired me a week after my 18th birthday. He was about 50 and was my fishing buddy. He had a good businesss and I was happy to work for $5 an hour. We worked great together and were best of friends. 3 years later he took me in as a partner and I eventually bought him out. I retired early 30 years later.

I would have walked through hell on Sunday for him and helped take care of him in his later years with Dr. visits and life challenges. He was my best friend.

Your situation is different. This is the reason that Hallmark Grief cards exist. Spend $3.99 and mail him your fairwell. Business doesn't love you back. A hand written note to the family would be better than driving that far. Spend your time with people you love instead. Drive that far for a real friend.
 
Flyfish1 said:
I appreciate the input from everyone. This is a tough one for me. I spent my entire career being the guy that did the right thing. Being the stand up, ethical person whereas the honoree IMO did the opposite. My Father always said "never burn a bridge" . OK that was good advice but I am done , I have severed all financial connections and moved two states away. Most attendees would not really care if I don't show as it has been three years since I left. On the other hand to counter @marko 's opinion, who I do respect, my absence might also send a message.

I have no need to maintain business relations or any thing else with these people. I have no family in that state and there is only one or two people that I might like to say hello to. The last time I went back I did not feel comfortable reliving all the stress. Sad, but it was not an easy career.

My wife and my dog are usually right. One said don't go and send a card and a $100 bottle of bourbon - no more. The other looked at me and wanted to go out.
Click to expand...
Personally, you say it is tough so that means you are putting serious thought into this. You also said this is a medical practice with full partnership. Doing the right thing means doing what your heart leads you to. I am sure you will make a decision without regrets once the event time passes. I was once invited to a private birthday party of a colleague I had nothing positive in terms of feelings but I attended out of professional respect and courtesy. He was a colleague, a peer, co-worker and equal team member. I felt that not attending would send a message about me and I decided to go and had an OK time. I didn't like him, I didn't care for his attitude towards people he deemed lesser than himself but he did contribute to the good of the firm.
 
I'm with the no camp. I look at this with the 10, 10, 10 approach. Will this matter in 10 min, months or years to you? I'm amazed at how many times supposedly difficult decisions that had angst were forgotten in the future. You can be civil, but as we age, how we spend out ever decreasing time matters. The travel time alone should give pause especially if you do not cherish nor want this person in your life for the future. As for possible jealousy regarding the way this person had their send-off versus yours, I see those as choices and different people's personalities. Yours suited you, this suits him. Perhaps you could have a one year later party at your beach place and invite who you want. I think your inclination is good-a card and possibly a gift. The people who matter from that part of your life will remain a part of your life. The others will fade away and go on to live theirs.
 
Flyfish1 said:
So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would you attend?
Click to expand...
No
 
To me this is akin to the whole notion of early retirement. It is all about doing what you want instead of what you MUST do. Go if you might enjoy the company of other attendees, do not go if this will cause stress and no enjoyment. Life is too short to worry what others think. Many people second guess your decisions, you can't please everyone.
 
No. Life is too short to waste it on people you don't like.

And you only live once to spend time with people you like/love!: e.g. we are flying 4 hours to attend the 50th birthday of a friend from my college.
 
Last edited:
Another "No". And if you feel like it you can keep up with the people you like with emails/texts, and maybe stir the pot and have lunch one day with your work friends. A few of us retirees that got along at work do get together now and then for lunch. I keep the bad people out of my life.
 
Midpack said:
Like others have said, you go to these events to connect with all the other people you would like to see again. It’s myopic short sighted to decide based on the senior partner alone. If there’s no one at all you want to see again, only then would I decline the invite. You don’t work there anymore, so you choose who you spend time with…

That’s how I justify going to many weddings. It’s to see other friends and family I want to stay connected to, not necessarily the wedding party.
Click to expand...
It's the same for me. I'd go if there were other people I'd like see again. Take 30 seconds to shake his hand and say congratulations then spend a couple hours catching up with others.
 
Now you have the perfect excuse. Doctor appts. are hard to reschedule.
 
Flyfish1 said:
So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would you attend?
Click to expand...
I could see considering it if it was an hour or less away. However, drive 4 hours to go to a retirement party for a former partner that you don’t like ? NOPE! Nor would I purchase a gift. As I have grown, older I only do what I truly want to do (unless family or my spouse is involved) and I refuse to allow myself to feel guilt or pressure about not doing the thing that I don’t want to do. Fly free! 😁
 
You don't like the guy. Your wife doesn't like his. You would spend a lot of time and money on gas, hotel and gift. I wouldn't go. Better to meet up with colleagues you like someplace close to home.
 
Yes--if you want to close the book completely. You would do it for your sake, not his. Been there, done that. The END.
 
Flyfish1 said:
So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would you attend?
Click to expand...
Don’t go.
 
Flyfish1 said:
I appreciate the input from everyone. This is a tough one for me. I spent my entire career being the guy that did the right thing. Being the stand up, ethical person whereas the honoree IMO did the opposite. My Father always said "never burn a bridge" . OK that was good advice but I am done , I have severed all financial connections and moved two states away. Most attendees would not really care if I don't show as it has been three years since I left. On the other hand to counter @marko 's opinion, who I do respect, my absence might also send a message.

I have no need to maintain business relations or any thing else with these people. I have no family in that state and there is only one or two people that I might like to say hello to. The last time I went back I did not feel comfortable reliving all the stress. Sad, but it was not an easy career.

My wife and my dog are usually right. One said don't go and send a card and a $100 bottle of bourbon - no more. The other looked at me and wanted to go out.
Click to expand...
Everyone is wired different. You could go if you feel compelled. Hire a nice business limo to deal with the 4 hr drive each way. Make it a one day event leaving towards the end of the event. Other than your old partner, there are many others there eager to see you and your Wife. You may never know how you may have had a positive influence on the other attendees. Not just business knowledge but life situations you my have gave advise.” Is a wonderful world” Your call my friend. Either way be at peace with your decision.
 
I would go, and eat plenty of cake and drink plenty of cocktails and just have a great time with my spouse at this guy's expense. I'd say hi and bye to him, but otherwise I would socialize with the other co-workers that I liked better. As someone else said, I'd try to find other things in the area to do -- make a weekend getaway out of it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

M
Need Some Sage Advice
3 4 5
Dtail
D
P
Do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age? Why is that?
5 6 7
Teacher Terry
Teacher Terry
D
The Ultimate Decluttering Thread
4 5 6
Teacher Terry
Teacher Terry
F
Six years ago today, COVID changed my life....what other moments radically changed your life?
2 3
Original Wally
Original Wally
S
Retire when wife is crna :). Hi all
RetiredHappy
R

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom