You are corect the IRAs are the killer. Depending on assets, you could split up some of that to be distributed to the kids. A trust, I did mine revocable so you can change it later but upon death ot becomes non revocable, could be made with 2 trustees, one your significant other, or just leave the significant other as a trustee. So, they will have acess to the money almost as needed, and then distribute the rest afterwards. You can also sheild the home this way, it would be owned by the trust and could be lived in by the spouse, maintained by the trust, then left to the children afterwards. It dosen't cover everything, but you can make it so you have a better peice of mind. Addtionally, you could have the trust alogate money to the children during this period, or set up trusts for them at certian milestones. Best to talk to someone, but better yet to understand what you can do before talking it over with a lawyer. I am not a lawyer, I just have no family and a ex wife and 12 year old. My problem was that if the money was left to the 12 year old, a fight may ensue or worse, have to go to the court system to have a guardian apointed for her. This I was told could take years, and banks will not let 12 year olds withdraw $$. So I set a trust up, so daughter and mom could live together, and the trust paying for it all untill my daughter becomes 35. At that point she gets whats left plus my house. I have benchmarks inbetween to assign assets, pay for collage, medical etc throughout the 23 years as well as checks and ballances to make sure no one goes on a spending spree. This was a in case of run over by bus senerio. Is it perfect, no, does it make me feel better , yes. Can they get around some stuff, maybe. But for the most part its better. Plus, if the kido gets older and has her witts about her, I can change it. This will not protect assists from a medical standpoint. So, no free nursing home.