Your Identity in retirement.

audreyh1 said:
Hey, DH carefully controls the loading of the dishwasher. I’m allowed to unload.
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I load the dishwasher wrong, not on purpose, but on purpose, because I know she's going to shuffle it anyway. She might rearrange it 2 or 3 times before starting it. I have my own ticks and get it.

And I really did try to make the bed the way she likes it, but knew it was a fools errand when she asked me. "since you wfh now YOU can make the bed." OK, knowing it wouldn't last. Not going to lie, she has a touch that I don't. She can fluff the comforter and it's flat as a pond on a calm day, I do it and it looks like hurricane winds. :shrugs shoulders:

I do get ALL my cloths in the hamper, so I've got that going for me. :angel:
 
To be very Dude like.
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I was an engineer for career, but in retirement I am whatever that day wants me to be. Such as yard man, pool boy, house repair, car restorer, dog walker, house cleaner, cook, laundry or put clothes away, run errands, work on a project, or whatever else may come up. I have no problem with needing a specific identity, work never defined my life to begin with. Quality of life is what you do away from work.

I find myself much more of a night owl in retirement, and stay up to 11:30-12 most nights. Get up 7:30-8; much better than my working life of 5:30 and being at work 7 am. DW is retired also, she is usually getting out of bed 30-60 minutes after me. I keep busy most of the day, don't nap, and generally relax in evening on computer or watch TV.
 
flyingaway said:
My friend is a professor at a medical school and probably has more money than I do. I have no idea why he still works and I know he does not love his job, just like the easy money.
I woke up at 1:30PM today, so I really don't know my identity in retirement.
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With sufficiently congenial approach, might it be possible to ask him? Perhaps over a suitable beverage?

One possibility is sheer inertia. Change is hard, and even countenancing change can be stressful... even, that is, if current circumstances are stressful, and the change offers relief.

I've noticed a purposeful and determined mien in active posters on this site. That's a compliment! The purposefulness is to structure life, such as to enable exiting from conventional labor-commitments, and to do so deliberately, without regret, without self-questioning. Where we find so much variety, however, is that some of us were just as purposeful about preparation and the nurturing of good habits (thrift, self-reliance, ...), but didn't really admit to us, what it was, for which we were preparing. We just prepared... it's like the guy who anticipates the apocalypse, and builds a subterranean redoubt, stocked with all imaginable supplies... but when a snow storm hits, and shuts down traffic, he pines for access to the grocery store.

Here's the thing.... some people aren't prepared. They get thrown into retirement from unrecoverable job loss, illness, or other calamity. But they somehow adapt, because circumstances mandate it. What else could they do? Perhaps it's actually harder to adapt to something that's voluntary, because we have no deniability. Maybe flyingaway's friend is thinking of that, as he's cursing the morning commute.
 
Depends :)
No I don't need any as yet. Though the day may caome.
Some days artist on ice, some days impersonating hillibillies at my camp. A few evenings a week am a dancer.
At times a Cormudgeon.
 
What I realized about myself is I like to build stuff and fix stuff. I was all into brewing, until I got my system built and fine-tuned. When my recipe (water volumes, specific gravity, etc) started aligning perfectly with my results, I've been a lot less interested in brewing. Then I had an idea for a mobile app. Got it coded and deployed on the PlayStore. Then I wrote it again, different language for Apple devices, deployed on the AppStore. Then felt like moving on. I'd never written a mobile app before and I'm not inclined to write more now that the territory has been explored.

On the "today I got up..." side of things, DW ordered a new range, and the existing one is a drop-in (hangs on the counter, doesn't sit on the floor). Yesterday I was excited to cut out the toe kick. And instead of being disappointed that the old range was hard-wired (no 220V socket), I eagerly figured what I needed and ordered the socket. Looking forward to crawling around on the floor, mounting the box in the wall, and installing the plug. What makes it even better is that this all needs to be done before they deliver the new range at 1pm tomorrow.

So I've got to keep having ideas for building and fixing things. I keep telling myself "It's a waste of time...you should just contract it out...you can afford it", but then what would I be? A lump who watches old DS9 episodes? I've gotta be more than that!
 
My identity is grandpa. We usually spend part of the weekends with our three grandkids and occasionally some time during the week.
I manage our investments and finances. DW teases me because I pay credit card bills as soon as they post to the accounts. I do taxes, charitable giving and fund six college savings accounts for our grandkids and some nieces and a nephew who lost a parent.
We are both on church committees and frequently have meetings and other activities.
Mostly I have to deal with my health issues and chronic pain, so physically I’m slowing down.
 
Taco said:
My identity didn't change, but with work no longer filling my day I have more time to "be me".
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Bingo! I was out skiing with a former colleague last weekend and he asked me what I've been doing since resigning. My response was, "Next week you'll be at the salt mine and I'll be skiing or doing whatever else sounds fun that day. My time is flexible."

