Retired wife at 50. Retired a year ago and trying to get the husband to retire now. I have explained over and over we have "enough" to finally retire. I think it is hard for hime to realize we don't need to save anymoe and we can finally "spend" some of what we have saved. He works 14 hours a day at a job he doesn't love and is so tired he just comes home and sleeps. Any thoughts on how to get him to consider retirement? Thanks for your thoughts in advance.
Hi, I am retired at 50 from Seattle.
- Thread starter kimcdougc
- Start date
Welcome!
On getting your husband to "see the light" perhaps show him the numbers that it will work.
Perhaps I'm the wrong one to make suggestions as I did go back to work, but I do have my "KMA"* hat firmly in place. Several other people here are in the same position.
*Kiss My A--.
But 14-hour days? No way I'd do that since I have the choice.
On getting your husband to "see the light" perhaps show him the numbers that it will work.
Perhaps I'm the wrong one to make suggestions as I did go back to work, but I do have my "KMA"* hat firmly in place. Several other people here are in the same position.
*Kiss My A--.
But 14-hour days? No way I'd do that since I have the choice.
travelover
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Welcome. One thing that definitely affected me was seeing people my age die suddenly without ever enjoying a day of retirement. You might highlight this to your DH whenever you see it happen.
Katsmeow
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If he doesn't think you have enough (perhaps wrongly) one possibility is to ask him what would be enough. That is what would make him comfortable retiring. Try to set up *now* what would be needed and try to work with him to make it something reasonable (hopefully achievable in a year or two -- not something that takes 20 years) and then write down what it is. Then when you get there tell him that he said that he would retire when you have X and now you have X. Doesn't mean he won't balk then but it might help.
growing_older
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If he thinks he's really not ready to retire, maybe you could try to get him to consider a step like finding a job he likes, reducing hours so he can do more than sleep outside of work, or even think about part-time work as a step towards future retirement. He may be a lot easier to convince when he's less stressed and exhausted by this crazy work situation.
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Does he respect "book" advice? You might try "Work Less, Live More" or something like that. Good luck!!!
kcowan
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
DW retired reluctantly in 2002. I said that I needed a travel companion. Even now, she would gladly do the work because she loved it. She is like a border collie without her herd of sheep.
She gets to organize our trips, and we have a number of quality endeavours that we share. One day we will hit upon the perfect formula.
She gets to organize our trips, and we have a number of quality endeavours that we share. One day we will hit upon the perfect formula.
Birdie Num Nums
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Ditto. Plus, in the five years before I ER'd, I saw one friend my age suffer a heart attack (and he was much slimmer and "healthier" than me) and another suffer a stroke. These are people I know personally. I saw many others on TV or in the news my age who were dying young for various reasons. "Life's too short" became my mantra.
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I jsut noticed your "Seattle-ish"location. OP too. There are sure a lot of us slackers up here.
Ha
RetirementColdHardTruth
Recycles dryer sheets
You have to be patient. Sometimes a mans identity is closely tied to his ability to provide for his family. Even though he says he hates his job, maybe the satisfaction of getting a paycheck makes him feel much more like a man.
I know that I have kept a job I hated for over 8 years because the income it provided made me feel safe. That safety factor outweighed the hate for the job 1000:1.
As a side note, After many years of Marriage I finally figured out that you have to let the other half follow the path they choose. You shouldn't try to push your beliefs on your husband or visa versa. If you have trouble doing this just repeat this in your head when you get frustrated he is not on your path.
"I truly believe that he is doing what is best for him"
"His decisions are the right decisions for him"
or more generally
"I trust that people know what is best for them"
I know that I have kept a job I hated for over 8 years because the income it provided made me feel safe. That safety factor outweighed the hate for the job 1000:1.
As a side note, After many years of Marriage I finally figured out that you have to let the other half follow the path they choose. You shouldn't try to push your beliefs on your husband or visa versa. If you have trouble doing this just repeat this in your head when you get frustrated he is not on your path.
"I truly believe that he is doing what is best for him"
"His decisions are the right decisions for him"
or more generally
"I trust that people know what is best for them"
DblDoc
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Yeah rub it in...especially on a day when the sun is actually shining. Hit 61 degrees
in Silverdale while running errands.DD
obgyn65
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Welcome. Why don't you go on a 6-month vacation and show him the pictures when you come back? Hopefully he will go with you next time.
If your hubby is the typical few years older than you and he is working 14 hours a day, he needs to step back and look at what's going on. When you are in your 50's and working those kind of hours it is usually either because you are desperate for money, ie, starving, or because you love your job more than anything in the world. Your husband isn't broke and it doesn't sound like he loves his job.
It might be good for your relationship to try to get away for a few days or a long weekend and explore what drives him to work those kinds of hours. He definitely needs a better quality of life, especially if he doesn't have to work like that to make ends meet.
It might be good for your relationship to try to get away for a few days or a long weekend and explore what drives him to work those kinds of hours. He definitely needs a better quality of life, especially if he doesn't have to work like that to make ends meet.
FreeAtLast
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I am semi retired and have been for about 5 years when I cut back to 30 hours/week. Two years ago I cut back again to just under 20 hours/week. I like the arrangement for now as I still get my health benefits. There is no longer any stress.
Perhaps he can find something P/T, or ask his current employer for Part Time.
Perhaps he can find something P/T, or ask his current employer for Part Time.
Retired at 50
Thanks for your comment "freeatlast". We have been discussing the part time thing....but nothing as of yet. Guess it is a process. Patience is a viture I am trying to learn as we go along. Thanks to all who have posted. I appreciate your thoughts and advice.
Thanks for your comment "freeatlast". We have been discussing the part time thing....but nothing as of yet. Guess it is a process. Patience is a viture I am trying to learn as we go along. Thanks to all who have posted. I appreciate your thoughts and advice.
East Texas
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I've had some amazing jobs in my life. My best career, by far, has been retirement. Like travelover, we've also had friends our age pass away. For us, working forever was just not worth it. We have an comfortable retirement - more so because we don't have any debt.
As our grandson says, "this is more better!"
Like travelover, we've also had friends our age pass away. For us, working forever was just not worth it. We have an comfortable retirement - more so because we don't have any debt.As our grandson says, "this is more better!"
hakuna matata
Recycles dryer sheets
Yeah rub it in...especially on a day when the sun is actually shining. Hit 61 degrees
DD
Wow another Kitsap person! I live in Port Orchard, was almost up in your neck of the woods today. But opted to go to a local eatery rather then Silver City. Personally I rather like the rural nature of this side compared to the Seattle side. We should grab a beer sometime and compare retirement notes.
To my knowledge, the answer is ZERO.
oma
Recycles dryer sheets
That was my motivation to retire at 47.
oma
Recycles dryer sheets
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
We moved from Bainbridge Island to Portland last year to be closer to grand kids. One thing I particularly miss about the Silverdale area is the depth of the health care professionals. My analysis is that they are x-Navy and once stationed in the area never want to leave.
Very popular, especially with aircraft carriers and aviation wings. Lots of homesteaders there.
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
My former dentist is top notch. Former Navy health care professional who once remarked that submariners dental issues are priority concerns.
Wanted to update. DH is retiring Feb. 3, 2015. 2 more days to go. It took him awhile but finally saw the light. After retiring we are going on a retirement trip in our RV. So excited. We have to wait to make sure we get our new insurance cards with Cobra in the mail. His thoughts are he is "semi-retiring" and going to look for something part time or start a business when we get back from our "no time line" trip.
