What happens to a loner when he loses the ability to take care of himself?

This is a common issue in any country where the birth rate has dropped. The effect is amplified in America where the "nuclear family" has been popular for awhile with the result that family members are often widely-spread geographically. This gap has been filled somewhat by Continuing Care Retirement Communities.
 
old medic said:
Read up on Gene Hackman.... And I hate to say it but that happens about daily....
My career exposed me to many cases of lone seniors found dead after periods of time. Whenever we came across a situation of someone unable to care for themselves, we would report it to Dept of Social Services. They would step in to try and help, but sometimes that didn't make a difference.
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Wasn’t Hackman living with a younger wife? Was she abusive or neglectful? He was alone for an unknown but relatively short period. Seems like an atypical case. I think about loners going months or years in poor living conditions.
 
jazz4cash said:
Wasn’t Hackman living with a younger wife? Was she abusive or neglectful? He was alone for an unknown but relatively short period. Seems like an atypical case. I think about loners going months or years in poor living conditions.
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His wife took good care of him, but as soon as she died , he walked around the house largely starving for the next ~6 days as he was so incapable of caring for himself, then he fell and died.

She really should have put him in a retirement home years ago, money wasn't an issue as they are leaving ~$80 million behind.
 
Sunset said:
His wife took good care of him, but as soon as she died , he walked around the house largely starving for the next ~6 days as he was so incapable of caring for himself, then he fell and died.

She really should have put him in a retirement home years ago, money wasn't an issue as they are leaving ~$80 million behind.
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That’s what I thought. It’s a tragedy and maybe there’s more to the story. Six days is not so long but totally avoidable with today’s technology. Need a Plan B.
 
jazz4cash said:
Wasn’t Hackman living with a younger wife? Was she abusive or neglectful? He was alone for an unknown but relatively short period. Seems like an atypical case. I think about loners going months or years in poor living conditions.
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I’ve known men with significantly younger wives who had ended up burying them. One guy had a wife 30 years younger and she died suddenly.

Then there is a buddy who is in his 70’s with a young son of elementary school age. That’s another risk of having a wife who is too young.
 
skyking1 said:
We have planned for this. The house is suited for live in help and the goal is to stay there as long as it is practical.
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That implies you're astute and well enough to manage your finances, arrange for the help to come in, etc. If you're alone and capable, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. But if you're there alone (OP"s question) and not firing on all cylinders, administering your own care and managing your finances to pay for it is going to be a problem.
 
GrayHare said:
This is a common issue in any country where the birth rate has dropped. The effect is amplified in America where the "nuclear family" has been popular for awhile with the result that family members are often widely-spread geographically. This gap has been filled somewhat by Continuing Care Retirement Communities.
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If you're truly "alone" but fully capable of entering a CCRC independent living situation, most CCRC's will require you to have a medical POA and viable management of your finances (trust executor, etc.) as a requirement. In the event you take a sudden turn for the worse, they insist on having someone with decision making power and someone authorized to keep paying the bills in place.

If you can afford it, and can successfully jump the hurdles for admission, I think CCRC's are an excellent solution for the "old and alone" problem.
 
I just found the term "elder orphan" to describe those of us without family members who can take care of us, so there is some research out there and possible paths forward with trusts and attorneys who specialize in elder care (meeting with the elder-care attorney is probably the first step). DH and I are trying to simplify our stuff for our children now, with an eye to them NOT having to take care of much when the time comes. We are not "elder orphans" by definition but we plan to act like we are.

I am very close to emotionally but hundreds of miles away from a widowed family member who has turned 90 and still lives alone; he was tickled on our recent visit to show me in great detail how he has everything in order financially and legally for "when the time comes" and I was amazed and inspired by how his affairs should easily wrap up. He still lives in a small townhouse development and his neighbors all keep their eye on him and have our phone numbers.
 
Bestwifeever said:
I just found the term "elder orphan" to describe those of us without family members who can take care of us, so there is some research out there and possible paths forward with trusts and attorneys who specialize in elder care (meeting with the elder-care attorney is probably the first step). DH and I are trying to simplify our stuff for our children now, with an eye to them NOT having to take care of much when the time comes. We are not "elder orphans" by definition but we plan to act like we are.

I am very close to emotionally but hundreds of miles away from a widowed family member who has turned 90 and still lives alone; he was tickled on our recent visit to show me in great detail how he has everything in order financially and legally for "when the time comes" and I was amazed and inspired by how his affairs should easily wrap up. He still lives in a small townhouse development and his neighbors all keep their eye on him and have our phone numbers.
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There's an app called Snug which I put on my iPhone that will notify whoever you want if you don't "check in" to the app every day by a time you pick. I have two people it will call. I live alone and I am a widower.
 
CaptTom said:
I have a somewhat distant relative who was looking into facilities where you pay up-front and then are guaranteed a place in assisted living and, if needed, LTC. As I recall it was quite a chunk of change, but for her (no close family) it seemed like it might work. Sorry, I don't remember any more than that.
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Yes- there are many varieties of this and a few threads here on Continuing Care Communities, which work as you described. For many models, the costs are front-loaded in return for a guarantee that they'll provide LTC. As someone noted later in this thread, there's no guarantee the LTC will be decent if/when you need it and some places have gone bankrupt or found that they don't have enough LTC beds and sent residents elsewhere.
 
audreyh1 said:
The problem is that someone has to administer that. If your faculties are declining, how can you manage that? And what about replacing people? Who does the grocery shopping and meal prep? How do you protect yourself from swindlers?
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Exactly.

My mom was adamant about not having Alzheimer's and I had to step in to move her into an assisted-living home. What happens to those loners with advanced dementia? I would think only a small set of those people may have plans to cover their final years.
 
youbet said:
If you're truly "alone" but fully capable of entering a CCRC independent living situation, most CCRC's will require you to have a medical POA and viable management of your finances (trust executor, etc.) as a requirement. In the event you take a sudden turn for the worse, they insist on having someone with decision making power and someone authorized to keep paying the bills in place.
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I believe this is not a solution for most people. Just because pretty much all those communities require some action well in advance. Most decent CCRC has waiting lists 10-15 years or even longer. Not many people are capable to join the list early, while they're not too old, in a right mind and in a good health overall. Why bother to pay so much money for virtually nothing?
 
Alex The Great said:
I believe this is not a solution for most people. Just because pretty much all those communities require some action well in advance. Most decent CCRC has waiting lists 10-15 years or even longer. Not many people are capable to join the list early, while they're not too old, in a right mind and in a good health overall. Why bother to pay so much money for virtually nothing?
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DW and I have been researching/visiting CCRC 's in the Chicago area for several years. What we've found here is different from what you've run into.

Many nice (some quite high-tier) facilities in our area seem to have openings regularly. If you want to wait for a particular floor plan apartment in a particular location in the building or with extensive custom remodeling to your specifications, there may be a wait. But if you're flexible, at least around here, there are immediate openings at many high quality facilities.

While CCRC living is expensive, as long as you have the money and (as per OP's original post and question) are a loner with no one to leave it to, why not spend it on yourself? I wouldn't consider it to be "paying so much money for virtually nothing." I'd see it as spending my money on me and living in a nice place where I could continue to be a "loner" if I chose but have professionals keeping an eye on me and providing appropriate accommodations as I grow into deep geezerhood.

I agree with your observation that if you wait too long and already need help for daily activities, you've missed the boat for CCRC's and likely need to find an assisted living facility.

If your financial situation supports it, check other geographical areas. "10 or 15 years or even longer" waiting lists don't exist around here.
 
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Alex The Great said:
I believe this is not a solution for most people. Just because pretty much all those communities require some action well in advance. Most decent CCRC has waiting lists 10-15 years or even longer. Not many people are capable to join the list early, while they're not too old, in a right mind and in a good health overall. Why bother to pay so much money for virtually nothing?
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That's a bit of an exaggeration when you say "most". I know of several truly excellent CCRCs that have wait lists of only 4-6 years. If that is something you are seriously thinking about (like me), then it's kind of a no-brainer to do some research, find one or two that fit your needs, and place a small refundable deposit to get on their list.
Sure, there are some with long lists, but they are still in the minority (for now). As the Baby Boom generation ages, those lists will certainly keep lengthening.
 
youbet said:
That implies you're astute and well enough to manage your finances, arrange for the help to come in, etc. If you're alone and capable, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. But if you're there alone (OP"s question) and not firing on all cylinders, administering your own care and managing your finances to pay for it is going to be a problem.
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yes I'm not a loner either by nature, and I have a nephew who I can enlist on the money management things.
 
Sunset said:
Should nobody refer them to authorities but leave them alone. They will be prime targets for scams, swindlers, who will "help" the person while robbing them. Including losing their home and savings.
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I've seen this happen several times. Even if someone does refer them to "authorities" they have to be willing to accept the help. Going by what I saw more than half are not willing. Those either just get along as best they can until they die, or they fall down and die. One woman starved to death since she could no longer manage driving her car, which eventually wouldn't run anyway. Ordering groceries wasn't available in that area at that time (late '70's). I doubt she would have been able to manage doing that anyway.

Where I worked the person did not have to accept help unless they were a "clear and present danger to themselves or others" and that's a pretty high bar to clear. And justifiably so, since at that point you're talking about using the power of the State to take away someone's freedom.
 
This is one of the more sobering topics here, yet necessary. Health is the wild card. I'll be content to keep aging if I can stay reasonably capable. Hackman's health failed, but Shatner might play Captain Kirk yet again, 60 years after he did the first time. Amazing.
 
Walt34 said:
I've seen this happen several times. Even if someone does refer them to "authorities" they have to be willing to accept the help. Going by what I saw more than half are not willing. Those either just get along as best they can until they die, or they fall down and die. One woman starved to death since she could no longer manage driving her car, which eventually wouldn't run anyway. Ordering groceries wasn't available in that area at that time (late '70's). I doubt she would have been able to manage doing that anyway.

Where I worked the person did not have to accept help unless they were a "clear and present danger to themselves or others" and that's a pretty high bar to clear. And justifiably so, since at that point you're talking about using the power of the State to take away someone's freedom.
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The public guardian can go to court for conservatorship if a person is truly incapable of taking care of themselves and social services or the public guardian become aware of the situation. It is an extremely high bar for reasons that you have stated. I’ve seen people who clearly should have been conserved but were able to pull it together in front of the judge so…

Having eyes on people who don’t have much or any other contact with others is one of the benefits of programs like meals on wheels. Someone who goes to their house a few times a week and can report if things look- concerning.
In social services we actually got reports from animal control on elderly people. Neighbors would call about the animals but not necessarily the people.
 
Some good replies here.
I'll go with Lynyrd Skynyrd,
When my times up out on my own, you won't find me in an old folks homes.
You got that right. Sure got that right.

Not sure what the mechanism is though.
 
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