haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I always assumed that "Family Court" was women's way of getting back at men for existing. But I got some info recently which shows that it can cut both ways.
My aunt died recently. Talking to her daughter I learned about her divorce, and the effects it had on her life. While working as a Candy Striper during WW2 she met a shell-shocked GI. Her parents (my grandparents) were quite well off for the times, and strongly opposed her proposed wedding. But in the way of US life, it was going to happen anyway, so they gave her a huge send-off that I still remember even though I was only 4 or 5 at the time.
They lived an upscale life, adopted 2 children, but eventually things wound down. It seems that DH had never been able to hold a decent job, and my grandparents kept things going by sending her money monthly. My Aunt was a stay at home Mom, her DH went off to work every day, but actually had no job- he went to the NYC public library, Aquaduct, the Metropolitan- whatever attracted him on a given day. He was truly an ER, without bothering to achieve the FI part.
Later the GPs died, and she got a nice inheritance- enough to finish the job with her kids, and take care of her ever after. The kids were eventually grown and left, and soon after DH filed for divorce.
Open and shut case, right?
Wrong! In spite of the fact that all their assets were hers by inheritance, a fifty-fifty split was mandated (not in a community property state). Furthermore, though she had never worked at a paid job in her life, she was required to pay him spousal support, to supplement his Army disability for a number of years. The judge apparently felt that his condition was such that he could not be expected to work.
My Aunt trained for and got a job as a high school librarian. Her daughter (my cousin) made a success of herself and helped Mom as she could. Aunt's son however was a drinker and doper, and abandoned his three children. So my Aunt earmarked a good hunk of her earnings to regularly send to her DIL, who was steadfastly taking care of the kids and working to earn as much as she could.
When my Aunt died, she was dead broke, living on small SS and some handouts from her daughter. Daughter paid her funeral costs. (My Dad and Uncle also helped her while they were alive.)
So who'd a thunk it?
Next story I clipped from a "Living on the Road" group. The protagonist Wendy is prolific contributor to this group, which I have been reading for some years. I am sure the situation occurred as she tells it. I remember her excitement and joy when she had found this man who seemed to love her, and made her feel so good about herself. Probably very painful and embarrassing for her to review today!
Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:23 am (PST)
"I wrote the following this week while in the Everglades. I have been in
southern Florida trying to keep warm while the rest of the country was in the
deep freeze. I was thinking about the last year or so and thinking about what to
do in the future. I originally posted it to an RV group because they were
joking about being "homeless". I am just trying to analyze my life as it is,
without the sugar coating. I keep going back and forth in my decisions about
staying in my RV or getting an apartment. Here's what I wrote in a
contemplative time out in alligator country....
I am a bit behind in reading journals as I am out boondocking with
infrequent internet access. I'm slowly sifting through my 2000+ saved emails ;-)
I am homeless AND houseless. Even though I half-timed in one sort of
camper or other for about 18 years, I am now full-timing in an RV. Partly by
choice, partly by necessity. My state of mind while thinking/talking about it
varies considerably.
At the moment I am at a free campground on the Loop Road in Big Cypress
National Preserve. I love it here. I have $16 to last the rest of this month, so
there aren't too many places in Florida that I can afford at the moment. Also,
as the rest of the country is in a deep freeze, I am comparatively better
off. I was camping up near Lakeland, FL, but I was sooooo cold!
I have myasthenia gravis and lupus, so get less than $600/month disability.
This month my service dog needed his annual check up and shots, so there went
$200. Every month there is something major like that. I do not think I am an
unproductive part of society because I am disabled and poor.
