What about colleagues?

[USA]

We're close at my job, pull tight like a family when it gets rough. Was it a natural transition from them? When you are FIRE is it like leaving previous jobs when it comes to the people? (I'm 60 so it's not that early.) I'm one of those types when ur my friend ur my friend for life.


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[aja8888]

We're close at my job, pull tight like a family when it gets rough. Was it a natural transition from them? When you are FIRE is it like leaving previous jobs when it comes to the people? (I'm 60 so it's not that early.) I'm one of those types when ur my friend ur my friend for life.


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Everybody leaves someday. You can still keep your friends. Go have lunch with them from time to time. Friends can be forever if they work at it once in a while.

 

[Car-Guy]

It's been more than 3 years since I retired but I still keep in touch with a few work friends. I probably could have named more than 100 people that I had regular contact with at work, many of them daily or at least weekly that went on for years. I've have had lunch or dinner with a couple of them and have phone calls and/or exchanged email with several. As time goes by, the frequency of contact seems to drop off.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm like that, too. I treasure the few people I've known who are like that. I'm still in touch with them even though we live in different states after retirement.

Telephones, facebook, e-mail, going out to lunch....all survive retirement! You just need to find some other topic than work to talk about.

Amethyst

I'm one of those types when ur my friend ur my friend for life.

 

[LinCella]

I thought we were family! After a left I started feeling less and less welcome from a variety of people. My truly good friends had already retired and I still see them. Maybe two people from my old job who still work there. It's a public library so I go in a lot just to get books but now I never say hi to anyone, not since they told me I couldn't come back as an on-call librarian because I would "try and take over." I had been a manager when I retired and frankly, they need someone to take over - that have ruined the place.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I'm like that, too. I treasure the few people I've known who are like that. I'm still in touch with them even though we live in different states after retirement.

Telephones, facebook, e-mail, going out to lunch....all survive retirement! You just need to find some other topic than work to talk about.

Amethyst

+1 on this sentiment. The ones that I *really* liked, I stay in touch with...the others. Meh. That's what Facebook is for...but lately I am feeling like the Facebook ship has sailed. It's nothing but a time waster for me, very little information that is useful or even mildly entertaining.

BUT...for the "real friends", we have lunch/breakfast often and will probably do an annual camping trip like I have done for YEARS with my TRUE high school friends.

 

[Midpack]

Facebook Losing Teen Audience. Now It's Just Old People Socializing : PERSONAL TECH : Tech Times

Yet there are several reasons teens are jumping off Facebook. One is perceived trustworthiness and the second is the emergence of social networking on mobile devices, a market where Facebook has been trying mightily to assert its dominance.

"Social network use looks to be peaking, but the way people are engaging with social networks is still changing rapidly," states Magid. "Smartphones are now the primary device used to access most major social networks, fundamentally altering the social media status quo."

 

[prudent_one]

Though I've worked at the same company for many years, I don't socialize with co-workers. I am liked, am considered a valuable colleague, selected for global teams, have great working relationships with just about everyone... but I don't want to be personal friends with people I work with. I think it's one reason I've lasted - never was seen as part of anyone's inner circle. Too many times I've seen that blow up after a power struggle. Bob wins the promotion that Jeff was after, then Jeff leaves for another opportunity, and it seems Jeff's close associates get screwed over. I've also seen people's personal business get spread around the company when a once-close relationship goes south for some reason and that sometimes ends in a not-so-voluntary separation.

I have great friends but none are from work.

 

[MDJO]

I've been retired for almost two years. It's about what I expected - the people I really cared about, I've stayed in touch. The others only stay in touch when they need something.


I'm not fond of calling the workplace a "family" - you don't usually cut people out of your family. "Team" is a better concept - you can be a good teammate, but people get cut from teams, and you feel bad, but it happens.

 

[Mulligan]

I have 5 real good friends and that is plenty. I don't do the Facebook thing so its too much work to stay in touch with people I worked with. Ironically one of the few I do maintain frequent contact with is one I had an occasionally rocky relationship with at work and even once challenged him to a fist fight at work and I was his boss. But being a typical guy I am more into activity friendships and not "yapping on phone" friends.


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[pb4uski]

It's been more than 3 years since I retired but I still keep in touch with a few work friends. I probably could have named more than 100 people that I had regular contact with at work, many of them daily or at least weekly that went on for years. I've have had lunch or dinner with a couple of them and have phone calls and/or exchanged email with several. As time goes by, the frequency of contact seems to drop off.

Similar story here. There are 3 people who I reported to at various points in time at may last job who I touch base with a couple times a year and have lunch or dinner with if I happen to be in the city and even that is waning over time.

We're still great friends and have each other's back in a pinch, but we've both moved on with our lives to other things. All's good.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I've been retired for almost two years. It's about what I expected - the people I really cared about, I've stayed in touch. The others only stay in touch when they need something.

