Hi, I am Phil

[dauterman]

Hi,

I am Phil, new to this forum. Here is where I stand financially:

Age: 48
Net worth: 3.2 million

Asset Mix: 20% stocks, 50% bonds (all TIPS and TIPS funds), 16% PM (gold), 14% cash or equivalant (bank CDs one year rolling term, Money Market funds, etc.)

My income $185,000/yr.

My Expenses: $48,000/yr.

Significant Other (SO) Expenses: $58,000/yr.

SO income: basically none (depends on me for all income)

Children: None, and based on our age not likely to ever have children.

Private pension: will start at age 65 and pays $60,000/yr.

Social Security: I reach full retirement age at 67, it will pay around $30,000/yr.

I run the numbers through FIREcalc, Vanguard retirement calculator and flexibleretirementplanner, and it comes out 99% or 100% success most tries. The math is easy, and indicates that that I can retire.

It's the other people in my life that make this very complex. This is a long story and I would appreciate any input on this.

I worked as a professional at the same job from 1996 to 2012. I only received a few small raises in the time I was there and left for higher salary at the end of 2012. It was a cross country move form one small town to another small town in a different state. The job I left has since filled, and it is the only job in my profession in that small town.

The new job is wonderful. Better pay, nicer working environment. I love my new job. The problem is that the new job is in a not so nice place to live. The new job is in a small town in the middle of nowhere. The new hometown has a crime problem, lots of break-ins. In the 7 months I have been here some of my co-workers had their cars broken into, car stolen, etc. There is really noplace nice to live in this town, it is all run down.

The worst part is that the SO did not follow me here. The SO came for a few days, did not like the new hometown, and went back to the old hometown. We talk everyday on the telephone, and are still close emotionally. I get one day per pay period off, so I could fly back to the old hometown on a regular basis to see the SO one week out of ten.

I really don't know anyone here, and am basically a stranger in a strange land. Not only do I miss the SO but I aslo miss many other friends and acquantances. I liked my old hometown much better. It is a nicer place to live.

I asked about my old job at the old hometown, and it is filled. The old employer is having financial trouble and definitely not hiring.

There are other jobs at other employers in the old hometown, but not in my profession. I would be taking a steep pay cut to go back to the old hometown. I would be taking a pay cut to as low as $25,000/yr. In effect I'd be falling back on the Bachelor's Degree that I got prior to going to professional school.

My plan is something like this:

1. Take any available job in the old hometown. Draw down savings until a better job comes up in the old hometown.

2. If no jobs come open in the old hometown by the end of 2013, declare myself RE in early 2014 and go back to the old hometown. Try to find any available work. Live off of savings until a suitable job comes open.

I am 48 and have never been "between jobs" in my life, except for a few days, so I do not know what it is like.

Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Phil

 

[shasta]

I say do it.

 

[Larro Darro]

You can ER today and have $80K a year for 40 years. [that is without any increase] Borrow $20K more from yourself until 65/67. You can easily find $6K in savings.

But a few questions, please.
Did you buy a house in your new town? Is mortgage part of your $48K + $58K expenses? Does your SO live in your house, or is there two houses in your old town? How much of your spending is related to working? Do you want to keep working, even after you are FI? [Which you are, by the way.] It sounds like to me, ER might not be what you are looking for.

If you are going to stick with your job for two or more years, why not buy a house a good ways out of town. You will leave the crime and blight behind. And your SO may join you.

 

[Meadbh]

Welcome Phil. I have a few questions.

1. Your combined expenses are $106k per annum. What would they be if you moved back to Hometown? I ask this because a lot of your increased earnings are probably going to maintaining two households. Your portfolio is low on equities and I wonder about its inflation protection unless overall expenses are reduced from the current level.

2. Are you and SO married? How strong is the relationship? Why is SO not contributing to household income? SO made the decision not to move to Newtown, thereby requiring you to pay for two households. If SO had been willing to move, would Newtown look more attractive? It certainly would be cheaper than the situation you have now. What are you getting out of this relationship?

3. You sound fulfilled in your job. If you leave it to return to Hometown with no or greatly reduced income, will you be happy, or will you forever second guess your decision?

Just a few points to ponder. No need to provide more information if some of these questions are intrusive on your privacy.

 

[Richard4444]

Why is it that your relationship with the SO is raising a yellow flag with me ?

 

[dauterman]

answers to questions

Hi,

To answer the questions from:

Larro,
I did not buy a house in the new town. I figured out pretty quickly after arriving that it is not a nice place to live, and that I would try to leave as quickly as possible. I wouldn't want to buy property here. If I left back to the old hometown, I'd have to find a manager for the property. I might have to come back from time to time if there are any issues with the property. Too much hassle as far as I can tell. I am renting on farmland about 5 miles south of town, and drive in to work every day.

