Sickness/communication

Hyper

Recycles dryer sheets
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Nov 4, 2014
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My older brother was just diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer. Had a section cut out and I suppose still in the hospital. 6 month chemo after release.
I've texted him something every day since finding out. Either prayers from the great Lord or something I'm currently doing.
We've never been close and I live out west while he's still back home, eastern US.
We don't have much in common.
We've texted maybe a handful of times in 30 years. Half of those about our moms passing a year ago.
He's responded back once of my recent text although he doesn't need to for my benefit.
Feels a bit odd as I have no idea if he wants me to text:confused:
I'm very much a loaner besides internet so no idea about things like this.
Great Lord forbid it happen to me, Id probably not tell anyone besides DW so wondering if I should keep texting?
Others that have been sick have any idea how he might feel about it?
 
How did you find out he got the cancer and was hospitalized seeing to haven't communicated very much?
 
I have a sibling like that too. He moved away but it’s only about 1 hr drive. In my family we check-in by phone about once per month. Although we’ve never been close I’ve found this sibling is more interested in longer conversations. None of us are big texters. I think you should consider calling your brother to feel him out. Find some common ground like sports, hobbies, the Good ‘ol Days or whatever.
 
Oddly, he sent out a group text after his surgery to all the siblings but stated not to call as he didn't want to talk to anyone.
 
I would do what your heart tells you to do. I sure don’t see any harm in checking in from time to time via a simple text message.
 
I agree with Jerry1. Could be meds or air tubes make speaking difficult now, but that could change with time. I'd check in periodically, and if he wants to text or talk, he will do so.
 
I don't really like texting for conversation. Great for "running late" or "on my way" or whatever. I'd give him some space to heal.
 
Well, when my younger brother who sounds much like your brother had a serious back surgery I had the same issue. My solution was to go through several boxes of very old family photos. I found pics of his life from baby to grownup.. I posted several photos every morning to FB. I did this for several weeks. Brother told me many times how much he enjoyed seeing a new picture every morning. It's a way to check in,say you care but requires no effort to respond on their part. It's easy enough to take a picture of an old photo and text it.
 
I'd say keep texting, he can choose to respond or ignore. You can also use an app like marco polo which allows you to record video messages to be viewed by the receiver when they feel like it. They would need the app too. That way you can say what is on your mind without a need to respond either or having to find a time that works for both of you.
 
Is he alone or does he have a spouse/SO and or children?
I would text say once a week or so if he has other family around. Otherwise I would just text and let him know that it’s okay not to respond, you just want him to know that you are there.
I’ve had times when the obligation to respond was just added stress.
 
I was recently in a similar situation with a brother i have seen maybe 2 times in last 50 years. He was in a coma 5 states away. I reached out to his wife and let her know I would do whatever she wanted/ needed; just let me know. My plan, if he didn’t survive, was to provide whatever support she felt comfortable with, including covering funeral expenses. Unless she asked, I would not attend the funeral. Throughout this period, I need to hold to my values, not overstep, be respectfully supportive and not have any regrets, no matter the outcome.

Fast forward, he survived a lengthy ICU stay, rehab, home care…with ‘different’ memories than me about our relationship 🤷‍♀️ and took to calling me and our sister every day. We now chat every week or so.

Life is so weird.

Good luck…
 
It sounds like like there is religious content in some of your posts. Do you know for sure that he would appreciate this or could it be off-putting or even insulting to him?
 
A lot depends on the frequency and content. Some folks do not like to be "bombarded" with texts, and bombarded is in the eye of the beholder. Also, some people (myself) do not like long texts). I think if you sent a text a week, and kept is short (e.g. "just saying hello, hoping you are doing well"), that is all you need to do. If you do call, do not do that frequently either - maybe once a month.

Do not expect a response, he may just be the type who does not respond much. AS he is sick he may not feel comfortable, as sometimes he may fear that you will start asking a lot of questions or want a lot of information about his condition. But he may still appreciate you thinking of him. Perhaps you are expecting much from him? That may not happen. It is his decision as to whether or not he will respond, or the frequency.

This is my experience from having 6 siblings. We are close and get along, but we are not constantly communicating. We have a group text that might go for a couple of weeks without being used. 4 of us are extroverts and prefer conversations over texts. 3 of us (myself included) are more introverted and will send short (and sometimes infrequent) texts. But we do share if we are facing some illness, and we have figured out, for each of us, the communication frequency and style each prefers, and it works.
 
Oddly, he sent out a group text after his surgery to all the siblings but stated not to call as he didn't want to talk to anyone.
When he sent it he was probably very frightened and needed time to process what was happening. I hardly talk to my siblings in the UK but when there's a crisis we all come together. Just let him know you're there for him if he needs anything
 
Well, when my younger brother who sounds much like your brother had a serious back surgery I had the same issue. My solution was to go through several boxes of very old family photos. I found pics of his life from baby to grownup.. I posted several photos every morning to FB. I did this for several weeks. Brother told me many times how much he enjoyed seeing a new picture every morning. It's a way to check in,say you care but requires no effort to respond on their part. It's easy enough to take a picture of an old photo and text it.
This is a good suggestion. It allows him to be the recipient of your love and good will without a direct conversation from you. It allows him to initiate contact when he is ready.
 
I would probably send short "thinking of you" texts or other uplifting short texts, photos or affirmations about once a week, without pressure for a response.
 
Keep it short and simple, without expectation of return info, as he may be using all of his energy to rest and heal. But your contact will let him know you are thinking him.
 
Light and friendly communication might be fine. "The great Lord" kinds of messages might not be appreciated at all unless you know him to be deeply religious, and even then a constant harping on the topic might well be unwelcome.

Hoe about "Thinking about you - hope you are feeling a bit better today."
 
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