Unable to spend Money ?

R

rkser

Full time employment: Posting here.
Joined
Oct 26, 2007
Messages
869
We have a healthy sum saved & invested, which keeps growing.

We are unable to spend, do not know what to spend it on, physical limitations like knee & shoulder replacements come in the way & limit my mobility some.

Old Frugal habits some how raise their head, do not want to waste money.

Gift to 2 launched kids non reportable & reportable Form 709 & 529s for grandkids, a scholarship for needy students at a local college.

I am pushing 70, DW is nearing 65, live in a manageable size retirement downsized house.
We can easily afford a larger sized home for two of us, like our friends, but it comes with physically demanding maintenance (in our minds). But, we think our 3/3 is plenty big.

We never thought we may be leaving this large a pot of money behind. We are touching 8 figures. The dividends & our SS will be around $175k/yr, which we spend now.
We do have an aggressive AA for retirees as we are investing for kids in a way. If the market crashes 50% so be it, we may leave behind less but our $175k/yr will still be intact.

We do travel internationally but cannot get ourselves to buy 1st class, prefer coach instead as we always have.
(I know our kids will)

Have you heard of middle class people who are uneasy with large sum of dough ? That is us.
We are annoyed to spend money just for spending sake, when we do not see any more return for it.

We started poor but have got into money by frugal living but it is tough to get rid of those same habits .

Anybody else who is afflicted ? Any ways to get out of this ?

Thanks for reading through a long post.

Thanks in advance
 
Last edited:
I've never had a problem spending but I do agree, it gets harder when you get older because of lower energy levels and/or mobility. At least it has been for me. This year may be the first year since I retired that my annual spend rate will fall under 200k and that includes gifting to our DD.
 
Last edited:
It's talked about here from time to time.

Two suggestions:

1. Start gradually increasing spending on things you value. If there's nothing you lack yourselves, then gifting (more) to family or charity.

2. Force more dollars from your "nonspendable" places like IRAs into your "spendable" places like checking accounts. For example, you can set up an automatic withdrawal monthly to move $X (more) from your IRA to your checking.

I'm doing the first and occasionally consider the second.
 
Frugal habits are difficult to leave, but you don't have to suddenly become someone who throws money away.
Stay in your home if it brings you joy.
Start small. Try first class tickets once, the next time you travel. You may find the comfort easier on your mobility issues. That is one way we have increased spending. FC significantly decreases DH back issues.
BTD on your kids--take them on a first class trip with you. Create memories. We took our kids and grands to Hawaii two years ago, flew everyone first class, stayed in a resort, all expenses on us. The smiles on their faces were priceless.
Find more charities to donate too, or whatever gets your "feel good" feelings going.
You are blessed.
 
I would say start by buying business class tickets. Stay at nicer hotels/resorts in suites. Book the largest stateroom if you were to cruise. We haven't had this problem for the past 30 years. Once you start opening up the wallet, it gets easier.
 
I'm sure you know there are common threads on this, so you are not alone. But I don't know how to "cure" you as I am comfortable with things that cost more even if they don't have the pure financial value some wish to see in return.

For me, the niceties are enough return, and I don't have the hang up on spending more.

First/Business travel, especially for international or longer domestic flights. Is it 3-5x the price of coach? Yes. But I know, not like you get there any faster. However, once you try it, you'll never want to go back to cattle class. Air travel is ghastly at best, so anything you can (easily) throw at it to make it less so, all the better. Especially with some achy joints.
At least pay the extra for the direct flight on the schedule you prefer, and go Main plus a time or two.

Nice hotels. Not a bigger room at the Courtyard, or Hampton Inn, but the 4 or 5 star property. The places that have their own spas. And get a massage!

New furnishings. You might not want a bigger house, but how about a new living room ensemble. Modern trimmings, etc.

Cars. Too many here, imo, keep cars too long. The safety features alone can often make driving anything more than 10-12 years old a bad idea. Get the leather. Get the upgrades.

When you go out with friends, pick up the check, get the steak.

Either way, try it for a year? You won't want to look back at 80 and realize you could have, but didn't even try.
 
