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Old 12-11-2013, 11:04 PM   #41
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Why isn't your son and daughter-in-law paying for it themselves?
They don't have the money to pay for. It. Bottom line is my wife is planning the wedding she always wanted. Apparently a wedding on the cheap was good enough for us, but not good enough for he kid. Our first married son didn't ask, so this is her last chance and is living vicariously through our future daughter in law.
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:11 PM   #42
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My dad told me what he could contribute 35 years ago for my wedding--$500--and I went from there. We paid for what we could afford. I was his eldest child and only daughter, BTW.

DH and I planned a very small wedding in his parents' home. They kicked in food as they wanted to throw a party, but other than that, we paid.

From where I stand, $10,000 seems to me a pretty generous gift to the first couple who eloped and would seem equally generous to the second.

I am not sure why you should have no say in footing the big bill for a bigger wedding or for the first couple's honeymoon, for that matter.

But I have heard similar stories.

I sure hope they all appreciate your generosity.
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:17 PM   #43
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Shortly after retiring last April I found out my youngest son eloped to Las Vegas. We decided to give them a $10K cash wedding gift to help them get started. Now we just found out our other son is getting married next year and they want a big wedding. The bride's family has no money, so we get to pay for it. The cost of the wedding is looking to be around $30K, and I wouldn't be surprised if a wedding gift and honeymoon get thrown on top of that. Now our first married son is asking for some money to have a honeymoon. I have to admit, having two boys I never planned on this type of expense for their weddings, wedding gifts and honeymoons. Did I mention I have no say on the wedding plans or cost?
I think you should treat both sons equally and give Son #1 a $10K cash gift just like Son #2. There is no obligation on you to pay for these weddings and honeymoons. If they are grown up enough to get married, they are grown up enough to plan within their budgets.
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:27 PM   #44
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I think you should treat both sons equally and give Son #1 a $10K cash gift just like Son #2. There is no obligation on you to pay for these weddings and honeymoons. If they are grown up enough to get married, they are grown up enough to plan within their budgets.
I was just sharing an early retirement experience and not asking for advice on whether to pay for anything. Am I mistaken on what this particular thread is about?
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:36 PM   #45
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I was just sharing an early retirement experience and not asking for advice on whether to pay for anything. Am I mistaken on what this particular thread is about?
It's called a conversation. Your post did not indicate that you did not wish opinions to be expressed. Now that you have indicated that that is the case, I will refrain from expressing any other opinions on the subject you brought up. I do think, however, that the best way to avoid having people comment is not to bring up a subject at all.
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Old 12-12-2013, 05:54 AM   #46
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I am not sure why you should have no say in footing the big bill for a bigger wedding or for the first couple's honeymoon, for that matter. .
It's a matter of not picking a battle that you can't win. My DW has never been this excited about a project or event. I think she's been planning it for years.
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:08 AM   #47
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It's called a conversation. Your post did not indicate that you did not wish opinions to be expressed. Now that you have indicated that that is the case, I will refrain from expressing any other opinions on the subject you brought up. I do think, however, that the best way to avoid having people comment is not to bring up a subject at all.
Perhaps I mistook the way you meant it. My apologies. The intent of the post was to bring up a significant expense that we hadn't planned for. The differences in spending between sons isn't really about fairness, because the first married son chose to elope without inviting us. This is more about my wife planning the wedding of her dreams for our future daughter in law, an expense I was blindsided by.
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:35 AM   #48
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Wow that wedding business is crazy! Thank God we don't have kids! That would totally suck to be on the hook for that kind of expensive wedding. Wow just wait til the grand kids come!! Eeek!
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Old 12-12-2013, 06:54 AM   #49
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Perhaps I mistook the way you meant it. My apologies. The intent of the post was to bring up a significant expense that we hadn't planned for. The differences in spending between sons isn't really about fairness, because the first married son chose to elope without inviting us. This is more about my wife planning the wedding of her dreams for our future daughter in law, an expense I was blindsided by.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Previous threads on weddings highlight just how important it is to begin setting expectations as far in advance as possible, so everyone knows exactly what to expect and you can plan (or at least make the effort).
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Old 12-12-2013, 07:10 AM   #50
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Wow that wedding business is crazy! Thank God we don't have kids! That would totally suck to be on the hook for that kind of expensive wedding. Wow just wait til the grand kids come!! Eeek!
Some people spend money on weddings, some on big yellow bus trips around the world .

I think the dash man wedding example is a good one of a discretionary expense one might encounter in retirement and I imagine it makes him and his wife happy to be able to pay for it because of course they do not have to. They could consider these expenses are a form of the $12k or whatever it is each person can give someone else each year without gift tax (which max would be more than $30k to their son and his new wife), which no one would question here I don't think.
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:05 AM   #51
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It's a matter of not picking a battle that you can't win. My DW has never been this excited about a project or event. I think she's been planning it for years.
I am sure it will be a beautiful wedding, and it's great that you and your wife have built assets such that you can give these gifts to your sons and also let your wife bring to life one of her dreams in her retirement. As you said, with two sons, it's not exactly traditional, so it's worked out nicely for her to achieve something she really wanted.

