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Old 04-04-2009, 09:40 AM   #21
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Like I said, it is not for everybody. And we can be together as much or as little as we want - - which for us leads to far more closeness and spontaneity than we would have if we didn't allow ourselves the choices and freedom that our arrangement allows. But that's just us.
I have a friend who kind of did this in reverse. She and her husband could not get along living together, so he moved to his own place, but they remained married and were much happier. She finally divorced him just before she inherited a large chunk of money, presumably to make sure it was all hers. They still vacation together.
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Old 04-04-2009, 09:45 AM   #22
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She finally divorced him just before she inherited a large chunk of money, presumably to make sure it was all hers. They still vacation together.
As far as I know, even in most community property states (IANAL), inheritances in one spouse's name are typically considered legally as sole and separate property, just like assets owned before the marriage. As long as she didn't put the proceeds into a joint account, anyway. It really depends on state law, though.

Still, if my wife pulled something like this on me, I don't think I could still vacation with her. I wouldn't care that the money was all hers, but divorcing me when she receives it shows a lack of trust that I couldn't forgive. Depends on that couple's dynamics, I guess.
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Old 04-04-2009, 10:29 AM   #23
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Like I said, it is not for everybody and I am simply responding to a request to post about our arrangement, certainly not criticizing anyone else's. We can be together as much or as little as we want - - which for us leads to far more closeness and spontaneity than we would have if we didn't allow ourselves the choices and freedom that our arrangement allows. But that's just us.
A friend once told me she needs a man in her life but not in her house.
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Old 04-04-2009, 10:54 AM   #24
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I can certainly see the advantages of not combining certain assets but there is something to be said for living together . The other situation while nice to me lacks the spontaneity that occurs when you live together . Plus there is a certain closeness that comes from everyday living .
Everyday interaction has definite advantages if a higher level of companionship is important. It certainly is to me.
dh2b and I live together as husband and wife, just no legal license. I'd marry him tomorrow, but pension and health benefits rules prevent us.
We have my money, his money, and our money. It is a perfect system.
If he wants a toy, he can ask me if I want it too. If I say yes, we will split the cost. If I give him the eyeball roll , he pays for it himself. Same goes for me.
We purchase larger cost things "for the house" together. He lost a lot of personal property in his divorce, so I gladly share what I already had with him.
We knew it was serious when we combined our tool collections.
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Old 04-04-2009, 01:49 PM   #25
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I think a legal agreement is valuable after the first round of romantic marriage. We drew up a legal partnership agreement that, when combined with coordinated wills, preserves mine for my heirs and hers for her heirs while letting us both get the benefit of the shared cash during our both of our lives (assuming a different termination date).

After 14 years and counting, the agreement means much less but it made us both comfortable in the early years. Just make sure that you have a separate and really sharp lawyer.
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Old 04-04-2009, 06:56 PM   #26
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Like I said, it is not for everybody and I am simply responding to a request to post about our arrangement, certainly not criticizing anyone else's.

I'm not criticizing any one's lifestyle either . It's just not for me but it apparently works great for you & Frank and that's all that counts.
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Old 04-05-2009, 05:14 AM   #27
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prenups make sense because if you cant agree on things when your happy and in love just picture what is like if you split up and are in hate.....

the issues become many times the prenups end up being worthless in courts...

while your spouse was earning a good living and healthy when the prenup was signed situations change and now that your spouse is sickly and cant work may make the prenup invalid in parts.....

there are so many twists and turns that take place that courts sometimes have a hard time upholding them for various reasons...


it reminds me of when we got married, since it was a 2nd marriage for both of us i asked the lawyer if rather than go thru irrevocable trusts and the likes cant we both just sign a notarized letter that we both agree to be forthright and fair and to abide by the deceased spouses wishes as far as not dis-inheiriting any of our kids?


he said while ethically you got a good idea the truth is you got nothing court would back... but at least you got an eithical agreement between you
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Old 04-05-2009, 08:37 AM   #28
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22 years after my divorce, I have met someone very special. We are discussing marriage & he suggested we get our prenup agreements in place and then make wedding plans. I'd like to research the issue before contacting my attorney. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.


p.s. I'm 54 years old, no children, retired at 42. Full time cattle rancher, investor - no debt whatsoever.
My intended is 65 with 3 grown children - 2 ex wives. He is also a rancher & businessman....involved with several media endeavors.

His net worth far exceeds mine, but so do his liabilities.
I’d say a prenup, along with some intelligent use of trusts, would come in pretty handy. In a situation with multiple previous marriages with children, things can get pretty nasty – not between the two people looking to unite but among their offspring. Just because the other partner has more assets doesn't mean your assets are free from his children, who may not share his affection for you. Defining exactly what the heirs have claim to (and not) can save a lot of financial grief later in life.
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Old 04-05-2009, 11:05 AM   #29
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The W2R/Frank arrangement makes perfect sense to me. Even though husband and I are one another's favorite people, and share everything, we need our space. Three finished floors is almost like having 2 houses. He can go in the finished basement and turn the TV news up as loud as he wants, while I study, do financial stuff, hobby stuff, or post to the Internet on the top floor. Frequent visits back and forth go on throughout the day
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Old 04-05-2009, 05:45 PM   #30
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The W2R/Frank arrangement makes perfect sense to me. Even though husband and I are one another's favorite people, and share everything, we need our space. Three finished floors is almost like having 2 houses. He can go in the finished basement and turn the TV news up as loud as he wants, while I study, do financial stuff, hobby stuff, or post to the Internet on the top floor. Frequent visits back and forth go on throughout the day

That is what we do also but I think the back and forth visits may be a little less if you live a few blocks away . I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens . The ideal situation would be a duplex with a shared bedroom.
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Old 04-05-2009, 06:49 PM   #31
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That is what we do also but I think the back and forth visits may be a little less if you live a few blocks away . I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens . The ideal situation would be a duplex with a shared bedroom.
I don't even own PJ's!! (edited to add - - and guys, I don't sit around the house in my birthday suit either.) Gee, you sure think up some scenarios, don't you.

We think the ideal situation once we retire and move would be living next door to one another, with a gate in the back yard fence....
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Old 04-05-2009, 06:53 PM   #32
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I saw an apartment floorplan I liked, while wandering around on Craigslist - two master bedroom suites on opposite sides of the apartment.

Your mess / my mess / keep the mess out of the center.

and one can have a certain variety ...

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Old 04-05-2009, 07:00 PM   #33
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I saw an apartment floorplan I liked, while wandering around on Craigslist - two master bedroom suites on opposite sides of the apartment.

Your mess / my mess / keep the mess out of the center.

and one can have a certain variety ...

ta,
mew
That sounds great for people who want to co-mingle their assets (we don't). Almost, though not quite, as good as having your own place.
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Old 04-05-2009, 07:20 PM   #34
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I don't even own PJ's!!
I would ask, "Does anybody over the age of 4 own PJs any more?" if I wasn't already guilty of dreadful case of thread-jacking .
(On Topic: Being part of a couple whose assets started out more or less equal--and not very large--I know absolutely nothing about pre-nups, and wish the happy couple well with theirs).
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Old 04-05-2009, 08:00 PM   #35
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I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens .
Nope, this is the ideal situation for 3" heels, nice underwear and a raincoat. SO would be soo happy to see you!

Anyway, I am not so sure about your thesis. Last winter during our big snowfall I walked 4 miles to my date's place. When I showed up in my mountain boots and crampons she just laughed her head off.

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and one can have a certain variety ...
Of what?

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We think the ideal situation once we retire and move would be living next door to one another, with a gate in the back yard fence....
I think if I had an SO I would like that too; except I would add a moat full of 'gators and drawbridge.

Ha
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Old 04-05-2009, 08:39 PM   #36
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Last winter during our big snowfall I walked 4 miles to my date's place. When I showed up in my mountain boots and crampons she just laughed her head off.




Ha

but she was probably thrilled that you made the effort !
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Old 04-05-2009, 08:41 PM   #37
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I don't even own PJ's!!
I would ask, "Does anybody over the age of 4 own PJs any more?" if I wasn't already guilty of dreadful case of thread-jacking .
Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants. It's some sort of style (or lack of style) thing. Just saw a girl in the local Panera wearing SpongeBob pajama pants. 7:00 pm. More often it's plaid or stripey pants, but you can tell by the cut they're pajamas.
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Old 04-05-2009, 09:02 PM   #38
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I don't even own PJ's!! (edited to add - - and guys, I don't sit around the house in my birthday suit either.) Gee, you sure think up some scenarios, don't you.


My scenario was a general observation. There are several forum members who have this lifestyle so it was not meant as a personal assault just wondering .
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Old 04-05-2009, 09:16 PM   #39
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I like that Pajama Gram commercial. I'm tempted every time to get my DW some. Then I go naahhhhh.

Oh and on the prenup subject. Hey whatever floats your boat.
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Old 04-05-2009, 11:01 PM   #40
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Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants. It's some sort of style (or lack of style) thing. Just saw a girl in the local Panera wearing SpongeBob pajama pants. 7:00 pm. More often it's plaid or stripey pants, but you can tell by the cut they're pajamas.
I know - - it amazes me how tasteless these women are! I can't even imagine owning these much less wearing them shopping, but I guess some people do.
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