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Old 01-14-2010, 08:29 PM   #21
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. A piece of paper should not define your commitment to each other (think Barbara Streisand and Oprah Winfrey)..



Maybe just Oprah since Barbara Streisand is married to James Brolin .
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:28 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Letj View Post
A piece of paper should not define your commitment to each other (think Barbara Streisand and Oprah Winfrey).
Maybe Stedman just doesn't want to be liable for any of Oprah's debts if her talk-show thing doesn't work out...

On the serious side, a marriage license can help define the government's commitment to you. It helps ensure access to state/federal spousal benefits as well as assumed rights of decision over access to health records and healthcare decisions.

I think it also guarantees that you won't have to testify against each other in court, but I haven't had to verify that one.
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:25 PM   #23
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Welcome to the board. You are a lucky man. All the very best to you.

Re: Marriage,.I've always thought that the 'piece of paper' doesn't matter. However, there is a lot of statistical data that shows that married people are happier than couples who just live together. Of course, that's statistics!

You're making a lot of changes in a short time. Like others have said, I'd try to space things out a bit. Communication between couples is definitely more challenging during periods of stress & that may not be the best way to start a marriage.

Finally, finances. You have to communicate on this and come to an agreement on your finances. For us, the best thing we did was decide on a level of expense that requires a joint decision. It isn't cast in stone, but we tend to seek each others consent for most non-trivial expenses. Bank accounts etc. all become trivial after this decision.
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:41 PM   #24
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I think it also guarantees that you won't have to testify against each other in court, but I haven't had to verify that one.


I knew there had to be at least one positive reason to get married... Guess I didn't make a mistake 32+ years ago...
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Old 01-15-2010, 04:05 PM   #25
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Welcome to the boards, Chalup--I got nothing to add but to say your story just made me smile. Congratulations on the upcoming retirement and the relationship.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:56 PM   #26
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This is an interesting question! Do you have specific reasons or know of advantages to NOT get married? I dont think the SO would consider that option, but would like to hear your thoughts. Also, if anyone has specific reasons TO get married, would be interested in that input also.
DH and I were age 60 and 47 respectavly when we married. We were obviously were not going to start a family however we did want to control what happened to us as time went on and did not want interference from DH's children in the event that we could not make decisions for ourselves. We had seen too many cases where couples were separated because the children felt it was for the best or the SO had no real say in the care of their lover because the children took over things. Or the children of one partner did not care what happened to the other resulting in the kids acting at cross purposes and don't get me started on money issues. For a lot of reasons that "piece of paper" is peace of mind.
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:59 PM   #27
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On the serious side, a marriage license can help define the government's commitment to you. It helps ensure access to state/federal spousal benefits as well as assumed rights of decision over access to health records and healthcare decisions.

I think it also guarantees that you won't have to testify against each other in court, but I haven't had to verify that one.
Nords, sounds like the dometic partner laws needs to be strengthened in this country.
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Old 01-15-2010, 07:01 PM   #28
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Yes. We did not plan to have children, but the "next of kin" rights issue was everything to us. That's why we got married.

Audrey
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Old 01-16-2010, 02:28 PM   #29
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Also, if anyone has specific reasons TO get married, would be interested in that input also.
OK, here's one for the military members:

Nords' submarine assignment officer: "Why the heck would you want to spend your shore duty going to graduate school in Monterey, CA?!? I have a wonderful but limited-time-only opportunity available to a selected few suckers career-worthy star performers like you to teach at nuclear power school in Orlando, FL."
Nords: "Yeah, well, that'd be OK if my fiancée's Navy oceanographer career path didn't already have her assignment officer sending her to Monterey. I'd like to be stationed with her and we're thinking about getting married. That doesn't work too well across four time zones."
SAO: "Sorry, buddy, we've hardly ever sent any hot-running nukes to Monterey. We need all hands at nuke power school to help raise the next generation of division officers so that you can have a good bunch of guys for your engineer's tour. We're doing this for your own good and the needs of the Navy."
Nords: "Well, I'm not sure I want to stay in the Navy, let alone be an engineer, if I can't be stationed with my fiancée. Did I mention that my service obligation expires in less than a year?"
SAO: "No need to bring that up, pal, but I can only justify sending you to Monterey if it's a spouse co-location issue."
Nords: "Did I just hear you say that the only way I'd get to Monterey would be if we got married before I came up for orders?"
SAO: "Uh, no, uhm, if my boss anyone asks then you can just tell them that you read it in the Navy's co-location instruction... by the way, let me give you my fax number if you have any certificates or licenses you want to send to me."

