Why get remarried at a later age?

[RetiredHappy]

One thing almost every married woman I know agrees on: You just can't clean the house properly when your DH is in it.

I don't clean house as we have house cleaners who come in every two weeks. I like a quiet environment but my spouse loves watching TV and even when he is not watching, he would play music on it. On my own, the home is quiet. Our home is large enough that I can go to a different room but then his feelings get hurt.

 

[tmm99]

My friend that married so quickly was looking for a man 6 months after her husband died. She had no interest in developing a full life with friends and activities. Her only goal was to get married again.

I have always had many friends and made new ones in my condo building. I have been married almost my entire life and am really enjoying setting my own schedule, having total control of my finances, not cleaning up other’s messes and listening to criticism. It’s been 4 years and I’m loving it.

This (in bold) sounds a lot like my married life, except I have to hear some criticism about how I don't clean up my own mess.

 

[Chuckanut]

One thing almost every married woman I know agrees on: You just can't clean the house properly when your DH is in it.

Married women want the man out of the house so they can clean it? Who knew That’s What Women Want!

 

[aja8888]

Married women want the man out of the house so they can clean it? Who knew That’s What Women Want!

Man, that was never communicated to me in any of my marriages!

 

[RetiredHappy]

Married women want the man out of the house so they can clean it? Who knew That’s What Women Want!

Not this woman!

 

[Gumby]

Sailors -- historically male -- have always been known as good cleaners. Every morning on a US Navy ship at sea, you will hear the following announcement on the PA system at about 0600: "Reveille, reveille, up all bunks. Heave out and trice up. Turn to and clean up ship. Sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms. Give the ship a clean sweep-down fore and aft. Muster trash on station," (preparatory to heaving it overboard). On my submarine, every Sunday after church services we had "field day", which involved having every single man jack of us get up and clean the boat. The officer of the deck would boost the atmospheric oxygen concentration to give everyone a little more energy, and for several hours we cleaned away. It is crucial to the continued good health of the crew, who are serving on what is essentially a floating petri dish, that we keep the ship or submarine as clean we possibly can. People may not appreciate the more "robust" methods of sailor cleaning, but they work.

In my domestic life, that means I have always been the cleaner of the house. I wash dishes and clean the kitchen every single day after breakfast, lunch and dinner, even on days when I'm the one who cooks. I have now hired out the deeper bathtub, toilet and floor scrubbing to a cleaning lady who comes every other week, but previously I did all that as well. The young wife does many things, but cleaning is not one of them.

 

[RetiredHappy]

In my domestic life, that means I have always been the cleaner of the house. I wash dishes and clean the kitchen every single day after breakfast, lunch and dinner, even on days when I'm the one who cooks. I have now hired out the deeper bathtub, toilet and floor scrubbing to a cleaning lady who comes ever other week, but previously I did all that as well. The young wife does many things, but cleaning is not one of them.

My husband does the daily kitchen chores, load and unload the dishwasher. He also does laundry. What do I do? I do the occasional cooking.

 

[REWahoo]

Sailors -- historically male -- have always been known as good cleaners. Every morning on a US Navy ship at sea, you will hear the following announcement on the PA system at about 0600: "Reveille, reveille, up all bunks. Heave out and trice up. Sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms....

It appears I've been misinformed. I've always though it was "Swabbies, swabbies, man your mops..."

 

[Cujet]

With today's divorce laws, unfavorable 2nd marriage stats, and so on, there is reason to avoid remarrying.

I can't say for sure what I'd do if my wife left/died etc. But it is very likely I'd remain single for practical reasons.

Living in sin? At this point, really? I certainly don't care. That's a personal choice, but not a societal requirement anywhere I would live. Furthermore common law marriage still exists in places, so risk may exist.

What about the need for affection? If some of us are honest, it's been missing a long time already.

 

[Koolau]

How true, after 2+ years becoming a widower, almost everything in my daily life has changed.

You're likely more sure of who your good friends are now. Good friends always seem to come along side someone who has lost a mate.

As we lose friends within a couple, we try to keep the remaining friend close. We don't want them to feel ignored just because they are now "only" half of a couple.

 

[ls99]

In my Army days every Saturnay morning was GI party. It meant 0600 reveille, get outside in battallion formation. Render reports, then dismissed to brracks cleaning, rooms, toilets, hallways, windows, scrub and wax floors, then getting inspected by CO.

At home am chief cook and bottlewasher, +scullery.

 

[VanWinkle]

My friend that married so quickly was looking for a man 6 months after her husband died. She had no interest in developing a full life with friends and activities. Her only goal was to get married again.

I have always had many friends and made new ones in my condo building. I have been married almost my entire life and am really enjoying setting my own schedule, having total control of my finances, not cleaning up other’s messes and listening to criticism. It’s been 4 years and I’m loving it.

Sounds like your prior partners were not the ones most of us hope for, and I understand your feelings based on your past experience

 

[TickTock]

One thing almost every married woman I know agrees on: You just can't clean the house properly when your DH is in it.

DW wants me involved in cleaning the house. And why shouldn't I? I'm retired too. So we split the cleaning chores.

