Stealth Wealth til Death?

My in laws look like they are homeless. Literally. My MIL the bus driver offered her his cell phone to call someone when she rode it the wrong way to the end and well she sort of dresses homeless. And she slept in the car because she refused to pay for a hotel when my FIL went into the hospital. They are more than comfortable. I'm not exactly it's the wisest thing to pretend to be this cheap. And yep they stick out in even their old neighborhood (as being the cheapest worst neighbors ever). They never shoveled and got letters not delivering their mail. That being said they bought million dollar condo cash and I gotta say they stick out still.

One thing about them is they taught me why bother caring what other's think? They obviously don't. At least you are happy.

I will say if you are among people who spend the same you are questioned less about how you are spending. If you live somewhere that everyone travels and drives a nice car, then if you drive a nice car and travel it's not even given a second thought. Living where that stands out I think would lead to more nosey questions, more judgements, and a way to stick out more.
 
livingalmostlarge said:
My in laws look like they are homeless. Literally. My MIL the bus driver offered her his cell phone to call someone when she rode it the wrong way to the end and well she sort of dresses homeless. And she slept in the car because she refused to pay for a hotel when my FIL went into the hospital. They are more than comfortable. I'm not exactly it's the wisest thing to pretend to be this cheap. And yep they stick out in even their old neighborhood (as being the cheapest worst neighbors ever). They never shoveled and got letters not delivering their mail. That being said they bought million dollar condo cash and I gotta say they stick out still.

One thing about them is they taught me why bother caring what other's think? They obviously don't. At least you are happy.

I will say if you are among people who spend the same you are questioned less about how you are spending. If you live somewhere that everyone travels and drives a nice car, then if you drive a nice car and travel it's not even given a second thought. Living where that stands out I think would lead to more nosey questions, more judgements, and a way to stick out more.
Click to expand...
Sleeping in the car when one is a (multi) millionaire is taking cheapness down to a whole new level.
 
Dtail said:
Sleeping in the car when one is a (multi) millionaire is taking cheapness down to a whole new level.
Click to expand...
Some people take frugalness to a point where it is almost seems like hoarding. The anxiety of spending money is too much to handle, so they don’t spend at all.
 
Last edited:
Dtail said:
Sleeping in the car when one is a (multi) millionaire is taking cheapness down to a whole new level.
Click to expand...
WADR, an elderly female millionaire sleeping in her car to save money should be a red flag IMO. Next stop: dumpster diving for food behind restaurants?

Coming from a family full of true eccentrics, there's a fine line between being a little off-center and real health issues.
 
Last edited:
GrayHare said:
Like many here, I have practiced the "Millionaire Next Door" approach. I live modestly but comfortably. I've flown under the radar a long time and let compounding do its thing, however I wonder if I'm missing anything by such stealth.

Based on reports here, it is rare for anything good to come from telling friends or family about the stash. My own experience has been similar during inadvertent revelation. For example, once when talking investments, I let it slip I had X number of shares of a certain stock and was rewarded with dead silence. Another time the person laughed because they deemed I was joking. I did not challenge their assumption.

I don't desire a flashy lifestyle. So, it seems the best approach is to let stealth wealth endure until death at which time the beneficiaries can react as they will. Are others here doing similar?
Click to expand...

A neighbor once beelined from his garage to try and sell my annuities at the end of his driveway whilst I waws on my way to the bus stop.

A quick little "I'm already a millionaire at 42" stopped that sales pitch in its tracks.

Otherwise, yeah I try and keep it to myself. Most of my peers cannot relate. I was on a fun little pontoon cruise at a friends cabin when a guest was asking me how I managed to do so well.

She told me in her town finding a job that pays even $13/hr is a blessing. I was shocked and saddened to hear her situation, but we talked more and she mentioned she was moving to a larger city for higher pay soon.

It really brought me down to earth having that quick little discussion. Best to not gloat about how much or how easily or x or y, but if someone is interested I divulge a little.

Friends were joshing me a little, but always acknowledge how blessed and grateful I feel.
 
Dtail said:
Sleeping in the car when one is a (multi) millionaire is taking cheapness down to a whole new level.
Click to expand...
That's how I go camping 🤣
IMG_20231122_134854627.jpg
 
RetMD21 said:
Stealth wealth until death? - why stop then. If you don't have a probated will the stealth can extend to the next generation.
Click to expand...
This is a great point. I have seen situations of "stealth wealth" parents leaving children relatively large inheritances and the children blowing it all because they wanted to show off how they were "in the money".
 
I have trouble understanding the trappings of a truly all-out luxury lifestyle, from homes to cars to exclusive resorts. Any time I've sampled these things (usually through work), I've felt uncomfortable -- like hotels with personal butlers, 100K+ S class Mercedes rentals, etc. At the same time, full frugality has no appeal. We buy entry-level premium cars, only because they drive better, are safer and easier to maintain than keeping a 12 to 20 year old car. A well maintained, 3/4* hotel in a prime location is miles better than a dirty cheap dump in a non-central location. Super flashy clothes don't appeal, but good quality, discreet lines of clothing have their place alongside the t-shirts and other casual clothing. But as late, evidence of wealth begins to show -- we fly only business, it is well known we have a second home in the French Riviera, and dinner guests at the US home can see the custom cabinetry, and top quality cookware (the neighborhood is nice and affluent but not super flashy in general). The path now is not completely stealth to death, but enjoyment without the flash.
 
We like nice things. Nobody we know even gives a thought about anyone else's wealth or lack of. We spend on whatever we want. BTW, in response to the above post, personal butler really sounds more fancy than reality. I just came back after spending a week at St. Regis where I had a "personal butler". When we cruised alot in the past, we always stayed in suites and again "personal butler" is more a hype than anything else. No big deal.
 
oiseux said:
I have trouble understanding the trappings of a truly all-out luxury lifestyle, from homes to cars to exclusive resorts. Any time I've sampled these things (usually through work), I've felt uncomfortable -- like hotels with personal butlers, 100K+ S class Mercedes rentals, etc. At the same time, full frugality has no appeal. We buy entry-level premium cars, only because they drive better, are safer and easier to maintain than keeping a 12 to 20 year old car. A well maintained, 3/4* hotel in a prime location is miles better than a dirty cheap dump in a non-central location. Super flashy clothes don't appeal, but good quality, discreet lines of clothing have their place alongside the t-shirts and other casual clothing. But as late, evidence of wealth begins to show -- we fly only business, it is well known we have a second home in the French Riviera, and dinner guests at the US home can see the custom cabinetry, and top quality cookware (the neighborhood is nice and affluent but not super flashy in general). The path now is not completely stealth to death, but enjoyment without the flash.
Click to expand...
We tend to operate this way. From the outside everything is tasteful, well-kept and maintained but nothing is flashy, especially our cars. If you come in the house and look closely you will see it but most don't even recognize it because they have never considered upgraded finishes. The appliances are a little obvious but the cabinets are not as well as the flooring. One rule I have told our architect is no extreme crown molding and other finishes that provide zero functionality. Windows are top-tier but you wouldn't know if unless you know it. The best stuff is often stealth because you're paying for functionality as much as appearances. The door and cabinet hardware is top-tier but doesn't look like it unless you know.

I find that top-tier finishes tend to function better, last longer and feel nicer when interacting with them. Things like cookware, if you shop carefully for the high-end stuff is just better to use and more enjoyable in a subtle way while not being flashy or obvious.
 
kgtest said:
A neighbor once beelined from his garage to try and sell my annuities at the end of his driveway whilst I waws on my way to the bus stop.

A quick little "I'm already a millionaire at 42" stopped that sales pitch in its tracks.
Click to expand...
That's a funny story.

That reminds me of what happened 10 years ago when I had just FIREd and was out mountain biking on a trail on a weekend. A rider I met on the trail chatted me up and tried to sell me on his "very successful and lucrative" multi-level marketing venture. When I told him that I was already retired, he had this look of disbelief on his face. No more sales pitch after that and the conversation turned to our bikes and riding gears. By and by I waved him good-bye and carried on with my ride.
 
Route246 said:
We tend to operate this way. From the outside everything is tasteful, well-kept and maintained but nothing is flashy, especially our cars. If you come in the house and look closely you will see it but most don't even recognize it because they have never considered upgraded finishes. The appliances are a little obvious but the cabinets are not as well as the flooring. One rule I have told our architect is no extreme crown molding and other finishes that provide zero functionality. Windows are top-tier but you wouldn't know if unless you know it. The best stuff is often stealth because you're paying for functionality as much as appearances. The door and cabinet hardware is top-tier but doesn't look like it unless you know.

I find that top-tier finishes tend to function better, last longer and feel nicer when interacting with them. Things like cookware, if you shop carefully for the high-end stuff is just better to use and more enjoyable in a subtle way while not being flashy or obvious.
Click to expand...
Funny you mention window -- we had ours replaced with new energy efficient wood windows that mimicked the original features, mechanisms and trim.... the project manager said it was the single most expensive order they had written up (and it's not a huge house). On the cabinets, you would not tell, but people have asked about some functional features and I explained they were custom-built to a design we made. What people noticed in both cases was the functionality and quality of integration.
 
Without reading the replies, it is unlikely I will ever have this issue, but I have had some conversations with my brother. When we did talk, it was mostly to see how we might weather a financial liability with either parents' death. We concluded that each of us was doing ok. He and his wife have good assets, but not particularly liquid and subject to market (wife runs family business).

Even though we are living off of pensions/SS we have somehow managed to amass a *LOT* more $ in our IRA's/Investment account than they have. But I've also explained our future risks, as evidenced by the strain our parents' budget is constantly under just to keep them in their assisted living facility, which is currently costing them $60K annually. In spite of our own worries, brother thinks we're the ones with the big bucks, probably because we quit our jobs in 2011, then officially retired in 2017. Since 2012 we've spent 9 years in Mexico.

I have often run a 'thought exercise' where I imagined winning the lottery and how I would handle it. I would want to help out all my family members, making sure they were comfortable, but without revealing how much money we had. I foresee many issues coming up, in spite of our family generally being quite close. I can see (and have personally heard many stories) how this would cause many problems, usually related to inheritances.

As it is, I have generally attempted to shield my biological daughter from knowing our exact situation. I highlight how we're in a foreign country just to be able to afford retirement. While this is true, we've also just spent $10K/year for the last 3 years on travel. To her, this would probably qualify as 'rich' so in some sense we're in stealth mode.

I'm also generally of the personality where I tend to be very open about most things. My wife, on the other hand, carries the penny-pinching, slightly paranoid gene and would probably bargain with a vendor on a $10 item even if she had a few million in the bank. I'll give you one good guess as to who is more responsible for us being in our current position. lol
 
Never discuss NW. But we talk about travel, great hotels, meals and good restaurants. I learned not to judge anyone by their car, clothes or lifestyle. Debt is often hidden. We have no debt and see the damage it creates in relationships. We've been approached several times to help family members who do not know how to manage their money. Yet, we've been labeled cheap by many of them.
 
jollystomper said:
This is a great point. I have seen situations of "stealth wealth" parents leaving children relatively large inheritances and the children blowing it all because they wanted to show off how they were "in the money".
Click to expand...
That's another one of the downsides. You need to bring your children along at various stages of their lives. By 21, they should have a rough idea of how much money will eventually be coming their way and let them prepare for it.

Sudden wealth can be extremely dangerous. Deadly sometimes. I've seen it. Unprepared, you might as well hand them a loaded gun.

I'd find it unconscionable that parents would hide their wealth from their children, hitting them with a huge surprise at the reading of the will.
 
Dtail said:
Sleeping in the car when one is a (multi) millionaire is taking cheapness down to a whole new level.
Click to expand...
I have done a lot of things to squeeze the buffalo off a nickel but I draw the line there. I did sleep in my old VW bus during the 70s and 80s but that was when traveling and camping out during vacation. But I wasn't a millionaire then either.
 
marko said:
That's another one of the downsides. You need to bring your children along at various stages of their lives. By 21, they should have a rough idea of how much money will eventually be coming their way and let them prepare for it.

Sudden wealth can be extremely dangerous. Deadly sometimes. I've seen it. Unprepared, you might as well hand them a loaded gun.

I'd find it unconscionable that parents would hide their wealth from their children, hitting them with a huge surprise at the reading of the will.
Click to expand...
My son is very frugal and doesn't make enough to live on and I gift him $20K to $30K a year, and most of that money goes into a joint brokerage account, in his and my name. I have been trying to get him to spend more and remind him that he will get millions from us in inheritance. It does not change the way his spends. He drives a 13-year old, new when we paid for it 13 years ago, has a dent in front from hitting a racoon and body shops have told him to scrap it instead of repairing it as it will costs north of $4K to get it fixed. So he tapes up the bonnet/hood and continues to drive it. I have been offering to buy him a new car and I am getting a short "NO" from him every time. It has only 60K miles on it and he insists it is still a good car.
 
Last edited:
street said:
Framers and ranchers are stealth no matter how you look at it. I have always considered both wealthy groups. Some of the wealthiest people I know ranch and are farmers. They are all in stealth mood.
Click to expand...
Does a winery count as a farm? I am learning more and more about the billionaire who owns the winery down the road.

I know a guy who owns a public facing farm that really just sells flowers and plants, but surely has more going on than I can see. They moved into my nieghborhood and purchased the most expensive home in the hood.

They do drive an older "farm truck" that is in mint condition because my guess is they stay planted at the farm and the truck never got drove (but was a nice tax write-off.)

They have been remodeling the home for the past 3 months with multiple dumpsters gone through now...but at a pretty slow pace.

I asked the neighbor adjacent what the skinny was...

After his thoughts aligned with mine, we both looked and agreed, clearly they have more to ration out then we do.

They could have loans, what do I know or care.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Route246
Stealth Wealth
20 21 22
Time2
T
M
Basic Medicare Questions...
2
CardsFan
C
S
Post-Retirement Struggles for Someone Who Should have None
2 3 4
meleana
M
Scrapr
Death w Dignity experience NSFW(?)
2 3
Goldendoodlebug
Goldendoodlebug
F
Oddball Inheritor hoping to retire in 2021
2
Beachcomber
B

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom