5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die Article

[Stonewalker]

in fact if you did back in time, would you really do anything differently?

If I could go back in time, I'd slap some sense into my stupid, younger self.

I do have regrets. There are things I would do differently. But would I end up here? I doubt it, so I guess, all things considered, I'm okay.

Time travel talk is weird.

 

[ER Eddie]

I’m a hospice volunteer and End of Life Doula and I find the summary you provided rich in wisdom. What is the name of the book?

Often when people discuss regrets near the end it is an offering to any inclined to consider and think deeply about their lives in light of their own understanding of the meaning and purpose of life (as many have done in this thread).

The most searing regrets I see in the dying are about broken relationships, which is perhaps, a layer or two deeper underneath the regrets listed in the article.

Thanks for asking; I was wondering the same thing.

I agree about your observation in the 2nd paragraph. I'm not a hospice worker, but I imagine that when regrets are expressed, it's not usually out of self-pity or self-flagellation, but as a message to others, maybe to the people they love. They're trying to pass on their wisdom and help people.

 

[steelyman]

I’m a hospice volunteer and End of Life Doula and I find the summary you provided rich in wisdom. What is the name of the book?

The book is by Norm Fischer and is called Sailing Home. He is a Zen teacher and also active in hospice/end-of-life care. It's very readable and barely touches on Buddhism although does a nice job of giving an overview of meditation without any spiritual overtones.

https://www.amazon.com/Sailing-Home-Odyssey-Navigate-Pitfalls-ebook/dp/B001AIRBSU/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=norman+fischer+sailing+home

The theme of the book is using Homer's Odyssey as a metaphor for living. When it was first published he gave an interesting reading that's available on a podcast/MP3 download. It's about 55 minutes long and pretty amusing in spots:

Zencast.org

 

[Redbugdave]

I have lots of regrets, but that is looking back with 20-20 vision. For me, under the circumstances I did what was right at the time. I turned out OK, compared to some of my family and cohorts. All in all, I am in one of the happiest places in my life and heart now. Good wife, retired, no money worries, and pursuing the passions I never could follow before because my job was in the way. I think about it often and realize if I died tomorrow I would be OK with where I am in the scheme of things.

 

[W2R]

[...]Anyway, I don't think that's what the article poses. It poses that the dying people regret the way they lived their lives - not individual decisions they made. And that's what I think is so futile, not to mention odd. You are supposed to think about how you are living your life, and make what changes you are able, while you are living it. You don't need the dying words of Australians to tell you that.

I love your post, Amethyst! That's exactly what I thought the article was saying.

Even though I said I had no regrets, sure, like anyone I would have done some things differently knowing what I know now (like buying Apple/Amazon/whatever back in the day, had I had the money, which I didn't). But anyway, given what I knew then, and what resources I had at the time, I did the best I could back then.

 

[Dtail]

Most of the folks on this site appear to be in a happy place, so all in all it could be a lot worse.

 

[bclover]

Seriously, on their deathbeds, they lie there second-guessing their younger, healthier selves' choices? What is the point? Do the imagine they can negotiate a second chance?

Yes they do. I can tell you that for a fact. My late husband died from cancer at 53 and on his death bed he had regrets and he voiced them.

Does there have to be a point for everything they do it because they realize they are dying.

 

[Amethyst]

Those are the most searing regrets during life, too. The thing is, most of us - and certainly I - with such relationships have already tried to fix them, to no avail. They broke for a reason, and that reason is something unfixable. So, sadness is unavoidable, but regret/guilt are futile.

The most searing regrets I see in the dying are about broken relationships, which is perhaps, a layer or two deeper underneath the regrets listed in the article.

 

[ER Eddie]

Yes they do. I can tell you that for a fact. My late husband died from cancer at 53 and on his death bed he had regrets and he voiced them.

Does there have to be a point for everything they do it because they realize they are dying.

Thanks for saying that. Of course that happens. I think it happens a lot. It probably happens more often than we realize, because most people just keep it inside. Regrets at the end of life -- especially with a disease like cancer, which gives you plenty of time for soul searching -- are normal. I believe they can be a sign of spiritual/psychological maturity.

 

[Winemaker]

Paraphrasing.

To understand life, one looks backwards, to live life, one must look forward.

 

[Amethyst]

Oh, I am sorry you lost him, and at such a young age, too.

Yes they do. I can tell you that for a fact. My late husband died from cancer at 53 and on his death bed he had regrets and he voiced them.

Does there have to be a point for everything they do it because they realize they are dying.

