The joy of not being useful

[Happy Homebody]

There are people that need to be needed. There are people that feel a need to be productive, to be useful. "A productive member of society"

I am not one of them. I felt some obligation to be productive at work, but I am finished with that part of my life.

It feels so liberating. I can enjoy my hobbies without concern about them being productive or useful.

I can make things that don't serve any practical purpose. Right now I am making a crochet snake. Is it useful or practical? No. But it is fun to make.

(I can hear the whispers of certain family members saying I should be making useful things.)

I am free from all the work related learning. I am enjoying learning random things that don't have any practical value. I have discovered One Hour History books on kindle unlimited and have started reading random bits of history.

 

[street]

I have learned taught myself many different things since I ERed. So, many new challenges has made life so rewarding just for me.

 

[aja8888]

After a career full of useful efforts, I'm getting pretty good at being non-useful. Especially sitting here on this forum.

 

[Dtail]

Same here. I don't volunteer and have no contacts with former colleagues. Just thankful for each day.

 

[CaptTom]

I don't know. You can be useful in ways which help society, or yourself. For some people their j*b felt like it was only helping "The Man." Retirement can be a time to turn that around. You can find fun things to do which contribute to society, no matter how small. You can perform random acts of kindness when you're out and about doing whatever you normally do.

In fact, part of the fun of being retired, for me, is that I can do things I find rewarding. I was fortunate to w*rk for a company whose mission I believed in, and I like to think my contributions meant something. But since retiring I can now turn to other things I like to do, which help make the world a better place in other ways.

I'd say one of my biggest fears is becoming useless. Or worse, a burden. I know I'm not the only one. I've heard these sorts of sentiments a lot.

 

[street]

Doesn't bother me to let the world go around without me anymore.

 

[Midpack]

Same here. I don't volunteer and have no contacts with former colleagues. Just thankful for each day.

Took me quite a few years after retiring to grasp that. I volunteered for a few things, thankless and unrewarding in the end.

Last year someone asked me to take over a golf league I play in. My first instinct was to say yes, as I’ve done all my life. But I remembered some of the pointless conflicts I’d had with some players who complain and contribute nothing. So I politely declined. Feels great…

 

[audreyh1]

We’ve done useful things while retired, whether for family or the local community. Some have been quite large. But it’s a small % of the things we do overall, and I don’t judge my activities by how useful they are to others. (Beyond our household anyway).

 

[COcheesehead]

I may have shared this story before, but it fits here.

When I first retired I took a job part time, very part time 4-6 days a month working at a winery. I enjoyed it, but some old friends came to visit and at dinner one night they scolded me for not volunteering someplace that would benefit from my 24 years of running a successful business.
I felt kind of bad about what they said and shared the incident with a co-worker at the winery. Without hesitation after hearing the story, she fired back with “f that, you worked your whole life, you deserve to have fun”. I never felt bad again after that.

 

[Slim11]

I dont feel useful now. Its been 2 years since retirement, but I dont feel it. I have a absence in my life. My previous job may have had something to do with it. People still call me, sometimes daily to fix problems and ask advice from where I worked. I was a problem fixer. I do volunteer now within my feild, and they genuinely like and respect me. And I add value. But I dont have the final say in anything and generaly keep to myself on most things that I know better. If I am adament about something and speak , they will listen , but I dont alert myself like that as I want people to learn from doing. I only do that when its not safe. So depending on what you did vs what you do now it can be a downer. Learning how to reconnect is hard sometimes. For me and my field probably harder.

 

[TheWizard]

My usefulness now is more in the money I donate via QCDs. My local food pantry, for one, seems to appreciate it...

 

[Slim11]

I cant bring myself to do that eaither. I do donate to some causes. But not frequently or on a scedual. And I dont have provisions for that. As I ked we had less then nothing, and I always fear that this can happen. Thats why I donate time , and myself. Other then that very few places atually get money. Another thing I cant let go of I guess. But when you mixed the milk and orange juice with a wooden spoon, its hard to change the mindset.

 

[ejman]

il dolce far niente

 

[TheWizard]

il dolce far niente

English, pls...

 

[Slim11]

The joy of doing nothing . Or something like that.

 

[razztazz]

More literally "The sweetness of doing nothing" or "It's sweet to do nothing."

 

[Slim11]

Close enough, is close enough, lol.

 

[FlaGator]

I dont feel useful now. Its been 2 years since retirement, but I dont feel it. I have a absence in my life. My previous job may have had something to do with it. People still call me, sometimes daily to fix problems and ask advice from where I worked. I was a problem fixer. I do volunteer now within my feild, and they genuinely like and respect me. And I add value. But I dont have the final say in anything and generaly keep to myself on most things that I know better. If I am adament about something and speak , they will listen , but I dont alert myself like that as I want people to learn from doing. I only do that when its not safe. So depending on what you did vs what you do now it can be a downer. Learning how to reconnect is hard sometimes. For me and my field probably harder.

