The urge to purge

[anothercog]

I think we have officially hit the decumulation phase of our lives. Two oldest kids are off to college with one more in high school. Since they left we have sold two of our five cars and have been scouring our house for other unused items to sell or give away. It's liberating. I don't see us picking up any toys in retirement (still a few years away). I have mentioned my desire to sell the house and everything in it and be global nomads in another post. DW doesn't agree so that likely won't happen but we are both enjoying getting rid of our "stuff."

Next phase will be unloading collectibles that I'm not as emotionally attached to anymore like my comic book, record and coin collections that I have had most of my life. My kids have no interest. It will be tough letting go of my childhood but its just stuff that someone else may enjoy more.

Another reason is DW and I are purging is that both of us are seeing our parents struggle with the amount of stuff they own and their unwillingness to part with much of it even though it is mainly clutter at this point. They are keeping stuff from their parents out of some sentimental guilt.

Anyone else had the urge to purge before retirement?

 

[MarieIG]

We did some purging however, to the extent I have sentimental attachment to something, I'm not concerned about my children disposing of it after I'm gone. As I have stated elsewhere, they can always hire someone to dispose of items they don't want.

Also, while my parents were alive, as I wasn't moving them to another location, I didn't think it was my business to purge their stuff.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I have the urge to purge our clutter but DW isn't cooperating. Even though she helped declutter her childhood home when her mother died 10 years ago and knows how much of a burden that is on kids she won't begin on our house. I went through the same hassle 6 years ago when my mom passed away. (We're both in our 60's.)

She gives lip service to doing it. Whenever this subject comes up she wants to start in my home office. The only clutter in my office is paperwork in filing cabinets and whatever is on the top of my desk. I want to start in the furnace room/storage closet which is full of our stuff and some of her stuff she brought to our house from her mom's house. But she doesn't want to start there. If I bring up another room to start in, she counters with "let's start in your office."

It's clear she doesn't really want to do it.

I'm open to suggestions on how to get her motivated to declutter.

 

[GrayHare]

One way to part with sentimental items more easily is to take a photo of them. For many physical items, a photo will evoke pretty much the same memorues as the item itself, plus is much simpler to store.

 

[anothercog]

I have the urge to purge our clutter but DW isn't cooperating. Even though she helped declutter her childhood home when her mother died 10 years ago and knows how much of a burden that is on kids she won't begin on our house. I went through the same hassle 6 years ago when my mom passed away. (We're both in our 60's.)

She gives lip service to doing it. Whenever this subject comes up she wants to start in my home office. The only clutter in my office is paperwork in filing cabinets and whatever is on the top of my desk. I want to start in the furnace room/storage closet which is full of our stuff and some of her stuff she brought to our house from her mom's house. But she doesn't want to start there. If I bring up another room to start in, she counters with "let's start in your office."

It's clear she doesn't really want to do it.

I'm open to suggestions on how to get her motivated to declutter.

My dad will be the worst as he has no motivation to clean or declutter. We have been begging him to just clear off a shelf here and there. I won't be inheriting a dime from him but I'm executor to his "estate." Simplest solution will be to take a match to his house. It's already falling apart and full of broken appliances, furniture and other junk. Just need to get my worthless brother out of his basement first. Or not.

 

[anothercog]

We did some purging however, to the extent I have sentimental attachment to something, I'm not concerned about my children disposing of it after I'm gone. As I have stated elsewhere, they can always hire someone to dispose of items they don't want.

Also, while my parents were alive, as I wasn't moving them to another location, I didn't think it was my business to purge their stuff.

I did help my mom and step-dad move recently. I was overwhelmed with their stuff, even though they had been doing some purging. But as we got down to the sentimental stuff they could not do it. Since their new place had even more storage space than their old place they just moved it in with them. Most of it will likely remain in moving boxes until they pass.

 

[audreyh1]

We did an enormous purge before moving into a motorhome selling our house and traveling the country full time. It was a lot of work but very liberating. And it lasted a good long time. We moved to another house 15 years ago, and of course we’ve accumulated more stuff, but not nearly as much as we had before. It also helped that the house was smaller.

Now we are getting ready to move into another bigger house. This motivates us to definitely get rid of older stuff we no longer use. Lot of work though!