Being frugal and combined with age equals to more wealth growth. I thing we like to do is give to local charities where you actually the results.
With the amount of money you have you will likely never run out. Good Luck.
 
I agree about business class for long flights. Though if you bounce off the plane all alert and full of energy after a long flight in coach class, maybe it won't make that much difference for you. At least try it once, anyway.

Do you have plenty of joy in your life, and do you know what gives you joy? You don't have to let your portfolio size weigh on you if your frugal life is full of joy, just as it is. But if there is room for improvement then think about what gives you joy, and see if you can come up with ideas to expand your joy that might happen to cost more money than fit with your established self-image.
 
I don't see an affliction and don't see spending for spending's sake.

If you think you are uncomfortable flying economy, try business or first class as an experiment and decide if you want to do it again.

Consider hiring household help to give yourself a breather from cleaning and yard work (unless you really enjoy it).

Renovate you home / get it prepared to age in place if you so desire. Put on a fancy new deck if you want.

Think about a concierge physician / incorporate a functional medicine doctor to augment (not replace) your traditional physician, get a personal trainer, buy a Total Gym - anything to work on you health/ quality of living.

If you like animals, adopt or foster a pet and treat said pet like royalty.

Add another charity-of-choice to your roster.

Take dance lessons with your spouse. Go out to eat once a week. Plan family outings. Rent a fancy beach house for a week or two for the entire family. Plan a romantic get-a-way for you and your DW. BTD on a nice piece of jewelry for your DW. (BTW, it's not really the jewelry that she would appreciate, it's you thinking about her.) To the extent you don't, start bringing home flowers.

Don't waste your time regretting not spending money.
 
Last edited:
There is no need to spend more than you need to. Give it to family, charities, or directly to people in need. Use your money for the good of others.

You can also spend to address your aging and mobility issues. Hire people to do things for you. If you are not comfortable driving at some point, use Uber.
 
We see this enough times on this site.
I will make two comments.
One - as stated by others, it is hard to give up old LBYM habits. So what feeling takes place as you think about booking a first class ticket? Just curious.
Two - not an oft mentioned comment here. Perhaps the game of increasing one's wealth never really ends for some, even though they don't admit it or even realize it. Approaching 8 figures means one is approaching the top 1%. Perhaps that is a subconscious goal.
 
Through a combination of frugality and luck, we hit our FI number a few years early, and are in a similar situation.

As others have already said, being more charitable is an option. Especially with small, local nonprofits where you can see what your contributions are accomplishing.

The other suggestion mentioned above that is working for us is simply to splurge more often. Being frugal in our day to day lives is what helped get us to this point, but that doesn't mean we can't blow some cash when we feel like it: Especially in somewhat stealthy ways like upgraded seats on flights or luxury hotels and experiences while traveling.
 
rkser said:
We have a healthy sum saved & invested, which keeps growing.

We are unable to spend, do not know what to spend it on, physical limitations like knee & shoulder replacements come in the way & limit my mobility some.

Old Frugal habits some how raise their head, do not want to waste money.

Gift to 2 launched kids non reportable & reportable Form 709 & 529s for grandkids, a scholarship for needy students at a local college.

I am pushing 70, DW is nearing 65, live in a manageable size retirement downsized house.
We can easily afford a larger sized home for two of us, like our friends, but it comes with physically demanding maintenance (in our minds). But, we think our 3/3 is plenty big.

We never thought we may be leaving this large a pot of money behind. We are touching 8 figures. The dividends & our SS will be around $175k/yr, which we spend now.
We do have an aggressive AA for retirees as we are investing for kids in a way. If the market crashes 50% so be it, we may leave behind less but our $175k/yr will still be intact.

We do travel internationally but cannot get ourselves to buy 1st class, prefer coach instead as we always have.
(I know our kids will)

Have you heard of middle class people who are uneasy with large sum of dough ? That is us.
We are annoyed to spend money just for spending sake, when we do not see any more return for it.

We started poor but have got into money by frugal living but it is tough to get rid of those same habits .