 

[HadEnuff]

I don't know how I'll feel on my deathbed, but right now, at the age of 65, having said good-bye to my parents, and grandparents, and some aunts and uncles, I feel a sense that I wish I'd appreciated more the time I got to spend with them.
My grandmother and one unmarried uncle lived nearby when I was growing up, and we saw a lot of them. Sunday dinners, and holiday meals. It was always good fun.
But when you are a kid, you don't realize how quickly it all changes. You go to college, and by the time you are done with that, the old family dynamic is changed, forever.
My only enduring wish is that I had just appreciated it more than I did.

As far as the list in the article, "meh"...not my list.

 

[VanWinkle]

I think it reads like a screenplay and agree with Amethyst...like they say if wishes were horses...beggars would ride.

In fact when my DH almost died in a surgery incident last year I asked him this exact question ( I waited several months until he was feeling himself again). His answer, nothing really because it all got me here today and I was just happy to get back to you and our kids and grandkids. in fact if you did back in time, would you really do anything differently?

I agree 100% with your take on this.

VW

 

[truenorth418]

I would want to live like Snoopy instead of Charlie Brown...

I would want to live like Kramer instead of Constanza....

 

[Rustic23]

At that point in my life, I hope I am thinking of all the things I did right, and the e mince happiness they brought me. I've made great decisions, average decisions, and some really bad ones. Can't really change any of them, so I happy with the great ones, ok with the average, the to h@ll with the others. I just won't make them again, if I am 16, and get the chance.

 

[LauraVA]

This makes me think of what Dave Ramsey says, "You create the life you want". Because ultimately it only is up to YOU, how you want your life to be.

So some may have regrets, or looking back, wish they would have done things differently. Most of that regret comes with age, life experience and wisdom to have known or seen the difference while living it. And life does not always work that way. So I say, live life today so you will have no regrets tomorrow!

 

[cooch96]

I’d do lots of things differently. I regret working so hard and foregoing hobbies and passions.
And I wish I was uniformly kind and mannered. Manners cost nothing, but I still misread social cues, or just not think, and stick my foot in my mouth.

 

[Amethyst]

Looking back, I realized people were right when they said I was "too nice and put up with too much from other people." So I've been working to change that Happens to a lot of women my age, or so I've heard. No sense waiting till I'm about to die!

I
And I wish I was uniformly kind and mannered. Manners cost nothing, but I still misread social cues, or just not think, and stick my foot in my mouth.

 

[robnplunder]

Looking back, I realized people were right when they said I was "too nice and put up with too much from other people." So I've been working to change that Happens to a lot of women my age, or so I've heard. No sense waiting till I'm about to die!

One of my main regrets is that, for too long and too often, I was like a bank for my family members. It fed bad habits and developed into a less than healthy relationship.

 

[nap470]

Reminds me of conversations I used to have with a former manager. He worked 13-15 hours a day at the office and complained about it all the time. He was very inefficient. He would constantly "advise" me that I needed to work more hours. It would get me noticed. I was already working 10-11 hours per day. My response was always " No one on their deathbed ever said I wished I had worked more hours". We are both at the same managerial level at a new company now.

 

[Helen]

1) “I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.”

I realized I was gay back in the late 70s. I'm so glad I had the courage to live an authentic life. I've been with my (now) wife for 31 years and we have a wonderful relationship. It was so worth the pain of being honest with who I am.

I do have some regrets, but I've learned from them and hopefully that makes me a better person.

 

[TDub]

I realized I was gay back in the late 70s. I'm so glad I had the courage to live an authentic life. I've been with my (now) wife for 31 years and we have a wonderful relationship. It was so worth the pain of being honest with who I am.



I do have some regrets, but I've learned from them and hopefully that makes me a better person.

Kudos to you!

 

[Teacher Terry]

Helen, that was a difficult time period. I am glad people are more accepting now. Good for you!

 

[Amethyst]

So glad the two of you can call each other wife now. When I was little, I did not understand why two men or two women couldn't get married if they loved each other enough. (I still don't).

I realized I was gay back in the late 70s. I'm so glad I had the courage to live an authentic life. I've been with my (now) wife for 31 years and we have a wonderful relationship. It was so worth the pain of being honest with who I am.

I do have some regrets, but I've learned from them and hopefully that makes me a better person.

 

[TromboneAl]

To understand life, one looks backwards, to live life, one must look forward.

I would say:

To understand life, one looks backwards; to live life, one must look neither forward nor backward.