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"Alone time" and togetherness - - how is your balance working out for you?
Old 07-16-2010, 04:42 PM   #1
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"Alone time" and togetherness - - how is your balance working out for you?

Do you get the right amount of "alone time" in your life?

Would you like more time alone, or less? How much do you have right now?

Do you live alone? And if you live with a spouse or SO, have you made any special arrangements to allow for enough alone time for both? Do you have a large house? Do you have separate parts of the house that provide areas where you can be alone, like a workshop or sewing room, or even separate living areas? Or is your house just so large that you could get lost in it so alone time just isn't an issue? Are you newly retired and virtually tripping over one another? Or do you prefer to be together a lot, always, or even nearly joined at the hip?

Tell me all about your thoughts on your "alone time". Are you lonely at the present moment in your life, or do you feel more like Garbo:

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Old 07-16-2010, 04:53 PM   #2
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I'm unusual. I like being alone. I live alone and rarely ever leave the house if not for work. If I were retired, i'd stay home by myself at least 300 days per year. Everyone's different. I'm really different. This is how I like it and will likely continue forever.
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Old 07-16-2010, 04:57 PM   #3
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Tell me all about your thoughts on your "alone time". Are you lonely at the present moment in your life, or do you feel more like Garbo:
Tell me...and I'll tell you....
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:01 PM   #4
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I remember this quote from somewhere. It went something like "There is a big difference in being alone and being lonely."

Some folks treasure their own solitude but do not feel lonely. For others, they'd be climbing the walls not always interacting with someone.
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:04 PM   #5
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I live alone, and I am entering my 12th year of this. But I go out all the time to be in groups, or to visit people. My issue would not be with being around another person "too much" of the time; I always liked that. I guess my issue would be that I feel that in modern life one is better off with more control. My rankings would be single= live-apart SO> live-in SO> marriage with pre-nup> marriage without prenup.

But this isn't so much because of a need to regulate contact as it is a need to be careful about who is driving my car.

I think for sex alone the best is a live-in SO. If the partners are in the same bed it is harder to say no, unless of course they are married.

Ha
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:07 PM   #6
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DW has been out of town for the past month so I have had some good quality alone time lately. But it's time for her to come back...

In retirement, we will have to make arrangements so that we can get at least 3-4 hours of daily alone time, which we both value.
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:10 PM   #7
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Tell me...and I'll tell you....
Fair enough. I like having at least half my waking hours alone, I guess. Maybe 8 hours a day. So does Frank, luckily. We live separately and so that is working for us. I have just the right amount of "alone time". We are together when we both want to be together, and we are ecstatically happy with this arrangement. In the past we have thought, "Why fix it, if it ain't broke?" and haven't considered living together.

In a couple of years we plan to move north, though. We dream of finding two houses next door to one another, but such a set-up is not easy to find (when one does not want to move into a new development). Recently we began thinking of possibly buying a duplex, each paying 50% and each living in half. Then this week we started looking online at houses that are not duplexes, and (insert your favorite exclamation or curse word) we could get a lot of house for less money if we just bit the bullet and shared a house. But how could we get enough alone time? We lived together in a single-wide trailer during the Katrina evacuation but alone time wasn't our main worry at the time, obviously.

I feel like I have been wrestling with these issues more than thinking about the board, lately, so in my guilt over that I brought the issue to the board.
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:31 PM   #8
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I live alone, and I am entering my 12th year of this. But I go out all the time to be in groups, or to visit people. My issue would not be with being around another person "too much" of the time; I always liked that.
With your dancing, Spanish, gorgeous babes, and other interests, it sounds to me like you are with other people quite a bit. Good thing that you like it.

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I guess my issue would be that I feel that in modern life one is better off with more control. My rankings would be single= live-apart SO> live-in SO> marriage with pre-nup> marriage without prenup.
That is what I have always thought, too.

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But this isn't so much because of a need to regulate contact as it is a need to be careful about who is driving my car.
That is understandable.

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I think for sex alone the best is a live-in SO. If the partners are in the same bed it is harder to say no, unless of course they are married.
If all I wanted was just the perfect amount of sex, life would be so much simpler!
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:37 PM   #9
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Do you get the right amount of "alone time" in your life?
Yes.
Quote:
Would you like more time alone, or less? How much do you have right now?
What I have now is fine, but when DH leaves for a few days or weeks, I get lonely.
Quote:
Do you live alone? And if you live with a spouse or SO, have you made any special arrangements to allow for enough alone time for both?
I live with DH. No special arrangements. He has his hobbies/interests and I have mine.
Quote:
Do you have a large house? Do you have separate parts of the house that provide areas where you can be alone, like a workshop or sewing room, or even separate living areas?
Well, our house has 11 rooms...if you count the bathrooms and garage. The garage is definitely his and he has his dude room (I use it every once in a while).
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Or is your house just so large that you could get lost in it so alone time just isn't an issue?
There's not a house big enough that he wouldn't find me if he wanted something to eat.
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Are you newly retired and virtually tripping over one another? Or do you prefer to be together a lot, always, or even nearly joined at the hip?
We have both been retired for about a year and a half. We've stepped on each others toes a few times, but at this point no broken bones.
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Tell me all about your thoughts on your "alone time". Are you lonely at the present moment in your life, or do you feel more like Garbo
I enjoy my alone time because I can focus on myself and recharge.