Trust me....I miss the days of working and making money. Now I just plain
can't do it. I spend the majority of my time resting....but not because I'm
lazy! When I first went on disability it was a huge blow to my ego. I was good
at what I did and enjoyed hard work and the satisfaction of a job well done. I
loved the praise, too
I sold my farm in Vermont and got married to someone who turned out to be
not such a good guy. I started the marriage with $150,000 in my pocket. I had
bought the house we lived in, got new roofing and floors and painting, new
furniture and appliances, etc. There went over $100,000. I filed a domestic
violence injunction against him 4 months after we were married. The police
escorted him away. Less than 2 weeks later, the sheriff came back at midnight, told
me I could only take my clothes and toiletries and escorted ME away;-( The
hubby had taken the deed to the judge with only his name on it and I had to
go. It didn't matter that I had paid for everything. The judge also said
nothing was to be taken out of the house until the divorce was final. Sigh....
The hubby told the judge that I had a camper and could live in that. He
needed the house to continue working. All I had was a 1990 conversion van with a
bed, drawers and porta potty in it. Try staying in that for a few hours in the
Florida summer heat and humidity, let alone live in it with a cat and dog.
Heat makes my myasthenia much worse. I left the guy with $9 in my pocket and
was not even allowed to take pet food or food for me. I had about $20,000 in
storage food and food prep equipment in the house.
I stayed in a domestic abuse shelter for a month. My service dog was allowed
in, but my cat wasn't. Luckily my lawyer kept her for a month. I found a
furnished trailer to rent for $425/month and kept it for two months. With just
utilities added, let alone other things, I did not have enough monthly income
to stay. I gave up the rental and drove to Utah for a reunion. Once there, my
poor old van bit the dust. I sold it as parts for $100. My very nice aunt
loaned me $1,500 to buy this RV. If it wasn't for her I would be in deep doo doo.
So, I've lived in my RV since July. It sure helped to be in cooler Utah and
to have all those free/cheap sites to stay in out west. I had to come back to
Florida this fall to settle the legal stuff. We are still in the process of
negotiation. The guy is arguing he deserves everything and I should get
$10,000 back! Besides the house, he has $20,000 cash from me plus the possession of
a new 650 Bergman scooter and a used 21 ft sailboat I bought. I've heard
through others and out of his own mouth that some of my assets were disposed of
against the court's wishes. Last week I found out he quit paying my
court-ordered health insurances. I am sitting here at the moment in almost unbearable
pain from an infected tooth. I had been scheduled to have it removed by an
oral surgeon until I found out the insurance was dropped ;-(
I was getting IVIG every three weeks to make the MG better. It cost $18,000
each time. Now I can not get it because the insurance is gone. I am getting
weaker and sicker. I'm supposed to get $623/month in SSI, but only get $543
because of an "overpayment" for three months while I was in limbo. With that
huge income, I am eligible for $26/month in food stamps. Can you say difficult
to live on?
My next dilemma is to move to Section 8 housing or stay in the RV. I "won
the lottery" for Section 8 (only 300 available) but can only rent in Pasco
County, FL for the first year. After that, the voucher is portable anywhere in
the US. That means I need to find an apartment for $550/month or less and I will
only owe $112 of it. But...with utilities, food, etc., I will be right back
to having no money. Who knows when the divorce will be final and if I will
get the house back? Soooo....should I stay in my RV and pretend to be free or
move to an apartment so I can get heating and cooling and electric? The
Section 8 requires a one year lease. If I get the house back, I will owe the FULL
rent for a year. Oh...I forgot to say I need an oxygen concentrator set at 5
liters all night, plus a CPAP. I can run the CPAP off my deep cycle battery
when boondocking, but have to go without the o2. Going without feels awful, but
I try to make up for it a bit by running my Honda generator during generator
hours and taking a supplemental snooze then.
I don't have spare tires and my rig takes two sizes. If the thing falls
apart, I have no "extra" money to fix it. When I run out of money, I can boondock
here or farther north in Ocala National Forest for nothing. If I spend all
my money on rent and utilities, how can I afford to go anywhere? This is my
daily driver. I'm not even sure if I could find a place for rent that would
allow me to park it there.
