Should Financially Secure Boomers Help their Millennial and Gen Z Kids? Thought Provoking Example...

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Qs Laptop

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There's been many posts on ER.org about this, but usually never from the kid's viewpoint. Here is a post that is red-hot right now on social media--over 10M views--and it is eliciting some very opinionated takes. What does the group think?

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Crybaby, still wanting mommy & daddy to hand it to him on a platter.

This guy didn't stick around the forum for long, but here's a pizza delivery driver who was making it (the thread is ten years old) but he was, at least at the time, well on his way to saving his way to a retirement, albeit not a luxurious one. He should be given more publicity because he's demonstrated that "it CAN be done" on almost any income. I admire this guy:

Pizza delivery driver aiming at FIRE in a few more years

Love the forum. I'm 47, my wife 44 and we have two teenage kids. Working as a delivery driver (pizza plus pasta, salads, sandwiches etc) over the last 15 years we've saved a lot, and currently have assets of about 675k, including 10 % share ownership of the restaurant we work at (I work close...
www.early-retirement.org www.early-retirement.org
 
I was helped out a lot by my parents. My parents helped out my kids. I help out my kids a lot too. That being said, two things:

1. I love my kids. Making them "more comfortable" is not always the most loving thing to do for their long term well-being.

2. It's pretty well understood in my family that anyone feeling that entitled to someone else's money serious risks not receiving another dime until their attitude adjusted. I was raised to be thankful for what gifts I received, not resentful for gifts I didn't.

The assertion that the current economic situation is somehow a "new level" of harder than what previous generations have gone through seems ignorant of history and, quite frankly, ridiculous. I bet if they objectively compared their current situation with their parents' situation at a similar age, it would be the same or better.
 
SecondCor521 said:
The assertion that the current economic situation is somehow a "new level" of harder than what previous generations have gone through seems ignorant of history and, quite frankly, ridiculous. I bet if they objectively compared their current situation with their parents' situation at a similar age, it would be the same or better.
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I dunno.

My mom was a stay home mom.

My wife is/was a stay home mom.

No chance my kids can pull that off, living in the same relative geographical location to where they grew up, baring any monster job. comparing similar situations (location) and employment (job status) it's a much higher hill to climb.

Wages haven't kept pace with inflation, and housing costs outpace income.
 
Makes you wonder, 2 sets of parents, both with around 10mil accounts, and this "kid" is wondering why he isn't being showered in money. I generally take these things with a grain of salt, you know, 3 sides to the story, yours, mine, and the truth likely somewhere in the middle.

The "kid" should gift his parents and in-laws with copies of Die with Zero, stat!
 
He “came across his FILs accounts”? Wtf.

While it may have deprived my kid of “making it on their own”, I think I would’ve helped them out more financially than the current parents did.

My daughter is just getting started after graduation from college. I’ve helped her with rent and some other expenses until her paychecks start coming in. If she has other “emergencies “, like car repairs, I’d continue to help.

Why should I let her suffer when I’ve got money I’m never going to use?

On the other hand, I’m not going to currently endow her with the type of income she’ll probably have once she’s receiving income from my estate.
 
Kings over Queens said:
I dunno.

My mom was a stay home mom.

My wife is/was a stay home mom.

No chance my kids can pull that off, living in the same relative geographical location to where they grew up, baring any monster job. comparing similar situations (location) and employment (job status) it's a much higher hill to climb.

Wages haven't kept pace with inflation, and housing costs outpace income.
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Yep. Now throw in student debt, the pandemic, and the fact they need $50K or more as a down payment on a house nowadays. Consider the amount of down payment we needed to buy our first house, as a percent of our yearly salary. It was probably more like 25% of our annual earnings, not 50% to 75% of it, like it is for Gen Z'ers.

This idea of "gifting with a warm hand" is big around here. If the millennial kids are going to inherit the money anyway, why not let them have some of it now, when they really need it as opposed to when they are in their 50's and the grandkids are already out of college?
 
Kings over Queens said:
the millennial featured in the op doesn't appreciate shopping for discounts, which misses the mark in my view. he does come across as entitled.
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That's the impression I got from it too. Both DW and I were raised by parents who grew up in the Great Depression so there was no sense of entitlement. Any behavior of that sort was very quickly corrected.
 
When my wife started college, her parents told her she was on her own financially as soon as she walked across the stage at graduation. As promised, all financial support from her parents stopped that day.

My parents paid for my college at first. All their financial support stopped when I enlisted in the military. When I went back to college later the costs were all on me.

It would never have occurred to me, or my wife, to ask our parents for any financial support. I (and later we) lived within the means I/we had available at the time.

Would our parents have gifted us money if we thought we needed it? From my wife's parents, certainly not. From my parents, I cannot say, though I'm glad I never had to ask.

Fast forward to today, my brother bought his daughter a house. Now that she is out of college and working, he continues to subsidize the housing costs. Very different mindset.
 
1. Is someone holding a gun to his head forcing him to live in a "HCOL state?"
2. Nothing wrong with living in a small ranch house - I do.
3. Nothing wrong with driving used cars - I did for many years.

How did he "come across" his FIL's accounts? 😳

I wouldn't be surprised to learn that his $20,000 worth of credit card debt has something to do with the parents not "showering him" with money. I also wouldn't be surprised to learn it's a lot more than $20,000.

If I had ever given any indication growing up that I thought I was entitled to anyone else's money (parents, grandparents) I would have had my attitude adjusted very quickly by the adults in the room.
 
My dad did okay, but nothing like 10M. I’m sure if he had that kind of money, the money I received would have been the same. Performance based. He helped pay for my schooling as long as I got B’s or better. As a young man I asked him for a loan to get into a house and he said no. I didn’t like it but I respect it. No one gave him money and there is plenty of evidence that stress makes the tree grow stronger.

Still, I helped my daughters more but it was easy given that both of them were busting their butts to get ahead on their own. It would have been a challenge to help out a child with entitlement issues or that was just plane lazy.

I’ve told my daughters that the only obligation I feel to them is to do my best to not become a financial burden on them. I hope there’s money left for them but the goal is to not cost them any. They’re doing fine. One is doing finer than the other, but that’s not for me to balance out.
 
Sounds like a few problems converging into entitlement belief, parents have it, therefore why don't you give us free money? Living above your means may make your kids feel "comfortable" but it is not instilling any sort of work ethic and sacrifice.
 
Kings over Queens said:
I dunno.

My mom was a stay home mom.

My wife is/was a stay home mom.

No chance my kids can pull that off, living in the same relative geographical location to where they grew up, baring any monster job. comparing similar situations (location) and employment (job status) it's a much higher hill to climb.

Wages haven't kept pace with inflation, and housing costs outpace income.
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Similiar story here, My mom was a SAHM. DW was a SAHM. DD is currently a SAHM (one 4-month old and a 2-year old).

I got a college education paid for by my parents. After that it was up to me. We paid for our kids college and after that it was up to them.

DD and DSIL both had good jobs but saved and are doing very well. They bought a 4-bdrm/2-1/2 bath house about 5 years ago and have a ~4% mortgage which is affordable. They would like to upgrade to a bigger house with a more functional layout but the cost of homes and higher mortgage interest rates make it hard, but they are doing ok.

The culture in our family is that the kids get what is left. The issue is hard for me. Part of me wants to help financially and make the kids life easier but another part of me thinks that they need to ear it like we did.

The post posted by the OP seems to have an entitlement menality. Suck it up buttercup.
 
Nothing gets the heart pumping and keyboard pounding more than the topic of entitlement.

I think if parents have the resources they should help their children graduate college (or technical school) with no debt. That’s such a gift.

Personally, I think baby boomers should use their wealth to pay down the SS and Medicare deficits, most of which are caused by those same boomers.
 
My parents paid for my college education and my first car. Nothing else of note financially after 21 years old.
That was fine with me and appreciated.
Some folks on this site to buy houses for their children and other stuff and that is fine too.
 
Maybe it's my interpretation, but some comments seem to think that it's an either/or between help and entitlement. I like to think that it's possible to both help the next generation and not create entitled offspring. My parents did it, and I think my sisters and I are doing it also.
 
MichaelB said:
Nothing gets the heart pumping and keyboard pounding more than the topic of entitlement.

I think if parents have the resources they should help their children graduate college (or technical school) with no debt. That’s such a gift.

Personally, I think baby boomers should use their wealth to pay down the SS and Medicare deficits, most of which are caused by those same boomers.
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Could you elaborate on that statement?
 
Dtail said:
My parents paid for my college education and my first car. Nothing else of note financially after 21 years old.
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Yup, when I was 16 my dad bought me a car. I couldn't drive it until I put a new transmission in it though. As you can see from the photo it also needed a little bit of other work....
 

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I paid for my son's 2 Bachelor degree, 2/3rd of his home so that he did not have a mortgage and continue to gift him up to the max amount allowable - into his brokerage account. He has high functioning autism and works full time in minimum wage blue collar job to support himself. He has an accounting degree but unable to get a job in the field. He drives a 12-year old car (bought new) that needs cosmetic repair that would cost $4K but he does not want to repair. I told him that I would buy him a new car and he has refused, saying that he has a good car and there is nothing wrong with it. My heart breaks for how hard he works but on the other hand, working is good for him as it gets him out of the house. I could support him for the rest of his life but should I? I figure I will help him retire in another 10 years' time when he is close to 50.
 
I left home at 17. Both parents were alcoholics and just barely put food on the table and paid the rent in a housing project we lived in. I paid for their funerals....that was my inheritance. Oh, college...I paid my own way for both degrees. My two younger sisters left home at about the same age I did and never went to college. One, I think, never made to through high school.

I'm helping my daughter out because she has a husband that is a few months from going on full medical disability.
 
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