How do you change your mindset?

[harley]

It has been fairly easy for people who started their retirement from 2009 till now. They just took to it like fish to water.

Why, the market keeps giving more money than they can spend.

Well, I retired at 50 in 2006, and having everything go to hell a couple of years later was pretty frightening. I had run FIRECalc and other calculators, and everything said we were good to go. And I never regretted leaving work behind, but we built a big new house in 2008 just before the bottom dropped out. DW an I had some unpleasant confrontations about spending to outfit the home. Even though I "knew" we could survive the Great Depression, it was scary. But we got through that and have had an incredible time ever since. My brother died at 42, my mother was 33, and while my father lived to the incredible old age of 71 I had a major fear of dying in my office. Getting out early was the best thing I ever did, even with the rough start. The last 13+ years have been the best of my life. No matter what happens, I doubt you'll regret getting out earlier rather than later.

 

[COcheesehead]

Some question life after death. Some question life before death.
The OP’s question is a great example of what a lot of us say time and time again. You need to retire TO something, not just from something. If you are not so freaking excited to get on with the rest of your life, maybe there is a reason for that.

 

[Jerry1]

I really had no issues with retirement. I made a plan and it included a good amount of cushion. If I went into retirement on the edge, I'd make sure I watched my spending like a hawk. Seeing a year or two go as planned will help you get comfortable with the new financial reality.

My biggest transition issues are that I really haven't found what I'm retired too. However, I'm okay with just being so that one's not too bad. The other transition I'm struggling with is the desire to improve my health. With the extra time, it's easier to eat more (though I do pretty good diet wise) and I'm really struggling to get to a workout on a regular committed basis.

I guess the point is that we all have some transition issues we are working through, but I'm completely satisfied with my decision. It boiled down to time>money and the realization that no day is guaranteed. I'd rather live like this than how I was when working.

 

[24601NoMore]

It has been fairly easy for people who started their retirement from 2009 till now. They just took to it like fish to water.

Why, the market keeps giving more money than they can spend.

Easy until now..but the real question will be how all of us in ER will do once the market goes kablooey - which is increasingly probable in 2020 with current sky high equity valuations (eg: CAPE 10) and very expensive bonds/low yields. That's my #1 concern..I'm not comfortable with another 50+% drop on the equity part of my portfolio like we had in 2008 now that the W-2s have stopped coming in. Others may be OK weathering the storm..but 2020 is making me increasingly nervous, and for those who have been fine to this point it will be interesting to see how we all handle the next downturn psychologically, when the paychecks are no longer coming in..unfortunately, with CD rates having been crushed over the past year and bond funds having little room to run with unusually low yields, there's few alternatives to equity risk..

 

[ShokWaveRider]

KateIswell:

You did not mention your or your husbands age, or I missed it. Regardless, Congratulations! I think it is natural to have a little trepidation, however, you seem to have done the numbers, all is good. Re-evaluate as time goes on, and above all enjoy your newly acquired freedom with your hubby.

 

[davebarnes]

firecalc and my financial planner says we are okay

Focus on these words.
If you decide to go back to work, then take a job for aspects other than money.
My wife (age 62) works part time in a retail store and grosses $28K/yr. She works to get out of the house and to enjoy conversing with other adults. But, she knows she can quit anytime if her BS meter gets pegged.

 

[pacergal]

Welcome! You will begin to appreciate your retirement tomorrow as you realize everyone is off to work and you can enjoy your coffee in your pjs!
And tonight that tic tic tic of 60 minutes clock will not bother you--lol.

If firecalc and financial planner gives you the success number you want, then you are good to go.
A part time job somewhere of interest is always available if you desire, but you probably won't after you live in retirement for a few months and it becomes your new normal.

 

[Navigator]

It took me about six months to get comfortable with being retired. What finally did it was I got a call from a headhunter asking me to apply for a lucrative position, and I realized there was no way I would want to do that again. There are two things that make me comfortable with being retired: 1) knowing how much I can cut spending if I needed to; and 2) doing the things in life that are important to me that I couldn’t do if I was working full time.

I wish you the best of luck with your retirement.

 

[ER2B]

Been retired for 2 years now. Today, I got a text from a cousin. This is why my RE mindset is what it is. See below:

From K, daughter of M : Hi guys, my Mom, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 4 last year. Right now, she’s in a very critical condition since the cancer has metastasized to her brain and other organs, and her small intestine’s continuously bleeding. She’s gone through several blood transfusions to compensate for the blood loss, but she still needs more.

Though the hospital has available stocks of blood, Mom’s blood type is pretty rare (AB+) so they have run out of this na. If you know anyone who has a blood type of AB+ and is willing to donate, he/she can proceed to C hospital and say that he/she’s donating blood for M. They would already know what to do.

Thank you!


(hospital said this exact blood type’s needed to prevent any undesired reaction during the blood transfusion)

 

[scrabbler1]

For those of you who have retired, did anyone have these sorts of thoughts? How did you process the switch from earning and saving to spending?

How long did it take for you to be okay with not having a regular paycheck?

I can't say I had any of those thoughts. My ER was planned out well after considerable research. I wasn't a member of this website until a year after I ERed, but I did run the numbers through Fidelity's RIP program (I am a Fido client) and my Account Executive told me I was clear to go!

I had been working part-time for 7 years before I fully ERed, so the transition to not working at all wasn't a big one because most of the overall changes to my everyday life took place when I first switched from working FT to PT 7 years earlier. Working part-time, even 2 days a week, was more and more often interfering with the considerable personal life I had regained in those 7 years, so getting rid of the relatively infrequent working days was my best solution.

I had arranged to have a large monthly dividend from a new bond fund I'd be investing a large lump sum of money (see my signature line) to act as my replacement "paycheck" instead of the 2 biweekly paychecks I had been receiving. I had to adjust my budget spreadsheet to allow for one cash inflow per month instead of 2. But I liked the new paycheck because I didn't have to go to work to earn it (again, see my signature line). It took me ZERO time to adjust to that!

 

[tmm99]

I keep thinking...next week I would have earned X amount of money.
.

It's been 5 years or so since my retirement and I've never ever looked at it like that. I did a lot of math in my head regarding the dollars I was bringing in when I was w*rking, but doing "what if's" like what you're doing after you've made the decision to retire is not a productive thing to do IMO.

Once I got into the retirement mode, I couldn't possibly consider going back to the stressful j*b I used to have for any amount of money. Heck, having to get up early every morning would be a no-go on its own.

 

[KateIswell]

Oh my Gosh. I’m so, so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Reality can be sobering.

 

[MRG]

It's been 5 years or so since my retirement and I've never ever looked at it like that. I did a lot of math in my head regarding the dollars I was bringing in when I was w*rking, but doing "what if's" like what you're doing after you've made the decision to retire is not a productive thing to do IMO.

Once I got into the retirement mode, I couldn't possibly consider going back to the stressful j*b I used to have for any amount of money. Heck, having to get up early every morning would be a no-go on its own.

+1
Been over 6 years and the concept of work seems foreign. Lemme see you're saying you want me to come in 5+ days every week and fight with others on the highway both directions so I can do as you want. If problems arise you expect me to work 24x7x365 to fix these problems for zero compensation. Of course you may choose to yell, scream, verbally abuse, under compensate, over promise, and generally make my life a miserable living he!!.

Where can I get a deal like that? [emoji848][emoji1787]

ETA: I'm reminded of an event from 40 years ago at a sawmill I worked at. We'd sometimes hire contract day laborers from a firm that took care of all their issues. These folks were mostly homeless, illiterate, alcoholics but they had to show up sober and have strong backs for a days wage. This day when they were going to the superintendent to get assigned one of them apparently was coming off a multi-day alcohol fueled bender. He asked one of the other men where they were and what they were doing? Guy says you're here to work! First guy stomped off yelling "Oh Hell No"!

