The curious case of the extremely nosey neighbor!

[njhowie]

I just wonder what the OP can claim as a problem for a restraining order?

Has she threatened the OP? Not that I see... is she really harassing the OP? Not that I see... sure, making the OP upset at times but does it get to a harassment level?

I have seen on TV where someone was harassing a lady by flying his plane low over her house many times... and driving by her house all the time... cannot remember what else but it really was harassing... and I do not think she got a restraining order...

We're obviously only hearing one side of the story.

I can imagine what the other side is...

I try to be nice to them, say hello when I see them, try to have conversations with them, but I think they may be hermits. They never come out. Stay cooped up in that house with their young child. They exhibit odd behavior - never want to talk, always walking in the opposite direction when they see me...I may need to call social services in case they are hiding something and something may be going on with them.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

We're obviously only hearing one side of the story.

I can imagine what the other side is...

The difference being is that someone either gave birth to or adopted an infant in OP household. Therefore it would stand to reason that there have been eyes on this family with doctors and nurses involved.
Whereas the older woman seems more isolated. Maybe she isn’t- I have no idea and neither do you. What I have is experience in being alerted to people who were in need of assistance that we wouldn’t have known about had someone not reported a concern.

Now maybe she will end up complaining on a site like this that she got a call with intrusive questions and how dare they!
Meh, I’m okay with that and honestly think it’s weird that people complain about it.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Is that obvious? She ate through a metal fence! Why so argumentative about this? You’ve no idea the lengths I’ve gone to care for this animal when no one else would. I think you are wildly incorrect.

What many people don’t understand is that beagles are extremely good at being escape artists. We had beagles growing up and it was a problem.

A friend of mine adopted 2 old beagles that were at the shelter because their owners were sick of them escaping so after many times refused to pick them up and the shelter was going to euthanize them because of it. My friend overheard the conversation and took them. She spent a ton of money dog proofing her yard and they still escaped a few times.

 

[twirler]

I just wonder what the OP can claim as a problem for a restraining order?

Has she threatened the OP? Not that I see... is she really harassing the OP? Not that I see... sure, making the OP upset at times but does it get to a harassment level?

I have seen on TV where someone was harassing a lady by flying his plane low over her house many times... and driving by her house all the time... cannot remember what else but it really was harassing... and I do not think she got a restraining order...

I agree it wouldn’t rise to that occasion, and I think that’s kind of the issue. Anyways i feel like I mind all the gold out of this topic I can. I feel like I have some good options and recieved a lot of good advice. I’ll consider social services and just do our best to be polite with someone who’s difficult.

 

[twirler]

What many people don’t understand is that beagles are extremely good at being escape artists. We had beagles growing up and it was a problem.

A friend of mine adopted 2 old beagles that were at the shelter because their owners were sick of them escaping so after many times refused to pick them up and the shelter was going to euthanize them because of it. My friend overheard the conversation and took them. She spent a ton of money dog proofing her yard and they still escaped a few times.

This is the exact story of the last six or so years of my life. I love dogs. I’ve had many before. Never one so difficult as this one and I know that if I quit on her they will just put her down because she wasn’t trained properly as a puppy(she was the dog of some druggies.)

Going back I would still do it. She is a great/loving dog she just won’t listen and her noes gets her into all kinda trouble.

 

[twirler]

We're obviously only hearing one side of the story.

I can imagine what the other side is...

What “other side?”

I would call and just state that you have had some strange encounters with her such as stepping in front of you while you are walking (if I'm remembering that correctly) and that she sometimes seems confused and that you are concerned that it appears that she has no visitors etc. so she could be in need of services and no one would know.
Trust me when I tell you that they receive similar reports all the time. Social services may just give her a call or stop by someday to chat with her. Again-not right away as this probably does not rise the level of emergency or immediate need. It's also possible that they already know her!

Good luck.
As a side note-we had beagles when I was growing up. I just love them but they are high maintenance.
Rescue dogs take that extra level of care and have probably learned survival techniques such as breaking out the backyard.
Both my neighbors on each side of me have had their dogs get out and into my backyard. One was high strung so I just went to the neighbors and told them the dog was in my backyard and not happy! Problem solved
Living in a small town-when we were kids and somebody's dog got out we would play with them and then walk them home.

thank you for your help. I think you were the person I was hoping to find on here. It’s just been years of this sort of thing with the neighbor.

If you go back and reread and put the whole thing together and keep in mind that I’ve left out information that I’ve forgotten over time where other bizarre things have happened it does become a bit more concerning.

