The Busy Lives of Our Young People

[street]

Just found out this weekend some of the scheduling of our son and daughter-in-law have for the next few weeks. This DIL will fly of out state for a litigation hearing this week. Next week Son will be out of town for a week of further education for his job. The following week, a week long trial case for DIL. It makes me tired just thinking about it!! The have an 8 year old and 3 year old girls. We maybe can help travel there one of the times for a few days but he have things scheduled in conflict with some the time they need a little help.

It really makes me appreciate not having to work for a living any more. I see the hustle and bustle of the young people I know in the area I live in as well. Not sure if it is harder these days from the days when wife and I were in our working days or not. You just did what we had to do, over time may have forgot how stressful it was.

 

[Walt34]

I suppose it depend on the job. I worked scheduled rotating shift hours, but I knew a year in advance what those scheduled hours would be. It wasn't uncommon to work overtime on a scheduled day, but I think in 29 years I was called in on a day off maybe two or three times. Other than the sleep issues caused by the lack of any circadian rhythm (whazzat?) I didn't find it terrible. At least it was predictable.

BTW, the department learned from that and they don't do the rotating shifts anymore - everyone works fixed hours.

 

[Dtail]

Yeah depends on the specific job. When I was working my longest hours (close to 70 per week), I still got up and gave the 2am feeding. OTOH, I don't miss those days one bit.

 

[street]

My job was I was on call every other week for a week at a time. The career I was in was a 365 day a year on standby. All after hours was all hours that were unscheduled and any hour of the day or night. It was not easy at times but it was a profession Ii loved and I wanted to do so it came with the job.

I did miss a lot of thing with the family and just having time for me.

 

[G POP]

2 Marines raising 2 kiddo's. Multiple deployments. In 2001, DW was at Warrant Officer Basic course at Quantico while I got a 6-week assignment at Weapons and Tactics in Yuma. Lived in San Diego at the time. Called DM and stepdad. They were retired. Said pack up your stuff (in Arkansas) and come on out. For 6 weeks I would drive back home late on Saturday nights. 2.5 hour drive. I would wake up and take everyone to church. Fill the gas tanks. Fill the refrigerator. Play with the kids then head back to Yuma to do it all again.

In 2009 we were at a new base. DS would finish football practice 10 minutes early so he could drive himself an hour to hockey practice twice per week. His senior year he signed a junior contract 5 hours away. Lived with a family. I caught all of his games to include games south of Tampa and also Canada. DW was busy taking DD to volleyball all over the mid-Atlantic and NE. DD ended up playing college volleyball and premiere league in Melbourne Australia. DS played all the way through semi pro hockey with the San Diego Super Hornets. Well worth the time and miles driven and flown. We would do it all again.

Sort of laugh at my DD with her 2 year old, new born, full time job and coaching HS volleyball. She is putting her 2nd master's degree on hold for at least 6 months. Her man? He is studying diligently for his professional electrical engineer exam. We are 20 minutes away when needed.

 

[Yegey]

I thought I would hae more time when the kids get older, this has not happen. Yes, they are now more independent and don't need me to watch them, but now I have to constantly drive them to place for various school events like band, organization meeting, friends, etc. In the mean time, my parents have increase demands. Life in my older years seems busier than my younger years. This is partly because I am pretty anti-social and didn't do much socializing in my youth.

 

[Flyfish1]

2 Marines raising 2 kiddo's. Multiple deployments. In 2001, DW was at Warrant Officer Basic course at Quantico while I got a 6-week assignment at Weapons and Tactics in Yuma. Lived in San Diego at the time. Called DM and stepdad. They were retired. Said pack up your stuff (in Arkansas) and come on out. For 6 weeks I would drive back home late on Saturday nights. 2.5 hour drive. I would wake up and take everyone to church. Fill the gas tanks. Fill the refrigerator. Play with the kids then head back to Yuma to do it all again.

In 2009 we were at a new base. DS would finish football practice 10 minutes early so he could drive himself an hour to hockey practice twice per week. His senior year he signed a junior contract 5 hours away. Lived with a family. I caught all of his games to include games south of Tampa and also Canada. DW was busy taking DD to volleyball all over the mid-Atlantic and NE. DD ended up playing college volleyball and premiere league in Melbourne Australia. DS played all the way through semi pro hockey with the San Diego Super Hornets. Well worth the time and miles driven and flown. We would do it all again.

Sort of laugh at my DD with her 2 year old, new born, full time job and coaching HS volleyball. She is putting her 2nd master's degree on hold for at least 6 months. Her man? He is studying diligently for his professional electrical engineer exam. We are 20 minutes away when needed.

Sounds like you are good parents. Congrats!

 

[street]

Sounds like you are good parents. Congrats!

Absolutely great parents.

