Advice re: prenup agreements

[Moemg]

Like I said, it is not for everybody and I am simply responding to a request to post about our arrangement, certainly not criticizing anyone else's.

I'm not criticizing any one's lifestyle either . It's just not for me but it apparently works great for you & Frank and that's all that counts.

 

[mathjak107]

prenups make sense because if you cant agree on things when your happy and in love just picture what is like if you split up and are in hate.....

the issues become many times the prenups end up being worthless in courts...

while your spouse was earning a good living and healthy when the prenup was signed situations change and now that your spouse is sickly and cant work may make the prenup invalid in parts.....

there are so many twists and turns that take place that courts sometimes have a hard time upholding them for various reasons...


it reminds me of when we got married, since it was a 2nd marriage for both of us i asked the lawyer if rather than go thru irrevocable trusts and the likes cant we both just sign a notarized letter that we both agree to be forthright and fair and to abide by the deceased spouses wishes as far as not dis-inheiriting any of our kids?


he said while ethically you got a good idea the truth is you got nothing court would back... but at least you got an eithical agreement between you

 

[MichaelB]

22 years after my divorce, I have met someone very special. We are discussing marriage & he suggested we get our prenup agreements in place and then make wedding plans. I'd like to research the issue before contacting my attorney. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.


p.s. I'm 54 years old, no children, retired at 42. Full time cattle rancher, investor - no debt whatsoever.
My intended is 65 with 3 grown children - 2 ex wives. He is also a rancher & businessman....involved with several media endeavors.

His net worth far exceeds mine, but so do his liabilities.

I’d say a prenup, along with some intelligent use of trusts, would come in pretty handy. In a situation with multiple previous marriages with children, things can get pretty nasty – not between the two people looking to unite but among their offspring. Just because the other partner has more assets doesn't mean your assets are free from his children, who may not share his affection for you. Defining exactly what the heirs have claim to (and not) can save a lot of financial grief later in life.

 

[Amethyst]

The W2R/Frank arrangement makes perfect sense to me. Even though husband and I are one another's favorite people, and share everything, we need our space. Three finished floors is almost like having 2 houses. He can go in the finished basement and turn the TV news up as loud as he wants, while I study, do financial stuff, hobby stuff, or post to the Internet on the top floor. Frequent visits back and forth go on throughout the day

 

[Moemg]

The W2R/Frank arrangement makes perfect sense to me. Even though husband and I are one another's favorite people, and share everything, we need our space. Three finished floors is almost like having 2 houses. He can go in the finished basement and turn the TV news up as loud as he wants, while I study, do financial stuff, hobby stuff, or post to the Internet on the top floor. Frequent visits back and forth go on throughout the day

That is what we do also but I think the back and forth visits may be a little less if you live a few blocks away . I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens . The ideal situation would be a duplex with a shared bedroom.

 

[W2R]

That is what we do also but I think the back and forth visits may be a little less if you live a few blocks away . I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens . The ideal situation would be a duplex with a shared bedroom.

I don't even own PJ's!! (edited to add - - and guys, I don't sit around the house in my birthday suit either.) Gee, you sure think up some scenarios, don't you.

We think the ideal situation once we retire and move would be living next door to one another, with a gate in the back yard fence....

 

[mews]

I saw an apartment floorplan I liked, while wandering around on Craigslist - two master bedroom suites on opposite sides of the apartment.

Your mess / my mess / keep the mess out of the center.

and one can have a certain variety ...

ta,
mew

 

[W2R]

I saw an apartment floorplan I liked, while wandering around on Craigslist - two master bedroom suites on opposite sides of the apartment.

Your mess / my mess / keep the mess out of the center.

and one can have a certain variety ...

ta,
mew

That sounds great for people who want to co-mingle their assets (we don't). Almost, though not quite, as good as having your own place.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't even own PJ's!!
I would ask, "Does anybody over the age of 4 own PJs any more?" if I wasn't already guilty of dreadful case of thread-jacking .
(On Topic: Being part of a couple whose assets started out more or less equal--and not very large--I know absolutely nothing about pre-nups, and wish the happy couple well with theirs).

 

[haha]

I can not imagine running down the street in my PJ's to visit my So but maybe this happens .

Nope, this is the ideal situation for 3" heels, nice underwear and a raincoat. SO would be soo happy to see you!

Anyway, I am not so sure about your thesis. Last winter during our big snowfall I walked 4 miles to my date's place. When I showed up in my mountain boots and crampons she just laughed her head off.

and one can have a certain variety ...

Of what?

We think the ideal situation once we retire and move would be living next door to one another, with a gate in the back yard fence....

I think if I had an SO I would like that too; except I would add a moat full of 'gators and drawbridge.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

Last winter during our big snowfall I walked 4 miles to my date's place. When I showed up in my mountain boots and crampons she just laughed her head off.




Ha

but she was probably thrilled that you made the effort !

 

[harley]

I don't even own PJ's!!
I would ask, "Does anybody over the age of 4 own PJs any more?" if I wasn't already guilty of dreadful case of thread-jacking .

Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants. It's some sort of style (or lack of style) thing. Just saw a girl in the local Panera wearing SpongeBob pajama pants. 7:00 pm. More often it's plaid or stripey pants, but you can tell by the cut they're pajamas.

 

[Moemg]

I don't even own PJ's!! (edited to add - - and guys, I don't sit around the house in my birthday suit either.) Gee, you sure think up some scenarios, don't you.

My scenario was a general observation. There are several forum members who have this lifestyle so it was not meant as a personal assault just wondering .

 

[Notmuchlonger]

I like that Pajama Gram commercial. I'm tempted every time to get my DW some. Then I go naahhhhh.

