The Ultimate Decluttering Thread

[SecondCor521]

Or labeling something that is worth "a lot" might be handy..."this would go for $500 at auction". Saves a forehead slap when, after you patted yourself on the back for getting $10 at the yard sale you learn it's real value.

Or labeling something that looks valuable that's not..."these coins are only worth a fraction more than face value". No sorting and researching required.

So the AI slop might have had a grain of truth in it?

One thing I was able to do recently is take pictures of a bunch of stuff my parents left me to see if any of it was valuable. Uploaded them to grok and asked for market value. It could look at the pictures, tell me what the items were, and give me price ranges based on ebay and similar.

Nothing was worth $500. Most stuff was worth $20-$40 each.

Probably soon I'm going to call a local "junk antique" person and have them come and make me offers on them. Take stuff, leave money, less stuff. My kind of day.

ETA: Agree on disneysteve's comments about having the conversations. Thankfully we had those conversations over the course of several years. Those conversations, plus me combing through their papers and documents, hopefully identified most things of serious value. I don't think my parents were the kind of people to hide $100 bills in books or anything like that.

 

[SecondCor521]

For items that are associated with memories, a trick I've learned and plan to use with some of my parents' stuff is to take a picture of the item, save the picture, then toss/donate/sell the item. The picture keeps the memory for you instead of the item.

My issue: I have an 1800 sq ft house with a bonus room over the garage which is filled with stuff that belongs to my son, his girlfriend, my daughter, my sister, and my Dad. There is probably 3 cubic feet of stuff in that room that is mine. The problem comes in two forms: (A) it's not my stuff but I feel obligated to hold onto it, and (B) the room is upstairs and out of sight, so I sort of can put it out of my mind. And what would I do with an empty bonus room anyway? I live entirely on the first floor (which is still maybe 1200 sq ft and a 3/2 with an office and a 2 car garage, so plenty big).

 

[mystang52]

My own update. As I mentioned earlier, this thread motivated me to start my next decluttering. I've made great progress, with most of the decluttering going to garbage. Must-keep, or want-to-keep, items are now better organized. Basement is now 50% done. After that, I need to tackle our closets. Each day I do one thing on the decluttering list. This makes the overall task not an overwhelming one, and yet the slow and steady progress is now substantial.

 

[sengsational]

ETA: Agree on disneysteve's comments about having the conversations.

"Hey Dad, since you're gonna be dead soon, let's go through all of the crap you've acquired over your lifetime and see if anything shouldn't go directly into the dumpster."

Do you think I need to work on my approach?

Seriously, it's not how I wanted to spend what little time was left with my father in law. And it was obvious he didn't care about the disposition of his worldly goods, why should I drag him through it for my convenience? I got him talking about his life and history that he was proud of. Funny moments, meaningful moments.

 

[JohnnyPHX]

"Hey Dad, since you're gonna be dead soon, let's go through all of the crap you've acquired over your lifetime and see if anything shouldn't go directly into the dumpster."

Do you think I need to work on my approach?

Seriously, it's not how I wanted to spend what little time was left with my father in law. And it was obvious he didn't care about the disposition of his worldly goods, why should I drag him through it for my convenience? I got him talking about his life and history that he was proud of. Funny moments, meaningful moments.

Since you asked. Yes, I definitely think you could work on your approach. It's great you have those shared meaningful moments with him. Doesn't mean a kind, brief conversation on this subject shouldn't take place. If he says he doesn't care then at least you have some clarity. Perhaps your father in law has some ideas on things he would like to see go to certain people or donated to certain charities on his time line? No need to put any pressure on him. Just let him know if he wishes to address any of these things you will be there for him when or if he decides to.

 

[SecondCor521]

"Hey Dad, since you're gonna be dead soon, let's go through all of the crap you've acquired over your lifetime and see if anything shouldn't go directly into the dumpster."

Do you think I need to work on my approach?

