The Long Term Payoff

[Danny]

Notice there is no request for money

Sorry for my pride - I also post this for those who feel tested by the day to day trials we face whether its from kids, a job, ER, investments, illiness or whatever - sometimes when you least expect it there can be a long term payoff

Will - our youngest just starting college.

Hi Mom & Dad,

I’m up late tonight studying for my first calc exam. Anyway, everything is going well. I just wanted to say that I love and miss both of you. Also, I bought some guitar strings and an ear training book/cd from musicians friend. The order should arrive by tomorrow or Friday. The weird thing is that minutes after I ordered it the bill appeared as pending on my wells fargo account. Now two days later the bill is no longer on the list of transactions. I’m wondering if it got cleared and I won’t be charged, or if it will come up later as transacted. It was a $50 dollar order, so it wouldn’t be very moral of me to not do anything, but at the same time it would be nice to have $50 more. Well, I hope everything is going well for you guys. I think as I’m starting to mature more, I’m starting to further realize and appreciate all of the time and love you have given me while raising me. I’d like to apologize for not telling both of you sooner how much I have appreciated everything you have said to me, and taught me, all the times you have been patient with me, not given up on me, forgave me, and loved me.

Love, Will

 

[Nords]

Notice there is no request for money       

"Well, I hope everything is going well for you guys.  I think as I’m starting to mature more, I’m starting to further realize and appreciate all of the time and love you have given me while raising me.  I’d like to apologize for not telling both of you sooner how much I have appreciated everything you have said to me, and taught me, all the times you have been patient with me, not given up on me, forgave me, and loved me."

Oh, after a setup like that, it's coming-- and it's gonna be a big one!

 

[MasterBlaster]

Dear Mom and Dad:

You are the best.

I am working hard here at school doing my homework and all.

After studying all day me and some of the other students like to go out for a tall cold one (or three)   to poetry readings and other cultural events. This can get expensive so I thought that you could send a few hundred extra to cover alcohol purchases/ skirt chasing   the cultural events and my much needed auxilary textbooks.

Thanks again

You are the best

Junior

 

[sgeeeee]

Don't let the cynics ruin your good feeling, DanTien. It was a nice letter.

 

[JPatrick]

I can understand your pride.
I'd love to get a letter like that, well then, if I did I guess I'd have to spend a bundle sending a P.I. up there to check things out

 

[TromboneAl]

I don't think we'll ever get one as nice as that, Dan.   I'm a little jealous.  The ones we get are all business.  Here's the email I got a few minutes ago:

I just got my first chem quiz back, I got a 10/10!  I took another one today, I think it went well.  My first calc test is on tuesday, and my first physics test is on thursday.  WILD is this weekend, wich is a big concert where big name bands come and perform.  The fall one is rap, so I don't really know the people performing, but the spring one will be alternative, so that will be fun. 
THe weather is still hot here, its usuall around 85 or 90.  We had a really big thunderstorm the other day, that was exciting (CA tstorms are nothing compared to the ones here).  Its exciting because when it rains here, its still warm, so our floor went out and played frisbee and stuff in the rain, it was fun.
Other than that, everythings still the same.
Jenny

 

[kz]

It is a nice letter. (pay no attention to the critics)

Isn't it fun when they DO grow up and include you (since you're not a moron any longer) in their thoughts during the day. Wow, I'm actually missing the good ol' college days with my sons. Not the bills....just the calls and e-mails.

 

[laurence]

I don't think we'll ever get one as nice as that, Dan. I'm a little jealous. The ones we get are all business. Here's the email I got a few minutes ago:

I just got my first chem quiz back, I got a 10/10! I took another one today, I think it went well. My first calc test is on tuesday, and my first physics test is on thursday. WILD is this weekend, wich is a big concert where big name bands come and perform. The fall one is rap, so I don't really know the people performing, but the spring one will be alternative, so that will be fun.
THe weather is still hot here, its usuall around 85 or 90. We had a really big thunderstorm the other day, that was exciting (CA tstorms are nothing compared to the ones here). Its exciting because when it rains here, its still warm, so our floor went out and played frisbee and stuff in the rain, it was fun.
Other than that, everythings still the same.
Jenny

Wonderful letter DanTien!