 

[Delaney]

If you have been OMYing it for a few years, I feel confident you really are ready. I am 55 and I've been retired for 8 years. I still worry from time to time, but I know it's irrational. For me, early retirement just seems too good to be true, but the numbers work. My biggest fear before retirement was that I would die or get sick before I could enjoy any retirement. I did feel a sense of relief after I had one year of retirement. I thought I had a year, so no big regrets now if the worst happens.

 

[walkinwood]

If this is an issue (I only have your OP to go one)....you also need to change your mindset on "not being as well-off as". It isn't a competition. If you've done your analysis and have saved enough to live your life the way you like it, then it shouldn't ever matter if someone else is better off financially (or in some other way) than you are. I have to occasionally remind myself or DW about this.


If you do have to return to work, you only have to earn enough to fill the deficit between your desired lifestyle and the lifestyle your savings can support. So you can focus on a job that you will look forward to rather than try to recapture your current earnings. This point - this very point - made it easier for us to contemplate ER 11 years ago. We did return to work for about 10 months just 2 years after our initial ER because the '08-'09 crash depleted our assets sufficiently to cause us worrry.

 

[KateIswell]

This is a good point. I’m thinking I need to divorce myself from the idea that my value is related to my earning ability. I have been using the “I can always go back to work” as a coping strategy but I’m so burned out that the thought of working in my chose field makes me almost physically sick. I guess I can always go back to work doing something else, since you’re right...I’m not saving for years of retirement, just putting a little more cushion into the equation.

Appreciate the input. Thank you.

 

[Doribe]

I made a graph showing my projected lifespan and where I was currently. This helped me give up $$$ that I could have earned. Every year you will have less quality life left you have to decide how you want to "spend" it.

I left at 591/2 three years ago and I have no regrets.

 

[HI Bill]

Here's the "Rich, Dead, or Broke" calculator, for those who missed it.
https://engaging-data.com/will-money-last-retire-early/

I'm in the third year of the OMY syndrome. I am very ready to quit, except that each month I w$rk means I save $800 on insurance, and earn $X,XXX income. But this year, it's finally coming to a head, as I no longer have enough vacation time to meet my travel desires. So, this is how I see this year going: Maui (Jan 1-6), New Zealand (Feb-March), Germany and Italy (May), Japan (July-August), and Galapagos: December. To help fund this, I'm planning to work through April, but will have to FIRE then, because I won't have a month of leave for the Europe trip.

 

[WyomingLife]

Here's the "Rich, Dead, or Broke" calculator, for those who missed it.
https://engaging-data.com/will-money-last-retire-early/

I'm in the third year of the OMY syndrome. I am very ready to quit, except that each month I w$rk means I save $800 on insurance, and earn $X,XXX income. But this year, it's finally coming to a head, as I no longer have enough vacation time to meet my travel desires. So, this is how I see this year going: Maui (Jan 1-6), New Zealand (Feb-March), Germany and Italy (May), Japan (July-August), and Galapagos: December. To help fund this, I'm planning to work through April, but will have to FIRE then, because I won't have a month of leave for the Europe trip.

+1

 

[ER Eddie]

This is a good point. I’m thinking I need to divorce myself from the idea that my value is related to my earning ability. I have been using the “I can always go back to work” as a coping strategy but I’m so burned out that the thought of working in my chosen field makes me almost physically sick. I guess I can always go back to work doing something else, since you’re right...I’m not saving for years of retirement, just putting a little more cushion into the equation.

Appreciate the input. Thank you.

That's a strong statement and a very clear signal that you should not return to work. Don't listen to the worrisome, self-doubting chatter in your head. Listen to your body.

I have to disagree with your username. Kate is unwell. Kate is damaged and depleted by a draining, exhausting, stressful career. I'd suggest you not even think about considering the possibility of returning to work until Kate is truly well -- that is, happy and at peace.

I've been retired 6 months now. I've gone through a variety of changes, and I'm still adjusting.

Give yourself plenty of time. Do what you like. Take it easy. Give yourself time to decompress, detox, and recover.

I like what Walt said earlier about retirement itself being a major stressor. Very true and often forgotten in all the celebration. It's a big adjustment. Give yourself plenty of time to poke around, feel out what works for you and what doesn't, what feels good/right and what doesn't, etc. It's a whole new life and it'll take a while to find your rhythm.

The mind likes to worry. That's what it does. It's an evolutionary thing. It likes to concoct negative crap for us to worry and fret about. You know that you are financially okay; that is the factual truth. Try to find ways to get out of worry and relax your mind. Be good to yourself.

 

[nvestysly]

I'd like to add another book to my suggested reading for the OP. Maybe that's the last thing KateIswell needs - another book to read, but here goes...

Your Money Or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. DW and I found this book invaluable back in 2000 when we started evaluating early retirement, clutter and excess, and clarify a sense of purpose in our lives.

The title of the book sounds ominous and it is to some extent. The authors go into quite a bit of detail about how we (humans in general, particularly in 1st world societies) live our lives with too much clutter, whether that's possessions or w*rk or etc., etc. and we become preoccupied with those endeavors rather than focusing on living life to the fullest.

If you take time to read this book I recommend that you also do the "homework" associated with each chapter in the book. The book itself doesn't have homework assignments but there are companion workbooks that allow the reader to work through many of the issues associated with money, possessions and fulfillment in our lives.

I do take one major exception to the book, at least the edition I read, the final chapter or so regarding how to save/invest is very, very conservative. So read that chapter with the proverbial "grain of salt."

 

[Lawrencewendall]

I'd like to add another book to my suggested reading for the OP. Maybe that's the last thing KateIswell needs - another book to read, but here goes...

Your Money Or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. DW and I found this book invaluable back in 2000 when we started evaluating early retirement, clutter and excess, and clarify a sense of purpose in our lives.

The title of the book sounds ominous and it is to some extent. The authors go into quite a bit of detail about how we (humans in general, particularly in 1st world societies) live our lives with too much clutter, whether that's possessions or w*rk or etc., etc. and we become preoccupied with those endeavors rather than focusing on living life to the fullest.

If you take time to read this book I recommend that you also do the "homework" associated with each chapter in the book. The book itself doesn't have homework assignments but there are companion workbooks that allow the reader to work through many of the issues associated with money, possessions and fulfillment in our lives.

I do take one major exception to the book, at least the edition I read, the final chapter or so regarding how to save/invest is very, very conservative. So read that chapter with the proverbial "grain of salt."

There's a 2018 version on Amazon kindle. I only read an older version but +1

 

[ER Eddie]

Good book. One of the first I read on voluntary simplicity, ~ 30 years ago. I'd also recommend Circle of Simplicity, by Cecile Andrews.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Another book worth reading is Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl. It gives some clarity to the areas in life where we find meaning. It can be through work, family, community, and spiritual.

Give yourself time to search for new meaning. As a physician, I experienced toxic levels of stress much of my career. I ended up overweight, with swollen sore legs, borderline hypertensive, and teetering toward alcoholism on days off, just to mask the anxiety and chronic burnout. All of that is so much better now.

It takes time for the fog to lift. Be patient with yourself. It also takes time to establish a new routine. Make taking care of yourself priority one for awhile. Eat healthy meals, and don’t eat late at night. Get exercise-walking outside for an hour each day is a fantastic way to reduce stress. Sleep when you are tired. Eat only when you are hungry. Embrace your new routine.

 

[KateIswell]

ER Eddie,

You see me very clearly. I am not well. I OMY’d one year too many and paid a price. I am inspired by the Japanese idea of kintsugi and am letting that be my focus.

Others: I appreciate the book recommendations and will look into doing some reading. I so, so appreciate the support and advice. Thank you.