The joy of not being useful

[Closet_Gamer]

Interesting thread. I’m 18 months into RE and loving it.

I am helping start a charity and do a smidge of consulting. Running our beach house is a small business but I struggle to think of it that way.

Being totally objective, I developed very senior leadership skills over the years. Leading people to accomplish big things. Managing crises. Mentoring and growing young careers. That wasn’t just me. A shocking parade of great people invested their time developing me.

I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be giving more back rather than letting those skills idle.

But when DW and I talk about it, I’m just totally unwilling to compromise our freedom.

Get up at 530a? NFW

Commit to a fall/spring teaching schedule and lose the ability to hangout at the beach house? NFW

Get involved in politics? Ugh. Not sure I could stomach that.

It’s a bit of a conundrum for me.

 

[Lorenzo]

While "not being useful" is important--we worked all our lives for this privilege--I suspect it can also be beneficial to our mental health to balance that with doing a few things that make us feel useful.

But....while the company may be done with us, we may not be done looking for those non-cash benefits. Things like acknowledgement for resolving difficult situations, having co-workers smiling when they give you an update or ask for advice, seeing someone you encouraged and supported get a promotion, etc. All very validating of one's contribution to the organization.

It occurs to me that in times gone by the elderly might get these sort of "usefulness" benefits from their family unit, perhaps through grandparenting. Nowadays, with families scattered far and wide, and with some of us not even having any children, we may want to seek out opportunities to feel useful.

That said, some of us, such as introverts, may need less validation than others. I feel plenty useful when I make something, whether anyone else sees the result or not. Hobbies.

 

[Koolau]

Interesting thread. I’m 18 months into RE and loving it.

I am helping start a charity and do a smidge of consulting. Running our beach house is a small business but I struggle to think of it that way.

Being totally objective, I developed very senior leadership skills over the years. Leading people to accomplish big things. Managing crises. Mentoring and growing young careers. That wasn’t just me. A shocking parade of great people invested their time developing me.

I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be giving more back rather than letting those skills idle.

But when DW and I talk about it, I’m just totally unwilling to compromise our freedom.

Get up at 530a? NFW

Commit to a fall/spring teaching schedule and lose the ability to hangout at the beach house? NFW

Get involved in politics? Ugh. Not sure I could stomach that.

It’s a bit of a conundrum for me.

Sounds like you've made your choice. Now all you have to do is accept it and get on with the blessings of FIRE. You don't owe anyone anything (except maybe the tax man). Enjoy

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

It feels so liberating. I can enjoy my hobbies without concern about them being productive or useful.

I can make things that don't serve any practical purpose. Right now I am making a crochet snake. Is it useful or practical? No. But it is fun to make.

(I can hear the whispers of certain family members saying I should be making useful things.)

I am free from all the work related learning. I am enjoying learning random things that don't have any practical value. I have discovered One Hour History books on kindle unlimited and have started reading random bits of history.

A wise man once said to me:
Q: How can you tell if what your are doing is important?
A: Because you are doing it!

 

[Happy Homebody]

While "not being useful" is important--we worked all our lives for this privilege--I suspect it can also be beneficial to our mental health to balance that with doing a few things that make us feel useful.

It occurs to me that in times gone by the elderly might get these sort of "usefulness" benefits from their family unit, perhaps through grandparenting. Nowadays, with families scattered far and wide, and with some of us not even having any children, we may want to seek out opportunities to feel useful.

That said, some of us, such as introverts, may need less validation than others. I feel plenty useful when I make something, whether anyone else sees the result or not. Hobbies.

I am pretty introverted and I feel less need for validation than most people.

Being useful to others generally involves social interaction. Social interaction tends to leave me worn out.

I remember once doing this volunteer thing. Afterwards other people were talking about how good they felt. I felt mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Life is so much better now that I have more control over how much I socialize.

 

[audreyh1]

English, pls...

The sweetness of doing nothing — a famous Italian phrase.

 

[Major Tom]

There are people that need to be needed. There are people that feel a need to be productive, to be useful.

Unless we're truly living like hermits, completely isolated from others, we are useful to others, even if we don't realize it. A friendly greeting, a listening ear, helpful words or advice - you never know when something that, for you, might seem minor, could be the one thing another person really needs in that moment. I remember one time when I was feeling very down, and a complete stranger stopped to ask if I was OK. I replied that I was and thanked her, and she was on her way. The mere fact that someone had seen me and recognized that I wasn't doing well, meant a great deal. It gave me a huge lift. Things got better for me from then on.

Don't worry about being useful, or not. Just do your thing, and be yourself. It's all you need to do.

 

[socca]

... There are people that feel a need to be productive, to be useful. ... I am not one of them. I felt some obligation to be productive at work, but I am finished with that part of my life. ..