T-Al, that letter sound great, too! Here your daughter is totally free from you, yet still wants to tell you about her day. I went months without contacting my parents in college. I know, bad son!

 

[TromboneAl]

Here your daughter is totally free from you, yet still wants to tell you about her day.

Well, funny that you mention that. That email came in response to one I sent her saying "Could you please answer our questions and tell us a little about how things are going?"

But I'm OK with the level of communication -- I remember what it was like.

 

[azanon]

Wow, you guys have me really thinking. Hmm maybe i should call my (60 year old) dad more than i do. I also don't go home near as much as i used to.

My dad is/was my hero, my protector, and my God, of sorts. I always felt like he could do anything, and most of the time that was/is true. As he gets older and i get more capable, I see each and everyday he's just (a vulnerable, fallible) human like the rest of us. Its sort of a sad feeling for me, because I preferred seeing him as a superhero I used to believe him to be.

I really hate seeing him get older. I wish he could be around forever.

 

[sgeeeee]

Wow, you guys have me really thinking.   Hmm maybe i should call my (60 year old) dad more than i do.   I also don't go home near as much as i used to.

My dad is/was my hero, my protector, and my God, of sorts.  I always felt like he could do anything, and most of the time that was/is true.   As he gets older and i get more capable, I see each and everyday he's just (a vulnerable, fallible) human like the rest of us.  Its sort of a sad feeling for me, because I preferred seeing him as a superhero I used to believe him to be.

I really hate seeing him get older.  I wish he could be around forever.

My Dad's still a superhero at 83. He doesn't think so, but I know better.

There was a time when I was a teenager when he was a fool, but aside from that period of time, he's always been pretty sharp.

 

[Danny]

Thanks for indulging me on this. I was more than a little overwelmed by the email and before I knew it a topic got started.
Today was a payday and I 'm feeling flush.

 

[Danny]

Wow, you guys have me really thinking. Hmm maybe i should call my (60 year old) dad more than i do. I also don't go home near as much as i used to.

My dad is/was my hero, my protector, and my God, of sorts. I always felt like he could do anything, and most of the time that was/is true. As he gets older and i get more capable, I see each and everyday he's just (a vulnerable, fallible) human like the rest of us. Its sort of a sad feeling for me, because I preferred seeing him as a superhero I used to believe him to be.

I really hate seeing him get older. I wish he could be around forever.

My Dad's still a superhero at 83. He doesn't think so, but I know better.

There was a time when I was a teenager when he was a fool, but aside from that period of time, he's always been pretty sharp.

As I got to where I am now, and through raising 3 kids - each with their distinct personality!....my view of Mom and Dad became more admiring. By the time the realization came down on me, they were gone...

 

[SteveR]

My oldest sort of disappeared from the face of the Earth for months at a time...until he needed some $$ for tuition. That was 7 years ago and despite the fact that we live in the same city I still don't hear from him. We never had a falling out, he is just so tuned into his life that he sees no reason to keek connections to me. I raised him to be independent but this is a bit more than I wanted.

My other son is also in school and lives nearby as is a little better about communication with me. He just turned 21 so we see very little of him. They both have had jobs since they were teenagers and continue to work while in school. I "help" with the tuition, books and other things but they are expected to pay their share too. Someday they will thank me and even if they don't they will have learned that life is not a free ride. My oldest has been cut off from the Bank of Dad for several years but continues to work full time and go to school part time. He enjoys the University life and is teaching a bit now and has several projects he is working on for the University. So he is in his element and is enjoying life even if he is not making much money. Some day he will get into the "real" world and things will change I am sure.

