Help! Is it normal to second guess retirement decision?

[Viking]

I want to stress this isn't a financial worry. It's more of how I'm going to fill the days up. Sure I have interests and hobbies but these aren't enough to fill the days 24/7. And will miss some of the people at work. But all of these issues you have to face them sooner or later, if you retire at 50 or 70.

Francis

It's been nearly three years for me, but I still see friends from work maybe once or twice a month - some have also retired, while others have another decade or so of work/saving ahead of them.

We get together for coffee, lunch, dinner parties, and some of us golf from time to time. If you're going to miss people, then maybe take steps to develop a non-work relationship?

 

[Which Roger]

It's perfectly normal. Those of us who never had that feeling (myself included) are the abnormal ones.

 

[pullmyfinger]

Wow, what was your typical day like in the first two years?

Francis

Haha! Clearly I didn't stay busy! I was amazed at how fast time flies when I wasn't counting down the days until my next day off. My days were spent hanging out with the cats, going for walks, reading, gardening, meeting friends for lunch a couple of days a week and having long chats with neighbors. I have become the neighbor to check on people's pets during the day and to pick up everybody's packages. One of my cats was unexpectedly diagnosed with ESRD and only lived a couple months after the diagnosis. I was really glad that I had been able to spend lots of time with him both after the diagnosis and for the year and a half I had been retired prior to it.

Now 2.5 years into retirement my days are pretty much the same, with a few days a week of volunteer commitments at the shelter.

 

[Fedup]

Sleep fills up 1/3 of the 24/7. You now have to worry about the rest.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

I very recently pulled the plug, and yes, for the last week or two my feeling changed from AHH to WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING

Starting the day after retirement, that vanished and all I could think of was how much stress had been instantly relieved. Hope that feeling keeps up for a long time.

 

[Kelor]

Francis: As long as your misgivings aren't financial (as you've now confirmed), it's perfectly normal. Occasionally you'll ask yourself if it was the right decision after you're retired too. You wouldn't be human if you didn't have some mild second thoughts about big decisions. We have uncertainty growing up and as a working adult, that doesn't end when you retire - it's part of life.

I'm a little introverted, so I knew I'd do better if I forced myself to join in on activities in retirement. Where I said no to many social activities while working, now I say yes as often as possible even if I have some reservations. If it doesn't work out, I've lost an hour or two, worth the time to find out.

If you don't have a lot of activities that interest you, do the Get-a-Life Tree exercise in Zelinski's books (at your library). I did it before I retired, and it eased my fears. It showed me about 50 activities of interest to me, in less than 30 minutes (10 minutes initial, and 20 minutes sporadically over a few days). The book gives lists of activities to spur your brainstorming if necessary.

I bumped this old post as I want to thank you for posting that book. My concern is less about myself, and more about my wife. Though healthy, she doesn't have the activity level that I have, and much of her activities revolve around taking care of the yard, working out by herself, and hanging out with the 3 grandkids. (I'm 50, and DW is 58). We are considering pulling the trigger early next year, and I'm staying up many nights worried about this.

Frankly, I'm a bit scared that retirement will push us apart as I find more activities that don't interest her. Has this been a concern for others?

 

[Kristinia]

I will echo all of the above and say without a doubt, this was and has been the best decision I made. Although my decision to RE did not come with out some heartache (not sure I was ready to leave the working world quite yet) I still do not look back anymore with doubt. I thought for awhile that when I left the last place not feeling 100% good about the way it turned out, that I would slide into another job. I did a few interviews and made it close on one before one morning questioning myself on what was exactly my intent? Did I really want to retire or did I want to go back to the grind? I finally made the decision to step away from the new opportunity and step into the light of retirement. I have more social interactions than I ever really did at work. I speak with people in my yoga class and other places with more interest than before. Before it was mostly about work. Now it is more about getting to know the person. So make your decision, be happy with it and go into this new world with a feeling of excitement and new adventure. Don’t look back. We spend way too much energy doing that. You can’t change what brought you to this place but you sure can influence what is ahead....and ahead is pure freedom. As I find myself retired almost a year I simply cannot imagine going back to an office environment of any kind. I would rather be out walking my dogs at 9am than in traffic or catching up on the latest office gossip. Good luck and get some sleep! You will laugh at how you worried in a few months!!

