The Other Woman...

[bearkeley]

It was my idea. I introduced her to him. She's popular, respected, intelligent and has a lot of potential. She's young, but with guidance and the right environment, she could be my replacement and give him the support he needs.

She can also be there for them when they need help. They won't need much since over the years, they have grown a lot and have made me very proud. They can now make their own decisions and have each other for support. If they run into issues, I am confident they can get the support they need from either one of them and all will be perfectly fine. I've built a great team and proud to be promoting 5 of my Managers to Directors, reporting directly to my replacement.

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?




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[Rick_Head]

I.....
With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Might depend on your gender?

 

[nun]

I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego. Lots of people feel this. I did when I left and it almost persuaded me to take another job 500 miles away to "keep myself in the loop" in my field. There are some days I still miss my work, but I don't regret not moving the 500 miles because I lover where I live now.

 

[W2R]

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?

I didn't feel like that, really. I had years of experience and accomplishments in that job and I didn't want it to all go down the drain when I left. "The other woman" who took on the most challenging part of my job, was very bright and capable. I was comforted to know that I was leaving my work in capable hands, even though it would take her (or anyone) a few years to settle in and take ownership of the job. I did my best to get her interacting with the key people at HQ and at our field office both, and to transfer any knowledge and information that I could.

 

[ERD50]

Might depend on your gender?

I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable ...

I have no idea what the OP is talking about. Maybe the gender thing is throwing me?

MegaCorp made sure that none of us felt irreplaceable, and to be honest, that's good business.

I recall when one of my very bright, motivated young engineers was kidding around (at least I assume he was kidding) that if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that would make you irreplaceable. I was quick to point out - if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that makes you a liability, not an asset. My people need to share their knowledge, so if they want to go on vacation, or are not reachable, their co-worker can fill in. If that isn't the case, I'm going to be on the hook for not getting the job done, and I'm going to be firing and hiring people who share knowledge, so I'm never on the hook like that again.

-ERD50

 

[Texas Proud]

I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego. Lots of people feel this. I did when I left and it almost persuaded me to take another job 500 miles away to "keep myself in the loop" in my field. There are some days I still miss my work, but I don't regret not moving the 500 miles because I lover where I live now.

I have never felt that way and have told anybody above me or below me that there was someone doing the job before he/she came and someone will be doing it after you leave....


Sad to say but during my working years, there was one guy who had a heart attack at work and died at his desk.... there was another who actually was hit by a bus and dies.... and another who was killed driving home when an 18 wheeler went over the median wall and ran into him head on.... we always planned for a negative coming our way....

 

[petershk]

Geez Texas. You make me really rethink whether I actually like my job that much

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[Texas Proud]

Geez Texas. You make me really rethink whether I actually like my job that much

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I didn't say you could not like your job..... heck, I have liked most of the jobs I have had.... I just know that every job that I have had, someone was doing it before I got there.... and someone was doing it after I left...


Not to say they did it as well as you or me, but I never did get a big head thinking I was so special they could not do without me...

 

[hnzw_rui]

I think we all believe that we are irreplaceable and when we realize that the ex-company/division/department/group will go on without us and we will be successfully replaced its a hit to the ego.

Don't feel this way at all. In fact, I cc my boss and/or co-worker on all work emails so they're always in the loop and wouldn't have to call or email me while I'm on vacation or day off or something.

 

[tmm99]

Would you have felt differently if the other person was a guy instead?


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[HFWR]

What is this "like your j*b" thing?

 

[Sarah in SC]

What is this "like your j*b" thing?

I was never so glad as to find the perfect replacement when I bailed from various jobs. Took away some of the guilt for up and leaving.

 

[Gotadimple]

At some point, one has to cut the cord emotionally. When the right replacement is in place, allegiances change to the new leader.

This 'other woman' thing is the last cord that needs to be cut. They've moved on. It comes with the territory: a new boss is appointed, the subordinates need to focus on the new one, not the old one.

Cut the cord Bearkley - you have done a great job!

Rita

 

[jjquantz]

What is this "like your j*b" thing?

+1

 

[Walt34]

It didn't bother me in the slightest, I suggested my replacement and did all I could to ease the transition. I was moving on to a new phase in life and was looking forward to it - why would I resent his taking on my old job?

 

[gauss]

It was my idea. I introduced her to him. She's popular, respected, intelligent and has a lot of potential. She's young, but with guidance and the right environment, she could be my replacement and give him the support he needs.

She can also be there for them when they need help. They won't need much since over the years, they have grown a lot and have made me very proud. They can now make their own decisions and have each other for support. If they run into issues, I am confident they can get the support they need from either one of them and all will be perfectly fine. I've built a great team and proud to be promoting 5 of my Managers to Directors, reporting directly to my replacement.

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?

Curious how many felt this way before retirement? Any advice on how to overcome it? I am definitely looking forward to retirement But didn't expect to feel this way. I've quit jobs before but this just doesn't feel the same......my team will be notified next week....would I feel worse then?