I'm in the opposite mode - trying to get rid of obstacles to being productive. Having disposed of some family businesses and other obligations, I'm now battling my personal demon - streaming services. I dropped Netflix awhile back and am now figuring out what to do about HBO Max. For someone who is prone to veg having 24/7 access to a streaming service is like a morbidly obese person having 24/7 access to a stocked refrigerator . It would be handy if the streaming services came with a voluntary lock-out for adults (e.g. restricted to one hour per day, one show per day, every-other day access, etc.) but AFAIK none of them do.

 

[audreyh1]

When your aren’t weighed down by obligations your need to “veg out” for long periods usually reduces because your overall life is less stressful.

 

[socca]

When you aren’t weighed down by obligations your need to “veg out” for long periods usually reduces because your overall life is less stressful.

I went through three and a half years of unrelenting administrative hell (and I'm still not entirely done), and used the streaming services as a convenient palliative (an 'escape'). The work wasn't stressful but it was extremely unpleasant. It's time for the next chapter (at my age, probably the last chapter ).

 

[audreyh1]

Unpleasantness is definitely stressful.

 

[ls99]

Am extremely useful...... to myself.

 

[easysurfer]

Nothing beats putzing around at home forgetting what day of the week is it.

Just sayin' .

 

[aja8888]

Nothing beats putzing around at home forgetting what day of the week is it.

Just sayin' .

Agreed! And what month it is slips sometime, too!

 

[sengsational]

Not being useful as a positive....hmm. That might ring well with a person who let someone else judge usefulness. Maybe some school marm echoing "unless you are serving others, you are not being useful" or even "unless you experience discomfort while serving others, you're not being helpful enough."

 

[Dtail]

Nothing beats putzing around at home forgetting what day of the week is it.

Just sayin' .

That is what the Day of the week retirement clock is for.

 

[razztazz]

Don't worry about being useful, or not. Just do your thing, and be yourself. It's all you need to do.

Yes, it sounds like that adage about not comparing yourself to others.

 

[Ronstar]

Not a week goes by that I don’t eliminate some work tasks around the house. I’ll be kicked out soon.

 

[MrBojangles]

There are people that need to be needed. There are people that feel a need to be productive, to be useful. "A productive member of society"

I am not one of them. I felt some obligation to be productive at work, but I am finished with that part of my life.

It feels so liberating. I can enjoy my hobbies without concern about them being productive or useful.

I can make things that don't serve any practical purpose. Right now I am making a crochet snake. Is it useful or practical? No. But it is fun to make.

(I can hear the whispers of certain family members saying I should be making useful things.)

I am free from all the work related learning. I am enjoying learning random things that don't have any practical value. I have discovered One Hour History books on kindle unlimited and have started reading random bits of history.

I’m with you, excellent post. Sometimes I feel it’s just me, but social interaction at work leaves me drained at the end of the day. One thing I’ll look forward to is the solitude.

Some retirement threads say that many who retire have problems with it, they are no longer in charge, telling people what to do. Now how is that a good existence? Part of the reason I nixed an MBA plan. I wanted it for the increased income but didn’t want to manage people.

 

[TickTock]

Some stuff needs to be taught and handed down, but not for money.

This really resonates with me. As I gained experience, I noticed that most of my colleagues and I felt a . . . responsibility to share what we knew with others who wanted to learn. Sure, there was some reciprocity and benefit to us as well but that wasn't the reason we did it. On the other hand, if someone wasn't interested in learning, we didn't have the inclination to try to teach them.

As a very senior electrical inspector told me (at the time, a very junior engineer) the story of one of his colleagues who said to him, "I don't have time to teach the new guys!" - his instant response was a steely-eyed glint and, "Who taught you?".

 

[Turbo29]

You all do realize that no matter how much you did when working, no matter how much you saved, others are supporting you now. They grow your food, provide your electricity, water, and sewerage, and if they stopped, you couldn't survive.

 

[audreyh1]

You all do realize that no matter how much you did when working, no matter how much you saved, others are supporting you now. They grow your food, provide your electricity, water, and sewerage, and if they stopped, you couldn't survive.

Well they were also supporting you when you were working. And you are in turn supporting them by paying for their services.

 

[TickTock]

Others supported me when I was w*rking (growing food, providing electricity, water, sewerage, and so on). In turn, I supported them by buying those things/services. As they still do. And I still buy them. Not sure what your point is . . .

 

[Turbo29]

Others supported me when I was w*rking (growing food, providing electricity, water, sewerage, and so on). In turn, I supported them by buying those things/services. As they still do. And I still buy them. Not sure what your point is . . .

My point is, they are still providing these things and those not working are providing nothing. I struggle with that sometimes.

 

[TickTock]

Disagree. I am still purchasing the things that they are providing. How is that nothing?

ETA - Why does the source of the payment (job vs. savings/investment) matter?