"You Can Never Go Back" ... Just Tried Return to Work ... Mission Aborted

[Car-Guy]

Oddly, I really enjoyed our 50th reunion even though I had only kept track (more or less) with one class member out of over 500. It's true that, for the most part, we looked like old people. But what I noticed was that all the old rivalries and petty ranking had faded into the background. I couldn't dredge up a single bad memory of that time. It was, however, sobering to think that we'd already lost a fifth of our number over the years. I guess it's all a matter of perception so YMMV.

Only a fifth? I looked over the list of my class and it was far more than a fifth. Of course (I hope) it's because many probably just didn't show up and/or couldn't be located. Or maybe they couldn't get a 3 hour pass from the "home".

 

[Andre1969]

I remember taking my Grandmom to two of her high school reunions. I can't remember the exact years, but it was around 2002-2004, so that would have put it at her 60th-62nd. I remember for the first one, her three best friends were still alive, although one was in a wheelchair. We all sat at the same table, and it was nice, seeing them all reminisce. The friend in the wheelchair had died by the time the next reunion came around. And then, the reunion after that, Grandmom decided she didn't want to go anymore.

I'm surprised their class was tight-knit enough that they did reunions every year like that. I would have thought that most reunions are the more significant ones, or if more frequent, on the fives and tens.

 

[DallasGuy]

I haven't read all of the posts in this thread, so I apologize if I repeat what someone else said....

Before I retired, I had jobs that I hated (I was a contract computer programmer). I had written emails to friends about what I didn't like about the job and why I left, etc. Later, if I was tempted to go back to the same company or something similar...or go back to work after I retired, I'd read the emails that I had sent to my friends about hating that work/job and the old crappy feelings came rushing back. And it would convince me not to go back to work or that type of work.

So my suggestion is that if someone is retiring or leaving an undesirable work situation, write themselves an email on why you're leaving/retiring, what stressed you about the job, etc. and save that email. Then when you're tempted to go back, read that email...it may convince you not to go back or at least try something different.

 

[Koolau]

Only a fifth? I looked over the list of my class and it was far more than a fifth. Of course (I hope) it's because many probably just didn't show up and/or couldn't be located. Or maybe they couldn't get a 3 hour pass from the "home".

Sorry, I wasn't clear. We had a "board" with the names of those who had passed since graduation. The number was bout 20% of the class (some 9 years later, it's a lot worse though YMMV.)

 

[Finance Dave]

Great story! I went through a different process I called "Rehirement" when I was 51. I left the long-hours corporate grind where I was on teleconference calls with Singapore early in the morning, Europe in the afternoons, and God only knows what other countries at all hours of day and night (our company operated in 164 countries). I then took a 70% pay cut and became a licensed home inspector...a job I mostly enjoyed because I got to protect people from making mistakes on the largest purchase of their lives. The only downside was dealing with realtors who never wanted you to find anything wrong with a house lest it would put their precious commission in jeopardy (at the risk of the client they were supposed to be helping).

After 7 years of that, I took my knowledge of homes and my experience at home repairs (we had 5 rentals and I did most of the repairs/maintenance myself) and became a handyman. The first two years I took any job that came in...but then I learned that I have some customers who treat me as more than just a pair of hands to fix their problem (trust me with access to their house while they're not home, tell me to set thermostat where I'm comfortable, clean the area before asking me to work on it, pay me promptly, tell me they trust my judgement when I run into an issue, and don't balk if I recommend something higher quality to improve the end result). I now ONLY work for those people...I have about 10 such customers and I won't take on any jobs except from them. I limit myself to 300 hours/year, and I enjoy helping these people while putting some vacation money in my pocket. I will probably do this another 2 years or so...my old knees are not as good as they used to be. Even after that, I may take some of the smaller, easier jobs from those customers while avoiding the jobs that make me work in crawlspaces, extreme heat/cold, on ladders, etc...only time will tell. I enjoy working with my hands, and regret the day I won't be able to do it anymore. Even my hobbies of woodworking and auto repair are dwindling.

 

[Diogenes]

Persons whose work was tedious, dull, stressful, taxing, rife with political machinations and backstabbing... have ample cause to celebrate escape, and minimal reason for attempted return. Congratulations on the clarity! But not everything is always so amply clear. Some jobs have their detriments, but also their attractions. A love-hate relationship is possible too, is it not? That makes it harder to decide... whether to retire in the first place, or to un-retire.

 

[Badger]

I now ONLY work for those people...I have about 10 such customers and I won't take on any jobs except from them. I limit myself to 300 hours/year, and I enjoy helping these people while putting some vacation money in my pocket. I will probably do this another 2 years or so...my old knees are not as good as they used to be. Even after that, I may take some of the smaller, easier jobs from those customers while avoiding the jobs that make me work in crawlspaces, extreme heat/cold, on ladders, etc...only time will tell. I enjoy working with my hands, and regret the day I won't be able to do it anymore. Even my hobbies of woodworking and auto repair are dwindling.

