Which Matters Most Now: Freedom, Control, or Daily Life — and Does Your House Deliver It?

Our main home, 2 houses ago, was the place we raised our kids. It was close to DW's family and our kids got on the school bus at our house and after school took the bus to their grandparent's house. It was close to DW's work and it was centrally located so that my commute to work was always reasonable. It was great and we lived there for 26 years.

The next house, we lived in for 10 years and was the house we moved to in order to be closer to our daughter who has the grandkids. It wasn't everything we hoped for be there's no doubt that we had a better relationship with our grandkids than we ever could have if we didn't move. Our main home was 45 minutes away. This home was 10 minutes away.

Last year we moved into a condo that is about another 10 minutes further from the grand kids that are no longer kids. The youngest is 10 and their interest in hanging with us is waining. Still, we're close enough to maintain a good relationship. We're taking them out to dinner tomorrow while their mom and dad enjoy the last night of their bowling league. The condo won out because of the reduction in outdoor maintenance and it is a much better floor plain for us. Time will tell if we're happy with the decision, but we feel that we can stay here 10 or more years until we need something like an apartment or assisted living. So far, so good. I guess of the three, freedom, control, or the daily life you hoped retirement would bring, it's more about freedom and the daily life we hoped for in retirement. Freedom because I'm not tied to my pool and the yard work that a one acre plot required. Daily life because the layout suits us better and we enjoy living in this home better than the ranch SFH that was on the acre. We're meeting new neighbors and the ability to get out and walk around is much better. The last house was on a main road with no sidewalks and we only really communicated with two neighbors.
 
When I retired in 2012 I was married and we sold our 2k two-story home because all the bedrooms were upstairs and we bought and remodeled a 1400 square-foot ranch home. Plus this home was outside of town and we wanted to live right in town close to everything. When we were remodeling it, we kept in mind that we wanted to age in place.

For instance, we wanted an easy to maintain yard so we put in high-quality commercial Astroturf. Another reason we did that is because we live in a drought prone area.

Fast-forward to five years ago and now I am by myself so the home was sold and I bought a 855 ft.² Condo that I absolutely love. There’s an elevator in the building in case I get so I can’t do the steps.

I’m only responsible for what’s in my own condo and all the maintenance of the buildings and grounds are handled by the HOA. I definitely hit the easy button with this. If in the future I can no longer drive I am close to everything. I remodeled it completely to my taste and I’m really happy here.
 
In Cambridge, freedom may be the most tangible advantage because daily life does not have to revolve around a car. You can walk/bike to Harvard Art Museums (it is free), groceries, cafés, transit, and ordinary errands through neighborhoods where homes, shops, and public life naturally mix. That kind of freedom is rare in America, largely because strict zoning later made this kind of urban pattern difficult to recreate, while Cambridge evolved before those rules hardened. It means a house there offers not only shelter, but the freedom to remain mobile, engaged, and independent simply by stepping outside.

Much of modern America was shaped by strict zoning that separated housing, shops, work, and civic life into isolated compartments, making mixed, walkable neighborhoods almost impossible to reproduce. Cambridge feels more like a European city.
 
Last edited:
I'm not sure what I'd pic but daily life is probably it.

Freedom? I can do what I want with my house within reason (HOA and country regs). Things that either don't permit are fine by me.

Control? Not a factor, but I guess that's the other side of freedom.

Daily life is key: A want a pleasant space, a sanctuary, with all the amenities and niceties I can afford and fit. I'd have moved to something bigger - same town - but I have 3 semi-feral cats I'd be abandoning and that's a non-starter. So for now we stay. Neighbors are quiet. That's vv important to me.

I like being close to my favorite restaurants, and the main grocery stores are minutes away. 99% of my local needs are within 5 minutes, and I have great options for them.
 
Alan said:
We chose our current house very carefully after lots of research plus renting a house close by for a while. We are in our 10th year since buying it.

My wife’s brother can’t manage stairs and towards the ends of their lives neither could her mother or my mother and father so we wanted a house where we didn’t need stairs.

3 years ago my wife lost her ability to drive, and there is always the possibility I will be unable to drive at some point in the near future as well. So our house has a bus stop close by. (Buses are free for us oldies)

Decent size supermarkets are within a half mile as are the doctors offices. Major hospital is less than 10 miles away. Plenty of cafes and restaurants within walking distance.