 

[Flyfish1]

Not sure if the overall hustle is harder than it was but it certainly looks tough from the outside.
I had a tough career and was on call every third day for many, many years. A lot of fatigue, a lot of missed family events, including holidays. Then again, I see what my kids are doing and it all looks pretty similar. We went on a family "vacation" last summer and the kids worked online 4- 8 hrs each day.
It's a bit crazy what I did, and what they are doing. But, thanks to my education, my reading and some crazy web site I bumped into years ago I was able to retire early and smile every day.
Thank you. All of you.

 

[Sorcerer]

They could be working at jobs that pay $18/hr with less responsibility...then they could sit around and blame the boomers for why they can't afford anything. That's hip these days with the younger generation.

 

[FlaGator]

I thought I would hae more time when the kids get older, this has not happen. Yes, they are now more independent and don't need me to watch them, but now I have to constantly drive them to place for various school events like band, organization meeting, friends, etc. In the mean time, my parents have increase demands. Life in my older years seems busier than my younger years. This is partly because I am pretty anti-social and didn't do much socializing in my youth.

It will get a bit easier once the oldest starts driving. One less to shuttle, and they'll be able to help move the younger ones around.

Enjoy and make the most of the time in the car with the kids now, it's the last time you'll have to force-feed them ideas, after that your influence wanes. Those were some of the best times of my parenting years, and my kids ended up with "spotify ages" of 60+

 

[GrayHare]

Better to make use of the time when young and one has the energy. It doesn't get easier with age.

 

[G POP]

Absolutely great parents.

Thanks. Lucky more than anything. Whether I was being a Marine leader or parent I cared. Don't know if I was good at either.

Still parenting. DS was down here since Wednesday. On Friday we ran over to Quantico to get him fitted for new uniforms. Yesterday he drove over to check into Warrant Officer Basic course. This morning, we dropped off granddaughter after an overnight. DD is driving my suv and I'm driving her Kia Soul with 141K miles. With newborn she doesn't have time to car shop, and we are heading out for a long overseas trip. She has until we get back to figure out her next automobile.

We enjoyed the busyness when the kids were younger. Loved watching their sports. I want to live my life being busy (but not too busy that I'm stressed). I want the kids to be busy. Isn't that what life is supposed to be?

 

[Yegey]

It will get a bit easier once the oldest starts driving. One less to shuttle, and they'll be able to help move the younger ones around.

Enjoy and make the most of the time in the car with the kids now, it's the last time you'll have to force-feed them ideas, after that your influence wanes. Those were some of the best times of my parenting years, and my kids ended up with "spotify ages" of 60+

Yes I started a family when I was older. Most of my friend’s kids are adult and graduated from college.

I am trying to spend time with them. They are in that phase where they seek independence but also need the support of their parents. I know that the runway is ending which makes me sad, but I am trying to do what I can to help them transition to adulthood. I though life would slow down as I get older but it seems to accelerate.

Ironically the jr high school to high school period is probably the darkest and the most depressing period in my life. I often have to look to my spouse for guidance since I don’t seemed to know what I am doing at times.

 

[imjustawarrior]

We decided before marriage that DW would be a SAHM. I got to retire, and she is still working.

 

[Diogenes]

Well folks, if you don't have children, don't own a house, have an easy job, and maintain relatively good health, then the burdens on your time are minimal. Some of these things are a matter of the genetic or environmental lottery (like health), but others are choices.

I'm slow. So only now am I beginning to realize, that much of the impetus to retire early, is to escape a stressful or burdensome job, or maybe workplace politics, or other aspects of a fraught and fractious modernity. This may also explain why for example college professors often don't retire until their 80s, or outright die on the job.

 

[yhoomajor]

I want the kids to be busy. Isn't that what life is supposed to be?

Not in a healthy world. It needs to be balanced. Humans are not supposed to be robots, busy all the time.

We all die in the end. Dying while too busy all life long vs dying with a balanced life - are two different perspectives. People have preferences and are entitled to their preference.

 

[Koolau]

Not in a healthy world. It needs to be balanced. Humans are not supposed to be robots, busy all the time.

We all die in the end. Dying while too busy all life long vs dying with a balanced life - are two different perspectives. People have preferences and are entitled to their preference.

I think it's "seasons of life." There were very busy times of my life that I look back on quite fondly. I wouldn't have missed them. I likely couldn't have maintained that life long. There was the "kids season" and the "Parents of the parents" Season. Now we're in the long-slow-glide to eternity. Other than the aches, pains, ills, etc., I think I like this time best but sometimes I miss the hectic travel/w*rk/early marriage/etc.

Our kids are now finding their way through their various seasons. It's interesting to watch and (very) occasionally offer some council.

 

[Luvtoride]

Pleaseeee! We raised two daughters who were as active in sports, dance and youth activities as most kids were back then. My DW and I were both working in high stress jobs while advancing our careers. Both sets of grandparents lived in town and were NOT part of our childcare plan. We had hired help (nanny’s or whatever they were called then) to handle the tasks we couldn’t be there for.

Our daughters are now going thru the same stresses raising our grandchildren and could not survive without OUR help (the one in town) or the other grandparents help (in a nearby town).
We all figured it out and did fine with our kids. Their families lives are no busier than ours were back then.
Pleaseeee!

