Senior partner retirement dinner - would you go?

Flyfish1 said:
So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would you attend?
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No
 
Flyfish1 said:
So, I retired before my older business partner. We never were buddies, never hung out on weekends, was never invited to his house nor he to mine. He was fiscally very good at running the business but IMO his ethics were questionable and his greed unbounded. My wife does not get along that well with his second wife. I just had my last financial transaction with him a few months ago as it closed out my buy out and I remember feeling a bit of relief that I actually never have to talk to this guy again...ever. So, today I get an invite for his big retirement party. It's a 4 hour drive each way and we would need a hotel room for the night. When I retired we had a quiet but very nice partners dinner at a local restaurant. For him it's a full blown event at a country club likely with lots of attendees. Would
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By the content of your question I think you know the answer.
 
COcheesehead said:
When I read threads like this, I keep in mind that many on here self identify as introverts. So the whole social thing doesn’t appeal to a lot of folks on this forum.
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It is a known psychological fact that as we age, we all move closer to the introvert scale. I know I have as I was more extroverted in my youth.
Whether to attend the retirement party: if having a lovely weekend with my spouse and seeing old friends would be fun, I would attend. If I disliked this individual for his ethics and greed, I would not attend. Either way you have to be at peace with your decision. GLTA
 
Flyfish1 said:
I think a note and a bottle of Blanton's will suffice and people will understand that it's a bit of a hike and a hassle to get there for a 3 hr party.
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100% agree. If it were me, I'd do that and not fret the invite/party one minute longer.

Frankly, based on your description of your partner and the anxiety of being in the area, I'd ask ChatGPT to write a short heartwarming note to include with the Blanton's in order to remain completely emotionally disengaged.

For the two years before I resigned from my former employer, I had an absolutely awful direct supervisor. Emails from her in my inbox made me anxious, so I turned all of my communication with her over to ChatGPT. It was far more capable than me of being polite with a person I didn't like or respect. So much so, that it actually improved (her perception of) our professional relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide!
 
I think it might have been rude to exclude you but I would feel no obligation to go. Most likely no one will give your absence second thought if that even matters. I would probably go if I was local, especially if there might be people from affiliated specialties attending.
 
If you go, definitely find another thing to do in the area that's actually fun and make an overnight/weekend(?) trip of it that you AND your wife would really enjoy. Then, regardless of how the party goes you'll have had a good time.
 
Thank you all. As an update I have received a phone call from one junior partner and then the retiring senior partner personally asking me to attend. As a softy ...I did capitulate, a habit I have often done in the past. Ugghh. So be it. We have decided to go and make it a brief visit. I do owe a large part of my success to his success..or perhaps vice versa?? I am no longer stressed about it. I'm just going to go and eat all of the shrimp cocktail and have three glasses of wine.

On the plus side we are going the next morning to a fantastic bagel shop and load up on good bagels as sadly they don't exist de novo in CT and then drive back home. If anyone in CT needs a bagel drop shipment let me know via PM...lol @Gumby ?

My wife says don't bring the Blanton's..give it to yourself. C'mon gotta love this lady. ;)
 
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Flyfish1 said:
Much respect for you and your wisdom @street but this is a tough one and I feel this may be the best way to close the chapter.
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I don't think a chapter has to be closed. It's just a retirement. Pop in, give congratulations and then chat for a while with a few former co-workers that he liked. Then leave.

The only issue is the 4 hour drive, but if it was me I'd find something else to do while there.
 
Will you be making a congrats speech now that you will be attending?

Now that you decided to go try to make it a fun positive road trip. Anything interesting to stop and see along the way?
 
Not much to do in NJ in early March. Buy bagels and hope there is not another blizzard:confused:
 
Flyfish1 said:
Thank you all. As an update I have received a phone call from one junior partner and then the retiring senior partner personally asking me to attend. As a softy ...I did capitulate, a habit I have often done in the past. Ugghh. So be it. We have decided to go and make it a brief visit. I do owe a large part of my success to his success..or perhaps vice versa?? I am no longer stressed about it. I'm just going to go and eat all of the shrimp cocktail and have three glasses of wine.

On the plus side we are going the next morning to a fantastic bagel shop and load up on good bagels as sadly they don't exist de novo in CT and then drive back home. If anyone in CT needs a bagel drop shipment let me know via PM...lol @Gumby ?