So funny you mention this. I have a former co-w*rker that I flew with many years ago. While stationed together, we were quite good friends. It is a little different when you fly with the same crew for 20+ days at a time...you w*rk, eat, socialize together. Anyway, he left the service and became a federal civilian (SES to be exact). We rarely talked after that, but made occasional comments to each other on Facebook. He recently left the government to do consulting stuff and he has called me no less than 5 times trying to convince me to come and do some w*rk with him. He cannot fathom that I AM NOT GOING TO W*RK AGAIN. I told him if he's in town, I'd love to have a beer with him, but if he calls me again about w*rk, I will block his number for good.

 

[USA]

I'm getting down to the wire. I still feel to dedicated. So many great people need/want things. There aren't enough days left to accomplish it. Did any one else feel that way? How did you address it?


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[marko]

I was really, really surprised after my RE. The people I thought were personal friends at work (some for over 20 years, vacationed together etc) never kept in touch after a year or two--or better put: after they figured I was really RE'd and wasn't taking them with me to a new job.

People who I was more casually connected with have kept in touch for over 10 years now. A call every 6-8 weeks to 'check in' and say hi. People I thought I'd never hear from again.

I found it very odd.

 

[Markola]

+1 Marko. I worked for a big university for many years and assumed I had close relationships all over the place. Several of us were let go when a new manager reorganized things. It was very surprising who took me to lunch and who didn't express anything at all. In fairness, I didn't much keep up with folks who left during my tenure either, except we use each other foccasionally as job references, which is fine. I'm not retired yet from my current job but it was a good lesson that one better not depend on former work relationships for much after I do RE. You're either actively in the circle every day or you aren't. On the other hand, I'm still pleasantly in occasional touch with some I fish with or if we enjoyed other non-work activities.


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[petershk]

I agree.
I think we overestimate how much we'll be missed at work and how deep those relationships are.

Flipping it around. There's people I see many hours a day, have lunch with many times a week... But 99% of it is work. If work weren't there I'm not sure that I would keep up either.

Plus... My guess is once you RE... Your daily routine changes a lot and then you can find different people with similar routines.

Of course YOU can always reach out to them and keep up . I'm not sure how it'll be when I'm RE'd and have lunch with people and they talk about all this work stuff and I kinda nod and say "hmm... Well... I think I'm gonna go kayaking this afternoon..." Or whatever...

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[foxfirev5]

With ER approaching this got me thinking about my coworkers. Being a remote field worker I have no daily direct contacts but have know some of the people for years. However when I break it down , what do I have in common with them? Pretty much just work and I want to move on not dwell on the past. Time for a new start.

 

[Ronstar]

I didn't hang out with my colleagues outside of work much. But I go to the office about once a month to visit. Talk to everyone, spend an hour or so, and leave. I'm still in a business arrangement with 3 of my former work partners, 2 of which retired before I did 15 months ago. I see them about every 6 months, but email back and forth.

 

[Music Lover]

I haven't left yet (going in May 2016), but am still friends with 3 or 4 people that have already retired. But the frequency has definitely dropped...one co-worker/friend and I used to jam on our guitars together all the time and go golfing outside of the office. Now he rarely plays guitar anymore and the only time we get together is 6 - 8 times in summer for a round of golf.

 

[pullmyfinger]

I agree.
I think we overestimate how much we'll be missed at work and how deep those relationships are.

This was my experience. I was initially disappointed, but have moved on. I am finding that the relationships I had with coworkers have now been replaced with relationships with people in my neighborhood. Those are likely more important anyway.

 

[Dd852]

I've been out three years and because the purges continued - or stepped up - many of my friends are now also on the outside. So point one: everything changes, nothing stays the same -- truly good friends will continue regardless, but only if you had things beside work that cemented the relationship. Point two: if you're out and they're still in, it can get weird. I had lunch with a friend who is still inside today. While it was lovely, when she wanted to discuss her situation, I realized how little I had connections with it and how little I actually cared. Point three (related to two): it can also make them jealous of you and you too pleased with your own situation. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing.

Bottom line - it all changes but with a few people you can re establish friendship on a new basis.


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[USA]

Update: it’s now been 2 1/2 yrs. As I reread posts it’s reflective. I will be together with the group again for a retirement party soon. I’m excited about it. It’s been a year since the last time. Colleagues that have relocated are coming from other states. Can’t wait to look them in the eye, hug them. That’s a real plus after R. I can hug in joy. Before touching would have been limited to times of grief. Had I stayed working I’d be thinking about who I didn’t want to see! It’s like I’ll be looking through a window to see work again so to speak. I will laugh when I hear of who got the last minute request/demand for HQ on a Friday. The fun part is when then blinds close over the work window I’m going home to dance! It all plays out how it’s supposed to, depending on what the relationships really are.

 

[Bklyn55]

I totally agree with Petershk. I noticed that other long time employees who retired before me were quickly forgotten, so I had no expectations of continuing relationships. My very close work friends were made in the beginning of my career. We were like a family and they will always be in my life. The workplace became more toxic and competitive in recent years. I wonder if that is just my experience or the way things are now...