5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die Article

[Hamlet]

This reminds me of the 30 Rock episode where Jack thinks he is on his deathbed and he says--


"I should have worked more"

 

[HI Bill]

1) “I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.”

2) “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

3) “I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.”

4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

5) “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

Some of the items on this list really resonated with me. What do you think?

1) Did ok on this one...pursued a career that was science-based (which I loved).
2) Only worked 40-45 hour weeks, and only worked two Saturdays, that I can recall. Had a fairly strong work-life balance!
4) I never seemed to be good at developing and maintaing close friendships. This is probably my greatest regret, other than not finding my wife earlier!

My largest regret was how my mom lived her life, and the fact that she could not/would not work to lift herself out of her origins and make herself happy. She was born to an abusive, alcoholic father, and married an emotionally abusive husband, staying with him for far too long. She retained all of the bad baggage in her life, including losing her first son around 1962 (never got over that one), losing her golden retriever, and her teaching partner, as well as her teaching job (she was forced to quit after going part time, and then her teaching partner died mid-year). She could have exercised, painted, joined music groups, gotten out of the house, and travelled, and eventually, found someone else to be with. But it was not to be. She followed in her mother's footsteps, being alone, afraid, and living a generally miserable life. A little work, a change in attitude, and a little luck, and her life could have ended up much better. She loved her school kids and me, as well as her dogs. At least she had that. I regret the fact that I couldn't ever help her be a more functional and happy person. It was not my responsibility, but I still feel bad.

 

[Badger]

I regret not having enough time in good health to do all the things I would like to do. But that might take a few hundred or more years.


Cheers!

 

[blueskyk]

The book is by Norm Fischer and is called Sailing Home.



https://www.amazon.com/Sailing-Home...mrnull_1?keywords=norman+fischer+sailing+home



The theme of the book is using Homer's Odyssey as a metaphor for living.

Thank you - I’m looking forward to reading it - I love the idea of the Hero’s Journey framework!

As I age, I find I require any regrets to be well, useful, with at least a few options for course correction. If they don’t meet this criteria, I’m able to let them go (this is a recent skill). I also try and make a distinction between “perfection” and “wholeness” for myself. As I look back, some things worked out well, some didn’t, sometimes I was a real jerk but lots of times I wasn’t.

Mostly, I tried to love, or I think I tried - with varying degrees of success. Somehow, inexplicably even, the journey has led to a place of great peace with whatever has been because it brought me to where I am now.

But I’m not eminently dying (that I know of). I’m open to the idea that all the above may or may not seem applicable then. Mike Tyson’s quote seems apropos: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

 

[TromboneAl]

4) I never seemed to be good at developing and maintaining close friendships. This is probably my greatest regret ...

I'll be there are people who would say: I wish I had learned earlier that I'm a loner and like it that way. I wish I hadn't wasted time trying to live up to the expectations of an extrovert world.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

Looking back, I realized people were right when they said I was "too nice and put up with too much from other people." So I've been working to change that Happens to a lot of women my age, or so I've heard. No sense waiting till I'm about to die!

My Mom is too nice and it drives me nuts sometimes- people take advantage of her. At 82, I think that is the way she'll be until the end. That gene missed me. I can spot a user or a sociopath at 50 yards. Navigating a career in credit withougood radar is not possible.

 

[HI Bill]

I'll be there are people who would say: I wish I had learned earlier that I'm a loner and like it that way. I wish I hadn't wasted time trying to live up to the expectations of an extrovert world.

Thanks, Al! I have my wife and she is my best friend, and that makes all the difference! Most of my other friends are divers and while we all share a love of the sea, many of us are more interested in animals than people!

 

[l2ridehd]

And not a single person who knows there time is short said "I wish I had worked longer" or "I wish I had not retired so young"

So FIRE ASAP. Even if you think you might not make it, do it. You can always be a Walmart greeter if you absolutely have to.

 

[razztazz]

Originally Posted by HNL Bill View Post
4) I never seemed to be good at developing and maintaining close friendships. This is probably my greatest regret ...

I'll bet there are people who would say: I wish I had learned earlier that I'm a loner and like it that way. I wish I hadn't wasted time trying to live up to the expectations of an extrovert world.

I don't know how I missed this one the past several days. This is me. I can say I would have liked to be better at relationship/friendships, but do I regret not being better? I can't say that I do. I am just a "one-off" character. An odd-size. That proverbial pair of brown shoes in a world full of tuxedos. I enjoyed them in their own time. They were useful and I enjoy the memories, but they were a lot of work and seemed to sap me rather than replenish me. I always felt "more natural" alone than whooping it up with each other the way the rest of the world seems compelled to do.

 

[JustCurious]

So FIRE ASAP. Even if you think you might not make it, do it. You can always be a Walmart greeter if you absolutely have to.

No you can't, Walmart is eliminating the position.

https://www.npr.org/2019/02/25/6967...eters-workers-with-disabilities-feel-targeted

 

[RunningBum]

And not a single person who knows there time is short said "I wish I had worked longer" or "I wish I had not retired so young"

I hear that all the time, so not to pick specifically on you, but it's actually not always true.

In one of the houses I grew up in, we had a neighbor who had something, MS perhaps, and was pretty certain he wouldn't live all that long. I remember my mom or dad say once that he had told them that he worked hard to make sure he left behind enough money for his wife and 4 boys.

You could certainly argue that his priorities were wrong and he should've made the most of his time with them, but -- he didn't.

He died at 50. I had moved away so I don't know if he really regretted that or not. But he certainly didn't do it blindly.

So FIRE ASAP. Even if you think you might not make it, do it. You can always be a Walmart greeter if you absolutely have to.

Well, that's not really true either since greeter jobs are gone, but say you change it to generically "work at Walmart". Having that as a backup plan would be horrible to me. I wouldn't sleep well if I was on the edge like that, and I sure would hate it if I had to resort to it. I have no regrets about working OMY to give me some padding and take that off the table in all but the very worst scenario. On my death bed I'm pretty certain I won't be wishing I had that extra year at 48.

 

[WestUniversity]

For me the points in the article could be summarized under the heading of not taking more risks.

A professor I had in college said of the generation before mine that studies had shown that their biggest fear was the fear of a nuclear war. Of my generation he said studies had shown that our biggest fear was the fear of failure.

If I have one overriding regret in my life it would be not taking more risks. Don’t get me wrong, I have taken plenty of risks in my life, and by risks I mean appropriate risks regarding my job or career or relationships. I don’t mean taking stupid risks that would jeopardize my personal safety/life or the safety/life of others.

However looking back I can see that all too often in my my life I let fear dictate my actions. Fear of failure. Fear of taking the risk. So many opportunities wasted.

Needless to say however I have and do take more risks now. Heck I’m retired at 60...

 

[isisdave]

Having done #1 and #2, I think it's hard to have both. If you're pursuing dreams, you're probably working very hard at it, and although it may make you happy, it may take you away from a young family, etc. But early on is the time to do it, if you hope to make money from it, as that money forms a nice basis for investment.

#3: yes, in fact most people won't be happy hearing your ideas and especially your complaints. At about 30, my family therapist suggested that I stop being so reserved about complaining, and tell my family members more strongly or often. I can assure you they did NOT prefer this, and the experiment only lasted a month.

 

[Dtail]

For me the points in the article could be summarized under the heading of not taking more risks.

A professor I had in college said of the generation before mine that studies had shown that their biggest fear was the fear of a nuclear war. Of my generation he said studies had shown that our biggest fear was the fear of failure.

If I have one overriding regret in my life it would be not taking more risks. Don’t get me wrong, I have taken plenty of risks in my life, and by risks I mean appropriate risks regarding my job or career or relationships. I don’t mean taking stupid risks that would jeopardize my personal safety/life or the safety/life of others.

However looking back I can see that all too often in my my life I let fear dictate my actions. Fear of failure. Fear of taking the risk. So many opportunities wasted.

Needless to say however I have and do take more risks now. Heck I’m retired at 60...

I feel the same way to some extent, but retired at 57 and even though at calculator driven 100% success, will never take a low paying job, so probably at more risk now in some fashion. lol

 

[WestUniversity]

I feel the same way to some extent, but retired at 57 and even though at calculator driven 100% success, will never take a low paying job, so probably at more risk now in some fashion. lol

Agreed. 100% success based on a series of assumptions and formulas driven from a batch of historical data. Hopefully the math is correct...[emoji15] LOL

My job now is being CFO and CIO of WestUniversity Inc.

The pay is pretty good and the benefits are outstanding!

 

[pdxgal]

Yes, we tend to regret what we did NOT do, not what we did. I regret not getting the courage up to kiss my first crush.

 

[Amethyst]

And as a result of the lesson learned from your regret, now you go up and kiss whomever you are attracted to, right?

Yes, we tend to regret what we did NOT do, not what we did. I regret not getting the courage up to kiss my first crush.