"You can see the end"

[Aramis]

Oh, boy, this one is a little personal, but here I go.

Since retiring several months ago - not really a FIRE scenario but I beat 65 by a few years and call it a "draw", I find myself more focused than I want to be on how much time healthy time I have left. There is no medical diagnosis hanging over me; my body is letting me do pretty much whatever I want, except for anything competitive requiring stamina, like a team sport. I am certain I get as tired as the average person my age, in other words. The typical physical decline is upon me, nothing more.

So what is the issue? Well, getting to retirement has been my focus for years. Preparing myself mentally and financially to get to the point I could make the decision in comfort, which I did, really consumed my energy. I made it, I am happy with the decision and can never see myself returning to the grind. We have enough money, it ain't gonna run out. The pressure is off.

BRAIN: Hang on there a minute, fella. How long do you think this is all gonna last? When will your ability, or willingness, to travel the world like you have planned stop? Did you wait too long? What if the physical decline, whether it is normal or not, turns into something serious? What if you need care? What could all this mean for your DW, whose relative health genetics virtually guarantee she will outlive you by a decade or more? Is it going to be fair that she might have to take care of you for years, and then have to live without in her later years.

It's hard to write all that because I know it is self-defeating self-limiting.

When I raised this in a casual, high-level manner with a friend, their casual response was; "I get it. You can see the end". That about sums it up.

I am a classical over-thinker - I made a career out of it. I have abruptly stopped thinking and planning about how to get to retirement mentally and financially and I seem to have simply replaced it with the next hurdle. I have sought out the next high-value life event to dwell on. I don't know if it will be temporary and is just an adjustment, or whether it is something I am going to need to work on. Right now it feels like a self-reinforcing stress machine and I am pretty displeased with my brain right now. I realize the implications for my happiness in retirement.

Has anyone else experienced something like this after retiring?

 

[Gotadimple]

This happens. You have changed the paradigm. It takes getting used to not planning for retirement but spending and living in retirement. So, now that you're retired - what do you want to be?

I recommend a trip to the library and picking up How to Retire Happy Wild & Free by Ernie Zelenski. He's written several things. Here is his website Ernie Zelinski - International Bestselling Author, Innovator, Speaker, and Unconventional Career Expert - Home

Give it some thought. You have time to explore all the options.

 

[old medic]

I'm living that nightmare..... Suddenly everything changed, and more than a year later I'm afraid I've reached my peak, not another plateau. Many of the "planned" things look no longer possible...
But thats part of the nature of plans.... they change.... You can fret and stress over it, or duck, weave and roll with the punches.
Best of luck to ya

 

[levindb]

Although it is a little late now, I strongly recommend folks retire TO SOMETHING, rather than retire FROM SOMETHING. Alright, you jumped out...but there is a LOT of planning in your future. Think about a bucket list...whether it is fixing that door in the garage, or going on a cruise. Is there a mountain (or maybe a hill) that you would like to climb? What about volunteering as an usher in a local theater...you get to see performances for free, and you get to meet/greet thousands of people. Much better than a Walmart greeter...but I should not judge.

Plan things in chunks...This Year...Next Five Year...Next 10 years. Be very precise for things in the near future, and very general for things further out. You and your spouse need to do this together...many things will be a joint experience, and some might be individual, but write them down (or type them), but it will give you something to look forward to other than the end. DW and I plan to live to age 105 (she had a grandmother live to age 101, so it may happen) and that is still 30 years in the future...think about all the things you can do in 30 or maybe 40 years!!

ENJOY YOUR LIFE...

 

[Luvtoride]

Aramis, I’m sorry to hear about your internal struggle with your brain. I was worried about something like that happening when I retired 1 year ago, but fortunately it hasn’t played out in my mind. Yes, I do think about my and my DW health and mortality but it doesn’t consume me. I guess we’re so busy going to doctors appointments to try to stay healthy that we don’t think about it much.

Gotadimple, I read the Zelinski book before I retired (I read many of the planning for retirement books) and found it useful and entertaining.

I guess in my case, we have a lot of great people (kids, grandkids, neighbors and friends) in our lives that fill a lot of our time and thoughts. We also travel quite a bit as long as we stay healthy to do so. I have a few hobbies, but nothing that consuming.

I hope you can manage those thoughts that are causing you angst and enjoy this great time in your life!