 

[aja8888]

DW wants me involved in cleaning the house. And why shouldn't I? I'm retired too. So we split the cleaning chores.

We used to split them too. She had everything inside the house and I did the outside stuff like landscaping work (mow, trim, plant, fertilize, etc) and took care of the cars. Worked great!

 

[pacergal]

At this point in my widowed life, I can't visualize introducing a new potential partner to my daughter. I'm sure I would need to have her approval as she would be getting a new (possible) stepmother. And my daughter is very protective of me......

DH and I have discussed this and I know if DH were to be in a relationship after I died, our daughter would be the one to say "yes" or "Oh H**l no" to her Dad! She would have no qualms putting the brakes on

 

[Dtail]

DW wants me involved in cleaning the house. And why shouldn't I? I'm retired too. So we split the cleaning chores.

I do all the laundry. We have a cleaning person every 2 weeks. Everything else in cleaning is minor.

 

[ivinsfan]

This thread reminds me of a conversation I had with our youngest DD as she graduated from college. She lived in an apartment completely full of young college and post college kids. It was hopping...hoards of young people coming in and out every weekend. We had the usual conversations about drinking and being around a lot people you don't really know, personal safety,, ie. I then commented be careful around the young men you "hang around with"... In other words value yourself enough to not just hang out with anybody just because they are in your presence. I said one day your hormones will ramp up and you'll want a partner and a family and all that. Hormones are a powerful way to make you want something so badly that you might not make the right decision about a partner. If you try and surround yourself with good men there is less risk of a bad outcome.

I think perhaps as we age love becomes a different type of feeling. To be clear, not a less important feeling but a more nuanced feeling. We get to the point where we can think a little more rationally particularly as we are looking for another partner. More cleared headed anyway. I see a lot of very pragmatic comments here about looking for another partner in life. A lot of analyzing which is a good thing. But for those of us in very long term relationships, I don't think we really know what we would do until it actually happens to us. I wish everyone here the relationship that works for them and makes them happy.

 

[Music Lover]

Married women want the man out of the house so they can clean it? Who knew That’s What Women Want!

My wife is a far better cleaner than me and she also likes it so she does most of it.

However, I pull my weight in other areas.

 

[Amethyst]

I had a wonderful husband and marital partnership. There's no other word for it. Until he got too sick to know who I was any more, we just plain loved each other every day. New discoveries kept being made, problems got solved together, life was simply better because he was in it.

Because I liked being married and seemed to be good at it, I wouldn't be averse to remarriage; however, the likely compromises, at this stage of life, seem daunting. And I can't fathom having to take on somebody else's passel of grandkids, family Christmases and Thanksgivings, etc. etc....the thought of all that fuss and bother makes me tired.

 

[Amethyst]

Depending on one's tax bracket and the percentage of SS that is taxable as a single, there can still be a marriage tax penalty.

Yes, and the poorer partner with the mostly-untaxed SS may not be too happy about IRMAA once he/she learns about it. I have learned that a lot of people pay almost no tax at all, although they seem to have enjoyable lifestyles.

 

[Amethyst]

I thought I was the only one with that approval process....

That's another reason I probably wouldn't remarry. I'm way past being run past somebody, anybody, for approval. And I wouldn't want someone who was so insecure about his choice that he even felt the need to get said approval.

 

[aja8888]

That's another reason I probably wouldn't remarry. I'm way past being run past somebody, anybody, for approval. And I wouldn't want someone who was so insecure about his choice that he even felt the need to get said approval.

I take it you never had an adult daughter!

 

[Amethyst]

One thing almost every married woman I know agrees on: You just can't clean the house properly when your DH is in it.

But it gets cleaned faster when he does his part. Come on, a man old enough to get married is old enough to know how to run a vacuum and clean a toilet. The exception being, of course, if he's rich enough to hire a housekeeper that is not his spouse.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Sounds like your prior partners were not the ones most of us hope for, and I understand your feelings based on your past experience

One of my 3 husbands was very neat. But he thought his way was the only way and he was very controlling. So at 43 as soon as our youngest graduated from high school I divorced him. The other two were slobs. Number 3 was a fun person for a number of years but then I found out he was a serial cheater and also became critical even though I did everything.

I have known very few people that were happy in long term marriages. When I was getting divorced and started a thread I was surprised about all the people on this forum that only stayed together because it’s easier and they didn’t want to be alone.

 

[Cujet]

I have known very few people that were happy in long term marriages. When I was getting divorced and started a thread I was surprised about all the people on this forum that only stayed together because it’s easier and they didn’t want to be alone.

My wife and I have been together for 39+ years. We still enjoy each other's company. For me, I worked alone an entire career, often away from home, so being alone is normal for me. Retirement has been an adjustment for her with me around all the time, and I can see her short-tempered qualities that were not at all evident before. I am not quick to anger, I just let it go. I do have limits, the one-week thought experiment. If I honestly think it will matter a week from now, it gets discussed. If not, then it's gone.

We've built a good life together, and now it's time to make the best of it.