Understand the challenges of dealing with the change in responsibility and authority. Like many here, I was paid to solve problems, some of which no one else wanted to deal with. After I left, I never had a phone call or email. Someone else solved those problems, put a bandage on them, or didn't deal with them at all. I was done, they knew it, and figured it out on their own. Or didn't, no matter to me.

What is it about your situation that is different? Are you making yourself available to address the same kind of situations you once did, but for free now?

Maybe harsh, but "work" is a contract, written or not. I do X, you pay me Y. We both get benefits beyond the financial arrangement-company culture support/workforce satisfaction, personal satisfaction, escape from home and spouse for a few hours, etc. After one cashes their last paycheck, that contract has been fulfilled.

But....while the company may be done with us, we may not be done looking for those non-cash benefits. Things like acknowledgement for resolving difficult situations, having co-workers smiling when they give you an update or ask for advice, seeing someone you encouraged and supported get a promotion, etc. All very validating of one's contribution to the organization. Once the last paycheck clears, those non-cash benefits do too, and expecting one will get them by helping former co-workers is naive

IME, you're dealing with one the biggest challenges of retiring from a gratifying career. I went from that kind of career to full-time parent in short order. Volunteer work didn't close the gap, and I finally accepted that phase of my life is over. I'm grateful for what I accomplished and thrilled to have worked with the smartest, hardest-working people I've ever known.

While weaning yourself off the workplace gratification, avoid the fate of a friend who went from building nuke plants to tending to his princess wife and ended up in rehab.

 

[Slim11]

I get it , for me I ran a Fire Department. , so yes I give free info now. Yes what I know is worth money, could get a part time job, or full time and make money. But I have the money now, I dont need it. For me as long as it keeps people safe. , I am good with it. I had someone tell me to keep doing it. He fell through a floor at a fire. Screwed up his back and sholder, and he said afterwords to me , please keep teaching people to not end up like me. He didnt , or basicly lost his way. We were a paid department. I got forced out 5 years later. It gets to you. Some stuff needs to be taught and handed down, but not for money.

 

[FlaGator]

I get it , for me I ran a Fire Department. , so yes I give free info now. Yes what I know is worth money, could get a part time job, or full time and make money. But I have the money now, I dont need it. For me as long as it keeps people safe. , I am good with it. I had someone tell me to keep doing it. He fell through a floor at a fire. Screwed up his back and sholder, and he said afterwords to me , please keep teaching people to not end up like me. He didnt , or basicly lost his way. We were a paid department. I got forced out 5 years later. It gets to you. Some stuff needs to be taught and handed down, but not for money.

Well, that's a different fraternity than the corporate environment I was in. It was presumptive of me to believe you worked in the same kind of world as I had. I'm sorry if my comments and recommendation offended you.

 

[DrRoy]

Being retired should mean doing what you want to do. If that is volunteering or mentoring that's great, but it's your choice. I do not feel an obligation to be useful.

 

[donheff]

Took me quite a few years after retiring to grasp that. I volunteered for a few things, thankless and unrewarding in the end.

Last year someone asked me to take over a golf league I play in. My first instinct was to say yes, as I’ve done all my life. But I remembered some of the pointless conflicts I’d had with some players who complain and contribute nothing. So I politely declined. Feels great…

I had similar reaction to some aspects of volunteerism. People wanted to tap my skillset from work years but that was not what I was interested in. I remember being asked to join a nonprofit board - they noted that I would be just in time to joint them on a weekend retreat to work on mission, vision, and values. I fled in horror. I do quite a bit of volunteer stuff for the same organization but only things I like to do and can do on my own schedule. I spend most of my free time on things I find interesting that are not productive for anyone other than me. That doesn't bother me at all.

 

[Koolau]

I do try to meet needs through my charities. To friends and family, I try to be helpful. Other than that, I don't feel the need to be useful.

 

[Semi-Retyrd]

I was used to working intensely at my job because I loved it. Now retired I am slightly useful in helping my oldest brother to invest. I serve in a very mild way but that's enough. One of my favorite poems is Milton's sonnet which was untitled but is best known as "On his Blindness".

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

 

[athena53]

I remember being asked to join a nonprofit board - they noted that I would be just in time to joint them on a weekend retreat to work on mission, vision, and values. I fled in horror.

Ack. I would have, too.

My "purpose" is a mix of volunteering, philanthropy and leaving my grandchildren with a lot of good Grandma Athena53 stories. The volunteer work is mostly flexible. I maintain my church web site and the monthly newsletter and occasionally preach a sermon, but the frequency is up to me and I have a couple of months' notice. I'm also on the vestry (governing board) which meets once a month. I'm the Garden Club Treasurer but that's not as much work. Because I usually take a couple of 3+-week trips every year, something with required hours would be a dealbreaker. I'm done asking for vacation time.

Plenty of time left to surf the Internet, do cardio workouts, watch mindless TV (only at night before bedtime) and read for pleasure.