And yeah, the beagle is a great-loving dog, but she was rescued from a drug house and she was going to be put down if we didn’t take her in. We have had a lot of dogs before and never had nearly this much trouble. Especially considering the amount of time and money invested in behavioral training, equipment, and time.

Someone remarked about there being another side to this story. I just find that a little silly given the context and details.

Thank you again. We are going to do our best to be polite and consider asking social services to give her a call.

 

[G POP]

Yeah- I don’t have any cameras either. I’m not sure that I want to see what goes on outside at night.

It’s just rude of them to comment like that.

Put a blank sign in your front yard facing their house so their cameras can see it. Spell out a message one letter per day. Y O U A R E A N A S... Then, on the next day, remove those letters and start again with S H O L E ! Shoot a laser towards their cameras. Every time you walk out give them the double middle finger.

 

[twirler]

Thanks for posting - good story. Sometimes old folks are just lonely and looking for someone to talk to. Go watch the movie ‘A Man Called Otto’ as an example

Happy I could entertain, but I feel like this topic has been a bit of a whirlwind for me and I don’t know if I’ll be posting again anytime soon. Some people were a little aggressive.
it’s your turn!

 

[twirler]

"Yet again?" Did I miss your earlier description? I only saw that you previously described the dog only as a hound and a rescue, not a "small beagle" so that might have changed some of the comments.

Either way, in general, dog getting loose and her notifying you is not an example of her being batty or intrusive.

Maybe just start to really limit your conversations with her. I have a neighbor on one side who wants to chat every time I walk by...so I go the other way.

You need to reread. It wasn’t her notification about the dog that was bothersome. It was that she knew the dog she knew us. She has seen us walking the dog everyday for an entire summer making the point to stop and say hello to us as a group, many times going out of her way to do so in a very awkward sort of situation.

One time the dog gets out and she returns it “acting” as if she didn’t know the dog was ours. As strange as that sounds that’s what happened. I can’t think of a better way to explain it.

 

[njhowie]

What “other side?”

"There are two sides to every story".

 

[twirler]

Yes, I can understand the exhausting part.

With the lady across the street who, BTW, has no family anywhere nearby, and I have never seen any visitors to her place, she will start texting me on occasion about mostly nothing, and I send back short responses and eventually quit responding. She's a bit paranoid and clearly needs someone to talk with. But the younger neighbors (families, children) in this relatively new community are definitely not becoming "friends" with her and keep away.

One observation I have made since my wife died (22 months ago) and I elected to buy a smaller house in a new community, is that these communities are made up primarily of young families who have a much different set of needs and interests that us old older folks. I'm considering moving back to a 55+ senior community soon, although I really like it here and I don't seem to be bothering anyone. So maybe that neighbor of yours is really out of place there and it would do her good to find some friends her own age. I'm just speculating on this stuff as I'm an old engineer and not anyone who is qualified to evaluate human behavior.

But one thing to remember is that us old folks do not seem to have the same correct neurological brain cell alignments that we had when we were "hanging the moon in the sky". I find myself doing strange stuff occasionally that even surprises me.

Well now I am interested, what kinda strange stuff do you get up to?

 

[Koolau]

I can see how the neighbor might make someone uncomfortable. I think I would just be polite and not pay too much attention to her rather unusual behavior.

 

[twirler]

"There are two sides to every story".

I guess, this statement feels a little accusatory; whereas I am just trying to mine the zeitgeist for how to deal with someone whom I must that behaves extra awkward.

In short: I don’t think she is aware that I have any negative feelings about her at all. There is no other side.

 

[rembrandt]

I think we have exhausted this topic. Time to go on to something else.

 

[Texas Proud]

I guess, this statement feels a little accusatory; whereas I am just trying to mine the zeitgeist for how to deal with someone whom I must that behaves extra awkward.

In short: I don’t think she is aware that I have any negative feelings about her at all. There is no other side.

Not to be confrontational... but there always is two sides... we just do not know hers...

Heck, she could be thinking... those neighbors...they are SO KIND that I have to go out of my way to show how neighborly I am...

Or as others have said, just old and lonely....

Or starting dementia...

Or she does this to everybody and you are not special, just closer to her house so you get it more...

 

[Texas Proud]

Just want to throw this out as it has popped into my head..

When I was young there was a guy in the office that would talk to EVERYBODY and never stop... everybody (and I do mean everybody) was tired of him... he was told many times but kept doing it... he LOVED to talk...

He would follow you around if you even talked back to him... the ladies were able to go into the ladies room.. this stopped him most of the time but every once in awhile he would wait... with the men he would just follow you in...

We used to laugh when he went into someones office and started talking... but usually after 5 or so minutes we would give that person a call so they could use the excuse that they had to take the call... the upside to that is when he left YOU were also on the phone so he did not stop by...