Those of you that have kids away at school and get regular reports should be thankful for the contact. Not all of us have had that and wish it were different.

 

[TromboneAl]

Thanks for the perspectives, guys.

I think it will be 20 years before my daughter appreciates me. I think that she will be like your oldest, SteveR. She's already very independent.

Yesterday I answered some basic computer question, and wrote: "Let me know if you need any more info on this stuff. If you're worried that you'll sound stupid asking questions of others, you can ask me."

She took it the wrong way and wrote back:

"Good Point. I think I'll clear everything with you before I talk. It would be awful if someone here thought I was stupid. When I get a job, should I clear what I say with you, too? Let me know."

Sheesh. I want to take early retirement from parenthood!

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Umm...TA, I think she was being sarcastic rather than belligerant.

 

[Danny]

Yesterday I answered some basic computer question, and wrote: "Let me know if you need any more info on this stuff. If you're worried that you'll sound stupid asking questions of others, you can ask me."

She took it the wrong way and wrote back:

"Good Point. I think I'll clear everything with you before I talk. It would be awful if someone here thought I was stupid. When I get a job, should I clear what I say with you, too? Let me know."

Sheesh. I want to take early retirement from parenthood!

Sorry Al. She took it the wrong way. Email and posting for that matter don't always make clear the message. I know from experience. When there is a misunderstanding I get on the phone and apologize and tell whoever that I don't always express myself as clearly as I want to. I tell them what I really meant...basically it's the effort not the explanation that gets across...showing that I care...
She's coming to Dad when she has a question. That says a lot

If I didn't express myself very well, give me your phone number....

 

[TromboneAl]

Yes, good point. I think I'll cut down on email, and call more.

 

[haha]

Overall, I think if your kids feel confident enough to let you have it when in their sole opinion you did or said something wrong, you are in pretty good shape.

It's the silent brooders that can cook up some real pain for you.

Ha

 

[Nords]

I raised him to be independent but this is a bit more than I wanted.

Well, if there's no money then there's no reason to seek out parental contact, is there?

But when HE becomes a parent, I'm sure he'll drop by regularly to enjoy a little free grandparental babysitting show off your grandchild...

Of course that's only what I've read. I'm not a grandparent and I'd never behave like that young adult. Nope.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Sheesh. I want to take early retirement from parenthood!

I looked at my wife last night after watching gabe all day and told her I felt like arnold schwarzenneger at the end of "Terminator 2"... "I need a vacation..."

 

[Nords]

I looked at my wife last night after watching gabe all day and told her I felt like arnold schwarzenneger at the end of "Terminator 2"... "I need a vacation..."

Hang in there, "newbie".  Parenthood could easily be the most productive time of your life!

Due to the parental-infant time-dilation effect, there's actually only about 17 years to go and it just FEELS like it's taking forever.  (I'm almost sure that I read about this in Stephen Hawking's books or Scientific American.)

 

[Jarhead*]

Hang in there, "newbie".  Parenthood could easily be the most productive time of your life!

Due to the parental-infant time-dilation effect, there's actually only about 17 years to go and it just FEELS like it's taking forever

No end zone to reach concerning kids.

Good, bad, or indifferent, you've signed up for a life sentence.

 

[73ss454]

As a friend of mine once said.
When you have kids you never get to spike the football, the game is never over.

But I guess that's a good thing.

 

[wabmester]

I looked at my wife last night after watching gabe all day and told her I felt like arnold schwarzenneger at the end of "Terminator 2"... "I need a vacation..."

What is he, 8 months now? In just a few more months, he'll want to "help" you. It'll be just like your old job again -- inventing "useful" things for your worker bees to do, and hoping that they don't do too much damage in the process.

Ours is 2-1/2 now, and I'm constantly floored at how sophisticated her psychological warfare is. These creatures want independence, and they will stop at nothing to get it!