aja8888
Moderator Emeritus
See my Avatar.....still hang with 12 or so ROMEOs each morning at Whataburger. We also do things as a group.
What's Your Third Place? (Or should that be second?)
- Thread starter CaptTom
- Start date
Surewhitey
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Patio porch-bed...
Lorenzo
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I'm still working on the first place--making the house into a home. It feels like I spend all my free time working on it lately.
Flyfish1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
My workshop and the ocean during the summer on my boat fishing!
Indeed. And we see that from the responses here. Several mentions of church, but none of the village-common, the community center, the Elks lodge (except by way of indirect reference). Consider even the evolution of our language... "Gentlemen's club" used to mean an oak-paneled high-ceilinged place for mostly-older mostly-wealthier men to gather to play cards, to talk politics, to make business deals. Today it means those sleazy establishments next to the rental car-lot at the airport.
We are becoming more introverted and more family oriented. The former means, we have our electronic devices and so on, obviating much human interaction. The latter means that husbands participate far more in the raising of the children, and afterwards the grandchildren, so that intra-family involvement dominates anything outside of the family. And while the kids are school-aged, both parents are in the PTA and shuttling the little darlings to soccer practice, instead of the husband hanging out with his buddies tuning the carburetor on that '65 Chevelle.
As a results, people who never had kids, who don't really have family or kin-group, who aren't religious and who are either retired or not conventionally-working, are bereft of traditional social interaction. Even in my "Barista FIRE" job - where I'm on campus 2 days a week, teaching etc., mingling with the other faculty... things shut down after office-hours are over. The other faculty all scurry home, to tend to their children (if younger) or grandchildren (if older), or maybe to their churches. Nobody wants to go to the campus brewery, run very ably by our colleges of hospitality and agriculture. The result? I drink alone.
Lorenzo
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Breweries have become the new "village pub." Go to a local craft brewery with an outdoor area on a sunny Saturday or Sunday and see families enjoying a day out, mom and dad sipping at the picnic tables, adults playing cornhole and such, children running around. Of all the nice things that have come out of the craft beer movement, helping to fill a void in the community social scene is one I didn't see coming.
That's an interesting observation. It's great that those places exist.
We found this little place in a town we sometimes visit (too far away to be regulars) which is half coffee shop and half brewery. The other day the couple in the next table had their laptops out, and I saw a coding IDE on the guy's screen. Other folks are on their phones, tablets and laptops, clearly "working from home." The staff were setting up for trivia night when we left, but it didn't look to me like anyone was going to play. All focused on their screens. No groups of more than two. Nobody talking (at least, not in person.)
This happens ubiquitously. We have families who are socializing as a family, within themselves, or perhaps with another family. Or, we have individuals who are doing individual-things, in ostensibly social settings. Or at most, if there's a group, they're all focused on the giant-screen TV, watching football.
Where oh where, might one find a group of 5 men, unrelated to each other, sitting around a table, talking among themselves, or maybe playing chess? Notice the specifics... they are only men (no children or women). They are unrelated (not a kin-group). They are interacting with each other, not with the television or their cell phones. The same of course could be said for a group of 5 women.
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imjustawarrior
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Go to a fast food restaurant in the morning. There will likely be a group of retired men having their senior coffees. Go to a rural diner and you may see a group of old farmers socializing. In my neighborhood, it is the dog walkers hanging out on the sidewalk or front yard chatting it up.
I get your point though. I get invited by others to go hiking with them all the time. I prefer to hike alone or with my DW. I'm not a very social person.
Lorenzo
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I recall when I lived in a beach area of Southern California seeing older guys, probably retired, seemingly in from their morning surfing, having breakfast in a little diner. I wanted to be one of them someday.
aja8888
Moderator Emeritus
See my post above somewhere. And my avatar.
ArmchairMillionaire
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I see this every morning that I happen to go inside my nearest McDonalds in the next town over. There is always a group of older gentlemen in there just shooting the breeze and maybe drinking coffee.
I've seen a similar lunch gathering at Burger King as well if I need to stop for a quick lunch while I'm out & about.