Seriously, it's not how I wanted to spend what little time was left with my father in law. And it was obvious he didn't care about the disposition of his worldly goods, why should I drag him through it for my convenience? I got him talking about his life and history that he was proud of. Funny moments, meaningful moments.

In my case my Dad and I went on a 10 year journey, with the last five years dealing with a dementia diagnosis. We had the conversations and the downsizings throughout his life so the majority of it was handled earlier. The last two years and particularly the last ten months on hospice we just spent time together and talked, certainly about other stuff than stuff.

 

[Lewis Clark]

...
My issue: I have an 1800 sq ft house with a bonus room over the garage which is filled with stuff that belongs to my son, his girlfriend, my daughter, my sister, and my Dad. There is probably 3 cubic feet of stuff in that room that is mine. The problem comes in two forms: (A) it's not my stuff but I feel obligated to hold onto it, and (B) the room is upstairs and out of sight, so I sort of can put it out of my mind. And what would I do with an empty bonus room anyway? I live entirely on the first floor (which is still maybe 1200 sq ft and a 3/2 with an office and a 2 car garage, so plenty big).

Why do you feel obligated to hold on to a lot of stuff for other people, for what seems like an indeterminate amount of time?

This would make sense for people that may be in a temporary transient stage (a child away at college, or a sibling in the process of relocating, for example). If you have been holding on to things for a long time (based on your definition of "long time") then it seems likely that the things you are holding on to are not being missed by their owners. If the owners don't miss it, it shouldn't be your obligation to store it for them.

Since you describe this situation as a two-part problem, perhaps consider giving them a deadline to claim their things before you dispose of them in your own way.

 

[disneysteve]

Why do you feel obligated to hold on to a lot of stuff for other people, for what seems like an indeterminate amount of time?

I agree. I would speak to the people
Involved and tell them you really need to free up that space. Set up a time for them to come over and go through their things.

On the other hand, sometimes there are at least emotional connections. When my mom sold our house and moved into her apartment, a lot of stuff came to our house. She doesn’t need it. We dont need it. But I just don’t feel right disposing of it while she is still with us. After she passes, whenever that may be, I think I’ll be more comfortable letting of it. A lot of it is photos, slides, and home movies. Nobody has looked at any of it in decades and truthfully she wouldn’t even know if I dumped it unless I told her. Still I just feel like it’s a part of her and I should keep it for now.

 

[SecondCor521]

Why do you feel obligated to hold on to a lot of stuff for other people, for what seems like an indeterminate amount of time?

Excellent question, thank you for asking. I will answer below.

This would make sense for people that may be in a temporary transient stage (a child away at college, or a sibling in the process of relocating, for example). If you have been holding on to things for a long time (based on your definition of "long time") then it seems likely that the things you are holding on to are not being missed by their owners. If the owners don't miss it, it shouldn't be your obligation to store it for them.

Since you describe this situation as a two-part problem, perhaps consider giving them a deadline to claim their things before you dispose of them in your own way.

Some of it is codependent perfectionism on my part, which is a general life weakness I recognized in the past year and am working on currently.

Some of it is practical. To @disneysteve's point, the items are all currently in places in my home that I don't use or need. I'm one person with one car in an 1800 sq ft 4 bedroom home with a two car garage. The stuff is in the other three bedrooms and part of the garage. I can fit my car in easily with several feet of room on all sides. The bother is more mental than practical.

Some of it is interdependence. As mostly a minimalist myself, my house would honestly look too empty without their stuff in my home.

Some of it is reactionary. We had a family member who would get rid of items without asking the item owner, including sometimes important and memorable items. I try to counteract that impact by going completely the other direction.

And I do view all of it as transitory and relatively short term:

My Dad's stuff is maybe six medium size boxes of stuff. He just passed away in February and I need my two out-of-state sisters to come to town to go through it and process it. We're probably 90% of the way through processing his stuff.

