Who should my wife turn to when I check out?

[FloridaJim57]

Due to health problems that were uncovered about two years ago the reality is I only have a few years left before I get the tap. Since getting this news I have done everything I could think of to put things in order for my wife. Our will was revised and I have left very extensive notes for my wife including account numbers, passwords, names of financial institutions, our life insure carrier, etc. I also signed up with the Neptune Society and prepaid my cremation, body transport, ashes disposal, etc. However, the fact remains that even with these detailed notes my wife would not be able to implement this all by herself. She is the first to admit this. My question is who should she turn to at the time of my passing to help her with the necessary paperwork? An estate planning lawyer, a financial consultant, or whomever? Sadly I do not have any relatives that would be of help in this matter. Any advice would be very much appreciated and I thiank you for your time.

 

[Surewhitey]

Unfortunately I'm not qualified for the answer, but I would start letting her take care of all financial matters now and get her accustomed to it. Banking, bills and investments process.

Maybe reducing the number of accounts (we have too many)... Make it have less friction and reduce the number of decisions.

Maybe think forward for her estate needs & help with that too. Oh and get her on this site. It's super helpful as you likely know.

 

[Montecfo]

FloridaJim57,

First let me wish you a much longer and healthier life than you now expect

Is your will going to need to be probated? Not sure what type of paperwork will be needed.

 

[Koolau]

Insist that she participate in your financial activities. Show her the Vanguard or Fidelity (or whatever) site(s) and get her used to using it.

Let her push the keys!

Let her tell you what she finds confusing or overwhelming. If valid (IOW if not just a matter of practice) then simplify everything even more. If you have 3 investment houses, reduce that to one.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Practice, practice, practice.

All the best to you. If you run into specific questions from your DW, this might be the place to start.

 

[street]

Sorry to hear your story and I wish/hope all goes well for You and your wife.

If it were me I would get her involved on who she would be comfortable with and at some point meet with this person and go over the logistics. I wish You both well.

 

[disneysteve]

I wish you the most good years possible.

I’d suggest connecting with an advisor now while you can be involved in the process. Someone who can help her after you’re gone.

A few years ago we met with a CFP who happens to be my wife’s cousin. We trust him implicitly. The main reason we went was to get an impartial set of eyes on our situation as I was prepping to retire. The added benefit is that he is now familiar with our portfolio, investment style, spending habits, hopes, and goals. If something happens to me, my wife can sit down with him to help manage things.

We have no ongoing arrangement with him so it’s costing us nothing right now. He’s just there if needed.

 

[old medic]

Let us add our best wishes for you and yours. I agree with letting her jump in on taking over things now. 3 years ago DW about got handed the reigns and we have worked on addressing this very issue since. You talk about extensive notes, but I assume you have talked the situation over with her personally.

 

[Gremlin]

I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. Wishing you more years than expected! I agree with everyone above. There is no substitute for practice, practice, practice. Have her do all the things while she has you for backup/questions. You can still look for someone to help her, but it is probably best she is educated as much as possible prior to relying on someone else for help.

 

[FREE866]

Sorry to hear all this. As others have said definitely simplify as much as you can. I’d also suggest one investment house that has an office close to your home where your wife can go in and sit face to face with an actual living person to assess everything. I love Schwab but others like Fidelity. Definitely not vanguard as they don’t have offices. That’s my take.

 

[AboutThere]

Sorry to hear of your situation; while I agree you should try to have her take over things, I can tell you that I've tried that with my spouse and don't believe they will be able to do it, nor want to.

One thing we ARE going to do is get a bunch of money over to our kiddo before we pass. That will ease my spouse's mental burden about providing for our (well-off) child from the remaining estate.

 

[TheWizard]

Unfortunately I'm not qualified for the answer, but I would start letting her take care of all financial matters now and get her accustomed to it. Banking, bills and investments process.

Maybe reducing the number of accounts (we have too many)... Make it have less friction and reduce the number of decisions.

Maybe think forward for her estate needs & help with that too. Oh and get her on this site. It's super helpful as you likely know.

I tend to agree with this approach unless something really major is prohibiting it. Dementia?

As the saying goes, no one cares more about your finances than you do...

 

[Car-Guy]

If not already done, put everything in joint accounts, if possible, if not make her the beneficiary or better yet, use POD and TOD.

 

[Al18]

I believe bank accounts with joint owners are immediately frozen when one of the owners passes.

 

[TheWizard]

I believe bank accounts with joint owners are immediately frozen when one of the owners passes.

We should probably verify if this is generally true...

 

[Dtail]

We should probably verify if this is generally true...

When my dad passed, they froze the checking account. My mom, dad and I were co joint owners.
He lived in New Jersey and I was told it is a state by state decision. Not sure if this is true.

 

[Sunset]

Here is hoping you live longer than expected.
In the meantime, have your DW do the financial stuff while you look on.

My DW was happy to let me do all the brokerage stuff, and I finally realized. I told her I'm not doing anything more on the account, and she has taken over it completely.
It took time for her to do it.

 

[engineernerd]

When my dad passed, they froze the checking account. My mom, dad and I were co joint owners.
He lived in New Jersey and I was told it is a state by state decision. Not sure if this is true.

It SHOULD be a matter of whether the joint account includes a "right of survivorship" for the non-deceased account holder(s).