 

[MarieIG]

I did help my mom and step-dad move recently. I was overwhelmed with their stuff, even though they had been doing some purging. But as we got down to the sentimental stuff they could not do it. Since their new place had even more storage space than their old place they just moved it in with them. Most of it will likely remain in moving boxes until they pass.

They enjoyed holding their photo albums and family letters. Yes, I did review and de-clutter a lot after they passed (and again when I sold our marital home and moved into their house). I have to admit the pay stubs from 1950s were very interesting. I found out that DM was earning more than DF before I was born and she RE; and also discovered that DM was a WAVE in WWII (which she had never mentioned).

 

[anothercog]

We did an enormous purge before moving into a motorhome selling our house and traveling the country full time. It was a lot of work but very liberating. And it lasted a good long time. We moved to another house 15 years ago, and of course we’ve accumulated more stuff, but not nearly as much as we had before. It also helped that the house was smaller.

Now we are getting ready to move into another bigger house. This motivates us to definitely get rid of older stuff we no longer use. Lot of work though!

George Carlin's bit on houses and stuff really stuck with me. I'm grateful our house is on the small side and my wife is a good purger, otherwise we probably would have had to move to a bigger house to put all our "stuff."

 

[Qs Laptop]

My dad will be the worst as he has no motivation to clean or declutter. We have been begging him to just clear off a shelf here and there. I won't be inheriting a dime from him but I'm executor to his "estate." Simplest solution will be to take a match to his house. It's already falling apart and full of broken appliances, furniture and other junk. Just need to get my worthless brother out of his basement first. Or not.

I hear ya.

My dad was an amateur radio operator (ham radio) and had been since the 1940's. His basement radio shack had shelves and boxes and parts drawers filled to the brim with old electronic components (capacitors, resistors, vacuum tubes, vacuum tube bases, coil forms, wires, fuses, cables, circuit boards, radio magazines, etc. etc) plus his several "rigs" used to communicate over the air. Also had a couple of desks with drawers crammed with more stuff, a couple of work benches. I sold most of the working radio equipment but that hardly made a dent in the pile of crap.

My sister and I had been planning on clearing this stuff out and having our kids help us. We started in and quickly decided the best way was to get one of those junk haulers to come out and do it for us. They filled up two trucks full of junk. It cost us $1,400 but it was well worth it.

I don't know what to suggest you do with your dad's house but you might ask him if you could have a junk service come out and haul away a bunch of stuff. You could supervise the process. It goes amazingly quick. Would he do that?

 

[Surewhitey]

We got down to what would fit in 1 car in 2011. We left California for Mexico and sold / donated everything. Quite a good feeling. Back in 2015 we moved back to TX and had nothing again. We are more intentional with stuff now, but have filled up the 1050 sq ft cottage... Contentment is a great thing to practice.

 

[Spock]

Whispering to myself: "Am I the only one that thought of the movie first??"

 

[MichaelB]

I think we have officially hit the decumulation phase of our lives. Two oldest kids are off to college with one more in high school. Since they left we have sold two of our five cars and have been scouring our house for other unused items to sell or give away. It's liberating. I don't see us picking up any toys in retirement (still a few years away). I have mentioned my desire to sell the house and everything in it and be global nomads in another post. DW doesn't agree so that likely won't happen but we are both enjoying getting rid of our "stuff."

Next phase will be unloading collectibles that I'm not as emotionally attached to anymore like my comic book, record and coin collections that I have had most of my life. My kids have no interest. It will be tough letting go of my childhood but its just stuff that someone else may enjoy more.

Another reason is DW and I are purging is that both of us are seeing our parents struggle with the amount of stuff they own and their unwillingness to part with much of it even though it is mainly clutter at this point. They are keeping stuff from their parents out of some sentimental guilt.

Anyone else had the urge to purge before retirement?

You sre doing a great service for your children, one they probably won’t recognize.

I’ve managed the estates of 3 relatives so far, my pops, my mum and my auntie. It’s just so difficult to throw things out because of the emotional attachment. There might be things of value, but it’s usually very hard to tell. Just getting rid of stuff now is a gift to the kids.

I’ve left a document that identifies things of value and how they could be disposed of. Also the few things that I had real attachment to, mostly keepsakes from previous generations.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I did help my mom and step-dad move recently. I was overwhelmed with their stuff, even though they had been doing some purging. But as we got down to the sentimental stuff they could not do it.

