Should Financially Secure Boomers Help their Millennial and Gen Z Kids? Thought Provoking Example...

[Mr. Tightwad]

A simple case of "They have much more than me and I want them to give me some".

 

[Sunset]

Yup, when I was 16 my dad bought me a car. I couldn't drive it until I put a new transmission in it though. As you can see from the photo it also needed a little bit of other work....

Nice....
My dad sold me his old junker for $300, and the tranny stopped going into reverse a few weeks after I got it.
After I got the tranny fixed, I riveted sheets of steel to cover the holes and painted it all brown with tremclad and a paint roller.

Wasn't as entitled as some of the High School kids that drove Trans Am's to school.

 

[Dtail]

Yup, when I was 16 my dad bought me a car. I couldn't drive it until I put a new transmission in it though. As you can see from the photo it also needed a little bit of other work....

Okay I did a little better than your picture you attached.

 

[rodi]

I feel very fortunate that my parents paid for state-school undergraduate degree and subsistence housing/food during college. Not enough that I could go without a part time job during school. But I was able to start my career without student debt. That was an excellent place to be and I feel very fortunate.

I'm doing the same for my son's - although older son just transferred to UC Berkeley and we all agreed he could adjust to the more intense academic environment without working part time this term. He's already lined up online tutoring at his former CC for next term. Both boys live in shared housing in dump apartments, and eat a lot of ramen, rice, and beans. Same as I did in college.

They both have friends who don't have to work, have fancy cars, and no issue going to Costa Rica for spring break. They know that's not their world and that they're not entitled to it.

We don't have $10M (much less) but we have talked about gifting them a *part* of their down payment when they are ready to buy a house. It's not that they're entitled to it.... but it is harder to save up a 20% down payment.

The problem with the OP's screen capture is the sense of entitlement. No one is promised cash gifts... I can't imagine expecting my IN LAWS should give me money just because..... And I can't imagine resenting them when they choose not to.

 

[Gumby]

Even though I have no children, I suppose it is quite normal for people to want to help ease the way for their offspring. My own parents were simply unable to do anything more than keep me alive until I left home right after I graduated from high school. I never received any kind of support from them and have been entirely on my own financially since I was 18. I am proud of that fact. It's hard to know how I would have felt had they had the means and desire to help me out. I think I may have felt infantilized/emasculated/ashamed. But who can really say for sure.

 

[MarieIG]

Well, with that attitude, if that were my kid, he would get my best wishes and charities would get the rest.

 

[Chuckanut]

I bet that the greedy self centered parents also spend a lot of money to take good care of their health thereby delaying that poor child’s inheritance. Such cruelty!

I decided to help my children as I see fit. And I do. Thankfully none have the attitude displayed in the posting above.

 

[athena53]

I got a college education paid for by my parents. After that it was up to me. We paid for our kids college and after that it was up to them.

<snip>

The post posted by the OP seems to have an entitlement mentality. Suck it up buttercup.

That was my family culture, too. DS, my only child, and DDIL and my 3 grandchildren live modestly but comfortably. They seem very content, even blessed, with what they have. They know what I have and that they're likely to inherit a lot but they have no sense of entitlement right now. I gifted them $15K when they needed a bigger house when Baby #3 was in the planning stages and that's the only time they asked for money. I've got a lot in the 529 accounts (they know that) and treat the family to travel and the occasional restaurant dinner and have now started writing them checks every year for $15-$20K, no strings attached. "Die With Zero" really resonated with me. While it's too risky a goal, the idea of deploying money you don't need to help people you love and people who need it is a good one.

If they complained that I was spending their inheritance every time I flew Business Class to Europe I might think differently.

 

[Diogenes]

Some background: I have no children of my own. My parents died decades ago, and I was an only child. So, this reply is in some sense academic.

There ought to be a compact between generations. Parents of course shouldn’t bleed-dry their retirements to cosset and coddle their children, but if they have such staggering surfeit of money, as in the dialog cited by the OP, they should indeed help. In turn, the adult children should help their parents, especially as the latter enter senescence and debilitation. This might mean for example the parents moving-in with the children.

Relationships are reciprocal. If the parents choose not to help their kids, the kids are justified in choosing not to help their parents. The parents are under no explicit obligation, but neither are the children.

Then there’s the question of grandchildren. Presumably the elderly grandparents have a stake in their grandchildren’s future. Shouldn’t that include some smattering of financial support? If not, OK, again there are no explicit obligations. But when those grandchildren grow up, assuming that the grandparents are still alive, what sort of involvement might we expect from the grandkids?

In short, we reap as we sow.

 

[Bestwifeever]

There are a lot of embellished posts on Reddit (where the OP’s screen capture was originally posted) that are trolling the readers for enraged comments. Pretty sure this is one of them as the post has been deleted but the comments there live on. Still fun to read them, of course.

