Best disclaimer ever

[MichaelB]

I saw this at The Big Picture (Best Disclaimer Language Ever | The Big Picture) and had to pass it along.

I like a legal department that has a sense of humor. This is the standard disclaimer that Contango Oil & Gas Company (MCF) includes with their quarterly earnings reports:

Lawyer Stuff

The future is unknowable. We have good intentions but all of our projections and estimates will be wrong, and could be materially wrong. Wildcat exploration is expensive, speculative and potentially dangerous. An offshore spill or explosion would be enormously expensive. We have insurance but it may not be enough. You could lose your entire investment. Don’t be lazy – read our 10-Q’s, 10-K’s and press releases, and if you lose money – please no tears.

“Don’t forget about risk-free T-bills in your portfolio…After inflation and taxes you’ll likely only lose 5-10% of your investment.”

- Contango V.P. Investor Relations

 

[ChiliPepr]

I have a lawyer friend of mine who uses this one....

IMPORTANT NOTICE: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Thank you.

 

[brewer12345]

Hysterical. I am amazed that this made it through their legal department, but then again this is a wildcat exploration shop.

 

[donheff]

I love both of them. I am tempted to steal the second one.

 

[REWahoo]

Made me look:

absquatulate

verb (used without object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing. Slang .

To flee; abscond: The old prospector absquatulated with our picks and shovel.

 

[Brat]

Frankly the oil exploration legal department wins my accolades. It is smart and on point.

 

[TromboneAl]

Your honor, the disclaimer was obviously meant to be humorous, and can't therefore be taken seriously. That's why my lawsuit for 5 million dollars cannot be dismissed.

 

[Midpack]

I love both of them. I am tempted to steal the second one.

+1. Enjoyed them both

 

[pb4uski]

Your honor, the disclaimer was obviously meant to be humorous, and can't therefore be taken seriously. That's why my lawsuit for 5 million dollars cannot be dismissed.

Summary judgement in favor of the defendant.

 

[ChiliPepr]

I love both of them. I am tempted to steal the second one.

Go ahead.. when I said the same thing to my friend, he said "Go ahead, I stole it from someone else too."