Anybody else who is afflicted ? Any ways to get out of this ?

Thanks for reading through a long post.

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

Focus your spending on experiences, not things. Sure, you could afford a larger home, but why? I agree with you if you are happy and fulfilled with your existing home.

Not upgrading to first class given the number of zeros in your new worth is silly. I would say stupid but we don't know each other well enough for me to give a harsh criticism. Flying is an experience, you can afford it 10 times over. Don't be silly. Enjoy yourself.

It's hard to quantify "more return for it" but using the one example of flying first class, once you do it, it's hard to go back.

This is obviously bothering you or you wouldn't have asked the question. My advice, start investing in experiences.
 
As others said, start with upgraded air travel. But are you traveling as much as you would like? Or are the mobility issues getting in the way? I had a thought the other day that if I could afford it I would be somewhere other than my home base at least half the time. There are a million places I'd like to visit, including in my home state, neighboring states, and across the US--and then there are nearly infinite cities and towns throughout the world. I am just naturally curious as to what each of them is like--it doesn't matter to me whether the place is known for anything special. I'd fly first class. I'd buy a $150k camper. I'd hire personal guides to show me around. I'd have a vacation home or two in other countries, and snowbird it internationally.
 
I have frequently speculated on what I would do if I had vastly more money that I require. My speculations have pretty much always tended toward enhanced charitable giving rather than excessive lifestyle expansion. My wife and I are plenty happy with our current situation, so a ton of money dumped on us would truly be of little personal utility.

Except for front of the plane tickets. That would definitely be on the agenda...
 
When I do some chores myself, despite the fact that I could very easily afford to hire someone to do them, I still get that "flush of pride" from DIY'ing the job and saving some bux.

Example: last autumn on a camping trip the airco on my 26 year old F-150 was barely cool. Local prices for a recharge varied from $70 to $100 plus likely listening to an up-sale pitch for unneeded repairs. I picked up a can of refrigerant for $15 (I already own the gear to install it) and did the job while we were stopped at a beautiful campsite at a COE park on the Mississippi River in western Illinois. A nice guy, another geezer, from a neighboring campsite stopped by when he saw my hood up to see if he could help. I got a couple of beers out of the cooler in the truck bed and what should have been a 30 minute job turned into well over an hour. A lot of leaning on the fenders and yakking was involved. It was a pleasant afternoon.

But, damn it, I blew the opportunity to spend more money! DW and I have an Illinois estate tax problem and spending less money while feeling good about knowing how to do a job and making a new acquaintance at the same time isn't helping. I gotta learn to stop doing whatever I want to do and enjoying myself and do the thing where I spend more money!
 
Thanks for your suggestions -

Some of the things we already do from the above List -
We have been transferring Shares / Gift Cash up to $38k ($19k each) to both children every year, we have been talking about doing some to their spouses.
Once a year we host a 4-7days trip inside the country for 6 adults & 3 kids, kids say they cannot get more time off from their work.
We have hired out Lawn services - Cut & Pest control, cleaning Lady comes twice a month, call Handy Man for any & all around the house as I do not know how to & never bothered to learn.
Eat out twice a week usually, try to pick up the check when with friends/children.
Donate regularly to our Church, one scholarship is running in perpetuity at a local community college.
I will try flying on the first/business class next time but I know it is a not going to be easy,
we gifted $250k to DS to help him buy a house & the same to DD to gift equally, completed the form $709 to log in the gifts.
I am waiting for my SUV to complete its 10 yrs next year to get my next car, DW’s car will complete its 10 years in 2018.
I know this is tough for me before 10yrs & both are in top condition.
We have been doing for a long time what we read & learn from this & Bogleheads Forums.
Our VTI, VXUS & VGT have done well in last few years & have added to the total sum, I know it is a First World problem.

I don’t know what else to add,
again thanks for your help, I am learning.
 
Last edited:
rkser said:
We have a healthy sum saved & invested, which keeps growing.

We are unable to spend, do not know what to spend it on, physical limitations like knee & shoulder replacements come in the way & limit my mobility some.