 

[MichaelB]

Did someone call?

 

[FindingForward]

Personally, I think baby boomers should use their wealth to pay down the SS and Medicare deficits, most of which are caused by those same boomers.

Edit: just saw your 2nd post saying you'd rather not address, as it's off topic, so disregard below.

there are many younger boomers who don't yet qualify for either benefit, so they've received zero funds- and have been paying into the system their entire working lives. Plus now face reduced SS benefits when they do collect w/o a pension for most. Strange to think they should use part of their nest egg to pay more?

 

[Dash man]

We’ve chosen to help our two sons, but they’ve never asked for a thing since their teenage years. We own the townhomes they live in and pay the taxes and HOA fees. We gift them some money at Christmas and fund the grandkids college savings plans. We pass down an old car when we buy new to help one of them out.
They’ll inherit the homes when we’re gone and get a nice inheritance.

 

[badatmath]

I said this here before. I wasn't given anything post college but say 5K when I was buying the house would have made a much bigger difference than 50K at my present age (assuming I get an inheritance which is TBD).

Still I have never carried credit card debt and managed to support myself without any help.

A stretch in the budget buying the house would have made my life much easier and a larger house would be worth more and easier to sell.

I could have spent more but didn't know any better at the time. I didn't get any education on finances at home for sure!

 

[badatmath]

The post above regarding Christmas gifts reminded me - I used to get those but I got scolded for saving them and they stopped giving them out . . .

 

[DJRR]

I think it goes both ways. My Mom, for example, tried to use money to control me. If I give you this money you can't give any to church or for that I always turned her down and said I will do whatever I want with my money. If you give it to me then it is my money.

My Parents were good to me. They paid for my college - $20k in the early 80's and got me a used 1976 car for $3k. They also loaned me $10k for my first house, which I paid back in 3 years. My Dad later used his RMDs to help fund his grandchildren's 529 accounts.

These kids sound entitled and I probably would not give them money either LOL. Boo Hoo, I have to live in a house I own in a "poor" school district and drive a used car. I paid for my kids education - trade school and college, helped them with a car (but only paid for 1/3rd of one because she wanted a brand new car $3k over invoice), paid for a wedding, provide health care through my job, help out with childcare when we are able, buy diapers and wipes, help furnish their apartments through thrift shopping, etc. They would never think that they were entitled to my money, but are willing to work for the things that they value.

Personally think it is about balance and I believe I achieved a good one. It is hard to evaluate without knowing how much the parents actually helped out and what kind of character the kids have. In no way would I do "anything" to make my son comfortable. That's not how the world works, everyone makes progress through the sweat of their brows.

 

[MuirWannabe]

I think I’d gift a bar of soap to that poster for a nice wash of the mouth.

We gift annually to our kids. Do it at different points and they don’t know if or how much it’ll be. They never ask for it. They express gratitude every time. If their attitude was poor that might change everything. But that’s not the way they are. We would like to gift even more and may do so going forward.

 

[Exchme]

There are a lot of embellished posts on Reddit (where the OP’s screen capture was originally posted) that are trolling the readers for enraged comments. Pretty sure this is one of them as the post has been deleted but the comments there live on. Still fun to read them, of course.

I agree. This seems pretty obviously to be a fake post by reddit to drive engagement at reddit.

If it were real, the complaints would have been much more specific. "Shopping for discounts"- anyone really feeling put upon would have said "shopping nothing but garage sales", "shopping only at Goodwill", "taking hand-me-downs that weren't even in good condition just to dress our children". (We, like many young folks, did all those things and it never occurred to us to complain)

Complaining about "two used cars" - again someone that is actually enraged would tell you what unsafe beaters they drive, how often they miss work because they break down, etc. Certainly young parents scraping to by a house in a high cost of living area would be expected to buy used cars

"Bled dry in day care" doesn't even make sense - They know what causes babies nowadays and intelligent adults can check out the cost of daycare before growing the family and planning expenses so it works out.

Dad is supposed to have said "he's doing a just bit better than we are" after the son admits to snooping around, finding out the in-laws have 10M and blabbing that to dad. Would anyone parent respond that way? Not a chance! You'd tell them off - as a minimum, it wasn't the son's secret about the in-laws to share and you darned sure wouldn't share your own financial data with such a blabbermouth. Also, we are supposed to believe that the son drops f bombs all over his post but could discuss finances in such a calm and disarming manner that dad would share. Didn't happen.

So I believe reddit employed someone to make up nonsense with intentionally "first world" complaints to enrage the reader and drive comments and traffic so they can charge more for advertising. Fortunately for us, we can comment without giving them traffic.