Annoying... VERY... harmful... not at all... mgmt did nothing about it since he was a great programmer and actually got all his work done...

Soooo, to the OP... you just might be the convenient since you live next door... not direct at you...

 

[kgtest]

Based on how you describe everything, I wouldn't be too concerned, but I also wouldn't let my guard down. SIL had strange behaviors from someone like that, befriended them, they became even stranger and it was harder to distance without emotional damage.

Some people are freaking weird though. So just be vigilant.

 

[twirler]

Not to be confrontational... but there always is two sides... we just do not know hers...

Heck, she could be thinking... those neighbors...they are SO KIND that I have to go out of my way to show how neighborly I am...

Or as others have said, just old and lonely....

Or starting dementia...

Or she does this to everybody and you are not special, just closer to her house so you get it more...

Yeah this is fair.

 

[Aerides]

You need to reread. It wasn’t her notification about the dog that was bothersome. It was that she knew the dog she knew us. She has seen us walking the dog everyday for an entire summer making the point to stop and say hello to us as a group, many times going out of her way to do so in a very awkward sort of situation.

One time the dog gets out and she returns it “acting” as if she didn’t know the dog was ours. As strange as that sounds that’s what happened. I can’t think of a better way to explain it.

I still don't necessarily find it that strange. I have neighbors that walk every day with dogs and I would absolutely not be able to put all of them together. (ie, dog on it's own, would I know that's the dog from 3 houses down?)

One time I ran into a daily dog-walking neighbor in the grocery store and for a second was like...Hmm is that so-and-so? Finally said hi, and he said, Ah, you took a second to recognize me without the dog right?

Funny how we recognize things in groups, but not on their own. And she's older, and odd.

 

[pacergal]

It's kind of funny how threads here go all kinds of ways.... thread drift is not unusual! Makes it interesting.

OP--as stated before, your best bet may be to contact your local senior services to request a check in. And try to remain cordial but distant to maintain your sanity, if you can. Best wishes to you

As far as your pup, beagles are wonderful dogs! We had one years ago, and yes, she was the greatest escape artist. She figured out how to climb a wood pile, to jump and wiggle her way over a 6 foot chain link fence into neighbors yard. Both yards were fenced and she didn't go anywhere else. Luckily, digging wasn't her thing. We lived near a huge field and she got to go there to run and sniff and hunt. Occasionally chase a quail. As small as she was, she was also a great protector for our kids. Enjoy your Beagle

 

[Emerson11]

We live in a small town. It’s obvious that we are not like most other people who live in this area. I FIRED early (34) and my spouse doesn’t need to work, but works from home. We don’t go out much; we are just home bodies no reason other than we have a nice property and we have no need to leave it often, we built a place we love.

Our grand parents own the property adjacent to our land. What land we don’t own is owned by our extended family.

At the end of our driveway a small parcel is owned by an older woman. She has had problems with our grand parents about running water onto their land, but was always friendly to us for about the first year of owning our property.

Then the strange behavior started started. In the beginning when we went on walks she started saying hello every time we leave the property because we have to walk past her home. (We walk three miles an evening for exorcise.) then she began following us on our walks. She would “accidentally” run into us at local places. When we would be out walking she would drive out of her way (deliberately drive down an inefficient route) to say hello or wave hello.

I began to wear headphones and sun glasses when walking to avoid speaking with her and she would walk about deliberately in front of me to get my attention.

Then one day she said she was going to pop by “whenever she felt like it.”

That never happened.

Because of how our mail boxes are situated it’s easy to mistake her house for ours as ours is down a long blind driveway where hers is right across the street. She receives our packages from time to time.

She opened the first one (returned it to our grand parents house not our house) and said she was sorry for opening it she thought it was hers because she had recently ordered shampoo.

A year later the accident happened again and she opened it again and gave the same excuse while again returning it to our grand parents.

So today, we run into her again. We had a newborn recently. She left a package in our mail with a little baby book. During this conversation today she said how she is worried that “the post office was going to get her in trouble because she kept putting the baby book(package) into the mail box because she was scared they were going to take it” she also said “I was worried I was over stepping my bounds by opening your mail box instead of mailing it”

So she was going back and forth every day putting the book in the box. Because she thought they were going to take it from there even though it wasn’t addressed to anyone and the flag wasn’t up.

Twice our dog got loose. It has our names phone numbers and address on the tag. She grabbed the dog and called us which we are happy for, however she acted as if she had never seen us with the dog and didn’t know we had it(despite us walking it in front of her many times her being introduced to it etc..)