Then there is one box of my sister's stuff, which is waiting for us to finish going through my Dad's stuff. She lives on the East coast and takes stuff with her; she'll eventually ship a box of whatever when we get through the process.

My youngest offspring has maybe six medium size boxes. She's moving to Seattle for about six to eight months and isn't settled yet. She will probably buy a home in about two or three years and would hopefully take them then.

My middle offspring bought a small first home in October. He and his girlfriend have the largest quantity of stuff here by far. I encourage them to take stuff, but I think I am serving a little bit as their free storage unit, which could build resentment eventually.

 

[Lewis Clark]

Excellent question, thank you for asking. I will answer below.

Some of it is codependent perfectionism on my part, which is a general life weakness I recognized in the past year and am working on currently.

Some of it is practical. To @disneysteve's point, the items are all currently in places in my home that I don't use or need. I'm one person with one car in an 1800 sq ft 4 bedroom home with a two car garage. The stuff is in the other three bedrooms and part of the garage. I can fit my car in easily with several feet of room on all sides. The bother is more mental than practical.

Some of it is interdependence. As mostly a minimalist myself, my house would honestly look too empty without their stuff in my home.

Some of it is reactionary. We had a family member who would get rid of items without asking the item owner, including sometimes important and memorable items. I try to counteract that impact by going completely the other direction.

And I do view all of it as transitory and relatively short term:

My Dad's stuff is maybe six medium size boxes of stuff. He just passed away in February and I need my two out-of-state sisters to come to town to go through it and process it. We're probably 90% of the way through processing his stuff.

Then there is one box of my sister's stuff, which is waiting for us to finish going through my Dad's stuff. She lives on the East coast and takes stuff with her; she'll eventually ship a box of whatever when we get through the process.

My youngest offspring has maybe six medium size boxes. She's moving to Seattle for about six to eight months and isn't settled yet. She will probably buy a home in about two or three years and would hopefully take them then.

My middle offspring bought a small first home in October. He and his girlfriend have the largest quantity of stuff here by far. I encourage them to take stuff, but I think I am serving a little bit as their free storage unit, which could build resentment eventually.

Thank you. This additional explanation implies the situation is not as much of a problem for you as did Post # 127.

Hopefully, most of the stuff will be gone before too much resentment builds.

 

[SecondCor521]

Thank you. This additional explanation implies the situation is not as much of a problem for you as did Post # 127.

I'm notorious in my own mind for taking a few tries to get my point across on this board.

In #127, I go back and forth between A and B. I should probably qualify it as a minor issue.

Hopefully, most of the stuff will be gone before too much resentment builds.

Thanks, I hope so too. As long as the items are relatively contained and things migrate out of my house over time, I am okay with the situation.

 

[ERD50]

"Hey Dad, since you're gonna be dead soon, let's go through all of the crap you've acquired over your lifetime and see if anything shouldn't go directly into the dumpster."

Do you think I need to work on my approach?

Seriously, it's not how I wanted to spend what little time was left with my father in law. And it was obvious he didn't care about the disposition of his worldly goods, why should I drag him through it for my convenience? I got him talking about his life and history that he was proud of. Funny moments, meaningful moments.

There's your 'in'. Ask him if any of this stuff has any ties to the history he shared with you. Is anything valuable? etc...

 

[Teacher Terry]

I'm notorious in my own mind for taking a few tries to get my point across on this board.

In #127, I go back and forth between A and B. I should probably qualify it as a minor issue.



Thanks, I hope so too. As long as the items are relatively contained and things migrate out of my house over time, I am okay with the situation.

When I divorced my husband, all three of our boys had left, but they also left a bunch of their stuff in a storage room in the basement. I moved across the country and just took my stuff. My husband never made the boys take their stuff.

Fast-forward to 30 years later and he’s dying and the three boys and I all fly in to be with him for the last week of his life. He dies and then the boys realize that they have a few days to go through their stuff and decide what is worth it to them to mail home.