Oh and on the prenup subject. Hey whatever floats your boat.

 

[W2R]

Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants. It's some sort of style (or lack of style) thing. Just saw a girl in the local Panera wearing SpongeBob pajama pants. 7:00 pm. More often it's plaid or stripey pants, but you can tell by the cut they're pajamas.

I know - - it amazes me how tasteless these women are! I can't even imagine owning these much less wearing them shopping, but I guess some people do.

 

[CuppaJoe]

Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants....

Eeek , I gotta get out to the mall more, or not. If they're wearing PJ pants, maybe that is why they are out shopping? They really "have nothing to wear"? Maybe there was a fire? or they haven't done their laundry? Harley, could you do some more research on this? interview them, see what they buy, if it is a style, are they out buying more PJs? T

 

[Bestwifeever]

I would just like to stand up and admit I have some awesome pajamas.

 

[FinanceDude]

A friend once told me she needs a man in her life but not in her house.

I like her already........

 

[haha]

I am surprised that many dont seem to wear PJs around the house. I thought women liked some attractive PJs to lounge around in, when evening comes, and they don't have to go out, when the day's work and chores are done, when perhaps they just want to sit back, pull their feet up under them on the couch, have a drink and feel relaxed.

And maybe look kinda cute for an admiring gentleman too.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

I would just like to stand up and admit I have some awesome pajamas.

Me too !

 

[haha]

I just went back and read this entire thread. I think the live-apart-but-be-committed plan may appeal somewhat more to older women than to older men. By the time men are in their late 50s if they are single there is a reason, and often a reason that seems plenty good enough from their POV. However, if they do commit to the emotional part of an exclusive relationship, IMO many of them want a little caretaking in the deal, even though it might be hard to admit publicly. I think this group of men realizes that your SO isn't going to come over and clean your house if she doesn't even live there.

Women OTOH are likely to see domestic routines as mostly done by them, especially if their yard work and heavier mechanical maintenace is hired out.

One other observation-looking ahead a few years, if I were trying to do something like this (and I am not, at least not yet), I would really want to minimize the distance. A mile IMO is pretty far. As you get older, driving at night, or in bad weather or even driving at all may become difficult. At the same time, there can be situations like surgery recovery, fractures or other causes of temporary disability such that the SO would need some care. It really helps if you can walk over in just a few minutes. It's one thing to get out on a nice day and walk for pleasure, another altogether to go out at 10pm on a stormy night to so something that your SO needs done.

A friend of mine recently was recovering from a hip replacement. Her husband was her main helper, and IMO pretty good at it although she was concerned prior to the events that he might not do very well. They asked if I could pinch hit sometimes when he was at work, or had to be away. I did it, and was glad to help, but them being 5 or 6 miles away made it not really easy. If she had been right down the street I could have done more.

Ha

 

[ziggy29]

I just went back and read this entire thread. I think the live-apart-but-be-committed plan may appeal somewhat more to older women than to older men. By the time men are in their late 50s if they are single there is a reason, and often a reason that seems plenty good enough from their POV. However, if they do commit to the emotional part of an exclusive relationship, IMO many of them want a little caretaking in the deal, even though it might be hard to admit publicly. I think this group of men realizes that your SO isn't going to come over and clean your house if she doesn't even live there.

I recognize this is somewhat generalized and stereotypical, but in my lifetime of observation it seems like widowed women are considerably more able to cope with the loss of a spouse than a widowed man. It also seems like widowed men are more likely to either look to remarry or wither away into a pile of goo and pass on than widowed women. Together this would seem to me to suggest *in the general case* that as we age, men are more dependent on companionship than women seem to be, at least among those who are widowed.

 

[haha]

Ziggy, I don't think our ideas here are in conflict. I agree with your observation. Usually men who are committed bachelors have either been this way most or all their lives, or have been taught this attitude by unfortunate marriage experiences.

But of the larger group of older men who want to latch onto another skirt, I think it likely that most of them want the full meal deal, complete with wifey/SO right there in the AM to help butter his toast just right.

OTOH, I am not clear what motivates 55+ year old women to seek a permanent or semi-premanent mate.

ha

 

[ziggy29]

Ziggy, I don't think our ideas here are in conflict.

I don't think so either, and maybe there's something in how you interpret my delivery, but you seem to often think I'm in disagreement with you when I'm mostly just following up and adding on to your thoughts. Perhaps I need to examine my delivery a bit if it's not clear.

OTOH, I am not clear what motivates 55+ year old women to seek a permanent or semi-premanent mate.

For one thing, there seem to be a lot more support groups and social groups for older single women and there really aren't all that many for single and widowed men of that age.

I guess part of what drives it are numbers; the bottom line is that there are a lot fewer "available" men under 55 than women under 55. So maybe some older single women figure they'd better get while the getting is good and the pickings are slim. Just a guess...

 

[freebird5825]

I am surprised that many dont seem to wear PJs around the house. I thought women liked some attractive PJs to lounge around in, when evening comes, and they don't have to go out, when the day's work and chores are done, when perhaps they just want to sit back, pull their feet up under them on the couch, have a drink and feel relaxed.

And maybe look kinda cute for an admiring gentleman too.

Ha

I own a few pairs of nice soft flannel PJ bottoms for just that reason. If I see them on sale, they are mine. If it's a set, I use the top as an overshirt for doing yard work in late spring weather. I never wear them in public.
I buy guys' PJs because they are much less expensive and have that loose fit I like. My body type is what it referred to as "statuesque".
Women's sizes tend to run too small for me in the torso or are way too big if I go to plus sizes. Women's PJs also tend to be synthetic or blends.
Flannel is breathable and just perfect for my climate.