We are on the edge of the North York moors National Park, an easy walk from our house and while I can still drive lots of scenic and quaint towns close by. We are 3 miles inland from a beautiful coast which is also part of the National Park.

Plenty of friends and relatives live in the town including our 2 children.

Life is great.
Click to expand...
Is Whitby nearby?
 
Teacher Terry said:
Two of my friends could no longer drive by the age of 70 although they had very nice cars. One had Parkinson’s disease and one had ALS.
Click to expand...
Terry, here is a situation we all should be lucky for. On the opposite more fortunate spectrum, one of my golfing friends is 94 years old and does the 30-40 mile commute through the outskirts of the city to hit the senior scrambles 3 days a week. In fact he just bought his latest new car last month. Other than hearing aides he does great.
 
Aerides said:
I'm not sure what I'd pic but daily life is probably it.

Freedom? I can do what I want with my house within reason (HOA and country regs). Things that either don't permit are fine by me.

Control? Not a factor, but I guess that's the other side of freedom.

Daily life is key: A want a pleasant space, a sanctuary, with all the amenities and niceties I can afford and fit. I'd have moved to something bigger - same town - but I have 3 semi-feral cats I'd be abandoning and that's a non-starter. So for now we stay. Neighbors are quiet. That's vv important to me.

I like being close to my favorite restaurants, and the main grocery stores are minutes away. 99% of my local needs are within 5 minutes, and I have great options for
Click to expand...
Semi feral cats. Here I thought I was the only one ruled by my cats - one being semi feral. They couldn’t handle even a local move. They couldn’t handle the back and forth had I bought a vacation home 360 miles away. I too have a wooded sanctuary in my backyard with all sort of critters. I did the next best thing this month. I bought my neighbor’s house. More sanctuary space and privacy. It will just sit there uninhabited for my enjoyment till the day I pass.
 
In many retirement contexts we read of the appeal of "walkability" and car-free life. This befuddles me. If I become so old, enervated and reduced in my abilities that I'll no longer be able to drive... then how would I walk any appreciable distance (especially if carrying groceries!), ride a bicycle or use the bus/tram/train? It seems to me, that these modes of locomotion are more strenuous and more demanding on one's physical health, situational awareness and so on, than driving. To give up driving means entering on a phase of dependency, where others do my shopping and so on. A "walkable" community is of zero help, other than that my hired caretaker could take the bus to reach me, instead of driving her car.

But returning to this thread's opening theme, my former house was a nightmare, a money-pit, a source of qualms and agitation, a mechanism of self-doubt and disaffection with the locale and community too. I hated it with a burning passion, and was glad after 20 years to sell at a loss (yes, a loss). Now I'm apprehensive and undecided. I'd like to own again, but worry about committing another blunder.
 
We live across a set of RR track from a marsh and until the marsh governing board put up a tall fence we had all sorts of critters in the yard. Coyotes, deer, skunks, raccoons. Not so much anymore but I did find this beauty sunning itself on our deck this morning. I had to look it up as I've never seen one before. It's called a Luna Moth. This one is roughly 4" wide. Another plus for our location.

IMG_4900.jpeg
 
Last edited:
Bought our townhouse because it was inexpensive.

And I remembered getting stuck as a kid doing the yard work on the large SFR home where I grew up.

Including mowing twice weekly a side lot where a 5,000 sqft. house now sits.

Love how I've never had to do anything outside I didn't want to do.

Lock it up, go travel for weeks, no problem.

Lucked into having a major city recreation center literally across the street for our kids to use regularly.
 
Onda said:
In Cambridge, freedom may be the most tangible advantage because daily life does not have to revolve around a car. You can walk/bike to Harvard Art Museums (it is free), groceries, cafés, transit, and ordinary errands through neighborhoods where homes, shops, and public life naturally mix. That kind of freedom is rare in America, largely because strict zoning later made this kind of urban pattern difficult to recreate, while Cambridge evolved before those rules hardened. It means a house there offers not only shelter, but the freedom to remain mobile, engaged, and independent simply by stepping outside.

Much of modern America was shaped by strict zoning that separated housing, shops, work, and civic life into isolated compartments, making mixed, walkable neighborhoods almost impossible to reproduce. Cambridge feels more like a European city.
Click to expand...
My DD spent three years living in Cambridge while employed at Verizon in downtown Boston. Her commute was a couple of stops on the T. We visited her many times during her time there and constantly thought about moving there. BOS has great international flight options and the food scene was pretty awesome. DD's stint came to a halt when she got married to a guy from GA and ended up moving to HOTlanta. Oh, well. DS has his sights on Boston so there's still a chance we could end up there.
 