I’ve managed the estates of 3 relatives so far, my pops, my mum and my auntie. It’s just so difficult to throw things out because of the emotional attachment.

Some of the things my wife brought home from her mom's house were Christmas decorations (most were from the 50's and in bad shape), some dolls, her mom's voluminous sewing stuff (my wife does not sew anything), various bric brac, a set of dishes, and some large paintings that were totally inappropriate for our home decor. Totally useless stuff that takes up a lot of space.

 

[brett]

We did have the urge. Moreover our retirement plans involved selling our home and travelling for a year. That necessitated downsizing a five bedroom, 3700 sq ft. home into an 8X8X16 PODS storage container.

Not as difficult as it sounds because we planed to move into a smaller home or condo when we returned. Some of the furniture in our home was older and large....it would not fit into a condo. Smaller furniture was needed.

We did five or six purges. Last thing to squeeze into the container was a mattress. Hardest things for me to dispose of were 25 years of books. And yes, when we finally did unload that container there were things that we gave away. Fourteen years later we have two or three unopened boxes of crystal, etc. We were not too smart!

Danger, now in a 1500sq ft duplex we have been backsliding a little so we need another clearout. Beware of backsliding....expecially if you have a basement home!

We just went through cleaning our my deceased sister/BILs home of 45 years. It seemed to me that they kept every scrap of paper than ever crossed their doorstep.

 

[anothercog]

I hear ya.

My dad was an amateur radio operator (ham radio) and had been since the 1940's. His basement radio shack had shelves and boxes and parts drawers filled to the brim with old electronic components (capacitors, resistors, vacuum tubes, vacuum tube bases, coil forms, wires, fuses, cables, circuit boards, radio magazines, etc. etc) plus his several "rigs" used to communicate over the air. Also had a couple of desks with drawers crammed with more stuff, a couple of work benches. I sold most of the working radio equipment but that hardly made a dent in the pile of crap.

My sister and I had been planning on clearing this stuff out and having our kids help us. We started in and quickly decided the best way was to get one of those junk haulers to come out and do it for us. They filled up two trucks full of junk. It cost us $1,400 but it was well worth it.

I don't know what to suggest you do with your dad's house but you might ask him if you could have a junk service come out and haul away a bunch of stuff. You could supervise the process. It goes amazingly quick. Would he do that?

Probably not. We did clear out one of his rooms but it got too stressful for him so we had to stop. Months later, that room is overflowing with crap again and is unusable. At this point he figures it will be somebody else's problem (i.e, mine) so why do anything about it. Whatever money he planned on leaving to my useless brother will be used to clear out and sell his house. He mentions he should move to a single story house/condo and downsize but he is firmly entrenched in Newton's law - a body at rest stays at rest.

 

[anothercog]

We got down to what would fit in 1 car in 2011. We left California for Mexico and sold / donated everything. Quite a good feeling. Back in 2015 we moved back to TX and had nothing again. We are more intentional with stuff now, but have filled up the 1050 sq ft cottage... Contentment is a great thing to practice.

Excellent. I told my son, don't own more than you can fit in a trunk of a car so you can move quickly if an opportunity arises.

 

[braumeister]

I want to start in the furnace room/storage closet which is full of our stuff and some of her stuff she brought to our house from her mom's house. But she doesn't want to start there. If I bring up another room to start in, she counters with "let's start in your office."

It's clear she doesn't really want to do it.

I'm open to suggestions on how to get her motivated to declutter.

I hate to say this, but you probably have no hope.
We have stuff that belonged to my wife's grandparents, great grandparents, and even farther back (to the War of 1812 era). There is absolutely no chance that any of it can go away, so I have just had to accept the situation.

Out of curiosity, we had some of the antiques professionally appraised about ten years ago. The appraiser gave us insurance values, estimated auction values, and a list of recommended auction houses.
The response was "Well, isn't that interesting." And back into the basement it all went.

 

[Spock]

The hard to swallow bit about decluttering is nobody wants what you consider to be valuable antiques and family heirlooms.

One of my wife's classmates is a famous restorer of antique pianos/keyboard instruments. He has been salvaging a few key (no pun intended) parts off perfectly good and formerly expensive pianos and burning the rest. Nobody wants them any more... it's all digital now.
Great-Great-Great Grandma's dining room table and rocker? Not even other family members are interested. I've painstakingly shipped those across the country 4 times now as we moved and they'll end up junked when we pass.