In terms of identity, I love the outdoors and I'm passionate about helping others. Now I get to spend more time "being myself."
 
38Chevy454 said:
I was an engineer for career, but in retirement I am whatever that day wants me to be. Such as yard man, pool boy, house repair, car restorer, dog walker, house cleaner, cook, laundry or put clothes away, run errands, work on a project, or whatever else may come up. I have no problem with needing a specific identity, work never defined my life to begin with. Quality of life is what you do away from work.
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I am a retired engineer also.

I could not have said this better myself. Now 8 years into retirement (and 25lbs lighter) I have never been busier. DW retired 2+ years ago and we both agree that 2024 was one of the best years ever. We traveled and dined our brains out last year and wonder what 2025 will bring. But tomorrow night will be our last night sleeping in our lakefront home. It will be demo'ed in the coming weeks/months and a new home built to our specifications over the course of 2025. Stressful, but we are very excited.
 
audreyh1 said:
I haven’t worried about my identity in retirement. These days I seem to switch between intrepid traveler and homebody - but I do a whole lot of different stuff at home.
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Yeah, that's us too. Travel 6+ months a year with 2 or 3 main trips. (This year will be a little more, with three main trips). Right now, we are home for less than 4 weeks between December 20 and when we leave for our first big trip on Feb 12. Had a couple of short week or so trips back to back, and have another 9 days traveling to SFO to watch three granddaughters aged 3 and younger while their parents go to NYC for work/fun.

When home during this stint, we are working out, going to appointments, repairing/cleaning/replacing dive gear from our short trip to Bonaire and preparing it for Indonesia; finalizing the trip details for the big trips this year; catching up on financial planning/implementation for the year; and hoping to get our taxes finished before we head to Indonesia/Bhutan/Nepal.

Oh, and we LOVE to cook when we are home--doing a blitz through our favorite recipes right now!
 
sengsational said:
What I realized about myself is I like to build stuff and fix stuff. I was all into brewing, until I got my system built and fine-tuned. When my recipe (water volumes, specific gravity, etc) started aligning perfectly with my results, I've been a lot less interested in brewing. Then I had an idea for a mobile app. Got it coded and deployed on the PlayStore. Then I wrote it again, different language for Apple devices, deployed on the AppStore. Then felt like moving on. I'd never written a mobile app before and I'm not inclined to write more now that the territory has been explored.

On the "today I got up..." side of things, DW ordered a new range, and the existing one is a drop-in (hangs on the counter, doesn't sit on the floor). Yesterday I was excited to cut out the toe kick. And instead of being disappointed that the old range was hard-wired (no 220V socket), I eagerly figured what I needed and ordered the socket. Looking forward to crawling around on the floor, mounting the box in the wall, and installing the plug. What makes it even better is that this all needs to be done before they deliver the new range at 1pm tomorrow.

So I've got to keep having ideas for building and fixing things. I keep telling myself "It's a waste of time...you should just contract it out...you can afford it", but then what would I be? A lump who watches old DS9 episodes? I've gotta be more than that!
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(y) (y) Glad to know I'm not the only one more satisfied by the problem solving and resolution (hunt and the kill) than the ongoing ownership and maintenance.

Wish I had figured that out decades ago.
 
Several have indicated that they never identified with their w*rk. I understand that but there were aspects of my w*rk (limited though it might have been) that I still identify with. When the original OSHA law came out my boss came to me and said "deal with this" (as it related to chemical exposures in our plant.) So for the next 30+ years, I did my best to deal with it.

After I beat my head against the wall learning what I needed to do and how to do it and without honking off the bosses - I started teaching what I had learned at university level.

Lots of the stuff I did over the years was just so much cwap that had to be done, but I do identify with the stuff I did to protect people.
 
What do I want be when I grow up:confused: At 69, I'm still not sure ;-).

Corporate career had me on the road/air for 40 some years. DW was a high school councilor and ran the house. Kids are launched, and we've been fully retired/unemployed for about three years.

I've failed at developing a true hobby but I do dabble in lots of things, boating, skiing, motorcycle riding. Joined the Y a few weeks ago and that's working well.

Pickleball, socializing with friends, grandkid activities, home improvement, and doctors (mostly pickleball injuries) seem to be the top things on the calendar. Living on a lake in the woods, seems to take a lot of time (and money) to support. I'm wrapping up my stint as president of the HOA, and that was a time sink for a few years.

Not sure how either of us had time to w*rk....

PS: I don't make the bed cause I can never remember where all the pillows go....
 
kfsinc said:
What do I want be when I grow up:confused: At 69, I'm still not sure ;-).

Corporate career had me on the road/air for 40 some years. DW was a high school councilor and ran the house. Kids are launched, and we've been fully retired/unemployed for about three years.

I've failed at developing a true hobby but I do dabble in lots of things, boating, skiing, motorcycle riding. Joined the Y a few weeks ago and that's working well.

Pickleball, socializing with friends, grandkid activities, home improvement, and doctors (mostly pickleball injuries) seem to be the top things on the calendar. Living on a lake in the woods, seems to take a lot of time (and money) to support. I'm wrapping up my stint as president of the HOA, and that was a time sink for a few years.

Not sure how either of us had time to w*rk....

PS: I don't make the bed cause I can never remember where all the pillows go....
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Motorcycle riding looks fun but I know I would end up killing myself. You are too exposed in case of an accident, compared to a car.
 
pacergal said:
Best job in retirement is that of Grandma!:love:
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Oh, yeah! I retired shortly after my first grandchild was born although that wasn't the reason. I now have 3 and they're 3 hours away. Nice to go up to visit and not have to allocate "vacation days". I'll be there for almost a week. It reminds me of a T-shirt I once saw, saying, "If I'd known grandchildren were so much fun I'd have had them first".

Other stuff: lots more travel. No vacation day constraints and now I'm more confident I won't run out of money if I spend some of it. I spend more time monitoring my investments but to me it's fun. And, now that my leadership skills are free, everyone wants them so I have to say No sometimes. I do lots of Church Lady stuff- the usual things but I also went to a local seminary and got my Lay Preaching License at age 67 and I preach a sermon every couple of months. Plenty of things to keep me out of trouble.
 
I am a proud indentured servant to my wife, who graciously grants me the occasional parole to play golf a few times a week, as long as I’ve earned it by completing my honey-do list. After 32 years of running like a caffeinated hamster on the never-ending corporate wheel of frontline and middle management, where 24/7 felt like an understatement, retirement has been a delightful break. These days, my biggest stress is deciding whether to go with a 9-iron or a wedge to a tight left side pin placement.
 
I loved my career testing and evaluating people with disabilities but the state bureaucracy grew old. 7 months after retiring I was asked to teach a university course and loved it. I did it for 8 years and was lost when it ended. Now I wouldn’t go back if given the chance.

Luckily I have always had a good network of friends so after my divorce 4 years ago not much changed. Two years ago I went back to testing part time and do volunteer work. I have helped many friends downsize their homes and through their illnesses and deaths.

I have done a bunch of traveling and now am traveling only to visit friends and family in other states. Many of my friends have died but when I bought my condo I made 5 new friends. I consider that one of my luckiest moves.

I have 2 little dogs that are great companions. I just bought a new car and the enjoyment I’m getting out of it is immense. I guess after you drive a car for 17 years you forget how good a new car feels.

I had quit driving at night because it was hard to see. My son said that the new headlights were so much better and last night I had zero problems seeing while driving. I’m really enjoying retirement.
 
sengsational said:
What I realized about myself is I like to build stuff and fix stuff. I was all into brewing, until I got my system built and fine-tuned. When my recipe (water volumes, specific gravity, etc) started aligning perfectly with my results, I've been a lot less interested in brewing. Then I had an idea for a mobile app. Got it coded and deployed on the PlayStore. Then I wrote it again, different language for Apple devices, deployed on the AppStore. Then felt like moving on. I'd never written a mobile app before and I'm not inclined to write more now that the territory has been explored.

On the "today I got up..." side of things, DW ordered a new range, and the existing one is a drop-in (hangs on the counter, doesn't sit on the floor). Yesterday I was excited to cut out the toe kick. And instead of being disappointed that the old range was hard-wired (no 220V socket), I eagerly figured what I needed and ordered the socket. Looking forward to crawling around on the floor, mounting the box in the wall, and installing the plug. What makes it even better is that this all needs to be done before they deliver the new range at 1pm tomorrow.

So I've got to keep having ideas for building and fixing things. I keep telling myself "It's a waste of time...you should just contract it out...you can afford it", but then what would I be? A lump who watches old DS9 episodes? I've gotta be more than that!
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But DS9 was so good!
 
I too am a builder/fixer by nature. I like to invent things and it was not my gig, so I don't see that changing much. Now I will have more time to be creative. Before, it was always a rush to fit in that activity with my daily grind.
Now, I can take as much time as I want. Folks keep asking me when the house will be done, when are you moving in. They don't get it.
This is the one home I have to build, and I am going to savor it. Most people are in a rush to get to the point "OK to cover" when the sheetrock goes up and you are in the home stretch.
I am in no hurry. I want to be sure it is all in there before we "cover" it.
 
SecondAttempt said:
But DS9 was so good!
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Agreed. And "DS9 watcher" isn't such a bad identity. Since I regularly watch old, known good stuff, it generalizes into "one who isn't waiting on the next season of something"
 
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