Why I Hope To Die At 75 Revisited (Atlantic article)

[Koolau]

I understand that some of you have friends/family that are capable well into their 90s. I personally have never known a 90+ year old who was enjoying life. I'm "only" 68, and hope to make it to 75. But no matter what, when my quality years end, I'm willing to go across the Rainbow Bridge. I had a foot on it a couple of years ago, so I've dealt with that issue already. Luckily my QoL potential was good enough to continue through the treatments needed. But at whatever point they tell me (or I figure out myself) that there's nothing left to look forward to except pain and misery, I'm outta here.

I had a friend who at 92 finally retired from building windows (his specialty was bay windows - they had him make all of those.) His wife passed shortly thereafter - her quality of life had badly deteriorated at age 90.

He had the family and friends over to the house at age 95 for a party. He made the popcorn with a professional popper that he kept running. He bobbed around and saw everyone and then cleaned up. Next day, he just dropped dead. That's how I'd like to go. One last party in decent health and then - gone in 60 seconds.

 

[Koolau]

After rereading the article, I'm reminded of a song by Jimmy Buffett called "A Cowboy in the Jungle." A line or two which seem apropos to this discussion:

Spinning around in circles
Living it day to day
And still 24 hours maybe 60 good years
It's really not that long a stay

Ain't it the truth! As I've passed 75, I just keep thinking there is more I want to see and do in life. I don't discount the points made here among ourselves or in the article. But, I'm still not ready to give all this up though YMMV.

 

[Gearhead Jim]

At 79, I still feel reasonably healthy and competent. Never thought I'd make it to 60 with the things I did, that was a surprise.
I still get annual PSA check and colonoscopy every 3 yrs because those cancers are an ugly way to die.
Our next door neighbor of 43 years, (we both built houses around the same time) died last month. Sudden blood clot in heart. He and his wife were watching TV and he died so quietly she didn't even notice. Age 83 and still quite active. He had a hip replacement a few weeks prior, that can precipitate blood clots and I don't know if he was on thinners, my wife had the replacement last year and docs had her on 81 mg aspirin for a couple of months.

 

[ncbill]

I recently learned that VSED (Voluntarily stop eating and drinking) is legal in all 50 states.

Dementia and Alzheimer's is in both sides of my family so I have a directive that says when/if I'm no longer able to feed myself then VSED kicks in.

I've seen others reference this but just be aware since it is not a medical procedure offering food/water to you is not something that is legally enforceable, unlike "no feeding tube" or "no antibiotics" for example in a health care POA.

After watching Mom die after being bedridden for nearly a decade simply due to the progress of her dementia (no co-morbidities) I do have the two medical procedures above prohibited in my health care POA in the event of any terminal illness, including dementia.

 

[MichaelB]

I’ve been thinking about this thread topic. Our neighbors are very nice people, mid to late 80’s, and we get together with them regularly for coffee or wine. In the past year both have seen their health decline quite severely. She now has trouble speaking. It seems to be a form of dementia. He has lost more than half his weight, is now very frail and has difficulty moving. I help out when I can. Take out their trash bins, move heavy things, run an occasional errand, bring them some food. Last night he called me at 10pm, he was on the floor and couldn’t get up. Helping him up was easy enough, he’s light as a feather.

Neither one has any good choices now. It’s quite a reminder to me of the importance of being fit and making an effort to stay that way as long as possible.

 

[audreyh1]

I’ve been thinking about this thread topic. Our neighbors are very nice people, mid to late 80’s, and we get together with them regularly for coffee or wine. In the past year both have seen their health decline quite severely. She now has trouble speaking. It seems to be a form of dementia. He has lost more than half his weight, is now very frail and has difficulty moving. I help out when I can. Take out their trash bins, move heavy things, run an occasional errand, bring them some food. Last night he called me at 10pm, he was on the floor and couldn’t get up. Helping him up was easy enough, he’s light as a feather.

Neither one has any good choices now. It’s quite a reminder to me of the importance of being fit and making an effort to stay that way as long as possible.

It seems they can no longer live on their own yet at this point they probably don’t have the wherewithal to change their living situation. Tough situation!

There is only so long you can stay fit. At some point it becomes an uphill battle. You have to plan ahead for when you need serious help.

 

[Koolau]

It seems they can no longer live on their own yet at this point they probably don’t have the wherewithal to change their living situation. Tough situation!

There is only so long you can stay fit. At some point it becomes an uphill battle. You have to plan ahead for when you need serious help.

Probably the biggest reason to retire with means. Sad to say but having means can be the difference between a miserable end-of-life situation and at least a modicum of comfort during ones last days.

Thank God for people like MichaelB who are willing and able to help people who are aging beyond independence. I've tried to be that person to people in our lives as well. Maybe there will be someone to help me when I need it. If not, at least I have menas.

 

[Pellice]

One thing that has stuck with me is reading how many paraplegics genuinely resent being used as an example of low quality of life - and also how many injured and sick people rate themselves as fairly healthy. I used the "less specific" health directive template when making my living will. One thing I told my representative was that I didn't want to live my life with sick fear all the time. Not that.

 

[MichaelB]

It seems they can no longer live on their own yet at this point they probably don’t have the wherewithal to change their living situation. Tough situation!

There is only so long you can stay fit. At some point it becomes an uphill battle. You have to plan ahead for when you need serious help.

Yes, planning ahead is such a critical need. Even upper income households are probably unprepared for the expense of a good ALF.

Even when they have the necessary resources, I suspect most are not prepared mentally for a time when they are unable to care for themselves. The rate of decline is unpredictable. A couple must decide if they will continue to live together, or even if they can.

 

[MichaelB]

Probably the biggest reason to retire with means. Sad to say but having means can be the difference between a miserable end-of-life situation and at least a modicum of comfort during ones last days.

Thank God for people like MichaelB who are willing and able to help people who are aging beyond independence. I've tried to be that person to people in our lives as well. Maybe there will be someone to help me when I need it. If not, at least I have menas.

Total agreement with this being the biggest reason to retire with means. Care options for people without resources are depressing.

“Aging beyond independence” is a phrase I hadn’t heard but sums it up perfectly. Great title for a book, article, or even a thread.