One of my sons lives in Vietnam so he mailed three boxes across the country to my house. On the flight home, I told my oldest son that the items that my youngest son mailed to my house is where all things go to die).

I’m sure nothing will happen with any of that stuff until after I’m gone and if he’s still living in Vietnam, which I think he will be, he’ll have to decide what’s important enough to spend a huge amount of money to send it there.

I have three closets and he has a half of one closet and I don’t need the closet space since I live alone so I really don’t care. He did say when he comes to visit in the fall, he would look at his stuff and see if there’s anything that he wants to get rid of.

 

[disneysteve]

When I divorced my husband, all three of our boys had left, but they also left a bunch of their stuff in a storage room in the basement. I moved across the country and just took my stuff. My husband never made the boys take their stuff.

Fast-forward to 30 years later and he’s dying and the three boys and I all fly in to be with him for the last week of his life. He dies and then the boys realize that they have a few days to go through their stuff and decide what is worth it to them to mail home.

One of my sons lives in Vietnam so he mailed three boxes across the country to my house. On the flight home, I told my oldest son that the items that my youngest son mailed to my house is where all things go to die).

I’m sure nothing will happen with any of that stuff until after I’m gone and if he’s still living in Vietnam, which I think he will be, he’ll have to decide what’s important enough to spend a huge amount of money to send it there.

I have three closets and he has a half of one closet and I don’t need the closet space since I live alone so I really don’t care. He did say when he comes to visit in the fall, he would look at his stuff and see if there’s anything that he wants to get rid of.

The attachment we have to STUFF is so bizarre. Your story is a perfect example. Your son didn't have that stuff for 30 years prior to his father dying. Still, he took the time and spent the money to ship it to your house. He hasn't needed it for 30 years. He still doesn't need it. He won't ever need it. But there it sits.

 

[mystang52]

I'm still doing my latest decluttering, and the easiest rationale for tossing stuff is " gee, I didn't even know I had this." Corollary is " if I haven't needed it yet, I can just buy it if I ever do."

 

[disneysteve]

I'm still doing my latest decluttering, and the easiest rationale for tossing stuff is " gee, I didn't even know I had this." Corollary is " if I haven't needed it yet, I can just buy it if I ever do."

That goes along with "gee, there's another one of these in the kitchen already. We don't need them both".

 

[Teacher Terry]

The attachment we have to STUFF is so bizarre. Your story is a perfect example. Your son didn't have that stuff for 30 years prior to his father dying. Still, he took the time and spent the money to ship it to your house. He hasn't needed it for 30 years. He still doesn't need it. He won't ever need it. But there it sits.

My oldest son shipped back one box, but it’s actually things he will use like the good silverware with the families initial on it. We used it for company and on holidays and they will do the same.

One of the other things that he shipped back was a fairly large ceramic frog that was a piggy bank that my mom made him when he was a little boy. Him and my mom were very close. He will put that in his office. He also took some of the pictures.

You’re definitely right about my youngest son. He loves antiques and he wants me to keep my dining room table and chairs and an antique dresser for him. As he loves Vietnam and now has met a woman that he intends to marry who has no interest in coming to the states I’m sure that when I’m gone, that will be the end of the antique dream.

 

[disneysteve]

My oldest son shipped back one box, but it’s actually things he will use like the good silverware with the families initial on it. We used it for company and on holidays and they will do the same.

One of the other things that he shipped back was a fairly large ceramic frog that was a piggy bank that my mom made him when he was a little boy. Him and my mom were very close. He will put that in his office. He also took some of the pictures.

You’re definitely right about my youngest son. He loves antiques and he wants me to keep my dining room table and chairs and an antique dresser for him. As he loves Vietnam and now has met a woman that he intends to marry who has no interest in coming to the states I’m sure that when I’m gone, that will be the end of the antique dream.

I'm not looking forward to what happens when my mom passes. She got rid of a ton of stuff when she sold the house years ago but I'm sure there is still plenty in her apartment that I will have sentimental attachment to.