 

[Ronstar]

Get yourself some hobbies and enjoy yourself. Relax - take naps. But don't dwell on anything - you don't have to get things done. Get up everyday not knowing what you're going to do that day. And then do whatever you want. Don't plan - be spontaneous.

 

[Andre1969]

This might not be quite the same thing, plus I'm still working, but I think I started seeing "The End" once the realization hit me that I was having vivid memories of some event that happened in my life XX years ago, and realizing that XX years in the future, I probably won't be here.

For instance, I can remember my Mom and Dad taking me, and my cousin Jimmy, to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg back in the summer of 1976. I can remember some things vividly. For instance, I remember a big typical 70's-shag, yellow toy dog that Dad won playing some game, and Mom named "Sunshine." This was before the famous Loch Ness Monster coaster...back then they just had three coasters. One was called the Glissade. I remember it scared me and intrigued me at the same time. I can still remember how when the cars came down the first drop and went into the curve, how steeply banked it was, and how loud it was. I wanted to go on it so bad, but neither Mom nor Dad would take us on it. Looking back, I might not have been tall enough, as I was only 6. So, my first coaster ride ever was relegated to their kiddie coaster, which was called "Das Katzchen" or something like that. All the coasters were in the Germany section, so they had German-sounding names.

There's lots of other things I can remember about that trip, too, and it's scary how vivid they are. But then I think WOW, that's been 48 years ago! But, it doesn't seem it. But then to think, 48 years from now, I probably won't be here. And if I am, I'll be 102. And I'm sure the last thing I'll be thinking about is getting on a roller coaster!

 

[street]

You have some great advice and many I do and follow. Maybe too late for the retire to something quote but not too late to start the process now. I do believe that quote is the most important thing for every retiring person needs to plan before stop working.
So, many things to do and so little time is what I have found out in ER. A new journey every day is my God Send. I over think not having time to get all I want to do till my last breath.
I wish you the best to find your way of happiness in ER these healthy last years are priceless.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Yes, I can relate.

About one year ago I woke up and physically struggled to get out of bed, I hurt all over and could barely move my joints. It reminded me of the stories I heard my parents tell of polio victims.

I got to the Doctor and two weeks later was diagnosed with PMR, a muscle inflamation. It releases a chemical in your body that tells your brain that you're shutting down. I feel like the old dog that goes out in the grove to die. I'm glad I was told this or I would have thought there was something else wrong with me.

I'm on some medication that helps with the symptoms...prednisone and methodextrate. I can't wait to get off both.

It helps to know that there is a medical reason I feel this way. I fight it by getting up at sunrise every day and doing something physical. I keep all my old hobbies like gardening, hunting, fishing and helping my friends farm. Physical work like carpentry and climbing ladders are limited. I'm glad I'm retired from the Fire Department or I would have to resign.

I'm told that PMR goes away after 3-5 years so that gives me hope.

Back to your question. Overnight I realized what its like to feel like the end is in sight. I fought back.

 

[bloom2708]

Move your body every day. Yoga, stretching, pilates, strength, walking, biking, pickleball, tennis.

Eat better. Less meat and dairy. More whole plant foods. A secondary benefit is less meat and your grocery bill shrinks in multiples.

Assume 20 more years. That is nearly half your working career or birth through college. Nothing to scoff at.

Call this You 2.0. An opportunity, not a death sentence. Good luck.

 

[target2019]

Aramis, as an introvert and over-thinker, you should also know that there can be physical reasons why you feel this way, not just over-thinking. When is your next series of labs?

But be careful. If you tell this to a medical practitioner, they'll interpret things in one way. "Your bloodwork looks fine, so you must be depressed. Please make an appointment with our mental health department."

If you relate this to an exercise therapist, there's another "diagnosis." "We want you here 5 days a week."

Just discussing things here may be a cure.

 

[pacergal]

I can relate to this.
Retired almost 8 years now, the "excitement" of retirement is gone, but I still wake up every day, thankful and feeling blessed.
However, DH and I do talk more about the "what if" situations of aging/dying/death and plans for the one left alone, and thinking about kids/grandkids after both us are gone.
I think that is a natural progression in life, and I have no control over it.
I can choose to eat healthier, exercise and find joy in every day.

 

[MarieIG]

There came a time that I had to make peace with the fact that I'm not immortal - but yet treasure the precious time that I do have remaining. I try to watch my health, exercise, include little challenges in my routine, spend some time outdoors, keep up learning, and to include certain sporadic treats/ activities to enjoy.