Back in the old hometown, the SO and I both rented. I was in an apartment. The SO lives with her parents in a nearby house. She owns the house jointly with her parents. There is no mortgage thus no mortgage expenses.

Only a small portion of my spending is related to work. I would only expect a small cost savings from stopping work.

I plan to keep working even though I am FI.

Meadbh,
If I moved back to the old hometown, I'd save on the apartment rent and car expenses at the new town. This is about $14,000/yr. It would drop my combined expenses to $92,000/yr.

I have all my bonds in TIPS and TIPS funds, so that inflation is not such a big risk.

The SO and I have been together 14 years. We are not married. If she moved here it would make the new hometown somewhat nicer, but still not as good as the old hometown. The SO and I love each other very much, so I am not thinking aobut exiting the relationship. The SO has a few part time jobs that amount to about $5,000/yr. to $10,000/yr. She is not very hardworking, and I am a workaholic. Opposities attract.

If I left back to the old hometown without a job in place, I would probably do lots of second guessing. In the end though I'd probably be happier than staying here. Although the job is great, I am not at all happy with the new hometown.

Sincerely,
Phil

 

[ERhoosier]

Why is it that your relationship with the SO is raising a yellow flag with me ?

Not to be harsh, but +1. This sounds more like a relationship question than a financial one. Regardless of net worth, few seem to ER happily from a j#b they think is "wonderful". If you hastily move back to hometown, the predictable "second guessing" (inc giving up a j@b you "love" along with a huge pay cut) could seriously affect you & your relationship with SO.

FWIW- Some years ago DW & I faced moving to relatively undesirable location for a much better j@b for me (higher pay, better w#rk environment, etc.). Although she did not like the new area, ultimately there was no question that we would stay together. Initially we had only each other in our "newtown", and our relationship grew stronger. We eventually formed new friendships, and in retrospect our time there wasn't so bad after all.

 

[aida2003]

I don't see a yellow, red or whatever color flag in this relationship yet. Boy, I'd get myself insane by being afraid living in that town...but I guess, it's only me, a coward. High crime rate doesn't sit well with me.

Can you talk them into telecommuting from your old hometown? Work remotely and then fly in for a week or two?

 

[Meadbh]

It seems to me that the level of commitment to this relationship is different between the participants. You are providing generous living expenses. You are willing to go wherever it takes to keep the relationship going, even at the cost of giving up a job that you seem to love. OTOH, SO is not providing any material assets, and is not willing to follow you to Newtown, even for a few years, where she could be a tremendous support to you. I think you are being taken advantage of, frankly. I recommend an in depth discussion with SO about your goals.

 

[dauterman]

I don't see a yellow, red or whatever color flag in this relationship yet. Boy, I'd get myself insane by being afraid living in that town...but I guess, it's only me, a coward. High crime rate doesn't sit well with me.

Can you talk them into telecommuting from your old hometown? Work remotely and then fly in for a week or two?

Hi,

It is not possible to telecommute for this job. I do hands-on work.

It seems to me that the level of commitment to this relationship is different between the participants. You are providing generous living expenses. You are willing to go wherever it takes to keep the relationship going, even at the cost of giving up a job that you seem to love. OTOH, SO is not providing any material assets, and is not willing to follow you to Newtown, even for a few years, where she could be a tremendous support to you. I think you are being taken advantage of, frankly. I recommend an in depth discussion with SO about your goals.

Hi,

You are right. I had discussed the move beforehand with the SO and thought that we had it all planned out. At this point, we have been together 14 years, and I do not want to do anything that would mess up the relationship. I will "suck it up" and keep mailing checks to the SO every 2 weeks on my payday and calling every day.

Sincerely,
Phil

 

[Rothman]

Dauterman, the benefit of the savings is for use in exactly the situation you are in. Staying unhappy and saving the money will only increase what money you leave behind, what is the point of that? Congrats on your success in building the fund that gives you the opportunity to move back where you belong with the one you love. Then look for the job on your own time schedule.

 

[Chelhxi]

I have to ask, how does SO spend $58,000 a year when she has no rent or mortgage expense? Why are you supporting this incredible level of spending?
Are you supporting her parents as well?

 

[Calgary_Girl]

I have to ask, how does SO spend $58,000 a year when she has no rent or mortgage expense? Why are you supporting this incredible level of spending?
Are you supporting her parents as well?

+1

The term "princess" comes to mind although others might say "leech". Sorry but that's my perception. What does the SO bring to the relationship?

 

[Larro Darro]

Phil, it is understandable that she wants to help you spend your money. [3.2M in not chicken scratch] But you need to make her work harder to get it. A few phone calls is not much of a chore for $1.1K per week. What would happen if you cut her allowance in half?

Is there anything else going on, like sick parents?

 

[harley]

I'd move to Fort Gibson for the crime rate issue, and seriously think about the relationship. Sounds like you are setting yourself up for getting knocked out of FI. I've never seen a relationship with seriously uneven responsibilities work in the long run. If she was a SAHM with no income, no problem. But unmarried, no bills, and spending at that level? Unless there's some big medical thing you haven't mentioned. JMO based on what you've said here.

 

[inky]

At this point, we have been together 14 years, and I do not want to do anything that would mess up the relationship. I will "suck it up" and keep mailing checks to the SO every 2 weeks on my payday and calling every day.

Phil, forgive me, but this sounds a bit like martyr syndrome. Why are you allowing someone to take advantage of you?

 

[pb4uski]

Phil,

At a minimum, expand your horizons beyond new hometown and old hometown. There is a big, wide world out there with lots of opportunities. Once you find where you want to live and what you want to do (if anything, you could FIRE) then let SO make her own decision to join you or not. If her decision is not, then end the gravy train.

Sorry to be so candid.

 

[Meadbh]

Phil,

At a minimum, expand your horizons beyond new hometown and old hometown. There is a big, wide world out there with lots of opportunities. Once you find where you want to live and what you want to do (if anything, you could FIRE) then let SO make her own decision to join you or not. If her decision is not, then end the gravy train.

Sorry to be so candid.

+1

This is exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Richard4444]

Phil, welcome to the Board whereby you have received objective information from others based upon the information that you offered. No one can live in your moccassins; however, there is much wisdom among the participants from years of experience involving making many mistakes in their time - - - some of which you don't have to make yourself. Of course, many things you just have to experience yourself. I wish you good fortune in your choices, you have done extremely well so far in the accumulation stage and I applaud you for it. Rich

 

[dauterman]

I have to ask, how does SO spend $58,000 a year when she has no rent or mortgage expense? Why are you supporting this incredible level of spending?
Are you supporting her parents as well?

Yes, indirectly. I support the SO and she supports her parents. I do not give money directly to her parents.

+1

The term "princess" comes to mind although others might say "leech". Sorry but that's my perception. What does the SO bring to the relationship?

The SO and I love each other. That is enough to make it all worthwhile.

Phil, it is understandable that she wants to help you spend your money. [3.2M in not chicken scratch] But you need to make her work harder to get it. A few phone calls is not much of a chore for $1.1K per week. What would happen if you cut her allowance in half?

Is there anything else going on, like sick parents?

Hi,

The SO comes from a big family, 6 brothers and sisters. She lives with the parents and 2 brothers. The parents are elderly. The SO and the two brothers still living at home are in their late 30s to mid 40s. The brothers have full-time jobs, wives and kids. There are lots of people living in that house, which is why I rent an apartment nearby. The parents have all sorts of medical problems. The father is worse off than the mother. The parents can't take care of themselves very well. The tasks are divided among the three children and a bunch of grandchildren living at home.

I am close to the SO's brothers, parents, nieces, nephews, etc. Although I am not married to the SO, I am as close to her family as any married guy is to his in-laws. They are like extended family to me. I go to all the family functions (birthday parties, weddings, etc.)

Over the years, I have asked the SO to get married several times but she said "no" for personal reasons. I won't go into detail.

Sincerely,
Phil

 

[Meadbh]

Well, Phil, just so long as you don't mind being a sugar daddy.......

 

[Bestwifeever]

I completely understand--money isn't everything. We just don't want you to get hurt in matters of the heart or the wallet.

 

[Larro Darro]

Phil, if this works for you, that is great. But as much as you love your work, I would make sure I had something lined up before you quite. Is there work near your old town that you would find fulfilling? A short commute would be better than being miserable. At this point the pay is not as important as finding something you like. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[obgyn65]

Hello Phil- my opinion is along the same lines as Meadbh's.

 

[dauterman]

Phil, if this works for you, that is great. But as much as you love your work, I would make sure I had something lined up before you quit. Is there work near your old town that you would find fulfilling? A short commute would be better than being miserable. At this point the pay is not as important as finding something you like. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Hi,

As I mentioned in the original post, I am applying for a variety of lower-paying jobs in the old hometowwn and vacinity. In effect falling back on the Bachelor's degree in Biology I got before going to professional school.

Lower-paying is not the same as meaningless. From discussing the positions with the potential new employers, some of these positions really do seem to accomplish significant things.

Last year, I took my first new job in 16 years. In looking back on the move, I think that what makes a job good or bad in not the pay. It is the people you work with. If the people you work with are nice, and you get along well with them the job is great no matter what the pay is.

Of course, I am deep into FI territory. If I was not FI, I might see things the other way.

Sincerely,
dauterman