We have always been polite, but I can’t describe the kind of awkward situation this woman is creating every time we exit our property.

We are not overtly social, but we are polite and professional with everyone we speak to in our town and mostly keep to ourselves.

Are we over reacting here or is this lady dangerous?

Any advice?

It sounds as if she's lonely and searching for ways to make a connection with you and your family. Clearly, she's socially awkward, and/or has cognitive deficits; therefore, as your child is growing up, your kindness toward this women will set a wonderful example. My guess is that the smallest gestures of friendship from you would give this woman tremdous joy.

 

[Iusta]

We live in a small town. It’s obvious that we are not like most other people who live in this area. I FIRED early (34) and my spouse doesn’t need to work, but works from home. We don’t go out much; we are just home bodies no reason other than we have a nice property and we have no need to leave it often, we built a place we love.

Our grand parents own the property adjacent to our land. What land we don’t own is owned by our extended family.

At the end of our driveway a small parcel is owned by an older woman. She has had problems with our grand parents about running water onto their land, but was always friendly to us for about the first year of owning our property.

Then the strange behavior started started. In the beginning when we went on walks she started saying hello every time we leave the property because we have to walk past her home. (We walk three miles an evening for exorcise.) then she began following us on our walks. She would “accidentally” run into us at local places. When we would be out walking she would drive out of her way (deliberately drive down an inefficient route) to say hello or wave hello.

I began to wear headphones and sun glasses when walking to avoid speaking with her and she would walk about deliberately in front of me to get my attention.

Then one day she said she was going to pop by “whenever she felt like it.”

That never happened.

Because of how our mail boxes are situated it’s easy to mistake her house for ours as ours is down a long blind driveway where hers is right across the street. She receives our packages from time to time.

She opened the first one (returned it to our grand parents house not our house) and said she was sorry for opening it she thought it was hers because she had recently ordered shampoo.

A year later the accident happened again and she opened it again and gave the same excuse while again returning it to our grand parents.

So today, we run into her again. We had a newborn recently. She left a package in our mail with a little baby book. During this conversation today she said how she is worried that “the post office was going to get her in trouble because she kept putting the baby book(package) into the mail box because she was scared they were going to take it” she also said “I was worried I was over stepping my bounds by opening your mail box instead of mailing it”

So she was going back and forth every day putting the book in the box. Because she thought they were going to take it from there even though it wasn’t addressed to anyone and the flag wasn’t up.

Twice our dog got loose. It has our names phone numbers and address on the tag. She grabbed the dog and called us which we are happy for, however she acted as if she had never seen us with the dog and didn’t know we had it(despite us walking it in front of her many times her being introduced to it etc..)

We have always been polite, but I can’t describe the kind of awkward situation this woman is creating every time we exit our property.

We are not overtly social, but we are polite and professional with everyone we speak to in our town and mostly keep to ourselves.

Are we over reacting here or is this lady dangerous?

Any advice?

The packages and mail stuff are normal. Talking with neighbors is also normal. If you feel she is going out of her way to say hi or start strange conversations to scare you then you need to chat with her and let her know what you think of her behavior. Allot of young folks like yourself are afraid to have conversations and only want to write emails and txt. Man up and speak to her. Who knows, once u have a nice conversation you might like her. If not just tell her you are introverted and and don’t like speaking to people in person… which seems to be the case here.

 

[Cerys]

Dementia??

Sigh. My first thought. Not that it’s OP‘s responsibility, and it being a small town, I’m not quite sure how I’d deal with it. If she doesn’t have children, maybe you could find a few other relatives and just let them know, and if you don’t feel comfortable with that maybe let the authorities know.

My sister was in her mid 60s when she came down with vascular dementia, my brother-in-law was in his 50s when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s early onset. It’s awful, but frankly the more eyes on it the better. It’s likely she’ll be able to live alone for a while longer if it is, but at some point somebody’s gonna have to step in.

 

[splitwdw]

Twirler, I understand. As someone else suggested, keep encounters short and give short replies. You are not responsible for this person. If you don't want to be friends with this person you don't have to.
I'm surprised at some of the replies. Haven't any of you had someone latch onto you and want to be your friend. I'm sorry if they are lonely but that is not Twirler's problem.

 

[imnontrad]

I think you are overreacting.
This woman made a very nice gesture to buy the book as a gift. I live in a complex where the mail is delivered to one area. occasionally I get a letter, open it up, and then realize it was put in my box instead of theirs.
I found as I got older that it was harder to make friends. And if she does not have a social network nearby or family, she is probably trying to reach out to widen her circle. Taking time to develop a friendly relationship may benefit both of you.