Like easysurfer said, 'there's a difference between being lonely and alone'. I've felt both.
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:46 PM   #10
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Interesting question W2R. I would very much like to have a relationship similar to the one you have. I have many friends and like to spend time with them. I've even had several of my friends live with me on a short term basis. It wasn't difficult but I was always relieved when they moved out.

As for living with a SO, that has always been more difficult. The girlfriends I have lived with have been jealous of my time. It turned out that we always had different views of "togetherness." I think I would prefer to have my work evenings to myself (I am a young dreamer) and spend maybe Friday/Saturday with a significant other.

My problem has always been that I am too passive. I find it hard to make my needs known early in the relationship. So I spend way more time with my so than I know is sustainable and I inevitably snap. Not sure snap is the right word, but what I mean is I quickly run out of steam and as a result I have no energy left to put into the relationship. So I end it.

I'm interested what others on the board have to say. As, my impression is that many here are introverts, like myself. So I'm wondering how people have made their relationships work.
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:48 PM   #11
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I'm an introvert by nature so alone time is very important. DH is an introvert too, but he tends to want more social interaction than I do.

We will have been married 36 years this December. During this time, we've had lots of together time and lots of alone time. We've learned to balance things out.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:04 PM   #12
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This is who I am:



And even though I'm married, still seek time alone...
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:09 PM   #13
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Interesting question W2R. I would very much like to have a relationship similar to the one you have. I have many friends and like to spend time with them. I've even had several of my friends live with me on a short term basis. It wasn't difficult but I was always relieved when they moved out.

As for living with a SO, that has always been more difficult. The girlfriends I have lived with have been jealous of my time. It turned out that we always had different views of "togetherness." I think I would prefer to have my work evenings to myself (I am a young dreamer) and spend maybe Friday/Saturday with a significant other.
That is pretty much how Frank and I arranged things when we were both working. We lived apart then, as we do now, and only saw one another on weekends. We e-mailed frequently every weekday, though. Now that we are retired, we have more free time so we spend more time together, but we also have more alone time.

We met on an internet dating website back in 2000, and on the first date I told him that if the relationship worked out I did not want to marry or live with him, that I can support myself and expected the same from him, and that I was open for all the emotional commitment in the world but didn't want all the financial and other entanglements. It's amazing that he didn't run like the wind after that intro. LOL
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:26 PM   #14
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I am not sure if I can say I like to be alone a lot. I guess I could say I like to be alone with my TV a lot. This being the off-season TV wise, I am seeking more social life, but only in small doses (2-3 hours at a time - any more would be too much). My SO and I get together on weekends. We don't talk to each other much. As long as he doesn't change into a talkative fool, I think I could live with him without a problem when we are older.

W2R,

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We met on an internet dating website back in 2000, and on the first date I told him that if the relationship worked out I did not want to marry or live with him, that I can support myself and expected the same from him, and that I was open for all the emotional commitment in the world but didn't want all the financial and other entanglements. It's amazing that he didn't run like the wind after that intro. LOL
Maybe he had the same exact desire, but was too afraid to say it and you broke the ice?
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:37 PM   #15
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This is who I am:



And even though I'm married, still seek time alone...
I can relate to that! I am trying to figure out how to ease these issues when people live together.

I wonder if it would work to divide the house into "his, hers, and ours" sections. On HGTV I hear about "man caves" in the basement, so if there was an equally private "woman cave" elsewhere, that could work.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:44 PM   #16
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:49 PM   #17
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I'm an introvert by nature so alone time is very important.
I'm a 'closet' introvert....
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Old 07-16-2010, 07:03 PM   #18
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I'm an introvert, and value my alone time. Have been living with my SO for 6 months now, and it's working out pretty well so far. In this as well as past relationships, I've always insisted on having my own room where I can close the door and be in my own space. Sometimes I choose to sleep alone in my room - not most of the time, but knowing the option is there is important. It's also worked reasonably well to have some sort of nonverbal signal when I don't want to be social: a hat, pin, or bandanna that means "don't interact with me just now." A do-not-disturb sign on my door means "don't knock unless it's an emergency."

I've been alone and I've been lonely, but the two are not related.
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Old 07-16-2010, 07:05 PM   #19
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I'm a 'closet' introvert....
I came out of the closet years ago ...

Yes, my DW knows I'm an introvert (even though she dosen't like it). At one time in our life, we both were (but things change)...
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Old 07-16-2010, 07:06 PM   #20
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I'm a 'closet' introvert....
Guess you just came out of that closet!

Oops, rescueme beat me to that one...
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