Teenage Views Of Parents

Dreamer said:
Hey you guys-you are not helping me feel any better. 
We're just basing our opinions on the way we were (and what we were looking for) when we were teenage boys.

Not to worry-- I'm sure today's teenage boys are different...
 
...she is throwing a fit wanting her own car. So far, we are hanging tough...

We avoided getting her a car, and it has worked out great. There have only been about 4 times in the last year that all three of us needed a car at the same time, and they were all easily worked out with some dropping off, etc.

Boyfriend

Our daughter's boyfriend is a really nice guy, but pretty much of a loser. He writes at a fourth grade level ("rilly well"). He said he wants to go into criminal psychology because he figures "a lot of criminals in jails will need psychologists." We don't get it, cause our daughter is super smart, #4 in the class, etc.

They've been going out a year, and she spends almost every day with him. Boy are we going to break out the champagne when they break up!

Blowups

The book I mentioned above says that things will be especially problematic in the last months before college. The idea is that the kid is torn between being independent and still being dependent. Also, I believe that there is evolutionary pressure towards friction between parents and adolescents, because there's adaptive value in getting them out of the cave and on their own.

In any case, that's true here. A few major blow ups last week.

Two months, 27 days to go!!
 
We didn't get our teenagers cars. They could borrow an old one for specific activities. Son earned $$ and bought one his senior year. Daughter borrowed the 'heaper her sophomore year in college to get to a job. IMHO cars make oversight more difficult.

Son's teenage years were difficlut. His younger sister must have learned from his experiance and either didn't get caught or avoided problems.

Daughter's boy friends were, with only one exception, the class "geek". Were were envy of our circle.
 
TromboneAl said:
Boyfriend

Our daughter's boyfriend is a really nice guy, but pretty much of a loser. He writes at a fourth grade level ("rilly well"). He said he wants to go into criminal psychology because he figures "a lot of criminals in jails will need psychologists." We don't get it, cause our daughter is super smart, #4 in the class, etc.

They've been going out a year, and she spends almost every day with him. Boy are we going to break out the champagne when they break up!

When my wife dumped with her loser boyfriend, her parents literally did break out the champaigne. She still can't really say why she dated him, as she was #11 in her class, went to top ten University, and he "was taking some jr. college courses". I dated a non ambitious girl in high school, but that um...was short term thinking....shutting up now. :)
 
Laurence said:
When my wife dumped with her loser boyfriend, her parents literally did break out the champaigne. She still can't really say why she dated him, as she was #11 in her class, went to top ten University, and he "was taking some jr. college courses". I dated a non ambitious girl in high school, but that um...was short term thinking....shutting up now. :)

Your wife probably dated the loser for the same reasons you dated the loser. ;)
 
Laurence said:
When my wife dumped with her loser boyfriend, her parents literally did break out the champaigne. She still can't really say why she dated him, as she was #11 in her class, went to top ten University, and he "was taking some jr. college courses". I dated a non ambitious girl in high school, but that um...was short term thinking....shutting up now. :)

I was a %^&* as a teenager. Started to get it together at 17 and 'took some courses at the jr. college'. I ended up with a masters degree from a top 5 engineering school. Then retired at 38. In college I noticed that many students who were sucessful in HS weren't at the University. The pace is 100 times faster. Many burned out partying. I was over that.

All my girlfriends' parents loved me.
 
Martha said:
Your wife probably dated the loser for the same reasons you dated the loser. ;)

I'm betting that Laurences wife wasnt dating the guy because he had big bazoombas.

Oh wait, I'm getting your drift now...
 
I was a Scoutmaster of a Boy Scout Troop. So I have had quite a lot of experience with teen-age boys. Many went through a phase where they were convinced that the old men were stupid and they were smart. Didn't matter that we had much more experience than them. Even asked one if he planed on getting stupider as he got older since we older men were. Didn't sink in. Fortunately my son was not among those who wouldn't listen to adults.

Teen-age Daughter is another story.
 
Arrgh! Reminds me of "Meet the Parents"

"So honey, why did you date your ex-boyfriend?"

"Oh, it was just a physical thing"

"You mean you excersiced together?"

"No silly, the great sex."

"Oh, I see, excuse me while I go throw up now!" :eek: ;)
 
If you could see my Daughters boyfriend you would wonder what the physical attraction could be. Also the boyfriend has, no education, no ambition, no money. But still thinks he is better.

Funny, I considered my Father In Law a friend and still miss him. (Gone for many years now.)
 
TromboneAl said:
We don't get it, cause our daughter is super smart, #4 in the class, etc.
Well, Laurence, I had a great paragraph ready to post but you took the words right out of my mouth.  And back then I wasn't thinking short-term... I was thinking big!

TromboneAl said:
The book I mentioned above says that things will be especially problematic in the last months before college.  The idea is that the kid is torn between being independent and still being dependent.  Also, I believe that there is evolutionary pressure towards friction between parents and adolescents, because there's adaptive value in getting them out of the cave and on their own.  