I am a guy, but I will take a swing at this.

If OP is female, then I would interpret this letter as a weird feeling that she has turned her professional life over to this new person -- the other woman and may be having some emotional remorse/jealousy etc.

-gauss

 

[bearkeley]

Thanks for the comments....I am being ridiculous and need to focus on cutting the cord and moving on! I think one of the issues is that I'm officially going to be on a leave of absence. Boss knows I plan to retire, but offered to put me on leave for 6 months, just in case I change my mind and not enjoy traveling the world, focusing on myself and doing the things I really want to do. He's also doing it so I can get my year end bonus. I need to really be in the mindset that I am leaving...

Interesting question about my feelings if my replacement was the opposite sex....I would feel the same. At first, I wondered if it was some sort of a jealous feeling....kinda how I felt when I was much younger and was insecure about who I was....but I think it's more of a territorial thing....regardless of gender.


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[cranberryjoe]

When I FIREd I had to train half a dozen people to take over various aspects of my job. I was absolutely delighted to get rid of those mostly stressful responsibilities and watch the others take control. No jealousy at all to leave it all behind and move on to the next chapter of my life!

 

[hopeisnotaplan]

I have about 2 years before I plan to ER and I feel similar to OP. I am a dept head and built the dept from zero hiring or approving of all 30 people in it. I'm very committed to this group. I struggle with deciding how early to let sr. execs in on the ER plan so I can help with replacement. Right now I'm working hard to get a person ready and hoping for the best. But there's an idiot in the wings from a different dept that I'm afraid will be in line to take over and destroy what we've built. No advice for you...just sharing my situation.

 

[Rustic23]

Two of us retired from the Air Force on the same day. Together our total time in the squadrons aircraft represented almost 75% of the experience in the squadron.

The following Monday, all the aircraft took off on schedule, landed on schedule with complete missions, life went on, as it had before and has since.

No one is irreplaceable. Not even Steve Jobs and Bill Gates!

 

[Marita40]

I am still working but am quite confident that the day I walk away I will never look back, and I'll only wish the best for the person who fills my job.

In my early working years in academia I was threatened by new hires at times, or by colleagues who published more that I did, got more awards, etc. Not something you care to admit at the time. But after reaching my highest possible promotion with (now) no competition for status or pay, I haven't felt any of that angst in years. It is a very good feeling. So I have no doubt that I will gracefully exit when it is time and wash my hands of my working life! I have really liked my work--the place has been good to me--but I'm not so deeply attached to it that I'd care who replaced me or how the institution fares after me. Work is work, that's all.

 

[Bamaman]

With less than 30 days from my early retirement at the age of 46, I should be excited for our upcoming adventure, traveling the world, but
Why do I feel like my replacement...the person I chose, is the other woman?
Curious how many felt this way before retirement?
Any advice on how to overcome it?

Your reaction is normal. Everyone has second thoughts. At least you're leaving the company in good condition with capable people in key positions--a rare thing to say.

Your best way to overcome your negative thoughts is to go ahead and hit the road traveling the world. Put some distance between yourself and the old workplace. Remember that Winters are best served closer to the equator.

 

[davemartin88]

I left a Megacorp that in my opinion had become a dead end for anyone with a lot of talent. This was mainly the result of merger after merger and the industry in general. I don't keep up with anyone at the old job, get no benefits or pension from them, but hope most of my coworkers left and found something better. I had a "rat leaving a sinking ship" thought for about 10 seconds once but over that too!

 

[Bir48die]

Though I pride myself that I know more than 99% about the interworkings of our company I never thought of myself as indespensible. In fact I've always thought of myself as easily replaceable. I hired people with the express intent of having them take my job. That in fact is happening while I perform as more of a mentor for whatever months I have left. I am not jealous. They are. Everyone I work with wants to retire.

 

[robnplunder]

I have no idea what the OP is talking about. Maybe the gender thing is throwing me?

MegaCorp made sure that none of us felt irreplaceable, and to be honest, that's good business.

I recall when one of my very bright, motivated young engineers was kidding around (at least I assume he was kidding) that if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that would make you irreplaceable. I was quick to point out - if you are the only one with xyz knowledge, that makes you a liability, not an asset. My people need to share their knowledge, so if they want to go on vacation, or are not reachable, their co-worker can fill in. If that isn't the case, I'm going to be on the hook for not getting the job done, and I'm going to be firing and hiring people who share knowledge, so I'm never on the hook like that again.

-ERD50

As a rule, I make sure no employee is so valuable that his/her leaving would lead to a disaster for my org. This worked for me for decades in management position at Megacorps. This also allowed me to stand my ground against employees who "bully" management (happens once in a while in Silicon Valley, especially, in hot job market). My response to unreasonable requests from employee is "sorry, but I hope you stick around but if you must leave, I wish you luck."