What's Your Third Place? (Or should that be second?)

[CaptTom]

Somewhere I read about the idea of a "Third Place." Your first "place" is your home. Your second place would be school or your job.

Your third place is where you go to hang out, when you're not at the other two. This might be a club, your church, someplace you volunteer at, a sporting team or activity, some local hang-out or whatever.

I've had a bunch of these in my life. As a kid, it was probably a neighbor's house or just a group of kids playing, riding bikes somewhere, whatever. At one point I was in cub scouts. In high school we'd hang out in someone's garage working on engines, or building something in their shop, or go fishing. The winter I spent in an old lobsterman's barn building wooden lobster traps with the guys left some indelible memories.

The most recent was a club. There were scheduled social events. One night a week the guys would get together. Other times we'd have an impromptu pot-luck family night on a random Friday. Just walking in the place any time, there was a chance there were already people there you could just shoot the breeze with.

But those guys from "men's night" have all moved on, or in many cases, passed on. Social events are down to a few holiday dinners a year. The place is otherwise deserted. This seems to be part of a larger trend of people just not socializing in person any more.

So, as the title says, what's your "third place?" (If you're retired, would that be your "second" place now?) Or does anyone even have one any more?

 

[Scrapr]

The local coffee house close to MIL. They know my order & get it prepped as I walk in. I chat with the baristas while they make it. I've been going later so run into the :day" shift crew. Starting to get to know them. Then just watching the regulars is fun. There is a table chit chatting & playing cards. The regular near d'wells & slackers. A few folks working on a laptop. Just a quirky place.

 

[Ronstar]

My workshop.

 

[Dtail]

Various Pickleball courts.

 

[pugs135]

My local volunteer firehouse.

 

[COcheesehead]

On my bike.

 

[ArmchairMillionaire]

Somewhere I read about the idea of a "Third Place." Your first "place" is your home. Your second place would be school or your job.

Your third place is where you go to hang out, when you're not at the other two. This might be a club, your church, someplace you volunteer at, a sporting team or activity, some local hang-out or whatever.

I've had a bunch of these in my life. As a kid, it was probably a neighbor's house or just a group of kids playing, riding bikes somewhere, whatever. At one point I was in cub scouts. In high school we'd hang out in someone's garage working on engines, or building something in their shop, or go fishing. The winter I spent in an old lobsterman's barn building wooden lobster traps with the guys left some indelible memories.

The most recent was a club. There were scheduled social events. One night a week the guys would get together. Other times we'd have an impromptu pot-luck family night on a random Friday. Just walking in the place any time, there was a chance there were already people there you could just shoot the breeze with.

But those guys from "men's night" have all moved on, or in many cases, passed on. Social events are down to a few holiday dinners a year. The place is otherwise deserted. This seems to be part of a larger trend of people just not socializing in person any more.

So, as the title says, what's your "third place?" (If you're retired, would that be your "second" place now?) Or does anyone even have one any more?

Now that I'm retired, I don't even have a second place anymore.

But I'm working on that. Yesterday I started beginner's piano lessons at a music store in a nearby town.

 

[Calico]

The library.

 

[YellowSubmarine]

Shuffleboard Club at this time of year; my pool in warmer weather.

 

[Gumby]

If I'm not home, I'm probably at my church or my garden.

 

[street]

My second and third can be interchangeable. The outdoors (fishing, hunting, hiking) or my ranch. When I'm doing any of those I want to be.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Once one is retired, there is no more work place as the second place. Our second place is at our golf course golfing or clubhouse having a meal at our country club. Third place if we want to include is a place that we spend a month or so in the winter out of state is at our favorite timeshare property. It works much like a 2nd vacation home.

 

[jazz4cash]

Harbor Freight.

 

[jazz4cash]

Based on what I see when I am in public it’s the web for many folks

 

[rk911]

My wife and I have always been together. I never had a regular "men's night out with the boys" (and my wife never had a regular ladie's night out with the girls, either). We vacationed at least once a year, sometimes twice usually seeing grandma and grampa at the lake.
Later, when we could afford one, we bought the first of our three RVs and traveled the USA starting out at 2-3 weeks all the way up to 6-months post retirement. And I took my flying lessons without her but she was present when I soloed!

