Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
JUNE 15, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the
office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the
President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during
the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge. " stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay." Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the
office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few
offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me
to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped
I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of
President, this should not be a problem as President Bush was not
familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will
not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed
the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming
job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to limited practical or successful work
experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
