Stealth Wealth til Death?

[marko]

Too bad you missed an amazing opportunity to explain to a child that you accumulated wealth through hard work, dedication and commitment- and you can do it too.

+1
There's lots of opportunities to help children along in understanding wealth and means to get there along with the responsibilities therein.

 

[Hyper]

We never talk numbers with anyone. We try to keep our DD aware of where things are subtly but that's it. She knows she the executor.
We have a distant neighbor that summers up here in the forest. He constantly says how much he has.Hes 80yo. A bit irritating as we've heard it way too many times. I've never actually meet anyone that had serious dollars talk about it. Makes us wonder about him but he does have a sizable amount of land in a couple different places worth in the millions, so

 

[Hyper]

I slept in my van about 9 times when traveling on my own. I did lie flat in back with pillows, etc, and it was quite comfortable and a lot easier than the hassle of a hotel room, that I'd use for 8 hours.

I just considered it a frugal thing.

Wouldn't try sleeping in a car, as too hard to lie flat.

When DW is with me, we get a hotel room because she likes them.

Think I've only stayed in a decent hotel maybe twice in my life. IDK where anyone even finds nicer hotels but we never go into a big city ourselves, so?
Most of the past hotels I find disgusting. Our GD is pretty good at sports and travels a good bit to play. I've been thinking of buying a van to sleep overnight just for her away games??

 

[TickTock]

I've never actually meet anyone that had serious dollars talk about it.

My experience is that the folks who have it (experience in [whatever], dollars, etc.) don't tend to talk about it unless asked.

Recent example: Visiting DF and DM at their CRCC, they invited a gentleman to sit at our table (they regularly sat with him; his DW had passed away). I asked him about his w*rking past - "Oh, I taught [engineering discipline] at [prestigious college]." Walking back to their apartment, DF said that he was the head of the department.

In general, the more someone tries to impress me the more I grab my wallet and discount what they say.

 

[marion10]

Eventually ( we are in our 60s) we will let our kids have an idea. We do have a will drawn up and I am getting together a list of our accounts. An acquaintance of mine has a real horror story- her father, a retired physician in a medium size town was an art collector and frequently loaned paintings ( and got publicity) to local museums, college art galleries, local library etc. A man decided that he was going to steal some of the art work and broke into the house and killed him. His wife was debilitated by Alzheimer's and couldn't respond. His body was found the next morning when an aide came to the house. He was dead, wife was wandering around in a demented state. They did catch the guy right away when he tried to sell some of the paintings- but what a nightmare.

 

[maestro]

Exactly what we're doing, despite spending quite a bit more in retirement than we ever did while working. We're more than comfortable, no desire to push the FI envelope. Fortunate. Grateful. As planned.

Keeping personal wealth a secret is probably pretty common here.
There's no upside I know of in telling others. You'd only do it to satisfy your own ego - hopefully we're past that. I'm pretty sure our friends and family would be very surprised, but who cares.

Truth!

 

[Beachcomber]

My wife and I moved into a decent (new) neighborhood 4 years ago. All new homes, some even on the water at a pretty decent price. One new friend was from NY and had a good job as an FI at a luxury car dealer. He made a good 6 figure salary most of his life. Another neighbor is a PHD (in law), advised billionaires how to invest thier $$. He also owned a large pool company, and seemed to be a high dollar individual. I seldom discuss my finances, but I felt comfortable discussing my finances with these people. Having sold 2 companies, (one recently), my investments far exceeded theirs. It does not serve you well to share your finances.

Also, watch Jordon Peterson on Youtube, he advises never to discuss finances when you are older. Especially to your children, or step children. You may think you are helping them by telling them to not worry about their future, but it changes the dynamics of the relationship. They may start looking at you as a checkbook and may ask for advances on their inheritence, for example.

We are going to be moving in a couple years, and when we do, my finances will be kept the utmost secret. Lesson learned.

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

My wife and I moved into a decent (new) neighborhood 4 years ago. All new homes, some even on the water at a pretty decent price. One new friend was from NY and had a good job as an FI at a luxury car dealer. He made a good 6 figure salary most of his life. Another neighbor is a PHD (in law), advised billionaires how to invest thier $$. He also owned a large pool company, and seemed to be a high dollar individual. I seldom discuss my finances, but I felt comfortable discussing my finances with these people. Having sold 2 companies, (one recently), my investments far exceeded theirs. It does not serve you well to share your finances.