What would you do if you were me? Live in the RV? Get an apartment? Shoot
yourself? I'd love to hear your opinions and solutions! Thank you"
Wow!-
Ha
My aunt died recently. Talking to her daughter I learned about her divorce, and the effects it had on her life. While working as a Candy Striper during WW2 she met a shell-shocked GI. Her parents (my grandparents) were quite well off for the times, and strongly opposed her proposed wedding. But in the way of US life, it was going to happen anyway, so they gave her a huge send-off that I still remember even though I was only 4 or 5 at the time.
They lived an upscale life, adopted 2 children, but eventually things wound down. It seems that DH had never been able to hold a decent job, and my grandparents kept things going by sending her money monthly. My Aunt was a stay at home Mom, her DH went off to work every day, but actually had no job- he went to the NYC public library, Aquaduct, the Metropolitan- whatever attracted him on a given day. He was truly an ER, without bothering to achieve the FI part.
Later the GPs died, and she got a nice inheritance- enough to finish the job with her kids, and take care of her ever after. The kids were eventually grown and left, and soon after DH filed for divorce.
Open and shut case, right?
Wrong! In spite of the fact that all their assets were hers by inheritance, a fifty-fifty split was mandated (not in a community property state). Furthermore, though she had never worked at a paid job in her life, she was required to pay him spousal support, to supplement his Army disability for a number of years. The judge apparently felt that his condition was such that he could not be expected to work.
My Aunt trained for and got a job as a high school librarian. Her daughter (my cousin) made a success of herself and helped Mom as she could. Aunt's son however was a drinker and doper, and abandoned his three children. So my Aunt earmarked a good hunk of her earnings to regularly send to her DIL, who was steadfastly taking care of the kids and working to earn as much as she could.
When my Aunt died, she was dead broke, living on small SS and some handouts from her daughter. Daughter paid her funeral costs. (My Dad and Uncle also helped her while they were alive.)
So who'd a thunk it?
Next story I clipped from a "Living on the Road" group. The protagonist Wendy is prolific contributor to this group, which I have been reading for some years. I am sure the situation occurred as she tells it. I remember her excitement and joy when she had found this man who seemed to love her, and made her feel so good about herself. Probably very painful and embarrassing for her to review today!
Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:23 am (PST)
"I wrote the following this week while in the Everglades. I have been in
southern Florida trying to keep warm while the rest of the country was in the
deep freeze. I was thinking about the last year or so and thinking about what to
do in the future. I originally posted it to an RV group because they were
joking about being "homeless". I am just trying to analyze my life as it is,
without the sugar coating. I keep going back and forth in my decisions about
staying in my RV or getting an apartment. Here's what I wrote in a
contemplative time out in alligator country....
I am a bit behind in reading journals as I am out boondocking with
infrequent internet access. I'm slowly sifting through my 2000+ saved emails ;-)
I am homeless AND houseless. Even though I half-timed in one sort of
camper or other for about 18 years, I am now full-timing in an RV. Partly by
choice, partly by necessity. My state of mind while thinking/talking about it
varies considerably.
At the moment I am at a free campground on the Loop Road in Big Cypress
National Preserve. I love it here. I have $16 to last the rest of this month, so
there aren't too many places in Florida that I can afford at the moment. Also,
as the rest of the country is in a deep freeze, I am comparatively better
off. I was camping up near Lakeland, FL, but I was sooooo cold!
I have myasthenia gravis and lupus, so get less than $600/month disability.
This month my service dog needed his annual check up and shots, so there went
$200. Every month there is something major like that. I do not think I am an
unproductive part of society because I am disabled and poor.