 

[Music Lover]

I'm not looking forward to what happens when my mom passes. She got rid of a ton of stuff when she sold the house years ago but I'm sure there is still plenty in her apartment that I will have sentimental attachment to.

I probably said this earlier. After parents are gone and the kids take a few things, most of the rest is almost worthless. You can sell the few things (less than 10% in most cases) that are worth something but the rest may as well be donated or go into a dumpster.

 

[disneysteve]

I probably said this earlier. After parents are gone and the kids take a few things, most of the rest is almost worthless. You can sell the few things (less than 10% in most cases) that are worth something but the rest may as well be donated or go into a dumpster.

I know it well. And as a reseller, I'm well aware of what has value and how to go about selling it. It's the sentimental stuff that's hard, things that don't have monetary value to anyone else.

I apologize if I said this earlier but when my cousin died in 2021, I cleaned out his house. I brought home several cartons of stuff and periodically went through them, each time getting rid of a few more items until it was all gone except for a handful of things I'm keeping. It took me about 4 years to be ready to let it all go.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I’m really good at only keeping a few small items when someone I love dies. I’m not leaving much behind. I’ve given my older son who’s local anything he wanted. My parents made it easy for us and I’m doing the same for my kids.

 

[disneysteve]

I was going to focus on the garage right after Passover but that got delayed by working on redoing my wife's craft area instead. Today I finally got into the garage for a few hours.

I broke down and recycled a bunch of boxes. That's a recurring process to some extent but I also got rid of numerous boxes for appliances and other items that we no longer need the boxes for.

I went through some of my shipping supplies and trashed quite a bit that I'm never going to use.

I took 3 large cartons of assorted stuff to Goodwill. I started a 4th carton. I also started a carton of damaged china (I sell china) that I'm going to give to the local rage room.

I went through a bunch of stuff that's been collecting in there for my business. Mostly stuff that needs to be listed on ebay by me or our daughter.

Still plenty to do in there but I made some nice progress today.

 

[disneysteve]

I wasn't expecting to work in the garage again this week, but then our garage door opener broke last night. The repair guy is coming tomorrow so I needed to get in there and clear the floor so that he can easily get to the opener and both rails. That turned out to not be all that difficult thanks to what I've done in there already. Rather than just pushing things out of the way, though, I took the opportunity to actually do some decluttering as well. I tossed an old set of car floor mats, broke down and recycled several boxes, packed a few items up to donate, found one thing that my daughter will list on ebay, put some random stuff in the trash, and brought in an old laptop that was my cousin's. I'll destroy the hard drive and then bring that in for e-recycling.

Oh and I contacted our waste management folks a few days ago about some bulk items we had to discard. The dehumidifier got picked up yesterday. Several other items are out at the curb now and should be picked up in the next day or two (or else I'll contact them again).

I only worked for about 40 minutes tonight but the progress is quite visible. I even made my wife come out and look and she was impressed. It's looking quite good in there, at least the front half or so. Still plenty to be done but compared to a year or two ago, there is a tremendous improvement.

 

[disneysteve]

I often say that decluttering can actually save you money, primarily because it keeps you from buying things that you already have but just can't find or forgot you had.

I did this yesterday. Last week I ordered a carton of packing paper for my resale business for $67. Yesterday while moving things around in the garage I discovered that I still had half a case that had gotten buried under some other stuff. I didn't need to order any yet. Fortunately, this is something that will get used eventually so it won't go to waste, but now I've got that big carton taking up space when I didn't actually need it.

 

[Aerides]

Came across this piece in the New Yorker this week, it's a good read for anyone looking to declutter and reduce stuff. Like many New Yorker articles, it is well written and entertaining even if the core subject isn't that interesting to you, more if it is, and there is a smattering of politics tossed in, but not terribly much:

A Guide to Getting Rid of Almost Everything

Once you’ve thanked and said goodbye to the items that do not spark joy, what can you do with them?

www.newyorker.com