It sounds like you found the ideal job with minimal downsides that is helping people who appreciate your efforts. It also provides immediate satisfaction when you are done for both you and your customers.

 

[DrRoy]

I have never thought about going back to work. No, it will not happen to me.

+1

 

[tmitchell]

Thank you for the warning! Enjoy spending your millions!!

 

[coltsfan53]

I failed retirement after one year. I was 47 and single, with a decent stash. I travelled a lot, met up old friends from all over the world, volunteered a little. After about 18 months, I was starting to feel rudderless. An old colleague called and suggested I would be great for a project. He introduced me to his CEO, and I was very impressed. I took the job with little due diligence. BIG MISTAKE. It was everything I hated about corporate roles, lots of politics, relationship based rather than merit oriented, and a few less than ethical players. I cleaned up the mess I landed in, and felt good about that. I finally left with twice the net worth I started with. But honestly, it was money I really didn't need, and I won't get that time back. When I retired for good a few years later, I decided to find my own purpose, not rely on a company to define it for me. Six years so far , and still going great!

Great story. What did you eventually find to fulfill that 'sense of purpose' piece?

 

[Lagniappe]

Great story. What did you eventually find to fulfill that 'sense of purpose' piece?

What did I do to fulfill my sense of purpose? I tried everything I could think of the see if something would stick. Language class in Spain for three months, non-paying roles at non profits, helping older relatives. Then Covid happened, and it was impossible to do anything. I finally moved to Europe at the tail end of Covid, at first slowly, splitting my time between homes in Florida and Portugal. Then my home in Florida was devastated by a hurricane and I decided to sell it and move full time. I have been busy learning a new language, making new friends, and integrating into a completely different culture, where you don't have to be busy all the time to feel fulfilled. So I suppose, ultimately, I have changed how I define fulfillment, becoming okay with the slow times, as long as I can continue to be helpful to others in some capacity, and travel a lot.

 

[coltsfan53]

What did I do to fulfill my sense of purpose? I tried everything I could think of the see if something would stick. Language class in Spain for three months, non-paying roles at non profits, helping older relatives. Then Covid happened, and it was impossible to do anything. I finally moved to Europe at the tail end of Covid, at first slowly, splitting my time between homes in Florida and Portugal. Then my home in Florida was devastated by a hurricane and I decided to sell it and move full time. I have been busy learning a new language, making new friends, and integrating into a completely different culture, where you don't have to be busy all the time to feel fulfilled. So I suppose, ultimately, I have changed how I define fulfillment, becoming okay with the slow times, as long as I can continue to be helpful to others in some capacity, and travel a lot.

I like that; thanks. You changed your definition of fulfillment. Very interesting.

We are big fans of Portugal. Are you in the Algarve, by chance?

The tidal wave of "move to Portugal" seems to be subsiding in the US news but it was a hot topic for a number of years. Beautiful country.

 

[NeilDH]

I've been retired for six glorious months.

I'm doing/considering doing a few professional things but honestly, I'm just not that motivated. I feel like the SHOULD do these things, but almost anytime I have something on my calendar it feels like an imposition.

I get up, think about my day, and consider really pouring energy into one of these things. And then I remember that I want to go to the gym, work on the golf swing, stretch my back, read a bit, update the portfolio, plan some family travel, go to the beach house, and do some maintainance on the main house that I've put off for 10 years.

So I say, "Nah, I'll do that professional stuff tomorrow."

Tomorrow may never come!

I'm most like this. Feeling guilty sometimes here in my rookie RE year, but easily finding things to entertain me. So your story, OP, is very enlightening and I appreciate it.

 

[Lagniappe]

I like that; thanks. You changed your definition of fulfillment. Very interesting.

We are big fans of Portugal. Are you in the Algarve, by chance?

The tidal wave of "move to Portugal" seems to be subsiding in the US news but it was a hot topic for a number of years. Beautiful country.

No, I am in Cascais, just north of Lisbon. I love living on the Ocean but 20 minutes to a beautiful city. There are lots of Americans here, the numbers don't seem to be subsiding.

 

[coltsfan53]

No, I am in Cascais, just north of Lisbon. I love living on the Ocean but 20 minutes to a beautiful city. There are lots of Americans here, the numbers don't seem to be subsiding.

We've been to Cascais. Amazing spot. If it isn't too personal, did you buy property or are you renting?

That is one of the cities in Europe I could definitely live in. My wife is from Warsaw, Poland, so it wouldn't be a tough sell to get her back to the EU.