23+ anniversaries later I'm pretty sure that I made the right choice.
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:46 AM   #30
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Sounds very familiar.

Detailer: You need to go to the RAG/FRS

LT me: No, I don't want to do that

Detailer: You really need to go

LT me: no way, I have a better idea...

Anyways, the guys that did the regular career track hated working there, many quit after that job, while I had a blast doing something completely different. I bet you had more fun at Monterey than anyone did at Orlando. Maybe not the path to being a CO or admiral, but there is more to life than work (obviously, or none of us would be at this forum!).
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:15 PM   #31
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Not sure what that means...

For more info... I do not think the first husband has yet died... so maybe she gets nothing until he dies and then gets survivor benefits... again, I am getting this second hand and was not paying a lot of attention...

I think this is what it means.......

If your DW's friend has no significant SS benefit of her own, then she was counting on collecting 50% of the first husbands while he was alive and 100% of it when he died. When they divorced and she remarried before 60, she cut her ties to first husband's benefits, as long as she is married to second husband and he is alive. Now, if second husband has no significant SS benefit, say a state or municipal employee, her benefit based on second hubby's earnings would be nil/minimal.

Whether this is "fair" or not, I dunno. But it does keep a person with 2 or 3 >10 yr marriages under their belt and nil/minimal benefits of their own from picking and chosing among their ex's SS benefits for the best deal. Or people from marrying only for the purpose of providing a SS benefit for a person who didn't earn one.

I think the important factor is that if you have earned your own benefit, you get it regardless of your marriage history.

At least that's the way I understand it..........
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:09 PM   #32
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Update, six years later........
Well, things have been interesting for us for sure.
First, I did retire in July 2010 and had NO problem filling up the days. It really is the best job I have ever had, to quote a friend of mine. Took a short time to adjust, but the freedom and opportunities to do things that were never possible before has been great.
We did get married in October as planned and like any couples had our ups and downs merging our lives, especially on a 24/7 basis, but the new friendships, relationships, and companionship have made it all worthwhile.
The grandkids are now growing up and they do not see me as anything but grandfather since I have been around from before they were born. They are a really special part of our lives now, so it is a bonus for getting married that I hadnt really considered.
We both held on to our homes, but stayed mainly at the wifes place while we figured things out. We visited Arizona in 2011 for a few months to feel things out. Flagstaff is still very nice, but were considering being snowbirds, so that would not be the best for winter.
In 2012, I went to Phoenix for a couple weeks and looked around the area. Wife and I went and rented in Spring and Fall of 2013 and ended up buying the third home in the Fall of 2013 in the Phoenix area. We have really enjoyed the last two winters in AZ.
We didnt need to keep three homes, so I sold my other home in early 2014 so we are now official snowbirds. Still learning about that, it is nice to be in both places for the season, but the travel and need for alot of duplicate stuff is the downside.
The advice you all gave me way back then was very good. I will be eligible for SS in a year or so, so we have been researching what to do. We are advised to have me take half of her benefit at my full retirement age and defer my benefit until 70. Will see how that works out.
So, overall, it has been good, wife has some medical issues but doesnt keep us from travelling and enjoying ourselves. I just have to do the heavy hiking with friends and hiking clubs in the area.
I find looking back that the best things have happened when we took chances with our options and wish I would have been able to not worry about them at the time.
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:57 PM   #33
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Thanks for the update, glad things are going so well.
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Old 06-29-2016, 07:23 AM   #34
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... I will be eligible for SS in a year or so, so we have been researching what to do. We are advised to have me take half of her benefit at my full retirement age and defer my benefit until 70. Will see how that works out.
....
Be very careful here. The rules have changed, and you may not be able to take advantage of this social security claiming approach. I don't know the area in detail because I'm only 56 and no exceptions extend that far down... Take a look at this article and its links to Piper and Kitces. Social Security's New Rules Call for a Calculator

Otherwise, Congrats! I wasn't here when you first posted, but read the earlier thread. What a neat (and overwhelming!) start to retirement!
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Old 06-29-2016, 09:18 AM   #35
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Great update. Always enjoy hearing these follow up stories. Thanks!
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Old 06-29-2016, 09:31 AM   #36
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These are the type of posts that inspire and encourage me going forward. Getting very close to FIRE date and it is down to months, not years. I always like hearing the good stories, especially about that transition into retirement. I'm already tagged as my youngest grandchild's sitter and looking forward to it as my favorite early retirement job.

Congrats, hope things continue to go in such a positive direction for you both!!
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