 

[Montecfo]

Once old worries have lwft new ones can take their places. At leasr that is what I have found. You want to maintain perspective.

But health issues are real and you do want to take care of yourself and pioritize being as active and fit as possible.

I have fund that action can take the place of worries. So rather than fret, take positive actions.

And know this is all normal.

 

[Markola]

I’d only add, respectfully, that newly abundant free time and brain space can also result in new interests and opportunities that one’s career self and its desperate cousin named RETIRE TO SOMETHING, could have never conceived of.

Giving oneself time and patience to adjust is also important.

Maybe pause thinking and planning and just go try some stuff?

 

[Joseph]

Oh, boy, this one is a little personal, but here I go.

Since retiring several months ago - not really a FIRE scenario but I beat 65 by a few years and call it a "draw", I find myself more focused than I want to be on how much time healthy time I have left. There is no medical diagnosis hanging over me; my body is letting me do pretty much whatever I want, except for anything competitive requiring stamina, like a team sport. I am certain I get as tired as the average person my age, in other words. The typical physical decline is upon me, nothing more.

So what is the issue? Well, getting to retirement has been my focus for years. Preparing myself mentally and financially to get to the point I could make the decision in comfort, which I did, really consumed my energy. I made it, I am happy with the decision and can never see myself returning to the grind. We have enough money, it ain't gonna run out. The pressure is off.

BRAIN: Hang on there a minute, fella. How long do you think this is all gonna last? When will your ability, or willingness, to travel the world like you have planned stop? Did you wait too long? What if the physical decline, whether it is normal or not, turns into something serious? What if you need care? What could all this mean for your DW, whose relative health genetics virtually guarantee she will outlive you by a decade or more? Is it going to be fair that she might have to take care of you for years, and then have to live without in her later years.

It's hard to write all that because I know it is self-defeating self-limiting.

When I raised this in a casual, high-level manner with a friend, their casual response was; "I get it. You can see the end". That about sums it up.

I am a classical over-thinker - I made a career out of it. I have abruptly stopped thinking and planning about how to get to retirement mentally and financially and I seem to have simply replaced it with the next hurdle. I have sought out the next high-value life event to dwell on. I don't know if it will be temporary and is just an adjustment, or whether it is something I am going to need to work on. Right now it feels like a self-reinforcing stress machine and I am pretty displeased with my brain right now. I realize the implications for my happiness in retirement.

Has anyone else experienced something like this after retiring?

 

[Joseph]

I was gonna just say you think too much and are going down the rabbit hole. Realize I do the same at times. Work on some mindfulness and snapping yourself back to present. I hate these dumb terms but it’s pretty accurate. I think of the past, think of the future and sometimes not the present enough. Heck, this is my own pep talk SMH

 

[tmm99]

We are all getting older. When I hit around 54, I realized that I had already lived more than half my life. It's kind of strange that I never thought about it until then as that's way over the middle point of most people's lives!

Getting old is just an inevitable fact. I'm not waiting to die at this point, though. I am enjoying my life by doing things I love to do. I don't worry about a possible depressing future (illnesses, physical limitations, etc) as frankly, I'm too lazy to think about them as there are so many different scenarios on how this could play out. I saved extra money before I retired, in case I end up needing more. The rest is not really up to me. I mean, I try to eat well and exercise, but we just never know about the future, so prepare for the not-so-good and hope for the best.

So my suggestion to you is to prepare for some possible circumstances (educate your spouse on how to manage money, have a well-defined will (including the POA), set aside money for possible events, etc, etc), and once that's done, put them aside and find things that bring you pleasure.

Anyway, good luck to you. I'm sure you will find your groove.


Maybe you can start putting together a list of things you've always wanted to do but you couldn't because you were too busy w*rking? Maybe you can make it your mission to accomplish some of those things? Some of them may need task lists, spreadsheets, etc. I did a lot of those personal, home-related and finance-based projects when I first retired and I had so much fun doing them! It was forward-thinking but it wasn't like putting together doom and gloom disaster recovery plans.

 

[Aramis]

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond and offer empathy, advice and encouragement. I like "direct" responses, and to be challenged, but the "I hear ya's", "Me too's, and "Don't worry" are sure nice to hear as well.

I did contemplate some time, post retirement, to just decompress - maybe I just didn't fully understand what that meant or that I could switch off the old analytical brain that easily. I don't feel that I am without direction, but maybe there is an element of that creeping in simply because I don't have a longer term plan. We want to travel extensively in these go-go years and I am planning 3 trips in the next 8 months so that is at least something active.