Trust me....I miss the days of working and making money. Now I just plain
can't do it. I spend the majority of my time resting....but not because I'm
lazy! When I first went on disability it was a huge blow to my ego. I was good
at what I did and enjoyed hard work and the satisfaction of a job well done. I
loved the praise, too
I sold my farm in Vermont and got married to someone who turned out to be
not such a good guy. I started the marriage with $150,000 in my pocket. I had
bought the house we lived in, got new roofing and floors and painting, new
furniture and appliances, etc. There went over $100,000. I filed a domestic
violence injunction against him 4 months after we were married. The police
escorted him away. Less than 2 weeks later, the sheriff came back at midnight, told
me I could only take my clothes and toiletries and escorted ME away;-( The
hubby had taken the deed to the judge with only his name on it and I had to
go. It didn't matter that I had paid for everything. The judge also said
nothing was to be taken out of the house until the divorce was final. Sigh....
The hubby told the judge that I had a camper and could live in that. He
needed the house to continue working. All I had was a 1990 conversion van with a
bed, drawers and porta potty in it. Try staying in that for a few hours in the
Florida summer heat and humidity, let alone live in it with a cat and dog.
Heat makes my myasthenia much worse. I left the guy with $9 in my pocket and
was not even allowed to take pet food or food for me. I had about $20,000 in
storage food and food prep equipment in the house.
I stayed in a domestic abuse shelter for a month. My service dog was allowed
in, but my cat wasn't. Luckily my lawyer kept her for a month. I found a
furnished trailer to rent for $425/month and kept it for two months. With just
utilities added, let alone other things, I did not have enough monthly income
to stay. I gave up the rental and drove to Utah for a reunion. Once there, my
poor old van bit the dust. I sold it as parts for $100. My very nice aunt
loaned me $1,500 to buy this RV. If it wasn't for her I would be in deep doo doo.
So, I've lived in my RV since July. It sure helped to be in cooler Utah and
to have all those free/cheap sites to stay in out west. I had to come back to
Florida this fall to settle the legal stuff. We are still in the process of
negotiation. The guy is arguing he deserves everything and I should get
$10,000 back! Besides the house, he has $20,000 cash from me plus the possession of
a new 650 Bergman scooter and a used 21 ft sailboat I bought. I've heard
through others and out of his own mouth that some of my assets were disposed of
against the court's wishes. Last week I found out he quit paying my
court-ordered health insurances. I am sitting here at the moment in almost unbearable
pain from an infected tooth. I had been scheduled to have it removed by an
oral surgeon until I found out the insurance was dropped ;-(
I was getting IVIG every three weeks to make the MG better. It cost $18,000
each time. Now I can not get it because the insurance is gone. I am getting
weaker and sicker. I'm supposed to get $623/month in SSI, but only get $543
because of an "overpayment" for three months while I was in limbo. With that
huge income, I am eligible for $26/month in food stamps. Can you say difficult
to live on?
My next dilemma is to move to Section 8 housing or stay in the RV. I "won
the lottery" for Section 8 (only 300 available) but can only rent in Pasco
County, FL for the first year. After that, the voucher is portable anywhere in
the US. That means I need to find an apartment for $550/month or less and I will
only owe $112 of it. But...with utilities, food, etc., I will be right back
to having no money. Who knows when the divorce will be final and if I will
get the house back? Soooo....should I stay in my RV and pretend to be free or
move to an apartment so I can get heating and cooling and electric? The
Section 8 requires a one year lease. If I get the house back, I will owe the FULL
rent for a year. Oh...I forgot to say I need an oxygen concentrator set at 5
liters all night, plus a CPAP. I can run the CPAP off my deep cycle battery
when boondocking, but have to go without the o2. Going without feels awful, but
I try to make up for it a bit by running my Honda generator during generator
hours and taking a supplemental snooze then.
I don't have spare tires and my rig takes two sizes. If the thing falls
apart, I have no "extra" money to fix it. When I run out of money, I can boondock
here or farther north in Ocala National Forest for nothing. If I spend all
my money on rent and utilities, how can I afford to go anywhere? This is my
daily driver. I'm not even sure if I could find a place for rent that would
allow me to park it there.
What would you do if you were me? Live in the RV? Get an apartment? Shoot
yourself? I'd love to hear your opinions and solutions! Thank you
"Wow!-
Ha