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I think it's normal. For me there was no going back. There was some things I would never get back once I left , so from that viewpoint there was no second guessing my decision. But once I got my first year of taxes done after retirement and everything went according to plan, man that felt good and things are going well. That's been over two years ago, time went by fast.

 

[Kelor]

How does one solve the concern that husband and wife have different hobbies?

 

[RobbieB]

My "moment" of doubt was exactly that. I think it lasted a whole 5 minutes -

 

[swakyaby]

How does one solve the concern that husband and wife have different hobbies?

I think it's beneficial to my marriage that, once retired, we each have some interests and activities that don't always involve the other. When we were working, it was refreshing to come home to your spouse. But if you're together 24/7, you may find you begin to irritate each other more. Some alone-time is good for me.

 

[braumeister]

How does one solve the concern that husband and wife have different hobbies?

That's not a concern; it's a blessing. Everyone needs some away time.

We have even (at least annually) taken separate trips of a week or two to focus on one of our hobbies that the other has no interest in. We did that before ER and have kept it up. Makes us all the more eager to get back together again afterward.

 

[simple girl]

Thanks everyone for the input. I slept very little last night thinking about things. My feelings are most like when I broke up with a woman. It turned out not to be a good relationship yet I had these same feelings of doubt and loss. But that situation turned out fine with time.

My reasons for second guessing myself is not financial. It's more the social interaction that I'll miss. Anyone know some ways to replicate the social interactions away from the workplace? Maybe a good plan for me would be to work part time at a pharmacist job I like. Maybe that should be a goal for me. Thanks a lot.

Francis

How about teaching? The pay is crappy, but it is rewarding IF you find the right situation - I really felt a sense of paying it forward and preparing the next generation. Note, however - my first part-time teaching job was fantastic, but the second has been too demanding - I do not plan to return after fall semester (I gave my word). I still miss my first teaching job!

 

[Winemaker]

How about teaching? The pay is crappy, but it is rewarding IF you find the right situation - I really felt a sense of paying it forward and preparing the next generation. Note, however - my first part-time teaching job was fantastic, but the second has been too demanding - I do not plan to return after fall semester (I gave my word). I still miss my first teaching job!

Years ago when I was a weekend warrior,(1-12hr day, 2-15hr days, as I was a supervisor) DW suggested if I got bored with my 4 days off, to get certification to become a sub. DW is/was a teacher, so after I showed some interest, she rapidly changed her mind. The $80/day pay wouldn't pay the legal fees I would incur after strangling some of the little darlings.

 

[simple girl]

Years ago when I was a weekend warrior,(1-12hr day, 2-15hr days, as I was a supervisor) DW suggested if I got bored with my 4 days off, to get certification to become a sub. DW is/was a teacher, so after I showed some interest, she rapidly changed her mind. The $80/day pay wouldn't pay the legal fees I would incur after strangling some of the little darlings.

LOL I'd be the same way if I had to teach little ones - do not have the patience for that!

I teach at the college level, which requires slightly less patience.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Uh, not for me. Not even remotely have thought about going back.

 

[pb4uski]

How does one solve the concern that husband and wife have different hobbies?

Get together for dinner.

We are frequently going in different directions and even though we have some of the same hobbies, we often do them with others... we both golf but I more often golf with my male friends and she usually golfs with her female friends... even like yesterday wheree golfed with another couple, we were not in the same cart.

 

[JoeWras]

I am currently in the zone between announce and actual exit. Mostly, the announcement has made me free. But some days, I double guess myself.

It didn't help that I agreed to stay on a few months for a smallish bonus. It is giving my management time to insert some second guess reasons! I was also asked to not display any "countdown clocks".

If I had to do it again, it would be two weeks, firm.