Kings over Queens said:
Why would someone at 70 no longer have a car when they did before?

I can't quantify which of the three options you suggested or asked about apply.

Our home isn't limiting or out of control and provides us the daily life we desire once I do officially retire. I'd say our 2 cats are more of an issue than our house.
Click to expand...
OP putting us geezers out to pasture at 70.
 
Qs Laptop said:
Not going to answer because I disagree with the premise. There is no way a house can be categorized as a question of freedom or control. That sort of thing is up to the individual. I'm not about to blame my house.
Click to expand...
Thinking in terms of a mid 80’s relative living in a senior apartment complex, there many things she has no control over. They do inspections of her apt. Of course she would never be a participant on an ER forum so I get your point from the perspective of a typical member here.
 
Sometimes when people get older, they’re not capable of driving anymore, but they can still walk well so living in a walkable neighborhood or close to mass transportation makes a huge difference for them. That’s one reason I wanted to be right in town in case that would happen to me, although of course, I hope it doesn’t.
 
Our home offers everything we want - our shared lives, our private noisy and quiet areas, our social entertainment location, our park. It is our dream house, the type we thought we could never own. After 35+ years in it, it still offers us everything we want and need. We raised a houseful of kids in it, and still enjoy it as an empty nest.

Last year I was touched when our grandkids came to visit. Our 4 year old grandson was just wandering outside with me, not really doing anything, when he turned to me and said "Grandpa, I like this house". Aww...

The neighborhood has no sidewalks but one can walk around it. To get to shopping requires a car and a drive of at least a couple of miles, so not convenient in that sense. We just hope to enjoy it for as long as we can.
 
jazz4cash said:
Thinking in terms of a mid 80’s relative living in a senior apartment complex, there many things she has no control over. They do inspections of her apt.
Click to expand...

Good point.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Sometimes when people get older, they’re not capable of driving anymore, but they can still walk well so living in a walkable neighborhood or close to mass transportation makes a huge difference for them. That’s one reason I wanted to be right in town in case that would happen to me, although of course, I hope it doesn’t.
Click to expand...
By the time DF couldn't drive anymore he couldn’t walk any appreciable distance either.
 
Teacher Terry said:
It would be really awful not to be able to do either.
Click to expand...
Yes, it was time for assisted living. A farm 5 miles out of town was no longer tenable. But he had really enjoyed the 21 years he lived there. We tried to make the transition as easy as possible and I think he was much more comfortable with the smaller space.
 
We have remodeled a lot and I think the answer is all 3. If I have to choose I would say daily life.
 
Freedom is the big one for me. Having a house that doesn't require constant maintenance or a car for every single errand is the goal. If the house starts owning you instead of you owning it, it's time to downsize.
 
The move from an acre to a condo makes total sense for the freedom aspect. Giving up pool maintenance and yard work is a huge relief as you get older. It sounds like you timed the transition perfectly before the upkeep became a burden.
 
Alan said:
We chose our current house very carefully after lots of research plus renting a house close by for a while. We are in our 10th year since buying it.

My wife’s brother can’t manage stairs and towards the ends of their lives neither could her mother or my mother and father so we wanted a house where we didn’t need stairs.

3 years ago my wife lost her ability to drive, and there is always the possibility I will be unable to drive at some point in the near future as well. So our house has a bus stop close by. (Buses are free for us oldies)

Decent size supermarkets are within a half mile as are the doctors offices. Major hospital is less than 10 miles away. Plenty of cafes and restaurants within walking distance.

We are on the edge of the North York moors National Park, an easy walk from our house and while I can still drive lots of scenic and quaint towns close by. We are 3 miles inland from a beautiful coast which is also part of the National Park.

Plenty of friends and relatives live in the town including our 2 children.

Life is great.
Click to expand...
Love York!!!! Beautiful place...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

K
Deciding between high comp in office job vs Remote
kirby
K
H
Strategy to help MIL qualify for housing
Irishgirlyc58
Irishgirlyc58
F
Can I financially retire when I turn 57?
5 6 7
F.I.R.E User
F
M
Twenty Years Into ER
2
38Chevy454
38Chevy454
JohnnyPHX
A nearly riskless and stable spending rule for retirement? Lets discuss the ARVA strategy.
2 3
pb4uski
pb4uski

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom