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Old 09-21-2009, 01:09 PM   #21
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2. family planning: If you have kids, I'd wait until they're grown (and hopefully out of the house) before retiring. Me, I have a 9 year old. Now that wasn't very good planning at all.
Welcome. Why do you say this? Because I have kids is one reason I want to retire early.

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Old 09-21-2009, 01:13 PM   #22
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Who's DH?

A batter who does not take the field.

Ha
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:14 PM   #23
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you sound just like my wife. So maybe I'll learn how to cook.

Just buy a crock pot . There is nothing like coming home to the smell of dinner cooking . It's a great aphrodisiac !
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:40 PM   #24
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Just buy a crock pot . There is nothing like coming home to the smell of dinner cooking . It's a great aphrodisiac !
in that case, I'm off to K-Mart now.
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:41 PM   #25
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My wife was a stay at home Mom, and I retired while still pretty young. I was only semi-retired, in that I ran a very active and successful investment portfolio.

After our youngest child got to be 8 or 9, wife took up her longtime musical interests seriously and returned to get a masters degree in performance.

I resented her being gone all the time, for something that I respected artistically but didn't see much hope for it making a family contribution. Also, were she to succeed in the way that she hoped, it would have required a move to a more urban and much more expensive location. (Which we eventually did anyway, only separately.) She resented me because I wasn't running around frazzled like she was, and because I really didn't retire to become a houseboy. Thus although I took great care of the kids, we spent a lot more time playing than having me do floors. My kids were homeschooled, formerly a joint venture but now one on my shoulders. Since wife had been the one to push for this (very strongly I might add), I thought that taking over this was a pretty big accommodation on my part. Fortunately it was mostly fun.

We eventually divorced. I still think the world of her, but some situations no vale la pena and are doomed.

I am the worst person to give interpersonal advice. But my take is that early retirement for couples can be tricky, and you won’t always know how your partner or even you will react.

Ha
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:42 PM   #26
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Who's DH?

I don't follow my wife around the house and I give her plenty of space. Sure, I make a few little suggestions here and there about how thing should be done , but I do my share of the housework, can I help it that she usually says it's not done to her satisfaction?

My brother temporarily retired early (took an early retirement package). His wife still works. He said that he was a good retired husband -- had dinner ready, laundry cleaned and put away when his wife came home. He did take some time to pursue his hobby of fishing.

Still, there was some resentment as she still works and would get on to him. I guess, she would bring home the stress of the job, and he'd want to talk about the latest episode of "Iron Chef".

Now, he is back working and she still works.

I think they actually can both FIRE if they wish to, but it's something the have done for so long I guess they aren't ready to slow down.
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:52 PM   #27
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Welcome. Why do you say this? Because I have kids is one reason I want to retire early.

Tomcat98
what I was suggesting is that you not wait till you're 47 to have kids. Now I'm looking at college expenses down the road of more than $200,000. It would have been better if that was all paid off before retiring. But yes, I agree with you, one of the real benefits of early retirement is to spend more time with your kids.
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:58 PM   #28
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what I was suggesting is that you not wait till you're 47 to have kids. Now I'm looking at college expenses down the road of more than $200,000. It would have been better if that was all paid off before retiring. But yes, I agree with you, one of the real benefits of early retirement is to spend more time with your kids.
Got it Thanks!

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Old 09-21-2009, 04:23 PM   #29
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My ninety-one year old aunt has also told me also that one spends just as much in retirement as when working(just on different things) so I am preparing for that also. I think it would be hugely helpful to have a stay at home spouse(particularly one with a retirement income) if one has young children...relieves so much stress and guilt about who is caring for them, what to do when they are sick, managing the household, etc. I was a SAHM(stay at home Mom) until my son was twelve, an arrangement my husband and I agreed on as he had a busy job. I would have happily gone back to work much sooner if I had someone(like a reliable family member) to take up the childcare duties.
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:19 AM   #30
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1. The biggest shock to me in retirement is that my wife really doesn't like having me around the house.
Welcome to the club!

I'm 2 years away from full retirement and DW already has rules set up - one is that I cant come in to the house until 6:00 pm (unless its below freezing outside).

So you need to sit down with your dw and negotiate some rules - hopefully some will be in your favor!
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:43 AM   #31
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Welcome to the club!

I'm 2 years away from full retirement and DW already has rules set up - one is that I cant come in to the house until 6:00 pm (unless its below freezing outside).

So you need to sit down with your dw and negotiate some rules - hopefully some will be in your favor!
So do you have a heated garage? Seems to me fairness would dictate that there be some part of the house that is the guy's domain, like a room in the basement or something where he won't bother DW.
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Old 09-22-2009, 07:11 AM   #32
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Welcome. I also retired in 2007 and my DW needs to work about 7 more years to collect her full pension with medical care. No kids at home.

Initially there was envy on her part that I had retired early, but I have put forth a special effort to take as much burden off her as I can. For instance I dust and vacuum the house and fix dinner on work days. I also do all the outside maintenance. This is not a full time job - in fact, I spend the vast majority of my time goofing off and volunteering.

Sure, there has been some quibbling about how I do the housework or the laundry, but we have worked it out. In hindsight, it was mostly about her feeling guilty that she wasn't doing enough.

My advice is to find out what she really wants and see if there is a compromise there.
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Old 09-22-2009, 09:46 AM   #33
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My DH (that is dear husband, if you didn't get that yet) will be retired before me and I am the one "driving this train" so-to-speak.

I am encouraging him to figure out what he wants to do with himself, and do not envision him learning to cook at this late stage but he'd probably be able to handle the grocery store.

As a full partner in the plan, I am not resentful--he's older and this is what we'd always planned to do. I will be able to retire within a few years of him, hopefully.

I am just really looking forward to seeing what he will come up with to do with his time when he doesn't have to go to work. It will be an adventure for both of us, I suspect!
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:01 AM   #34
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3. Money - here's another shocker to me. I'm finding you really don't spend less money in retirement. I guess you could do so if you sold your place in high cost of living area and moved to a lower cost of living area, but I have the same taste now for amenities that I did when working. So the expenses are just as high.
That was one that caught me unawares. When I retired my net monthly income actually went up because I was not longer paying SS, retirement, and was maxed out on deferred compensation (sort of a 401k). DW quit her job that was highly stressful to her and therefore to us. We had zero debt, no mortgage, no car loans, no credit cards, nuthin'. We did move to a less expensive area and found that while housing and taxes are lower everything else is about the same.

What we found was that we could have lots of money or lots of time, but not both. Even just a drive to a local park costs at least gasoline. However, six months later friends and family were saying that we both looked more relaxed than they'd seen us in years so we knew we'd made the right decision. It's hard to put a price tag on that!

So we found um, less expensive activities to occupy our time. Some of my suggestions got an eye roll (well, it's fun and it's free!) but overall things have worked out well. For a while there it did seem like we were joined at the hip so we found some other things to do too. DW went back to school and just graduated with the BA degree she started on 25 years ago, and is looking for a low stress job.

I found one last year, although it took several years to find something that met all my criteria of having a short commute (3.4 miles, doesn't get much better than that) low stress, no heavy lifting, reasonable hours, no rude, obnoxious and/or offensive people, and pays enough to make the effort worthwhile.
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:49 AM   #35
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So we found um, less expensive activities to occupy our time. Some of my suggestions got an eye roll (well, it's fun and it's free!) but overall things have worked out well.

Again, I'm going to ask that you provide some guidance to my DH when he retires, because we will be on a pretty strict budget.
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Old 09-22-2009, 11:19 AM   #36
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DH = Dear Husband.

And all this time I've thought that DH meant D*mn Husband!
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Old 09-22-2009, 11:30 AM   #37
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I think another thing that plays into the adjustment is how independent both people are . If you are the type of couple that do everything together and the thought of doing things solo scares you trouble ahead but if you can keep yourself amused while the other person is still working or even if he is retired the transition will be smoother .
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Old 09-22-2009, 01:33 PM   #38
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...

I found one last year, although it took several years to find something that met all my criteria of having a short commute (3.4 miles, doesn't get much better than that) low stress, no heavy lifting, reasonable hours, no rude, obnoxious and/or offensive people, and pays enough to make the effort worthwhile.
Congtulations! For me, commuting was the real killer, and so if a retiree can find a job nearby with low stress, like you did, it might be worth considering. But my thinking has been that going back to work kind of defeats the whole purpose of retiring. Heck, even if I take up a hobby, I know I'm going to overdo it. So I'm easing into this retirement thing s-l-o-w-l-y.

One thing I definitely do though is keep in touch with friends and acquaintances. I'm even trying to reconnect with people who I was too busy for over the years and have lost touch with. And, of course, you're never to old to make new friends.
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Old 09-23-2009, 05:22 AM   #39
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So do you have a heated garage? Seems to me fairness would dictate that there be some part of the house that is the guy's domain, like a room in the basement or something where he won't bother DW.
Yes - I have a separate detached heated garage/workshop. Once I get TV/internet out there I'll be set
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