Transitioning to independent pursuits, struggling with identity/structure

[jollystomper]

One of the things that helped me step away from my career path into something else (which is doing whatever I feel like doing in retirement ) was not building my personal identity on the foundation of that career, even though many considered it very successful. When meeting people, if they asked me what I did, my first response was "trying to be a good husband, father, son, and citizen", as I learned that that was my most important role. No matter how my career was going at a particular point in to time, my family was there to support me as I supported them. That role continues even as I have stepped away from my career.

I applaud those who struck out on their own. I had opportunities but I was comfortable in the corporate world. It certainly helped that the job played to my personal interests. It felt more like a hobby I was being well paid for, even in the most difficult of situations. I tried to get along with people, to disagree with respect, and avoided burning bridges.

All I can recommend is to slow down, and avoid the "tyranny of the urgent". From what I read you have accomplished a lot, and are very motivated and driven - but perhaps this is a time to slow down and be patient. In order words, with your means you do not have to "rush" the transition. Maybe treat it as a "sabbatical" and take the time to look around - who knows you might find something of interest completely different that you might want to work at and pursue. Good luck!

 

[David Berthiaume]

"I'd invest some time figuring out if, "A wealth manager currently handles my finances/investing," is worth it in your case. You could be better off handling your investments on your own." .,

Yes. Great point. I think right now however, given all of the tax optimizations needed, the complexity with the transition to consulting and moving overseas, and the reduction in mental bandwidth this provides, having a wealth manager is helpful. Once things settle into a steady state, this will likely change.

The Hadwiger conjecture (Hadwiger's conjecture - I've seen it both ways), is probably one of the most beautiful problems I've ever worked on, stunning beauty, brutal difficulty, and an absurd amount of depth. I'm working 50-60+ hours per week on it, not just because I want to solve it, but likely because I'm trying to escape the identity of someone who is simply very bad at corporate leadership roles - roles that are expected to come naturally to people, politics, and rigid soul crushing structure. (Perhaps escapism? It's OK to be bad at that, I'm a capable Mathematician instead).

 

[street]

Over the years there has been many threads about this same topic. When retiring a person needs to retire to something. I didn't have the problem and my job was very important and lived my work for 35 years. I also had so many more interests in life and I just needed the time to do all those things.

Finding a passion is key to having a smooth flight and landing in ER. I have heard the word purpose compared to a hammer. A hammer has a purpose in life and it is it's only purpose. Life would be boring with a life of a hammer. Finding new interesting passions and take them to the next level. Your transition will be an easy one then. Just my 2¢.

 

[FIREd]

I perform well in highly aligned technical/research environments, but *REALLY* struggle in chaotic, meeting-heavy, management-oriented/social, ambiguous roles. I’m now trying to structure my life much more intentionally around that reality rather than forcing myself into environments that are ultimately a poor fit

This was me many years ago and this was one aspect that prompted to pursue early retirement. I am pleased to say that I have successfully transitioned to pursuing more personal and fulfilling interests. I never identified much with my career so I didn’t have to deal with identity issues. But as far as structure goes, I created my own at first (I remember scheduling activities like exercise for example). Then I loosened it little by little and today my life is fairly unstructured except for sleeping.

 

[Route246]

Hi everyone,

I’m 45, married, with a 3-year-old. My wife has an opportunity for a postdoc in Barcelona (~58k euro salary), and we’re seriously considering relocating from the greater Boston area. I currently have about $3.3M in savings/investments, no debt, relatively low expenses, renting a small house, and I’m generally not a big spender. A wealth manager currently handles my finances/investing.

Most of these savings came from a tech/software startup I co-founded and later sold. I also recently finished a graduate degree at Harvard. About 6 months ago, I left my role as a Principal AI Engineer/Data Scientist at a large company to pursue independent work: working on an open problem in graph theory (Hadwiger's Conjecture) with some strategic guidance from a professor at MIT, some solopreneur work, and eventually selective consulting in AI/geospatial/remote sensing.

A big realization for me recently is that I have a very “spiky” / 2e cognitive profile, unfortunately. I perform well in highly aligned technical/research environments, but *REALLY* struggle in chaotic, meeting-heavy, management-oriented/social, ambiguous roles. I’m now trying to structure my life much more intentionally around that reality rather than forcing myself into environments that are ultimately a poor fit, where I might struggle/fail, and where I'm unhappy and feel I cannot contribute to the world in a meaningful way intellectually.

Financially, we're relatively okay, especially with the lower cost of living in Spain, but I'm not quite where I want to be yet. Assuming I work hard on these pursuits over the next ~20? years and learn what I need to (especially what I learned from my first startup!), I expect to achieve a meaningful income over time. However, I’m still adjusting psychologically to stepping away from a traditional career path and into a much more self-directed one.

I’d love to hear from others who have gone through something similar:

• transitioning away from high-income traditional work (~600k total yearly income) into more independent/intellectual/creative pursuits with less stable income
• balancing meaningful work with financial independence
• deciding when to do consulting and how many hours/week
• managing the psychological side of no longer having a traditional “job”. This has been a TOUGH one for me.

I’d especially appreciate practical advice from people who have already navigated a similar transition!

Thanks!
~David

First of all, congratulations for your financial success given your description of neuro-divergence. It could have gone much differently and I admire your self-awareness. I have some similar characteristics but not so spiky and have always been characterized as nerdy, over-analytical and detail-oriented while being very self-aware of my behavioral divergence and I can overcome much of the issues (i.e. dealing with politics and management) by forcing my way through the stress and discomfort. These behavioral deficits can be overcome in real time when I recognize them and forcefully compensate and subvert the frustration. I have also managed to prosper financially in spite of these challenges.

I'm 24 years ahead of you and have successfully retired. I still maintain intellectual curiosity but the transition was much smoother than I anticipated. The opportunity in Barcelona sounds like a winner, especially for your 3-year-old.