You posted an interesting comment here, at least to me, as I've often wondered how others' weddings, especially the really big ones, end up being expected to be paid for by the parents. Recently, a friend's 23 YO daughter, planning her 2nd wedding, told her mom and stepdad that they and the other 3 sets of remarried parents were going to have to pony up $5000 each to pay for her dream vineyard wedding, complete with Jimmy Choo shoes and a second outfit for the reception.

My jaw dropped, and I really wanted to be a fly on the wall for the "come to Jesus" about wedding planning and budgets. The mom had already paid for wedding #1. Now she was being pre-dunned for #2.

I just could never imagine expecting such a thing for myself, so your post brought that up again and made me wonder where such expectations come from. Maybe because I never heard it growing up, it came as a surprise and it's quite traditional?

I can see how that expectation could strain the w*rking parents' budget, let alone their retirement budget, but if it's in their financial plans -- or even if not, and they choose to use their resources that way--it's a wonderful gift.

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Old 12-12-2013, 08:58 AM   #52
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My biggest surprise was finding a new purpose in life. Finding a reason to get up in the morning.
It's been a few years since I've semi-retired. I've tried travel and volunteering. Both ended up seeming too much like work. In fact, I liked my former real job better than retirement!
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Old 12-12-2013, 09:10 AM   #53
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I just could never imagine expecting such a thing for myself, so your post brought that up again and made me wonder where such expectations come from. Maybe because I never heard it growing up, it came as a surprise and it's quite traditional? I can see how that expectation could strain the w*rking parents' budget, let alone their retirement budget,
No kidding! I would never expect to pay for a second wedding. Everyone I know that remarried always did it in a low key manner. I would hope the young lady's parents had that "come to Jesus" discussion you mentioned.
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Old 12-12-2013, 09:20 AM   #54
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BTW, did you know pay phones cost 50˘ now?
They still have those ? I can't remember the last time I"ve seen one
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Old 12-12-2013, 09:31 AM   #55
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Thanks to those that shared dental costs. I can hopefully cover w/in my medical budget as I have planned to hit the OOP maximum every year.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:06 AM   #56
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They still have those ? I can't remember the last time I"ve seen one
Most convince stores still have 1, at least in this area of the country.
I haven't been to the UK for probably 12 years. Loved the big red ones, they were also a method of advertising for a very old profession. Obviously that profession went on for a long time before phone booths, I'm sure after too. Maybe those cards one of my buddies stuffed in my belongings, for DW to find, have a collectable value.

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Old 12-12-2013, 10:14 AM   #57
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Thanks to all for sharing! Great info.

I have the medical covered, both kids married, no debt, and the current largest unknown is the stock market, and now I learn, my dental costs.

My original intent was to retire to spend quality time with my wife while we are still able to do so, and then earlier this week they announced a HUGE breakthrough in the treatment of her disease. While the new cure appears to be available to the general public in 2016, she could probably get it earlier in a clinical trial if needed.

So now I am second guessing the decision. If I go in Oct., we will have 2 slightly tight years, and then plenty for the duration (see the qualifier above). Or I could continue to work and save and simply use vacation time to travel, etc.

Anyone have a similar choice? Would love to hear how you handled it, or even if you only have an opinion on what my considerations should be.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:17 AM   #58
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My biggest surprise was finding a new purpose in life. Finding a reason to get up in the morning.
It's been a few years since I've semi-retired. I've tried travel and volunteering. Both ended up seeming too much like work. In fact, I liked my former real job better than retirement!
Retired at 40? No wonder you are looking for a new purpose in life. You are too young to set "having fun" as the goal for the rest of your life . That'd be my goal when I retire in a few years. I have a list full things to do when I retire and I suspect I will be busy having too much fun.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:51 AM   #59
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Quick questions for Daylatedollarshort: Are you going to itemize the healthcare expenses on Schedule A? I think anything greater than 10% AGI can be used as a deduction which in your case for that one year would be huge. In my mind it makes the unexpected healthcare expense a little more palatable (versus an unexpected home problem). Any thoughts?
We have a tax program at home and are looking at that now. At minimum the health insurance premiums are a business expense for us. The problem with the provider bills is that they are being sent out in dribs and drabs after insurance negotiations, so the payments we make will occur in two separate tax years. We don't want to be too eager to pay our portion of the bills in 2013, because it would provide a disincentive for the providers to try to eek more payments out of the insurance company.

The least we should be able to do taxwise is have premiums as a business expenses this year and next. Plus next year we will have a Bronze plan HSA account we can max out and pay the bills sent out in 2014 from there.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:57 AM   #60
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My original intent was to retire to spend quality time with my wife while we are still able to do so, and then earlier this week they announced a HUGE breakthrough in the treatment of her disease. While the new cure appears to be available to the general public in 2016, she could probably get it earlier in a clinical trial if needed.

Anyone have a similar choice? Would love to hear how you handled it, or even if you only have an opinion on what my considerations should be.

Thanks in advance.
Ticker I must have missed the post about your DW health issue. Not knowing the details I can say a part of my decision was based om my DW's health. Her condition probably isn't life threatening, but it bcame clear to me that spending more time with her would benefit her. My retirement has helped my DW's quality of life.

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