 

[Lagniappe]

We've been to Cascais. Amazing spot. If it isn't too personal, did you buy property or are you renting?

That is one of the cities in Europe I could definitely live in. My wife is from Warsaw, Poland, so it wouldn't be a tough sell to get her back to the EU.

I rented for a couple of years before buying.

 

[Route246]

Oddly, I really enjoyed our 50th reunion even though I had only kept track (more or less) with one class member out of over 500. It's true that, for the most part, we looked like old people. But what I noticed was that all the old rivalries and petty ranking had faded into the background. I couldn't dredge up a single bad memory of that time. It was, however, sobering to think that we'd already lost a fifth of our number over the years. I guess it's all a matter of perception so YMMV.

There was one classmate at my 45th who everyone remembers as being an a-hole. He was a football player, a little conceited but you could tell reflecting back that he was also insecure and projected that image due to insecurity, but, he never lacked self-confidence. He would greet people saying, "Hi, I'm Bob (not his real name), I used to be an a-hole in high school but I'm different now. Nice to see you again." Turned out that he was one of the more popular people at the reunion and broke the ice nicely for a lot of people. Many of the cutest girls got old and fat, many of the popular guys got old and fat and many ended up being worse off financially than their parents which was a hot topic of conversation because I grew up as the working class kid in the upper class neighborhood. Some followed in their dad's footsteps and became doctors, attorneys or dentists and did OK but for the most part, most did not do better than their parents. It is a high bar when you grow up privileged. I maintained my stealth wealth at the reunion and nobody knew I was probably better off than most of their parents except for one classmate and friend who knew my situation. I had a great time reconnecting.

I get that petty ranking stuff because although I was academically ranked 3rd in my class, I was probably financially near the bottom, which wasn't bad, just not up to par in that neighborhood. I never really felt any inferiority complex about this but it did cause me to focus on being successful in life financially and to try hard and maintain focus. Luckily, the Silicon Valley growth story happened and I was able to leverage that for my entire career, mostly in the chip industry, a true Revenge of the Nerds story.

 

[Diogenes]

...Many of the cutest girls got old and fat, many of the popular guys got old and fat and many ended up being worse off financially than their parents which was a hot topic of conversation because I grew up as the working class kid in the upper class neighborhood. Some followed in their dad's footsteps and became doctors, attorneys or dentists and did OK but for the most part, most did not do better than their parents. It is a high bar when you grow up privileged. ...

I get that petty ranking stuff because although I was academically ranked 3rd in my class, I was probably financially near the bottom, which wasn't bad, just not up to par in that neighborhood. I never really felt any inferiority complex about this but it did cause me to focus on being successful in life financially and to try hard and maintain focus. ...

Though it's gauche to compare ourselves to others, it's much harder to avoid a lifelong competition with one's own self, where we assess if we're doing well-enough, by personal reckoning, relative to an alter-ego or some idealized Self. This desire to self-impress, rather than to wow our former peers with the enduring vitality of our bodies or our finances, is what so eats-away at one's capacity to relax and enjoy.

 

[emmaswan]

Though it's gauche to compare ourselves to others, it's much harder to avoid a lifelong competition with one's own self, where we assess if we're doing well-enough, by personal reckoning, relative to an alter-ego or some idealized Self. This desire to self-impress, rather than to wow our former peers with the enduring vitality of our bodies or our finances, is what so eats-away at one's capacity to relax and enjoy.

"This desire to self-impress, rather than to wow our former peers with the enduring vitality of our bodies or our finances, is what so eats-away at one's capacity to relax and enjoy."

Your last sentence is so true. Needed to hear your reminder of that.

 

[KarenF]

We have been retired for 3 years. My husband was firm that he was retired. I was not sure. My old industry called me 4 different times and I turned them down each time. They don't call any more.

 

[Joseph]

Though it's gauche to compare ourselves to others, it's much harder to avoid a lifelong competition with one's own self, where we assess if we're doing well-enough, by personal reckoning, relative to an alter-ego or some idealized Self. This desire to self-impress, rather than to wow our former peers with the enduring vitality of our bodies or our finances, is what so eats-away at one's capacity to relax and enjoy.

It’s funny that the well developed girls ( and guys) in high school mostly look beat up. The lanky ones ( or late bloomers) tended to fill out nicely and keep it.
I still find it somewhat difficult to get rid of some ego driven stuff. I am self centered enough that taking of myself has more been for me vs anyone else. Sure it’s nice to get a compliment but honestly I am enough of a lone wolf that I am not out enough to care.
I have a couple good friends ( my two best actually) who within 5 minutes are still telling me how much they make ( we are all around 60). I just laugh and say how much did you keep? Quick conversation end. My DW has made majority of the cash but I am good re: long term budgets and savings. (The frugal CPA in me helps at least in that respect)