To the OP, I recommend making sure as many assets as possible are titled POD or TOD (with DW, or whoever you choose, as beneficiary). Such assets transfer easily, bypassing probate - all the beneficiary needs to do is send a copy of the death certificate along with her request to have the asset retitled in her name.

This doesn't apply to anyone here, I'm sure, but if it turns out the estate is insolvent then the creditors can force a clawback of TOD and POD assets. Including this factoid in the interest of completeness.

 

[Al18]

My advice is if you have a joint bank account at a local bank, ask the bank what happens if one of you passes.

 

[Telly]

A lot of good advice here. So I'll just add a little from my experience afterwards. Having the other spouse actually do the website work is very important. Just looking over one's shoulder, it's easy to say "oh yeah, I can do that". And find out later, that one has questions and grinds to a halt.
Some of the processes upon death will depend on state laws, running them all down in advance and documenting is a very good idea.

Everything on AutoPay needs to be found, and what will happen upon death? Who's the main on the credit cards used?
Online-only banks, and others, can be called to find out what actions will be needed. Most everywhere has a "Life Event, Estate, Trust, etc" department that handles these issues. You can be handed off to that department on the phone by the usual first-line people.

Websites of the institutions usually have detailed account actions under the fine print pages of account setup. I have called and verified with the proper department that what I was reading was accurate for me in my state. Sometimes, I couldn't find it, but the proper person on the phone could direct me to the place on the website while I was online, then I could print it off so I'd have it.

Don't make any assumptions. Check each item out. The word "Joint" is too broad. There's JWROS, Joint in Tenant, etc. each is different, and can be affected by state law.

I've been on the other end of what you are doing. I always assumed I would be the first to die, and we made lists for the future. But didn't really realize that there is a whole 'nother level of detail beyond account numbers, PW's, website names.
It's going to take a lot of time to chase it all down, place by place.

After the fact...
I was pretty good on the investment side, as I handled that. The banking, checking, credit cards, utility accounts, safe deposit box, non-health insurances, etc. was DW's world, and I realized too late that there was more to it than the day to day actions when alive.
I know it sounds odd to say, but the Finality of Death is... eternal silence.
I never expected that DW would be the first to die.

 

[mystang52]

Many good suggestions so far. I reiterate the best one though: sharply reduce the number of accounts you now have. Checking account, 1 liquid savings account, and no more than 2 investment accounts. If you use multiple credit cards, reduce that to only one or two. Doing these actions will keep the finances simple, and make things a lot easier for your spouse. I wish you the best, healthwise.

 

[TickTock]

Here's hoping you have more years left than you think you do.

I'll echo the simplify mantra - pare down to one financial institution for the portfolio (Fidelity, Schwab, or Vanguard). Pare down the amount of funds; perhaps one all-world equity and one bond fund plus a sweep money market account. Maybe figure out a comfortable income floor and buy a SPIA to supplement any SS/pensions to meet that floor. Set it up so that she can live comfortably month-to-month and only needs to think about finances for unusual, 'large' purchases.

Talk with her - what does she want to do and how much is she comfortable with managing the finances? For example, if DF passes first, I know DM wants to not have to worry about managing finances and living her best daily life instead. And given their age and assets, this is do-able.

I'll also echo introducing her to these boards as soon as (if) she's comfortable with it.

 

[Dtail]

My mom's investments were at 23 two years ago. Now at 12. Within 3 more years, I can get it down to 6.
This includes a safety deposit account and a checking account, 1 Trust account, 1 MM account, 1 Roth account and an existing outside annuity within 4 organizations.

 

[pacergal]

I agree with simplifying as much as possible and having your DW start doing all things financial if she isn't already.
She may want/need/be comfortable with both an estate lawyer and financial planner/CFP. It's Ok to have them both, at least for the first year or so. There is a lot of "stuff" to take care of after a spouse dies. My sister is still dealing with issues, and it has been a year.

Blessings to you and hope for several years of good health to you.

 

[nwsteve]

>>>>>>>
Everything on AutoPay needs to be found, and what will happen upon death? Who's the main on the credit cards used?
Online-only banks, and others, can be called to find out what actions will be needed. Most everywhere has a "Life Event, Estate, Trust, etc" department that handles these issues. You can be handed off to that department on the phone by the usual first-line people.

>>>>>

Hitchhiking on the above credit card account comment--because of a cancer diagnosis, DW & I reviewed in detail which credit cards were "hers" vs an authorized signer. To our surprise, we discovered her available credit that was in her name as primary was miniscule. We quickly took action and she now 3 cards in her name with robust credit lines.
When my DM's husband passed she was surprised she no longer had credit. Got her a new card but credit line was a small fraction of what enjoyed until the banks closed the accounts

 

[Surewhitey]

Hitchhiking on the above credit card account comment--because of a cancer diagnosis, DW & I reviewed in detail which credit cards were "hers" vs an authorized signer. To our surprise, we discovered her available credit that was in her name as primary was miniscule. We quickly took action and she now 3 cards in her name with robust credit lines.
When my DM's husband passed she was surprised she no longer had credit. Got her a new card but credit line was a small fraction of what enjoyed until the banks closed the accounts

If you have a Fidelity Cash management account, you can get their 2% cash back card (Visa) & everything can be linked under a single login. Again, simple.

You can also order checks if she's a check writing person.