Sequel Wedding

[Montecfo]

Our son and his GF are planning to marry in a small private ceremony (likely just immediate family) soon. This would be followed by a large public ceremony at a venue with repeating of vows, white dress, reception, all the trimmings.

They do not live close to each other and simply do not want to wait a year to fit into venue schedules etc in order to begin married life. We think this is a great idea.

Back in the day, we got engaged, married in a church 6 months later, really nice reception at a mansion downtown and thought it was the best wedding ever. We planned everything ourselves. Weddings seem to not be done this was at least among folks we know.

Some of you are probably aware of young folks who have done this. I guess it is something of a trend. Curious what they did, venue for small wedding, and how things worked out.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Chuckanut]

These young people seem to have their heads well attached to the rest of their bodies. Good for them!

Why let some outsiders, the venue operators, dictate when and where they get married? It’s there relationship that counts in the long run. I think we all know that.

 

[Kings over Queens]

It's funny you bring this up. I've not heard of this trend, but just this weekend my wife and our daughter were discussing timelines for her wedding coming this October, and I overheard her say "1-1:15 possible private ceremony." I thought it odd, but didn't ask questions because no good comes from me asking questions. They are getting married at the venue and will be a small gathering, 50 to 75 people.

Wondering if a private ceremony before the actual ceremony is a thing these days?

I love the concept for your family @Montecfo. Congratulations!

 

[old medic]

Some of you are probably aware of young folks who have done this.

Our Daughter and SIL planned out and made most of everything for their wedding. Did all the decoration work and reception food with the help of friends. We rented the Amphitheatre and pavilion at one of our favorite state parks... even the staff attended. As far as a dual ceremony they almost had one. A family friend was asked to do the ceremony but was ordained in TN but not SC. While waiting to get approved they planned to just see the local magistrate to make it legal, But the Rev got it done in time.

 

[Chris7]

We've had 3 of our children do small, private ceremonies. Finances weren't there for big affairs and the people they cared about the most attended. One has hoped to do a bigger reception down the line, but nothing is in the works.

The day belongs to the two getting married and it should only be as extravagant or simple as they want and pocket books allow for.

cd : O)

 

[braumeister]

Another twist on this theme is what we did. Since we were older, we had more flexibility and fewer expectations. So we did it our way.

A tiny private ceremony, with just a few relatives and friends, then a big reception on our first anniversary. It worked out wonderfully well, and we got lots of compliments on our choice.

 

[Montecfo]

I appreciate all the comments. I don't think pocketbook is an issue. But I would not be shocked if they decided to make the small wedding a bit larger and then do a barbecue at a barn party next year as celebration/reception. Bank the money as they are pretty frugal types.

 

[audreyh1]

Our son and his GF are planning to marry in a small private ceremony (likely just immediate family) soon. This would be followed by a large public ceremony at a venue with repeating of vows, white dress, reception, all the trimmings.

They do not live close to each other and simply do not want to wait a year to fit into venue schedules etc in order to begin married life. We think this is a great idea.

Back in the day, we got engaged, married in a church 6 months later, really nice reception at a mansion downtown and thought it was the best wedding ever. We planned everything ourselves. Weddings seem to not be done this was at least among folks we know.

Some of you are probably aware of young folks who have done this. I guess it is something of a trend. Curious what they did, venue for small wedding, and how things worked out.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Had a sibling do that 15 years ago. Civil ceremony before they moved, and a few years later with 2 kids already had the big religious ceremony with tons of invitees. Didn’t use a venue though so that was never an issue.

Our own was extremely small with immediate family only in our home. We took care of everything. Blessedly simple.

By the way in most countries, unlike in the US, there is a civil ceremony and an optional religious ceremony.

 

[Alan]

Not heard the term sequel wedding before but it is a good description. Both my sisters did the same thing back in the day and more recently a nephew of my wife did the same thing. In his case the private ceremony was done on the island of Mull where the bride’s parents live, and a month or 2 later they held a big reception in Edinburgh where he (and his parents) live. We flew over from the USA for the reception. Great idea.

 

[timbervest]

My son and DIL married in a small ceremony during COVID and then had the "big" wedding a year later. I have heard where couples have a small ceremony, a big ceremony, another one in another country when one of the families lives abroad, etc. etc. Serial wedding is a good term.

 

[rk911]

We met in high school in the fall of 1967 and married in a small church ceremony with a few friends and parents in the spring of 1970. The eaually small reception was at my Best Man's home (cake, ice cream and Kool Aid). As a wedding present my soon-to-be father-in-law offered us a $1000 US Savings Bond or he'd throw a us a large, "traditional" wedding. We chose the Savings Bond, of course. We just celebrated our 56th wedding anniversary last March.

 

[Gallaher]

We got married in the back yard of a rental house. We were as broke as our parents.
At the end of the day we were married.
And not broke anymore

 

[athena53]

My first wedding was put together a bit hastily- pregnancy test came back positive and I really wanted to get married before I started showing. We were both lapsed Roman Catholics and he was divorced but we were happy with a civil ceremony by the Mayor at the City Hall. It was followed with lunch at a very nice local restaurant. There were about 50 of us. Perfectly fine and we never had any follow-up ceremony. My second wedding was also about 50 people but a full church ceremony (Episcopalians are very forgiving). Reception was in the church hall.

No regrets about small ceremonies.

My Ex's cousin eloped with a woman his parents initially didn't like- no idea why. They didn't tell anyone they were married till she was pregnant and eventually had a large church service with their 1-year old son in attendance and a reception at the Hotel DuPont in Delaware. Nice place. Fortunately, she and her in-laws developed a good relationship in the following years.

 

[Koolau]

Times were simpler back when we got married. We had the home church ceremony (no charge to members) though we gave a nice check to our good friend, a Pastor who married us. IIRC we had about 100 friends and family. Mom made all of our flowers. We drove to Bar Harbor Maine for the honeymoon.

All in, wedding, reception, dress, rings, groom's tux, 10 day honeymoon etc. cost less than a month's pay. 56 years coming up this summer.

 

[Montecfo]

The stories are very charming!

I am sure folks still do simple weddings. Those folks are the folks NOW who we WERE.

TODAY driving in my neighborhood I noticed about 50 cars parked along the street-this is unusual. A large crowd of Asian ladies in the bright red colored garb and elaborate jewelry were milling about, a few young girls in beautiful dresses, men in suits with what looked like traditional hats etc. I thought it must be some holiday or festival since during the week.

When I passed back through the neighborhood it was even more lively. I small procession was beginning. They motioned me through, everyone waving happily and excitedly. I asked two of these beautiful young ladies that were taking something to their car, " Excuse me, what type of celebration is this?"

They said,."A wedding! Nepali wedding!"

What an amazing slice of culture to witness.

 

[Koolau]

My small family has never been big on weddings. Mine was the biggest. Little Sis got married at a Campus ministry "church" (gathering place just off campus) and Big Sis got married in her apartment complex "social room" with a JP (or equivalent legal type authorized to officiate weddings).

Heh, heh, my marriage was the only one of the three that "took" so to speak. Of course, who knows. 55 years is not a life-time and it ain't over til it's over.

 

[jollystomper]

Recent (last few years) small weddings that we attended or knew of:
- Couple who rented a barn and catered from a local BBQ place. About 40 of us (we were shocked and happy to have been invited). Seats were bales of hay. Music from an iPhone, board games during the reception time. It was loads of fun.
- Good friends of ours just redid their backyard with very fancy landscaping, including a waterfall. Their daughter and finance saw, and decided that is where they wanted the ceremony. They had a total of 12 people for the wedding, just parents and siblings.
- Another young couple decided on a courthouse ceremony. The groom has just finished his military duty, they were thinking about a big ceremony, but then great opportunity to purchase a house came their way, much sooner than they expected. They are very religious and would not consider moving in together before marriage... so they held it at the courthouse a few days before the house closing. They are holding a reception this summer, at the house.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My son married a woman from Poland and most of the country is Catholic and they got married in the church. My son had to take a years worth of classes and convert in the Catholic Church in order for that to happen.

In Poland, the weddings are 2–3 days. My daughter-in-law said that tradition started years ago when they were under Russia’s rule and they didn’t have a lot of joy in their lives, except to celebrate weddings.

Their wedding was two days and it actually was a lot of fun. Some type of food was served every two hours and even though there was plenty of drinking no one got drunk. Besides a band and dancing the MC kept the crowd busy with a lot of really fun and silly games that he got people to play in front of the other people.

It actually was one of the most fun weddings I had ever been to. All 60 people that were invited attended both days and on the first day it did not break up until midnight.

 

[street]

That is the thing now small private wedding then large gathering of peole after wedding.

My son and his bride got married in a very rural small church which held about 50 people total. The church his wife attended through the years and was a couple miles away from her parents ranch.
After the very small wedding they had a large attendance for the gathering after the wedding and a golf course venue with all the trimmings and much more. Lol

 

[marko]

I think it sometimes takes the pressure off of the stress of a "big wedding day". Then the big wedding might be more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone...more of a real celebration.

One nephew did it like that and it was great.

Another did the same but it was so "relaxed" that there was no planning whatsoever, not enough food (after slowly realizing this, everyone left early and headed to the nearest pizza parlor), amateur bartenders, and the band showed up but left before playing because they weren't paid. Let's just say it was "memorable"!

 

[old medic]

Anyone surprise their spouse with a surprise renewal of vows?.... Our 20th Christmas together I gave her a new set of rings and asked if she would marry me again....
3 weeks later we had our Race team Pig Picking and they were all in on it....

 

[Sue J]

Our younger son got married in a district marriage office in Beijing, China. He had to do some official paperwork at the US Embassy and they both had to have official individual photos taken for the marriage certificate. Then go to the marriage office, sign some papers, take a marriage photo and you're done!

It was just the two of them, her parents (in Beijing) didn't go. We were at home (12 hours difference) and had a bottle of champagne ready for their anticipated video call when it was all finished.

Originally, they had talked about a wedding celebration in the future. It never happened. What happened was a green card, kids, a house and careers.

They just had their 9th anniversary last week.

Another example...My husband's nephew got married by a judge in Colorado. Just his parents and her mother were there. It was very short notice. His wife is from Germany and they planned to move there after the marriage. A year later they had a big German church wedding with all her family and friends. The groom wore lederhosen! We were invited but didn't go.

 

[Koolau]

Anyone surprise their spouse with a surprise renewal of vows?.... Our 20th Christmas together I gave her a new set of rings and asked if she would marry me again....
3 weeks later we had our Race team Pig Picking and they were all in on it....

Well, I suggested it for our 50th (so not exactly a surprise). DW said "Let me think about it. I'll bet back to you." Then COVID happened. Perhaps some things are simply not to be.

 

[FedRetired50]

We're in the middle of doing this right now.

We married a month ago in a state park with 18 family members. Lodging included several campers, we rented a large lodge that slept multiple people, one couple had a hotel room and several more stayed at an AirBnB. 2 1/2 days of feasting and hanging out at the lodge and elsewhere, with the ceremony at sunset the 2nd night on the porch.

Tonight we hosted dinner for 14 family members. In 2 days we're celebrating with 104 family and friends at a national park that has really nice lounges and pavilions for rent. Food, booze, games, re-reading vows. Then we are hosting breakfast for 20 on Monday morning. I had to be cheap at my first wedding when my ex and I were young and broke; this time it's BTD. This is our present to everyone else, we don't want presents since we aren't broke and trying to set up a new household.

 

[donethat]

I'm probably the outlier here but when my wife and I got married almost 50 years ago this is essentially what we did. When we actually exchanged vows only 7 immediate family members were present. Timing had nothing to do with it. I just feel very strongly that marriage is a very serious, lifelong commitment and didn't want any of the circus-like atmosphere common at large weddings. We did have a big party at our house (we had been living together for a couple of years prior) about a month later.