Best advice given on how to get along with your spouse/SO from others

[NW-Bound]

It depends on what the sorry is for.

I often tell my wife I am sorry for various things, and I meant it.

 

[W2R]

I don't recall any such advice, but then maybe that's why I am a divorcee.

It has been helpful for us to give one another plenty of space, so as not to suffocate each other. Along these lines, we feel it makes no sense to attempt to control or change one another.

Always remember that life is short - - may as well enjoy it while you can do so with your beloved.

 

[kumquat]

Don't go to bed mad.

AKA 'always kiss me goodnight.'

Not exactly what I wanted to say. DW's uncle was a preacher and she wanted him to marry us. We needed a few 'councelling sessions', I went along with it. One of his offerings was "don't go to bed mad'. We treated it as "work it out now, no second chances". Turned out that that was the best advice I've ever heard about marriage. 35 years soon.

 

[obgyn65]

Never been married here but have had a few girlfriends. I guess I would prefer to keep my advice to myself

 

[Walt34]

It has been helpful for us to give one another plenty of space, so as not to suffocate each other. Along these lines, we feel it makes no sense to attempt to control or change one another.

I tell myself "She is who she is, that's why you married her, dummy!"

Twenty-four years as of last Wednesday.

She's the best thing that's ever gonna happen to me and I tell her that every day.

 

[sunnysideup]

My mom gave me lousy advice based on relationships pre-1960, and I married the wrong person at 23 and the marriage lasted 13 l-o-o-o-ng years. So forget that advice!!!

However, I took some time to figure out why it didn't work. Then I married again and we are now married 11 years, and it's a solid marriage.

My advice is to be empathetic to your partner and to be willing to compromise. Even when you don't agree, you should work to discuss your differences and find ways to accept with what you cannot change.

So I didn't really answer the question that was asked...

 

[Midpack]

How about the old pearl some men share - get to know her mother, because that's who you're marrying. Not always of course, but it seems to hold true more often than not in my experience. And in almost every case the daughter will insist they are NOT becoming like their mothers, even though they are to any other observer.

In case any of the women here take offense, I suspect sons also become their fathers more often than not...and again, sometimes it's not the case. I am not like my father in many ways, but in other ways I get more like him with every passing year.

 

[NW-Bound]

Yes, I am a lot like my father. He cared about his children and always treated his wife as equal.

I even look like him!

 

[KingB]

Don't go to bed mad.

We got the opposite of this advice: Talk about your issues while laying down in bed. There may be wisdom to this:
1. It is harder to hit each other.
2. It is farther away from potential missiles (plates, cookware, knives, etc).
3. It is easier to "make up".
4. You may even skirt the issue altogether and go straight to "making up".

No, I did not always follow this advice and I did not give it to my children either.

Going on 45.

 

[HFWR]

Oh, and let's not forget what Jenny said to Oliver:

"Love means [-]never[/-] always having to say you're sorry."

Fixed...

And here's what George has to say:

If You Don't Start Drinking (I'm Gonna Leave) - YouTube

 

[frayne]

I look at my marriage as always a work in progress, so far, still progressing after 33+ years.

 

[Sue J]

We are coming up on 36 years. We've learned that it's a partnership. We don't keep score on mistakes or shortcomings, we just work as a team.

The only pre-marriage counseling we got was from my parents' rabbi who told us that he refused to marry us and that we should not get married at all because DH-to-be was not Jewish and wouldn't promise to convert and raise future kids as Jews. I was already no longer considering myself Jewish so we had no problem with walking away from my parents' rabbi and finding another officiant.

A few years later that rabbi had an affair with a woman from the temple, got divorced and married his girlfriend. My parents found another temple.

DH and I are still religion free and we are still married.

 

[NW-Bound]

Really interesting music by that fellow George Thorogood, and yet I had not heard of him.

I grew up with Santana's "Evil Ways", and am still listening to it occasionally. I feel so outdated.

Evil Ways ~ Santana - YouTube

 

[Notmuchlonger]

The preacher who married us. "Marriage takes 100% and its not 50% from each of you. Its 100% from each of you."

So looking back Im thinking that means 200% but then Im not going to argue with the preacher

 

[Amethyst]

Interesting. I get more like both my parents every year (I don't see the point in denying it; it's obvious), and they were basically opposite types. I must be confusing as heck to my dear ones, sometimes.

Amethyst

HAnd in almost every case the daughter will insist they are NOT becoming like their mothers, even though they are to any other observer.

In case any of the women here take offense, I suspect sons also become their fathers more often than not....

 

[Bestwifeever]

How about the old pearl some men share - get to know her mother, because that's who you're marrying. Not always of course, but it seems to hold true more often than not in my experience. And in almost every case the daughter will insist they are NOT becoming like their mothers, even though they are to any other observer.

In case any of the women here take offense, I suspect sons also become their fathers more often than not...and again, sometimes it's not the case. I am not like my father in many ways, but in other ways I get more like him with every passing year.

I believe that old adage has more to do with what your blushing bride might look like when she is her mother's age rather than the type of person she will be.

 

[freebird5825]

My own self given advice is
"Sometimes the best response is no response."
and
"Some bells cannot be unrung".

Hurtful words spoken in anger can never be taken back, no matter how sincere the apology. It is easier to walk away and cool down for a little while than to shoot flaming verbal arrows in a moment of anger.

 

[Purron]

Really interesting music by that fellow George Thorogood, and yet I had not heard of him.

I grew up with Santana's "Evil Ways", and am still listening to it occasionally. I feel so outdated.

Here's another side about the darker side of relationships.

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game - YouTube

 

[Lazyfabs]

Learn/know when and how to say "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you"

 

[Nords]

Did anyone give you advice? If so what was it?

In general, it's been the other way 'round. Most of our friends have mentioned that we're waaaaaaay too kissy-huggy to be a good example of a veteran married couple.

Except for the time I was best man. I still regret that advice.