 

[freedomatlast]

It's a lot less stressful when one parent stays at home and focuses on raising the kids when they're young.

They may not have a house that is as big, or cars that are as new, or clothes that are as fancy if both worked outside the home, but that's the tradeoff.

 

[street]

It's a lot less stressful when one parent stays at home and focuses on raising the kids when they're young.

They may not have a house that is as big, or cars that are as new, or clothes that are as fancy if both worked outside the home, but that's the tradeoff.

Yes that makes life easy if one stays home with kids. It is important for the young to have a career also. Balance is key and making it work in a busy world of the working folks.
I guess no said it would be easy.

 

[Sue J]

This is so relevant!

Our son and DIL live within a mile from us with the 2 grandsons ages 4 and 7. The kids need to be dropped off at 2 different schools between 8:30 and and 8:45am. Our son works 38 miles to the north, about a 45 minute drive. He needs to be there by 8:00 but leaves about 6:45-7:00am to avoid the heaviest traffic.

Our DIL is in a training program that includes clinical hours 2 days a week 6:30am-2:30pm at a hospital, a different hospital every semester. This semester is at a hospital that is 50 miles south, which is about an hour drive. She has to leave the house about 5:15-5:30am so there shouldn't be an issue with traffic.

So we will have the kids overnight 2 days a week so that we can take them to their schools. Then we will do the school pickup those same 2 days since our DIL won't make it back in time for the 3:00-3:20 pickup.

Yes, it's complicated! I made a color coded chart so that we all know everybody's schedule and who is doing pickup and drop off.

We are also the back up plan for a sick kid or a school day off for weather or random school holidays.

I was a stay at home Mom when our kids were home so we had none of these issues. I don't know what our son and DIL would be doing if we weren't here to cover the bases for them. I know there are before school/after school programs but that's a lot of extra transitions for kids, especially the younger ones.

Our grandsons have a bedroom and bathroom here, plenty of toys, books and a couple of sets of clothes. DH loves to make them a big breakfast before school and they have a nice routine where they aren't rushed.

For now we appreciate being close enough to help out on all this. This schedule is only for the current semester of four and a half months, then hopefully her next hospital clinical hours will be at a closer hospital.

 

[pacergal]

We definitely are blessed to be nearby to help our kids and grandkids.
DH and I worked different shifts and different days of the week when our kids were young so we didn't need very much early child care, and lucky enough to have my sister who did that until they were old enough for school.
It was still a crazy 1.5 hour drive from our house to hers to work for me in the mornings and reverse for DH about noon when his shift ended!

 

[folivier]

We spend November through January then late March through May at our condo near our son. So when we're here we help out with his kids, 1 yo girl and 3 yo boy. Love it. They'll spend a night here whenever we want or they have things going on. Pick them up from daycare whenever we want. We're glad to help out, these early years are so important to establish a deep relationship with grandkids. Our other 2 granddaughters are about an hour away living with their mom so we don't get to see them much. But they're 12 and 17 so they're busy with their friends anyway. But when they were younger we did the same to help out.

 

[athena53]

It's a lot less stressful when one parent stays at home and focuses on raising the kids when they're young.

They may not have a house that is as big, or cars that are as new, or clothes that are as fancy if both worked outside the home, but that's the tradeoff.

In an area like NNJ they may rent forever. I think there are a lot of 2-income couples in these areas who would like to have one parent stay home but they need two incomes to afford a modest home in a decent school district. I sold one like that in Bergen County in 2003- little 3-BR Cape, no real upgrades, $550,000. I think I was the only single mother in the town. In the one-income households Dad rarely saw the kids when they were awake except on the weekends.

I agree it's less stressful, though- DDIL stays home with my 3 grandchildren but they live in an area where they can actually afford to live on one salary and they're very good with money.

Pleaseeee! We raised two daughters who were as active in sports, dance and youth activities as most kids were back then. My DW and I were both working in high stress jobs while advancing our careers. Both sets of grandparents lived in town and were NOT part of our childcare plan. We had hired help (nanny’s or whatever they were called then) to handle the tasks we couldn’t be there for.

I think the organized activities have gotten way out of hand. My two granddaughters are in ballet but at least they're in the same class. Six-year-old brother is starting basketball. They also have church activities, including an excellent home-school enrichment program on Tuesday mornings. That's relatively sane. A friend has 3 grandchildren. The 12-year old girl is in soccer, gymnastics and dance. Her 9-year old brother is in soccer and basketball. Their 6-year old sister is "only" in soccer right now. Weekends are crazy since soccer doesn't stop when the weather gets cold- it just moves indoors. Typically the older two have a couple of games on the same day. I never got DS into team sports- neither of us was interested and I didn't need the extra chaos (my Ex was out of the picture by then). Fortunately both of us got into fitness on our own. He plays basketball regularly and lifts weights; I'm a 72-year old gym rat.