Struggling in Wisconsin. Advice?

[ArnieB]

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm 53 and resigned from a "dumpster fire" a little over a year ago. After nearly two decades, I couldn't continue working for an organization that views things like diversity, inclusion, and even safety as boxes to check (and crimes to cover up) in order to carry on with business as usual. I spent last year on a half-time remote contract, but any morbid curiosity I had in watching the dumpster fire burn could not overcome the stench.

Similar to you, my better-half has a fulfilling career, and her income is sufficient to cover all our expenses. In addition, I still pick up consulting projects that effectively doubles our monthly income. However, I prioritize recreation, time with friends/family and community service over consulting projects. We just returned from a two week trip to visit my family, but otherwise I've been mountain biking 5-6 days a week since mid-May. Before that, I was skiing 4-5 days a week all winter. In addition, I had been volunteering with some local non-profits for a long time and, leading up to my resignation, I became more involved with those organizations (joining the board, etc.). I'm an extreme introvert, and so it's good for me to participate on boards where I can collaborate with others for a shared purpose. In that area, I have had extraordinary success and have now seen these organizations flourish over the past few years.

These forums were incredibly helpful as I planned my departure, and feeling good about our financials gave me time to process that perceived loss of a career. So congrats on your resignation!

Sounds like we have a lot in common. After spending years on various boards, I'm not sure that I'm quite ready for that just yet... but also being an introvert, it exactly the kind of thing I'll be keeping my eyes open for.

 

[ArnieB]

Leaving Wisconsin is a good start. Cost of moving along with aging parents that need my help keep me in Wisconsin even though I despise the place for the 7 coldest months of the year and tolerate it for the other 5.

I'll be staying in Wisconsin for at least another year or so (son in his last year of college, and elderly mother in the area)... but I'd be open to relocating when the time is right.

 

[steady saver]

Yes, that is a good observation. Much of my feeling of "lostness" is likely connected to the fact that I went from having a very "people-centric" role to being quite solitary. As an introvert, I do thrive more than most in such a solitary setting, and I find most social situations more draining than life-giving. That being said, having a circle of deep and meaningful relationships is vitally important to me. What I lost through my resignation was mostly the "draining" sort of social interaction, but I am also aware that I also lost some of those precious opportunities for genuine connection that can happen when you least expect it, and I'm not sure how I can replace that.

I think your advice to jump into volunteering is where my immediate future will take me. The reason why it has taken me so long to get back to this forum and catch up on some of these responses is because my summer has been busy. Years ago, my wife and I ran our own small retail business while at the same time raising our son. We experienced how hard it is to run your own shop and still make time for family. Well, I share that because, a new little shop had recently opened in our area by a young couple with a small child. There seemed to be so many similarities, and it brought back so many memories for me. Not long later, they were seeking some part time help. The pay is next to nothing, but it seemed like a good fit for me, and by helping out, I was freeing up some time for this young couple to spend time with their child. I can take some busy work off their plate and allow the family to go to the local zoo, or do something else together. I suspect this won't last much beyond the summer, but for now, I feel like it is a good way to spend a handful of hours each week.

I can't think of a better situation you've found yourself in! Oh gosh, knowing how you and your wife felt raising your son and running your business and now seeing it in this couple...! Now THAT is meaningful work. You know how much you would've benefitted if you'd been given that same "found time." I'm really glad to hear about that.

One thing I've found about introversion is that volunteering can work well b/c the organization and structure of it can bode well for putting one with people but in a structured way. Part of the allure of volunteering for us retired folks often is the social connection it offers, so a solitary volunteer endeavor may not fill that need. (I've considered myself an introvert but more now thinking I'm an omnivert!) love that your summer work is meaningful for you in the sense that you can rest assured that you're helping someone - a family - that you can see and who is right in front of you! How wonderful is that?

Thanks for your update; it's heartening.

 

[sparky08]

Well, I share that because, a new little shop had recently opened in our area by a young couple with a small child. There seemed to be so many similarities, and it brought back so many memories for me. Not long later, they were seeking some part time help. The pay is next to nothing, but it seemed like a good fit for me, and by helping out, I was freeing up some time for this young couple to spend time with their child.

Winner!

I have a part time, minimum pay job helping people and get more job satisfaction than I ever did.

 

[kgtest]

Hi. I am 53 years old, living in Wisconsin, happily married with a child in their last year of college. While I was not planning to enter into retirement quite this early, circumstances have unfolded in such a way that I now find myself to be retired. I have been planning for retirement for decades, and I believe that my wife and I have sufficient assets to retire comfortably. My wife is still currently working at a job that she loves, and which basically meets our current expenses. And so, while I am no longer working, we do not yet need to draw on our savings.

This all sounds like good news, but the truth is… I am struggling. For the past decade, I have been working for an organization where I felt I was making a difference and believed in what we were doing. Over the past 4 years or so, things slowly changed at the organization, and I felt that I needed to leave, as things had become increasingly dishonest. The issues were not at the level that broke any laws, but I was no longer comfortable working under my superior, and could no longer remain in employment to the organization with a clear conscience. So, six months ago, I resigned.

As I said, financially we are in good shape, so no worries there. However, I feel like a “lost puppy” at this point. While I am truly relieved to no longer be working at the organization, it was still a huge disappointment to feel like I had no other choice but to leave, and I now feel a bit directionless. Up to now, I have occupied myself with many of the usual retirement pursuits (i.e. getting back to some of my long lost hobbies; reading more; decluttering the house; learning how to cook; finally getting to some long delayed projects around the home, etc.) This new relaxed pace certainly has its benefits, and I do feel grateful much of the time. However, I also feel lost much of the time. I know that I could get a low-pressure part-time job to help fill the time and give me a little sense of purpose and productivity, but I am having a hard time finding a job that I would truly want to do, and I am not motivated to just “take a job” to grind away the hours for more money that we don’t really need.

Anyways, that is a bit of my story. If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I am all ears. I’ve read all the articles about how to find fulfillment in retirement, but I’d be interested in hearing some personal stories or discoveries others may have to share. I truly want to enjoy the freedom of not needing to work, but I’m not finding the satisfaction in it yet.

Life is bigger than work.
Enjoy life.

My grandma is 93, and rarely discusses her working life. I'm glad the memories she decides to bring forth to her grandchildren, are of the things that matter in life.

Likely there was nothing you could do to change the trajectory of the company you worked for. Serenity.
If you worked hard in life, then what's to worry about?

 

[ArnieB]

Life is bigger than work.
Enjoy life.

My grandma is 93, and rarely discusses her working life. I'm glad the memories she decides to bring forth to her grandchildren, are of the things that matter in life.

Likely there was nothing you could do to change the trajectory of the company you worked for. Serenity.
If you worked hard in life, then what's to worry about?

Yes, I fully agree (at least in theory!) -- "Life is bigger than work. Enjoy life!" But I struggle with why it is so difficult for me to do so...

On the one hand, I've accomplished my goals -- I am financially secure and can retire earlier than I ever would have imagined. I should be celebrating. But now I feel lost, and am having trouble finding a new sense of satisfaction and purpose. I don't want to just grind away the hours making more money that I no longer really need. But I don't really know what to do with myself either (especially as an introvert, and with my spouse still choosing to work full-time).

As silly as it was, I really enjoyed helping this young couple during the summer months, but that has now come to an end. Why do I need to "busy myself" in order to a sense of satisfaction?

 

[ArnieB]

Winner!

I have a part time, minimum pay job helping people and get more job satisfaction than I ever did.

Yes, as silly as it was on the surface, I truly enjoyed helping that young couple over the summer. But now that has come to an end, and I'm back to feeling restless. Hoping another opportunity comes along. I struggle with why I feel the need to be busy and productive in order to feel a sense of peace and fulfilment.

 

[ArnieB]

I can't think of a better situation you've found yourself in! Oh gosh, knowing how you and your wife felt raising your son and running your business and now seeing it in this couple...! Now THAT is meaningful work. You know how much you would've benefitted if you'd been given that same "found time." I'm really glad to hear about that.

One thing I've found about introversion is that volunteering can work well b/c the organization and structure of it can bode well for putting one with people but in a structured way. Part of the allure of volunteering for us retired folks often is the social connection it offers, so a solitary volunteer endeavor may not fill that need. (I've considered myself an introvert but more now thinking I'm an omnivert!) love that your summer work is meaningful for you in the sense that you can rest assured that you're helping someone - a family - that you can see and who is right in front of you! How wonderful is that?

Thanks for your update; it's heartening.

Yes, my summer was truly enjoyable, as silly and insignificant as my role was. I really enjoyed helping that young couple out a couple times a week. Now that opportunity is over, as their fall/winter routine looks very different. I miss it already. I am hoping another opportunity comes along, as I am feeling restless already.