We did have occasional lunches and dinners with other couples but that's tapered off as we all aged. We're having lunch this weekend with friends from our days as Election Judges. We both earned our ham radio licenses, together, and I volunteered for public service events my ham radio club was a part of. My wife usually didn't go since she liked to sleep in on weekends. But we did go to club meetings together and we were both officers of that club.

Post retirement I do have regular monthly breakfasts with other hams and my wife has less regular lunches with her Bible Study friends. Looking back we have and still spend a majority of our non-working and retirement time together. Zero regrets.

 

[Koolau]

Definitely church. Church offers us most of our opportunities for service, study, continued learning and socializing.

4th place??

HERE! Thanks for being here for me.

 

[FlaGator]

Interesting way to think about how time gets spent, and how it has changed for me in the last 15 years.

When working with a SAHM and two kids, the 3rd place was a bicycle.

As a retired single parent, the second place was supporting/chaperoning the kids' activities, the 3rd was still a bicycle.

With the kids now gone, the second is daily walking/exercise/general activity, the third is friends and social interaction wherever I find it.

Interesting to me, the bike is not even in the picture after several years of 2,000-ish+ miles. Recently realized all those hours and miles were an escape/pleasant distraction from everything else that was going on. Still like getting on a bike, but the daily commitment just isn't there right now. Maybe it will return.

 

[Diogenes]

The lack of "third spaces" is a serious and grievous malady. I much regret that our society no longer (for the most part) has public or semi-public spaces where the like-minded can congregate, socialize and relax. For some, this "third space" is a church or similar. For the non-religious, there's no surrogate. I really wish that we had more of an 18th century British coffeehouse culture, or for that matter, even if the local bar had its cadre of regulars, instead of walls festooned televisions.

Never having been much of a family-person, and for a while now not a homeowner, I am still searching for that "first space". Second space is my office on campus. Unfortunately the windows face west, so the afternoon sun is too oppressive (yes, even in winter).

 

[Koolau]

The lack of "third spaces" is a serious and grievous malady. I much regret that our society no longer (for the most part) has public or semi-public spaces where the like-minded can congregate, socialize and relax. For some, this "third space" is a church or similar. For the non-religious, there's no surrogate. I really wish that we had more of an 18th century British coffeehouse culture, or for that matter, even if the local bar had its cadre of regulars, instead of walls festooned televisions.

Never having been much of a family-person, and for a while now not a homeowner, I am still searching for that "first space". Second space is my office on campus. Unfortunately the windows face west, so the afternoon sun is too oppressive (yes, even in winter).

I don't know. Third spaces could be bars or bowling alleys, gyms, clubs (Elks, Eagles, Moose, etc.).

 

[freedomatlast]

My third place is my recently acquired property with a nice large heated mechanic's garage where I play with my cars.

 

[folivier]

2nd place while at our cabin is potluck at the firehouse every Tuesday night. Here at our condo I haven't found a place yet.

 

[CaptTom]

I don't know. Third spaces could be bars or bowling alleys, gyms, clubs (Elks, Eagles, Moose, etc.).

I guess that's part of my question: How are those places doing these days? Bars don't seem to be the social gathering place they used to be (think: British-style pub or Cheers.) Bowling seems to be dying out. Those old big-name fraternal organizations' buildings seem to be deteriorating. Who does those things any more? And if you do, have you noticed fewer active members in the past few years?

2nd place while at our cabin is potluck at the firehouse every Tuesday night. Here at our condo I haven't found a place yet.

That's exactly the kind of thing I'm thinking of. It doesn't have to be every night, or even every week. But with enough social options at different times and locations, you can get whatever level of socializing you're comfortable with during the month.

Or, you can sit in front of a screen. Gaming, Zoom meetings, chatting with AI, posting on this forum, whatever. I have nothing against any of those things, but when they become a substitute for IRL personal interaction, I can't help but feel we've lost something important.

 

[GravitySucks]

Once a week team trivia at a local bar. The YMCA twice a week for Tai Chi group and another day just weightlifting.

Once a week at a friend’s for TV sports, maybe a pot luck and beers.

Used to go once a week cycling with a local club.

 

[imjustawarrior]

Here is my list in order:

home (including yard)
neighborhood (walking dog, twice a day)
trails (hiking)
church
downtown

 

[Sojourner]

Second place for me and DW is our lake house that I inherited from my parents. No 3rd place for us (or me), now or any time I can remember. I was just never one to go hang out at a 3rd place such as a bar/pub, social club, church, meeting space, etc. I have always been a homebody, very happily so.