Old Frugal habits some how raise their head, do not want to waste money.

Gift to 2 launched kids non reportable & reportable Form 709 & 529s for grandkids, a scholarship for needy students at a local college.

I am pushing 70, DW is nearing 65, live in a manageable size retirement downsized house.
We can easily afford a larger sized home for two of us, like our friends, but it comes with physically demanding maintenance (in our minds). But, we think our 3/3 is plenty big.

We never thought we may be leaving this large a pot of money behind. We are touching 8 figures. The dividends & our SS will be around $175k/yr, which we spend now.
We do have an aggressive AA for retirees as we are investing for kids in a way. If the market crashes 50% so be it, we may leave behind less but our $175k/yr will still be intact.

We do travel internationally but cannot get ourselves to buy 1st class, prefer coach instead as we always have.
(I know our kids will)

Have you heard of middle class people who are uneasy with large sum of dough ? That is us.
We are annoyed to spend money just for spending sake, when we do not see any more return for it.

We started poor but have got into money by frugal living but it is tough to get rid of those same habits .

Anybody else who is afflicted ? Any ways to get out of this ?

Thanks for reading through a long post.

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...
Have I ever heard of anyone? Yes, my Mom. I always have helped with their finances and it's just the way it is. She is not going to change now.
 
I do not know if both of us coming from
middle class upbringing has some thing to do with it.
I do not know if we will be comfortable if we end up in a 5 Star hotel for a few weeks. I am sorry it is difficult to explain.
We may feel comfortable in a Holiday Inn down the street as we have spent so much more time in those kind of hotels.
 
I am a little more frugal than my spouse but what helps with spending money is that we both like nice things. We won't stay at a hotel or resort lower than 4 star unless there are only lower tier hotels at the location. We like comfort above everything else.
 
For a few years we have been flying business class or better on overnight flights to get a lay flat seat/bed for sleeping. We feel so much better on the arrival day. This also gives you access to the airport lounges when connecting and can get decent food gratis plus a quiet place to wait. We are cruising more now too. At your NW you can spend it and it doesn’t matter to your financial stability, so fight the old urge to be thrifty.
 
rkser said:
I do not know if both of us coming from
middle class upbringing has some thing to do with it.
I do not know if we will be comfortable if we end up in a 5 Star hotel for a few weeks. I am sorry it is difficult to explain.
We may feel comfortable in a Holiday Inn down the street as we have spent so much more time in those kind of hotels.
Click to expand...
We're the same. Our enjoyment of "adventure cruise" travel has been inversely proportional to the price/luxury level of the boat/company. We both LOVED our Antarctic cruise aboard the "Ushuaia," a repurposed research vessel with utilitarian fixtures throughout, owned and operated by an Argentinian company. Most of our fellow passengers were stretching their budgets to be there, meaning they were SUPER-jazzed about the trip, and the crew had a great sense of fun and zero obsequiousness. They treated us like kids at (a great) summer camp.

EDIT: We've stayed in a lot of Motel 6's because of their pet policies. While big-city Motel 6's can sometimes have problematic clientele, we love it when another customer comes into the lobby to check out and reports that the toilet was running and he thinks he fixed it but they should check to make sure...
 
Last edited:
"We never thought we may be leaving this large a pot of money behind"

Unfortunately, that just how the math works. Compounding. Many here, myself included, have been unable to put the brakes on runaway portfolio growth.

Had you spent maybe just a little more money earlier, you might be a greeter at Walmart today instead of flying coach (ugh!) internationally.

You're not likely to change spending habits, and flying first class and staying in a four room hotel suite isn't really going to make any dent in a near 8 figure portfolio (though still recommended).

You've just hit critical mass.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Y
Are you all in on the SKI movement?
2
SecondCor521
SecondCor521
RHONDAVE
So my better half doesn't want the bath of her dreams?........
stepford
S
M
Getting aging parent to spend money when they have more than enough?
2 3
TickTock
T
Keim
Why aren't I more excited?
2
Surewhitey
Surewhitey
R
Blow that dough on a new house?
2 3
RobLJ
R

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom