TO PAY FOR CHILD'S COLLEGE OR NOT?

[dickoncapecod]

We paid for college for both kids because we could. We did not believe there was any valuable life lesson in starting out with crushing debt. Aside: my plumber has an MBA in finance. I believe his parents paid for undergrad.

 

[ClarkeK]

I paid 50% and made the kids take loans for the other 50%. The main reason was that it was all I could afford but I also felt that they needed to have some skin in the game.

 

[Steelpony]

Honestly I came from a well off family for the time but my father was ticked off by me when I joined the U.S. military in the later 60’s as a private contractor for about 4 years or so doing search and rescue. Along with work, savings and their benefits, I paid my own way.

We paid for our kids which was the current style at the time but I put limits on the amount, grades and years. After that they were on their own.

I can across some unique schemes. One was have your child work their way through and the parent reinburse receipts when they were finished.

Nearing retirement I saw a 11% budget cutout for my grandkids college costs. That ticked me off. Like father like son.

 

[brett]

I graduated in the late 70's. My parents did not have to spend a dime for my college and my out of town university education.

I was fortunate. I had the advantage of a summer union job on the railway that offered lots of overtime. I did not own a car.

But so what? Times changed. Neither of our children in 90's and 2000's had the benefit of a relatively high paying student summer job. Add to that the incredible increase in tuition costs from what I paid in the early-late 70's at a top rated university to what the cost of their tuition AND their books, etc. were. Even with the occasional scholarship monies. I have no doubt that this will be the experience of our grandchilren if and when they move on to post secondary, post gradute edu.

We paid because we could and we felt that it was the right thing to do. Others have a different approach. There is no right answer IMHO.

So sitting back and proudly saying that I paid my own way would have been somewhat disingenuous because the times were so very different. No comparison whatsoever.

 

[TickTock]

I can across some unique schemes. One was have your child work their way through and the parent reinburse receipts when they were finished.

DGF had the following arrangement: Sons were given money for college and had to repay him after graduating and getting jobs, daughters did not (they were assumed to marry and have their husbands provide for them).

DF had the same arrangement with me. On graduation, his gift to me was to forgive the debt - roughly 40% of one year's gross pay. I'm convinced that he did that due to my financial discipline during those years. If I'd been spendthrift with my money, I'm convinced that he'd have insisted on the original agreement (as was his right).

 

[Koolau]

So sitting back and proudly saying that I paid my own way would have been somewhat disingenuous because the times were so very different. No comparison whatsoever.

I don't think it's disingenuous - just not something that could be done today with the same kind of low-paying summer j*bs available.

When I started University, I was making $1.50/hr and that increased to (wait for it) $2.00/hr by Sr. year. I had no problem paying for all tuition, books, fees, transportation, food, etc. on what I made in a summer (usually 50 hours per week). I w*rked weekends most of my student c@reer as well.

 

[INTJ10]

We gave each kid the same amount for college. One went to an expensive private school and it was just enough. The other went to a public school and used the leftover money as a start to his retirement next egg. The one who went to the expensive school got a full ride to an Ivy league school for
A PhD the other one got a job.

 

[tizod]

I have to add my comment but did not read them all: I followed my Dad's method: I paid a known amount and then the kids had to earn/borrow or do what they wanted (pick low cost state school or private). Did the same for weddings (back then $25k all in - elope or destination wedding, but parents had no say nor arguments of logistics etc.). Same for cars but they had to buy car, and we covered insurance & some repair thru college (but they had own policy from 18 on). I highly recommend as it remove the "politics" from the family, and makes them have "skin in the game" and learn responsibility and planning.

 

[rk911]

I don't think it's disingenuous - just not something that could be done today with the same kind of low-paying summer j*bs available.

When I started University, I was making $1.50/hr and that increased to (wait for it) $2.00/hr by Sr. year. I had no problem paying for all tuition, books, fees, transportation, food, etc. on what I made in a summer (usually 50 hours per week). I w*rked weekends most of my student c@reer as well.

I worked part-time during my freshman year and full time during my last three-years and cash flowed tuition and books. Bought used books or got them at the school library (12-week checkout)

 

[floss187]

counterpoint example, me.

my parents paid for my college and I blew it. I partied, didn't care, and barely managed a 2.0 gpa. I was home sick, in the wrong place, and had no desire to be there. I went because i had to/was forced to. "go to school on us or move out on your own". so, i went.
I skipped more classes than i went to.
i ended up transferring out in year 3 to a local school where i did much better and it was much cheaper.

Hindsight, a couple factors were at play here.
I had no skin in the game.
I thought i was doing well enough at the restaurant (and by any kid's standard, $35 an hour average when you're 18 in the 90s was pretty good) and i had no clear vision of what i wanted to be when i grew up.


I think a lot of the failures i experienced were the result of my high school guidance consleuer not pushing me to figure me out. "It's ok to go in undeclared" is probably the stupidest thing that was ever said to me. I wasted 2 years taking BS classes that didn't count towards my eventual choice of major. At 21 years old, i was taking freshman classes. demoralizing. 2 years in, 4 more years to go! WTF

If you don't know at all what you want to do, at least declare a 'generic' major like business administration and declare a minor later.


The counter-counter point to this is that my parents don't think they wasted their money on me.
I came home a 'man', not a boy. I learned how to live. cook for myself, manage a tiny budget, prioritize beer vs food and everything else that comes with going out on your own.
There's certainly cheaper ways to go to the school of hard knocks but i had this one.

As a grown man, i reflect on this time in my life as directionless, sad, lonely, and a complete waste of money. I made some friends, i still talk to 2 of them today. most are FB connections that get a like once in a while on their photo dump.
I missed being at home. most of my friends went to local schools or trade schools or no schools. They all still hung out. I had huge FOMO. So, perhaps if the whole crowd is splitting up anyway, this won't be a factor to some. To me, in a blue-collar town, it meant i was the one who left and they kept living while i looked in.

Most of them haven't done well in life. Not bad, but just always broke living paycheck to paycheck, and i don't see many of them anymore either. Did I really miss out?


Youth is wasted on the young, as they say.



My wife and I have talked about what we will do for our kids, and we've decided we are not going to cover their bills at all -- at least not while they are in it. They are going to own it and rack up the loans and debt.
We MIGHT help them pay them off, but not until after they graduate and have felt the ambition that the debt piling up has to pay off.


So, my opinion is that even if you are going to pay for it, give them skin in the game.
hide it/don't tell them you will help/cover it later.
maybe set goals like, you will pay for it if you get 3.0 or higher each semester.
surprise them at graduation with a payoff.
take that 200k and earn on it over 4 years and give them the growth, not the nut, to help?

lot's of options, but kids just aren't ready sometimes. I wasn't. I should have taken a year off to figure out what I want to do with my life.

And for the record, I don't do for a living what I declared my major to be after 2 years of wasting credit hours.... so my entire college experience was basically a social experiment.

maybe that's ok. I turned out pretty good. A lot of the reason why is because I had to fight harder because i didn't have that degree like others I was competing against. I was the underdog, I fought hard, won, and have had a successful career working for 4 of the fortune 50 companies to date and many other smaller ones too.

 

[Tommyboy]

I was able to pay; we set up a 529 plan long ago however there were rules and limits.

Focus on education. No job during college is necessary as long as you achieve B or higher. Your homework and study is your job if you want me to fund the operation.

Must be an in-state school.
Must be a degree that has importance in the real world.

Otherwise, I was going to cash out, pay the penalties and buy myself a corvette.

My son graduated Magna Cum Laude from with a finance degree and now has a good paying job in the corporate world, using the education. He has no debt and has a real leg up. He did his part and earned it.

 

[Koolau]

I worked part-time during my freshman year and full time during my last three-years and cash flowed tuition and books. Bought used books or got them at the school library (12-week checkout)

Yep, I recall the Prof. telling us to be certain to get the version 1.8 if HER book for the course. I found version 1.7 for a couple dollars instead of $20 for the new one. I took my chances that no new elements had been added between version 1.7 and 1.8. Kinda torqued me off that the Prof. was willing to make extra money on the backs of students w*rking for $2/hour - but I can't say it surprised me. I did make certain she never saw me with the old book.