I used to see a group of older gentlemen doing a coffee klatch at 5:am at a local gas station that had a small seating area near the coffee machines, but the place was sold to a Middle Eastern family and I don't think the old guys go there anymore. There isn't the group of pickup trucks in the parking lot like there used to be.
38Chevy454
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
In my big detached garage working on my hot rods. Or being on more social side hanging out with car club friends at our meeting or at a cruise/show somewhere. My car club is more accurately the old guys beer drinking club that happens to have some old cars.
VanWinkle
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Softball diamond with team mates and beer joint after the game.
jollystomper
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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I was never a big fan of "Happy Hours". Sitting around, drinking and chatting by itself was boring to me. Plus I am not a beer drinker, and can only drink so much soda or sparkling water 
. I have always needed an active event associated with a "second" or "third" or "home away from home" place. Maybe, being a introvert, I relate better to others via an activity. For example, in my younger years I would participate on office teams in various sports in local corporate leagues, after which everyone might go somewhere for a meal and to hang out. Or when I traveled for work, I would go to museums, arcades (before I felt too old to be going to them) or to dance clubs (being a DJ I would go just to people watch and see what music was getting the most responses).
A place with an activity, by myself or with others who enjoy that activity, are the main things that become my "home way from home". The golf course, bowling, corn hole, poker, sports events, etc. Even when we go with a group of couples go ballroom dancing, when not dancing the men tend to socialize with the men, and the women the women.
The only exceptions to the above for me:
- Weekly I get together with a group of men early morning (7AM) at a local restaurant for a Bible/book study and discussion. Many of these men I have known for 20+ years, and some of their kids our kids have been friends since infant age.
- Sometimes, if I have some type of heads-down programming or technology project which uses cloud platforms, I will go to a local Panera Bread just after 9AM. The early breakfast/coffee crowd has gone, and I can easily find a table near an outlet. I do not eat much - like tea and a croissant or roll - but they do not mind me being there for a couple of hours.
. I have always needed an active event associated with a "second" or "third" or "home away from home" place. Maybe, being a introvert, I relate better to others via an activity. For example, in my younger years I would participate on office teams in various sports in local corporate leagues, after which everyone might go somewhere for a meal and to hang out. Or when I traveled for work, I would go to museums, arcades (before I felt too old to be going to them) or to dance clubs (being a DJ I would go just to people watch and see what music was getting the most responses).A place with an activity, by myself or with others who enjoy that activity, are the main things that become my "home way from home". The golf course, bowling, corn hole, poker, sports events, etc. Even when we go with a group of couples go ballroom dancing, when not dancing the men tend to socialize with the men, and the women the women.
The only exceptions to the above for me:
- Weekly I get together with a group of men early morning (7AM) at a local restaurant for a Bible/book study and discussion. Many of these men I have known for 20+ years, and some of their kids our kids have been friends since infant age.
- Sometimes, if I have some type of heads-down programming or technology project which uses cloud platforms, I will go to a local Panera Bread just after 9AM. The early breakfast/coffee crowd has gone, and I can easily find a table near an outlet. I do not eat much - like tea and a croissant or roll - but they do not mind me being there for a couple of hours.
ArmchairMillionaire
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Once a year, my second place is a high school about an hour away where I volunteer as a judge for First™ Robotics regional event. It requires two full days, a Friday and a Saturday, but it's great watching the younger generations work as a team to get the most out of their robots in hopes of advancing to the state finals each year.
EastWest Gal
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1. Home
2. one of two gyms: LA Fitness (pool), Planet Fitness (weights, machines and hydromassage chair)
3. Summer: yard and garden, Winter, local ski resort
4. Band rehearsal locations (2)
2. one of two gyms: LA Fitness (pool), Planet Fitness (weights, machines and hydromassage chair)
3. Summer: yard and garden, Winter, local ski resort
4. Band rehearsal locations (2)
folivier
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- 2,674
Forgot about my 3rd place. At our cabin the local lodge/restaurant has bingo each Wednesday. Yes, bingo. So there are about 30 or so locals playing bingo. And others are playing corn hole.
NeilDH
Recycles dryer sheets
I would also call the streets and trails on which I bike my "third place" — which, as has been said, is not the real definition of a Third Place. Occasionally I ride with other people, but it's not a gathering place, per se.
1242Vintage
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Yup!
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