Also, watch Jordon Peterson on Youtube, he advises never to discuss finances when you are older. Especially to your children, or step children. You may think you are helping them by telling them to not worry about their future, but it changes the dynamics of the relationship. They may start looking at you as a checkbook and may ask for advances on their inheritence, for example.

We are going to be moving in a couple years, and when we do, my finances will be kept the utmost secret. Lesson learned.

Can you expound upon "lesson learned?" Is this related to sharing your status with those two in your neighborhood? Did the dynamic change?

 

[brett]

Does it matter? I was brought up to live a modest lifestyle and never to discuss our financial issues with anyone except our spouse. People will gossip no matter what. It is the nature of the beast. We keep our personal business very private. I stopped worrying about what other people thought about us or our lifestyle a long time ago.

My spouse has always felt a little embarassed by what we have. Especially with some of her close relatives. Does not bother me in the least. Strictly her call.

On those occasions when we have gifted amounts of money to relatives it was always done on the basis that it was a private transaction...no one other than the recipient would know.

 

[Koolau]

There is no quantitative definition of what is considered wealthy.

Yeah, this is the age-old issue of "what is wealthy?" It's easier to define "poverty." Attempts I've seen to define "wealthy" usually include behaviors (using fractional jets, for instance) or possessions (two complete homes), etc. Still, once you reach a certain level of life-style, it's just a matter of degrees for the most part. (We travel Economy Plus now which is a big move up for us - but we could afford 1st class - so are we wealthy)?

If we should live so long, we'll be talking about this again in 10 years.

 

[marko]

I'm still struggling with the whole idea of deliberately modifying one's lifestyle just in order to hide one's wealth.

I believe your lifestyle should pretty much mirror your assets/income. Not by being flashy or loud about it, but just living a life that provides more comfort and convenience. YOLO. Money is a tool, not just a number. Shameful to waste it.

So, why? Are we that worried about what people think? Are we ashamed of having money? Are we trying to be not like those "evil" rich people? Afraid of making others feel bad?

If friends are asking crude questions maybe it's time to find new friends. LBYM is fine. I get that. But taking steps to deliberately conceal your gains rather than enjoy life a little bit more? Your kids being entirely clueless?

Again, like being questioned about how much money you have, stealth wealth is something I had never heard of until joining this forum.

 

[Adam12]

Why would someone else care ? They don’t.

 

[Luvtoride]

Interesting topic and a wide array of feelings and approaches by all here.
Most of our friends are in similar socio- economic position to us so it rarely comes up. We don’t speculate as to specifics or try to compare ourselves to others.

The only “uncomfortable” friendship is with long-time friends who apparently are struggling a bit in retirement (forced by being laid off last year). They make comments that they don’t have Pensions (my DW and I both do have) when we try to arrange to get together to go out for dinner on a weeknight (they try to eat at home during the week).

Our daughters and their spouses don’t know specifics of our wealth but know we are comfortable as we help them and their families with paying for some things like summer camp for our grandkids and taking them all on vacation at least once a year. That’s enough for them to know at this point.

 

[Sara]

Widowed here with an adult dependent son who will inherit whatever is left after I am gone. I was extremely fortunate to marry a like minded, good man who was also a saver. Our savings have grown nicely over the years but I don’t consider myself super wealthy but very blessed.
I continue to drive a modest 13 yr old Honda Accord which I plan to keep as long as possible and try to live within my monthly retirement income . We live in a small, fully paid up, 3 bed ranch home in a LCOL area. Since I have to provide for my son’s future living expenses as well, I don’t plan to change my lifestyle at all. We go on trips to visit family abroad and in other states every now and then. Eat out occasionally with family, friends and neighbors. No one talks about how much money they have.
I enjoy tending to my garden and cooking so life is good.
My life is not flashy by any means but I do sleep well at night knowing that we will not be destitute.
No matter how much you have, true happiness comes from the simple things in life.

 

[indiajust]

I let folks follow their nose. They ask me what I "do". I use that as an entry point to talk about quicken, taxes, spending, saving, investing, gold, triffins dilemma... anywhere they want to go.

 

[LadyIJ]

To put it simply - it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable not picking up tabs and not offering money to those who know when a situation arises. We’ve accumulated but not so much where we are assured we have enough now that we’re retired and big unexpected bills coming up (dental, periodontal, restorative and possibly a car soon). In retrospect, I wish a couple of people and relatives didn’t know).

 

[Beachcomber]

Can you expound upon "lesson learned?" Is this related to sharing your status with those two in your neighborhood? Did the dynamic change?

It probably has something to do with "keeping up with the Joneses". As someone once said, gossip goes around the world twice before your feet hit the floor in the morning.
My philosphy has always been that there is always people ahead of you and behind you, no matter where you find yourself.

For some reason, I've always thought that people had more wealth than I gave them credit for since Americans live in a wealthy nation. I've further looked into it, and most Americans don't even have $100k saved for retirement or even $1,000.00 for an emergency! Translation: Amassing a great retirement is far more rare than we think it is. Hope it's ok to post the following video. Perhaps he explains it better than I. ; )

 

[highlan875]

Like many here, I have practiced the "Millionaire Next Door" approach. I live modestly but comfortably. I've flown under the radar a long time and let compounding do its thing, however I wonder if I'm missing anything by such stealth.

Based on reports here, it is rare for anything good to come from telling friends or family about the stash. My own experience has been similar during inadvertent revelation. For example, once when talking investments, I let it slip I had X number of shares of a certain stock and was rewarded with dead silence. Another time the person laughed because they deemed I was joking. I did not challenge their assumption.

I don't desire a flashy lifestyle. So, it seems the best approach is to let stealth wealth endure until death at which time the beneficiaries can react as they will. Are others here doing similar?

 

[highlan875]

To put it simply - it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable not picking up tabs and not offering money to those who know when a situation arises. We’ve accumulated but not so much where we are assured we have enough now that we’re retired and big unexpected bills coming up (dental, periodontal, restorative and possibly a car soon). In retrospect, I wish a couple of people and relatives didn’t know).

Name,
Thayou for sharing your story and reflections. I really appreciate your openness about a topic that many of us quietly wrestle with. It takes wisdom and discipline to live below your means and let compounding quietly work its magic—qualities that are all too rare in today’s world.
Your approach of modest living and keeping financial matters private is not only sensible, but also admirable. It’s true that talking openly about wealth can sometimes create awkwardness or misunderstandings, even among friends and family. I think many in this community can relate to those moments of “dead silence” or disbelief when the topic accidentally slips out.
You’re not alone in choosing the path of stealth wealth. Many of us have found peace and freedom in letting our actions, rather than our bank accounts, speak for us. There’s something deeply satisfying about living comfortably, helping others quietly when we can, and knowing that our future—and our loved ones’ futures—are secure.
If you ever feel conflicted or wonder if you’re “missing out,” remember that you’re building a legacy of not just financial strength, but also humility and thoughtfulness. That’s something to be proud of. In the end, your beneficiaries will likely be grateful for your foresight and care, even if they never saw it coming.
Thanks again for your thoughtful message. It’s a reminder that true wealth isn’t just about numbers—it’s about living in a way that feels right for you.
Wishing you continued peace and fulfillment on your journey.
Warm regards,
Jelliefishjimmie comedian

 

[COcheesehead]

Name,
Thayou for sharing your story and reflections. I really appreciate your openness about a topic that many of us quietly wrestle with. It takes wisdom and discipline to live below your means and let compounding quietly work its magic—qualities that are all too rare in today’s world.
Your approach of modest living and keeping financial matters private is not only sensible, but also admirable. It’s true that talking openly about wealth can sometimes create awkwardness or misunderstandings, even among friends and family. I think many in this community can relate to those moments of “dead silence” or disbelief when the topic accidentally slips out.
You’re not alone in choosing the path of stealth wealth. Many of us have found peace and freedom in letting our actions, rather than our bank accounts, speak for us. There’s something deeply satisfying about living comfortably, helping others quietly when we can, and knowing that our future—and our loved ones’ futures—are secure.
If you ever feel conflicted or wonder if you’re “missing out,” remember that you’re building a legacy of not just financial strength, but also humility and thoughtfulness. That’s something to be proud of. In the end, your beneficiaries will likely be grateful for your foresight and care, even if they never saw it coming.
Thanks again for your thoughtful message. It’s a reminder that true wealth isn’t just about numbers—it’s about living in a way that feels right for you.
Wishing you continued peace and fulfillment on your journey.
Warm regards,
Jelliefishjimmie comedian

Is this ai?

 

[CO-guy]

I have a step-mother that's the opposite of that. She hemorrhages money, is still working in her 70s with almost no savings, and has declared bankruptcy multiple times. It took her children time as adults in order to break away from that cycle once they gained financial independence. Thankfully, they're financially savvy adults now.

As an example, she just returned from a 7-day Mediterranean cruise with one of her kids. She could not afford to pay for the entire trip. So to share costs and make the trip possible, her kid used credit card points to pay for flights and arrival/departure hotels and she paid for the cruise (modest interior cabin) and daily excursions. On the last day of the cruise, I received a message from her kid. Apparently, although paid in advance, she bailed on most of the excursions and instead managed to rack up $2500 in the spa and another $500 in Starbucks/food from the onboard convenience store in six days. Her credit card was declined her final night onboard, which is the only reason they learned of her absurd spending.

Update on my MIL story: Apparently instead of bailing on most cruise excursions, she was able to rebook for shorter tour options. Since they were slightly cheaper, the cruise line then credited the difference to her onboard account. The total credit from rebooked excursions came to $230 and she fully expected that her onboard spending was, "pretty close to equal to her credit."

In reality, she spent a total of approximately $3600 between the spa and snacks in approximately 3-4 hours on each of four days that she returned earlier from her re-booked excursions than he did from their pre-booked excursions. He said he would find her asleep in the cabin when he returned and just assumed she fell asleep after returning from her tour, so her obscene onboard spending was all a surprise to him.

 

[brett]

Four things that we both keep very private.

Money, faith, politics, and sex.

 

[Sunset]

I'm still struggling with the whole idea of deliberately modifying one's lifestyle just in order to hide one's wealth.

I believe your lifestyle should pretty much mirror your assets/income. Not by being flashy or loud about it, but just living a life that provides more comfort and convenience. YOLO. Money is a tool, not just a number. Shameful to waste it.

So, why? Are we that worried about what people think? .....

......... LBYM is fine. I get that. But taking steps to deliberately conceal your gains rather than enjoy life a little bit more? Your kids being entirely clueless?

.....

Stealth Wealth is a catchy label, while it applies to us, it's not something we do on purpose.

It's just the natural kind of things we do, like not brag to others (except here) about some expensive purchase. Mostly because it's not going to make others feel good.

We tell family when we go on a trip, as they may need to contact us, and just that has led the occasional question to us of where we are planning to go next.

We are naturally LBYM, so I don't want some $100K vehicle and I'm happier when I keep my vehicle for over 10 years.

We should spend more and are trying to do that, but it takes time and effort to break out of normal routines.

 

[marko]

Stealth Wealth is a catchy label, while it applies to us, it's not something we do on purpose.

It's just the natural kind of things we do, like not brag to others (except here) about some expensive purchase. Mostly because it's not going to make others feel good.

We tell family when we go on a trip, as they may need to contact us, and just that has led the occasional question to us of where we are planning to go next.

We are naturally LBYM, so I don't want some $100K vehicle and I'm happier when I keep my vehicle for over 10 years.

We should spend more and are trying to do that, but it takes time and effort to break out of normal routines.

IMO, LBYM and Stealth Wealth look the same but they're not. The difference is motivation.

LBYM says "I drive an 8 year old car because its still reliable and gets me where I need to go."

Stealth Wealth says "I drive an 8 year old car because I don't want people to think I have money or ask questions that I don't want to answer."

Just one man's take.

 

[CO-guy]

IMO, LBYM and Stealth Wealth look the same but they're not. The difference is motivation.

LBYM says "I drive an 8 year old car because its still reliable and gets me where I need to go."

Stealth Wealth says "I drive an 8 year old car because I don't want people to think I have money or ask questions that I don't want to answer."

Just one man's take.

Interesting take, but either way there can be consequences to people finding out.