 

[Koolau]

Yes, I fully agree (at least in theory!) -- "Life is bigger than work. Enjoy life!" But I struggle with why it is so difficult for me to do so...

On the one hand, I've accomplished my goals -- I am financially secure and can retire earlier than I ever would have imagined. I should be celebrating. But now I feel lost, and am having trouble finding a new sense of satisfaction and purpose. I don't want to just grind away the hours making more money that I no longer really need. But I don't really know what to do with myself either (especially as an introvert, and with my spouse still choosing to work full-time).

As silly as it was, I really enjoyed helping this young couple during the summer months, but that has now come to an end. Why do I need to "busy myself" in order to a sense of satisfaction?

I can't answer your question but I do know that my dad always wanted to be w*rking. He officially retired from the family business at 65 (that's when his SS was available.) But he immediately went looking for w*rk - menial w*rk - any w*rk. He couldn't feel "fulfilled" without w*rk - even though he didn't really need the money.

 

[Texas Proud]

I did not read the whole thread but I would have bet someone suggesting that you find a place you like to volunteer... many places need free labor and will be happy to put you to work...

And if you go in with the knowledge that you want to only do what YOU want to do so much the better...

I went to a cat sanctuary and I said I only want to pet cats!!! They are happy that I come even though it is very irregular and only two hours when I come... they get many kittens and scared cats that need to be socialized or calmed and I love doing it. I have helped many cats get comfortable enough where they get adopted... it feels good knowing you helped...

I could have volunteered with some place using my knowledge (lots of places need accounting) but that would have made me commit to them for some kind of regular 'work' and maybe more time than I wanted...

But you do you...

 

[Koolau]

I did not read the whole thread but I would have bet someone suggesting that you find a place you like to volunteer... many places need free labor and will be happy to put you to work...

And if you go in with the knowledge that you want to only do what YOU want to do so much the better...

I went to a cat sanctuary and I said I only want to pet cats!!! They are happy that I come even though it is very irregular and only two hours when I come... they get many kittens and scared cats that need to be socialized or calmed and I love doing it. I have helped many cats get comfortable enough where they get adopted... it feels good knowing you helped...

I could have volunteered with some place using my knowledge (lots of places need accounting) but that would have made me commit to them for some kind of regular 'work' and maybe more time than I wanted...

But you do you...

I'd much prefer petting cats than ever doing what I used to do. I'd only w*rk for money but petting cats would be play time for me. I should check it out. Our shelters are chronically short of funds, but have never put out a plea for socializing the animals. We do help with funds, though.

 

[Texas Proud]

I'd much prefer petting cats than ever doing what I used to do. I'd only w*rk for money but petting cats would be play time for me. I should check it out. Our shelters are chronically short of funds, but have never put out a plea for socializing the animals. We do help with funds, though.

Call and find out... mine is a local one run by an old lady... has 3 employees... but is going to be shut down later this year due to lack of funds and her getting old..

I have found another and they do advertise for people to socialize the animals (cats and dogs) but it is over 20 miles from me...

 

[DrRoy]

You were not mentally ready to retire. Your situation was not acceptable and you had to leave, but you did not have something to retire to. Your reaction to that is completely understandable. Try looking at Meetup.com to see if you find an interest. Also, it may not be your thing, but you could start a group for people in your situation to just get together and talk about it.

 

[Diogenes]

You were not mentally ready to retire. Your situation was not acceptable and you had to leave, but you did not have something to retire to. Your reaction to that is completely understandable. Try looking at Meetup.com to see if you find an interest. Also, it may not be your thing, but you could start a group for people in your situation to just get together and talk about it.

Exactly! One might be strategically ready for retirement, but still be tactically surprised. To leave on one's own terms, at one's own timetable, is a soothing and satisfying feeling... even if there linger questions, about safe withdrawal rate or health insurance. To be pushed out, forced to resign or downsized, engenders as sense of unfinished business, even if one bears no grudge, and even if the finances are trivially beyond risk.

I am not persuaded, whether from personal experience or the OP's situation, that surrogates such as hobbies or volunteering, can fully sooth one's qualms and frustrations. Nor would a career change, from investment banker to Wal-Mart greeter. The better remedy is to seek professional employment in a proper second-act, even if only briefly. This is the advice that I am currently trying to follow myself.