 

[Letj]

I paid for my son's 2 Bachelor degree, 2/3rd of his home so that he did not have a mortgage and continue to gift him up to the max amount allowable - into his brokerage account. He has high functioning autism and works full time in minimum wage blue collar job to support himself. He has an accounting degree but unable to get a job in the field. He drives a 12-year old car (bought new) that needs cosmetic repair that would cost $4K but he does not want to repair. I told him that I would buy him a new car and he has refused, saying that he has a good car and there is nothing wrong with it. My heart breaks for how hard he works but on the other hand, working is good for him as it gets him out of the house. I could support him for the rest of his life but should I? I figure I will help him retire in another 10 years' time when he is close to 50.

This situation sounds so much like the situation with my daughter. She has high functioning autism as well and after completing a masters degree, she is still not employed. She spends her days mostly in the house and playing video games. I completely support her financially and I would like her to go out to work, but I am torn given her sensory issues and anxiety plus she has I don’t Crohn’s disease and some other ailments. However, she appears to be healthy enough to work. I am almost resigned at this point to have her volunteer just to be able to get out of the house and continue to support her financially.

 

[marko]

This what happens when parents make their kids their "pals". It changes the dynamics and sets different expectations.

Mom's side of the family is quite wealthy and we were brought up with the story of poor cousin Jimmy who died broke because he was irrevocably disinherited for asking for a head start on his inheritance.

"Don’t even think of asking for money!"

 

[Luvtoride]

Makes you wonder, 2 sets of parents, both with around 10mil accounts, and this "kid" is wondering why he isn't being showered in money. I generally take these things with a grain of salt, you know, 3 sides to the story, yours, mine, and the truth likely somewhere in the middle.

The "kid" should gift his parents and in-laws with copies of Die with Zero, stat!

LOL, I talk about that book with many friends and my kids all the time (my wife rolls her eyes). My kids have no expectations of being showered with money, but they appreciate how we help out with paying for many things for our grandkids.

 

[explanade]

Makes you wonder, 2 sets of parents, both with around 10mil accounts, and this "kid" is wondering why he isn't being showered in money. I generally take these things with a grain of salt, you know, 3 sides to the story, yours, mine, and the truth likely somewhere in the middle.

The "kid" should gift his parents and in-laws with copies of Die with Zero, stat!

There are many things we don't know about the guy's situation.

Like how many of his siblings and sibling in-laws would be heirs to that money?

He may not want to wait to inherit after his parents or parents in-law passes away but he may not want to alienate them either.

 

[RetiredHappy]

This situation sounds so much like the situation with my daughter. She has high functioning autism as well and after completing a masters degree, she is still not employed. She spends her days mostly in the house and playing video games. I completely support her financially and I would like her to go out to work, but I am torn given her sensory issues and anxiety plus she has I don’t Crohn’s disease and some other ailments. However, she appears to be healthy enough to work. I am almost resigned at this point to have her volunteer just to be able to get out of the house and continue to support her financially.

My son loves to play computer games too but having him go to work provide a bit more balance to his life. He also has a medical ailment although it's not life threatening. It has been alot of tough love with him. It has been great for his personal development when he bought his own home. His first property tax bill was a shocker but now he understands the value of $1 vs. $1000. Growing up, he travelled extensively with me and attended private school before attending state university. He is no longer sheltered but I often wish I can continue to coddle him.

 

[badatmath]

I have to say I'm grateful that (so far) I do not have to support my elders . . .

 

[38Chevy454]

I agree the initial post on Reddit seems kind of fake.

I don't have kids, so can only base on my experience. I was essentially self-supporting through college and since. My parents did let me stay at home summers and Christmas break for free. They also helped some on my car insurance as my car was on their policy. I've said it many times, I had a J-O-B scholarship, worked my way through. Typically 25 hours/week during school and full time summers and breaks. Being a white male engineering student and parents that made too much to qualify on financial need, meant no free money. Worked my way through including some co-op during school, resulted in being on 5 year plan to get my BS. Had senioritis bad when graduating and a good job lined up, so went to work instead of grad school even though I was accepted for it. Also graduated debt free, although with maybe $3000 net worth mostly tied to car value.

Given that college history, I also never asked my parents for anything once I got out and working. What I have now is mostly from my hard work and discipline saving. Did get a modest inheritance when both parents died, probably helped 2-3 years on retiring early. Never received direct money before that point.

Long answer getting around to the point, I don't know that giving adult kids a lot of support is wise. It is kind of never letting them learn to fly on their own, metaphorically speaking. I have friend that he and his wife give regular support to adult kids, at the expense of their retirement savings and working longer. That is very foolish to me, but it's their life and their kids. I especially would tell my kid a strong hell no if they displayed any of the attitude the Reddit poster did. That is an ungrateful kid that doesn't deserve a penny IMHO. Being self-made it is hard for me to be sympathetic to entitled person.