"The things you think are precious
I can't understand

[Chorus]
Are you reelin' in the years
Stowin' away the time"
-Steely Dan

 

[bloom2708]

We got rid of 60-70% of our stuff and sold the 5 bedroom house. Freedom!

Amazing how many yard implements and tools and such builds up over the years.

Our new 2 bed/2.5 bath rental townhome with heated underground parking has worked out great.

Less to keep track of. Less to clean. Lock and go. Expenses fixed except for electricity.

I highly recommend it for those that value simplicity.

 

[socca]

... Anyone else had the urge to purge before retirement?

Purging businesses (by shutting them down) has occupied a lot of my time recently. The process is similar to settling a complex estate (I've done plenty of that recently, too). Family members who merely collect money while taking no responsibility and doing no work weren't happy about the business dissolutions but there's no next generation coming along capable of running the businesses (the next generation is capable of just collecting the money ).

 

[GalaxyBoy]

We’ve recently been doing some purging ourselves. Sold the riding mower which I haven’t used in a few years since hiring a yard guy, to the yard guy. The fancy coat rack elliptical has been donated, I filled several garbage cans with junk, with more to come. The collection of LPs will hopefully be sold or donated/trashed next week, and then the woodworking power tools need to be sold on the local WW club’s facebook group. I donated a bunch of old railroad memorabilia I inherited to the RR’s historical society. Next up is to sort through tons of antique photos and stuff which I inherited, some of which might be of interest to the relevant historical museum or society. Goodness knows the next generation doesn’t have any interest.

 

[athena53]

I've had the luxury of doing this gradually. Late DH and I downsized a bit in 2015 and I sold things on e-Bay where it made sense and got rid of a lot as Free Stuff on Craigslist. I've been surprised at things that disappeared: the canisters from high-end scotch whisky (yes, I made it clear that the bottles were long gone), boxes of buttons belonging to my late mothers-in-law, good, solid patio furniture from the 1960s that needed new plastic webbing... I could go on. I even sneak in stuff that I didn't list that probably no one make the trip to pick up such as spare coffee mugs and an electric clock-radio. Tools (kitchen or workshop) are hugely popular. Half the time the first person to arrive snatches it all- resellers, I'm sure. DH used to joke that if we visited the weekend flea market at the local (former) drive-in theatre we'd probably find our stuff there.

I'm moving into a retirement community next year so am starting a second wave. I follow the "curate, curate, curate" philosophy. Don't get rid of everything in a category- just the duplicates, things you haven't used or accessed for years and keep the ones with the most utility and/or sentimental value. When my sister was here for 2 week after my surgery she asked about a bracelet Mom had gotten as a gift from Grandpa when she graduated from HS. I had it, admitted I hadn't worn it since getting it 9 years ago, and offered it to her. She went home happy.

This is a great time to get rid of old jewelry (although I suppose gold could go still higher). I even got rid of late DH's and my wedding bands. I don't wear them and I don't want DS and DDIL thinking they can't get rid of them after I'm gone just because DH and I wore them.

The collection of LPs will hopefully be sold or donated/trashed next week, <snip>

Ooh, don't trash them. I listed mine (had ripped them to CDs), said they'd be at the end of the driveway at 9 the next AM, and a guy showed up on my doorstep shortly after I listed them and said, "I'm here for the LPs". Yeah, OK. I learned then to just put items out before listing them.

 

[Sunset]

My dad will be the worst as he has no motivation to clean or declutter. We have been begging him to just clear off a shelf here and there. I won't be inheriting a dime from him but I'm executor to his "estate." Simplest solution will be to take a match to his house. It's already falling apart and full of broken appliances, furniture and other junk. Just need to get my worthless brother out of his basement first. Or not.

We saw neighbors clean out a house, they rented a giant dumpster ( $600 for the week) and it was dropped off in the driveway. It was as long as 2 cars and easily as wide/wider than a car.

 

[Gremlin]

I just talked my mother into letting me clean off her dining room table that we haven’t seen the top of for at least 15 years or so. I threw away 12 yo JUNK MAIL.

I like to keep things clutter free/purged and mostly succeed, but only in the house, Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective) DH has a large barn to store all of his “important stuff” in.