I am wondering if there are others in the same situation I am in. As I move into retirement, I am faced with the reality that most of my adult life and its memories were with a person who betrayed me and hurt me very badly.
It's time to move on. Make new memories. How are you doing with that? What kind of memories do you wish to make? Will you be taking the retirement journey with a new partner or going it alone?
I never thought I would be divorced, much less initiate a divorce, but after 23 years I did that (fourteen years ago, in 1998). It tore me up for many reasons, including that this was completely against the values I had had all of my life. I was so devastated, he was so demanding, (and we had accumulated so little) that I gave him the house and everything else except my clothes, books, junker car, and a sofa. And then there was the fact that I was just four months short of being 50 years old, a tough birthday in any case but tougher under these circumstances.
This was not a good time in my life!
I dealt with it by doing a lot of introspection and soul searching. I knew I had to completely re-think the direction I was going in, because it had led to a dead end. Here I was, 50 years old, alone and broke. What did I want in life? How could I find happiness? For me, the answers to these questions came from inside. I am not religious but I delved deeply into spiritual writings of every kind, trying to find peace and calm in my life. The answer for me was not in any one book, but from learning to look within. For me this approach worked and I am a much happier, more centered person now. My decision to pursue retirement planning came out of this spiritual quest and habit of introspection as well.
I dated a lot, but didn't meet Frank until two years after my divorce. As for meeting the right person, if it is meant to be apparently it will happen at its own pace. It takes a while to be able to recover and regain trust. As the saying goes, time cures all, or at least distrust. Be protective of yourself and your feelings and don't rush things. It will happen.
Frank is a widower, and neither of us wants to jump back into marriage again. We have both "been there, done that" and like Ha, we like the autonomy of being single and we both want to avoid financial intermingling at this stage in life. Our relationship is deep, though, and everything I could ever want, in so many ways. He retired about three months after I did, and we live in our own houses, a mile or two apart. We spend time together every day and truly enjoy each other's company and conversation, without any concerns about smothering one another. Life is good, and in the past 12 years we have built many wonderful memories of our own.