In any case, that's true here.  A few major blow ups last week.  

Two months, 27 days to go!!
I think it's also "distancing".  When people have time to prepare for an impending separation, they mentally & emotionally start to back away from each other.  Sometimes it's also a physical separation long before the actual departure.  The feelings of abandonment & separation start early and last for a long time, so the departure is greeted with "Get it over with already!"  And of course it's easy to pick fights or to otherwise misbehave because it justifies the anger you already feel about that person leaving you.

Our kid shows that behavior in the couple weeks before she goes on school (overnight) field trips.  At least now that we've talked about it she can recognize the symptoms.  

The military has learned (via painful experience) that the worst time for family/spouse abuse is the day that the deployment doesn't happen.  ("Hi, honey, sorry to call at 10 PM but the reactor whatzat is broke and we're not leaving today!  Can you come pick me up?")

You think it's bad now, wait until the kids call to vent or commiserate and we parents mistake it for problem-solving opinion-requesting time...  
 
Okay, let's see...........I bought all 3 kids a car. Son a "muscle car",
and both daughters a sports cars. Back in my "big spender days".

Son did not date a lot. I only really warmed up to one of his girl friends.
He finally got married last year at age 39. Don't really know his wife that well yet. Older daughter married a Lutheran minister...........
my number one choice for her. Sure got lucky there. Youngest
daughter has shown very good sense in the "courtship" dept.
A little surprised as I never thought of her as being nearly as sharp
as her sister. Anyway, so far so good. The youngest is the only one still single and as far as I know, no hot prospects.

JG
 
Lazarus said:
If you could see my Daughters boyfriend you would wonder what the physical attraction could be. Also the boyfriend has, no education, no ambition, no money. But still thinks he is better.

Not sure why, but I immediately thought of Anniston/Pitt and Moore/Kutchner
but there's no accounting for taste. Anyway, I'm embarrassed for these 2
women whenever I see them with their SOs.

JG
 
If you could see my Daughters boyfriend you would wonder what the physical attraction could be. Also the boyfriend has, no education, no ambition, no money. But still thinks he is better.

People are attracted to each other for unknown reasons. Though we do not know what she sees in him, we need to respect her judgement and regard him as a human being.
 
A human being with a small target on his back ;)

If it helps, at one point I probably would have been regarded as a worthless prospect (well, more worthless than today ;) )

I was more or less a miscreant in high school, got bad grades, thought about college but didnt have the grades or the money. Worked as a dishwasher and at macdonalds (ok, so at least I worked). Had long straggly hair. Wasnt particularly well spoken or well mannered.

So from this you can either take away that the somewhat undesirable boyfriend might end up turning out not so bad, or take away that at least I'm not dating your daughter... ;)
 
It would be a lot easier to respect her judgement if she hadn't climbed out her window to run away with him when she was 17. No money. In a car she didn't own or pay the insurance or gas for. Did I mention the boy in question helped her. Lucky for him that I didn't hear him and mistake him for a prowler. Over the last several years he has had more jobs than I can count. No I can't say that I respect her judgement. I may have to tolerate her choice though. No doubt it will be harder on her than me.
 
Lazarus said:
It would be a lot easier to respect her judgement if she hadn't climbed out her window to run away with him when she was 17.
And you didn't change the locks?
 
Man, my heart goes out to you Lazarus. It sounds like you have really been through it. It is so hard when you love them so much and you see them making poor choices. I hope that she matures quickly and starts making better choices.

Dreamer
 
Well, she is still going to college. (I'am paying). The boy has managed to keep a job for 3 mo. now. So there is hope I think. Still not a very good choice.
 
Lazarus said:
It would be a lot easier to respect her judgement if she hadn't climbed out her window to run away with him when she was 17. No money. In a car she didn't own or pay the insurance or gas for. Did I mention the boy in question helped her. Lucky for him that I didn't hear him and mistake him for a prowler. Over the last several years he has had more jobs than I can count. No I can't say that I respect her judgement. I may have to tolerate her choice though. No doubt it will be harder on her than me.

Under those circumstances, it is formidable to reserve judgement. People do make wrong choices and mistakes. We just have to be patient and be compassionate to self and others. Simply put - let it be and accept things as they are. It's easily said than done.

There is always hope that some day they will turn out to be responsible and contributing to society.
 
Spanky said:
There is always hope that some day they will turn out to be responsible and contributing to society.

You're not going to let him ER? ;-0
 
I'll never forget that summer before my daughter went off to college (2 years ago now). She's basically a good kid, but all summer long was just a broken record on how she couldn't wait to 'get outta here' and be 'on her own'. Finally the big moving out day arrived. I went into her bedroom to help her pack her final items. I walked in the door and she had her back to me. She turned around, tears streaming and wailed "I don't want to go!"

Fastforward two years. She's doing great at school, loves her major, has a great guy (could this be the one?) and I still miss her everyday! It's still hard, but I'm so proud of her. Thanks for indulging me
 

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