My wife says don't bring the Blanton's..give it to yourself. C'mon gotta love this lady. ;)
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I'm glad you have made your decision and are at peace with it.

Now just go and enjoy!! Much aloha to you.
 
Flyfish1 said:
Not much to do in NJ in early March. Buy bagels and hope there is not another blizzard:confused:
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Having spent a good part of my childhood living in the NY/NJ/PA area, I can tell you that what they call a bagel here in Colorado is nothing more than a roll with a hole in the center.
 
I wouldn't. But, I understand you are going to attend and make the most of if. Good for you. I expect you will have a chance to see a few old friends, so make the most of it.
 
Flyfish1 said:
Thank you all. As an update I have received a phone call from one junior partner and then the retiring senior partner personally asking me to attend. As a softy ...I did capitulate, a habit I have often done in the past. Ugghh. So be it. We have decided to go and make it a brief visit. I do owe a large part of my success to his success..or perhaps vice versa?? I am no longer stressed about it. I'm just going to go and eat all of the shrimp cocktail and have three glasses of wine.

On the plus side we are going the next morning to a fantastic bagel shop and load up on good bagels as sadly they don't exist de novo in CT and then drive back home. If anyone in CT needs a bagel drop shipment let me know via PM...lol @Gumby ?

My wife says don't bring the Blanton's..give it to yourself. C'mon gotta love this lady. ;)
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I know this was a tough decision, but I think it’s the right one. As I have aged, I take more notice of who reaches out to me. It’s the old actions speak louder than words thing. Maybe your partner has evolved, maybe not. But they want you as part of the event. Maybe they like you. Really like you. :)
 
A follow up post:
We went. Horrible drive there not so bad back. I was expecting maybe 30 or 40 people. Wrong. It was closer to 100. Walking in it looked like a funeral with pictures of the "retired" and a guest book to sign. The good news was I saw lots of people that I would never have seen again after I retired and moved away. The event was a very "light " roast with only one speaker/colleague calling him out for organizing en event simply to have people tell him how great he is. That got me laughing. The rest were simply telling the audience what a fantastic person he was. I guess I was not surprised at that since he hand picked the attendees and the speakers. There was one speaker, who was quite funny, and did call me out for retiring early and having a plan to do so since I was 33 yrs old ( TRUE ). Got some laughs there and some pats on the back later on. The icing on the cake was when the retiree took the mic to thank people at the end and went beyond that to list his accomplishments again, after we just sat through 1 1/2 hrs of people describing his accomplishments. Wow- lots of people were rolling their eyes. Although the "retiree" did thank me for being a great partner and making the effort to travel the distance to pay homage...lol.

Last good point: The next morning in dreary weather went to a classic diner and left with the extras. Hit one of the best seafood stores I have ever been to on the East Coast and then stocked up on actual bagels to bring back to our non bagel state. As my DW said - "now you are done, you can relax".

Edit: Thank you all for listening.
 
Flyfish1 said:
A follow up post:
We went. Horrible drive there not so bad back. I was expecting maybe 30 or 40 people. Wrong. It was closer to 100. Walking in it looked like a funeral with pictures of the "retired" and a guest book to sign. The good news was I saw lots of people that I would never have seen again after I retired and moved away. The event was a very "light " roast with only one speaker/colleague calling him out for organizing en event simply to have people tell him how great he is. That got me laughing. The rest were simply telling the audience what a fantastic person he was. I guess I was not surprised at that since he hand picked the attendees and the speakers. There was one speaker, who was quite funny, and did call me out for retiring early and having a plan to do so since I was 33 yrs old ( TRUE ). Got some laughs there and some pats on the back later on. The icing on the cake was when the retiree took the mic to thank people at the end and went beyond that to list his accomplishments again, after we just sat through 1 1/2 hrs of people describing his accomplishments. Wow- lots of people were rolling their eyes. Although the "retiree" did thank me for being a great partner and making the effort to travel the distance to pay homage...lol.

Last good point: The next morning in dreary weather went to a classic diner and left with the extras. Hit one of the best seafood stores I have ever been to on the East Coast and then stocked up on actual bagels to bring back to our non bagel state. As my DW said - "now you are done, you can relax".

Edit: Thank you all for listening.
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It's what we are here for. Thank you for putting a "period" to this story. Glad it wasn't too painful for you.
 
The younguns have a great word, which applies to this particular gathering: Cringe 😬

Congrats. You survived, and you got a funny new story to share.
 
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