"Mindfulness" has always been something of a challenge for me and I think I am discovering I am going to have to work on it.

 

[DrRoy]

I am in a similar situation at 65, and am aware of those issues, but I do not dwell on them. DW and I are aware of needing to slow down a little but we are still doing a lot and we will adjust as needed. In the meantime, we are having a good time. Our last trip was 3 weeks in Ireland.

 

[pacergal]

OP--
The "Calm" app is a wonderful tool for mindfulness and relaxation. I had used it previously, then discovered it was free via my Medicare advantage plan, so signed on again.

 

[brett]

I was the opposite. At 55/56 I did not really think about retirement. We had the finances but I enjoyed my job with megacorp. Well paid, bonus money and stock option grants for performance. Golden handcuffs I guess. A boss who was 2000 miles away and let me do my own thing as long as the numbers were good. And they were very good.

Fast forward to 57/58. By that time I was imagining what else I wanted to do and where I could be traveling. New corporate regime. My spouse says I was an workaholic. Don't know, just enjoyed my job and the travel that it involved. One day I just came to the conclusion that there are other things that I want to do. Smelled a package in the works and waited eight months until I knew it was coming. Six weeks advance notice.

DW expected me to go back. She could not believe that collegues in other firms were calling..... response was thanks, it is over, I pulled down the shutters, I was out of the game.

My spouse was incredulous that I walked away from the industry and never looked back..not for a moment. Something inside of me said now was the time and I listened!

Six months later we decided to sell our oversize house, downsize, and place our belonging in storage. Then travel for 6-8 months. That period of travel really served to cement my early retirement and convince me that I had made the right decision. Never looked back. Started to change my diet and take more care of my health.

 

[Sanstar]

I can totally relate! Where I live it’s been too hot to walk so have taken to lap swimming daily. Nothing overly strenuous, I call it Zen swimming. Up and down 40-45 minutes with pool stretching. Was feeling pretty good about my general health and energy. Until…took a trip to CO and three days ago the Pikes Peak Cog train to the top. VERY short of breath, O2 saturation dropped to 83% and was so happy to be off that peak.

45 years ago I was stationed at the Army hospital in Denver. Went to mountain's, hiking St Mary’s Glacier all the time. Never noticed any issues.

I guess I’m glad I had a chance to do more when I was younger and just have to be realistic my body isn’t 20 years old anymore. When I get caught up in the end is coming I look out the window for birds, bugs, other critters and ponder that they don’t squander their time and energy on the what if’s. Just the right now and try to take a lesson from them.

And no more super high altitudes for me

 

[Koolau]

I was the opposite. At 55/56 I did not really think about retirement. We had the finances but I enjoyed my job with megacorp. Well paid, bonus money and stock option grants for performance. Golden handcuffs I guess. A boss who was 2000 miles away and let me do my own thing as long as the numbers were good. And they were very good.

Fast forward to 57/58. By that time I was imagining what else I wanted to do and where I could be traveling. New corporate regime. My spouse says I was an workaholic. Don't know, just enjoyed my job and the travel that it involved. One day I just came to the conclusion that there are other things that I want to do. Smelled a package in the works and waited eight months until I knew it was coming. Six weeks advance notice.

DW expected me to go back. She could not believe that collegues in other firms were calling..... response was thanks, it is over, I pulled down the shutters, I was out of the game.

My spouse was incredulous that I walked away from the industry and never looked back..not for a moment. Something inside of me said now was the time and I listened!

Six months later we decided to sell our oversize house, downsize, and place our belonging in storage. Then travel for 6-8 months. That period of travel really served to cement my early retirement and convince me that I had made the right decision. Never looked back. Started to change my diet and take more care of my health.

Another satisfied FIRE customer who "saw the light." So glad it's w*rking out for you.

 

[jollystomper]

Even though I can "see the end", when I look back and realize how many "ends" I saw from when I was a young boy, and the "ends" I avoided, I am quite comfortable with how things are. What I have been fortunate to achieve - and now especially FIRE - does not give me cause to dwell on whatever future I have.

I view being able to FIRE as a miracle for my life. It also makes me, instead of dwelling on how I am doing now, be much more sensitive to the many others that are not in this position, and have struggles that I do not have - or, if encountered, are at worst annoyances.

So show the thought "you can see the end" pop into my mind, it is quickly followed by "but... look at how far you have come, and what you have been able to enjoy along the way!"